selfhelp | [IC] Appointments Post

[Today was the day. Actually, tomorrow was the day for real, but today was the day they were heading out, finally getting away from the village and spending some time to themselves. They both agreed on it, and not just because the other wanted it, but it was desired equally for the both of them.

Which is why Teddy can't help glancing back at Billy as they head for the teleporter to the hot springs. The other had been... quiet, broody, but not in a particularly sad way. It's like he was deep in thought, his mind far away from where they were now. It's a little strange; Teddy's usually the thoughtful one who often quietly stares in the distance. And he can't help but be reminded of when he sat at the windowsill, blue in his eyes and lost to the world...

Thankfully, his eyes are as brown as ever. But the silence is enough to make Teddy bump shoulders with him to get his attention.]

Hey. Everything okay in there?

[The shoulder bump stirs Billy out of his thoughts, and he jumps a bit, glancing over at Teddy with a startled look on his face.]

Wh- oh, god. Sorry, I didn't mean to ignore you like that...

[What kind of jerk spaces out on the way to an anniversary getaway? Second anniversary, even. It's supposed to be kind of a big deal, especially after everything they've been through recently. His brows furrow, and he focuses on the road ahead, his hand drifting from the backpack he's carrying to find Teddy's, instead. There's more important things to think about today.]

Nice way to put it. I think "lost in thought" would've been better.

[Wouldn't have stung a little, at least. Still, it's brushed off easily enough, and Teddy tilts his head to get a better look at Billy's face.]

So, just to make sure you won't get lost in thought on me during our vaca, what's on your mind?

[Oof. Yeah, he could've handled that better. He really hadn't meant to, but his expression is still apologetic as he responds.]

Would it kill the mood entirely to talk about Tommy for a bit? Something... happened, this afternoon. Something you should know.

[He would've joked, normally. But all the jokes that pass through his head aren't all that funny to him, and - well. His jokes are dumb, anyway.

But he does raise an eyebrow impressively high, as if he's thinking of highly suspicious things. It's Tommy, after all.]

Should I be worried here, or...?

No.

[He's quick to respond with that, though as an afterthought he's not sure if it was too quick, so he tries again.]

I mean... no. Really, it's... it's good news. It was for me.

[He gives Teddy's hand a little squeeze.]

Really good news. You remember... all that stuff I told you, back when Ben was here? About Wanda, M-Day, House of Magnus...? And why the Avengers fell apart?

Yeah... I remember that.

[He couldn't help linking it to what Billy did when he was possessed. Change the world to make things better, to make people happy... At least M-Day never happened here. It was horrible, but... What about it could be good news?]

What about it?

Tommy said... when we find her, we find out about the truth of that, too. That... it wasn't really her. She was... possessed by something, overpowered, and Dr. Doom was involved, too. He said... she wasn't in control. And it wasn't her fault.

[He stops there - pauses, more like, but it's a long one - to let the meaning behind that sink in. To really acknowledge it for himself for the second time, and to allow Teddy to do the same. If it wasn't her fault... and she'd experienced the same thing as him...

...maybe... maybe it doesn't have to be...]

[Teddy stops too - physically, his hold on Billy's hand pulling him to a halt as well.

He knew Billy and Wanda's situation sounded too similar, even if the execution was different. He didn't just sit there thinking and nagging himself about it in the times Billy stared out the window for nothing. And Teddy had told Billy when they talked about M-Day and the disbanding of the Avengers: None of that sounded like Wanda. He knew that Wanda loved the people of the Avengers, worked alongside them and thought of them as her team. It didn't make sense.

Just like how it didn't make sense that Billy would do this to everyone, to him, even with he himself was a trigger. If Tommy said it wasn't her fault, and Billy accepted it...]

Billy...

[He tugs on Billy's hand until he can let go of it and wrap both arms around him, tight, but never too tight, and keep him close. It must be such a relief for Billy to hear, not only for he himself, but for his mother, too. And so, it's a relief for Teddy too, for that and other reasons.

Thank god.]

[The hug isn't entirely a surprise, but it's just enough of one to make Billy inhale abruptly, frozen for a moment before he slumps in Teddy's embrace, hands lifting to press against the other boy's back. He shudders, the relief obvious in his body language, the tension decreased, the fears eased somewhat, the guilt less heavy on his heart. It's not like it's a cure-all - he won't be cartwheeling down the road and acting like suddenly everything is okay again - but it really is a huge deal.]

It... wasn't me. It wasn't me. I knew it, I did, but... I didn't... really know...

[This, coupled with the confirmation from Loki that there had been some kind of magical presence, and... that it was gone now? It's exactly what he needed to step fully onto the road to recovery. To... going on with his life.]

Edited 2013-11-23 11:28 (UTC)

I knew it. I knew it... even with Wanda, I thought...

[It's definitely not a cure-all. It doesn't change the fact that Billy was the one who cast the spell. It won't instantly make people feel better, won't make Tony and Pepper immediately welcome him (the both of them, really) back into their lives. It won't make Billy suddenly happy again and doing magic again, much as Teddy would like that, just like how it won't make Wanda immediately come out of hiding.

But it's a huge step. It feels like a weight was taken off of Billy's shoulders, making the burden easier to bear. And Teddy knows how much of a big deal that is.]

It wasn't you...

[Billy's grip tightened, and- dammit, there are tears now, when he'd been trying so hard to avoid them. But at least they're happy tears this time. Happier than they've been for a while, anyway.]

Yeah... yeah. And I know- I know I still screwed up- I still- but it's not...

[...it's not...

...my fault...?]

... But it's not your fault.

[Teddy doesn't strengthen his grip, seeing how it's already pretty tight. But he does move a hand up to the back of Billy's head, fingers sifting through his hair, and lower his head, holding him like he's the most precious person in all the world. And he is, he always has been, even with all of this.

And now he also knows this: Whatever affected Billy, whatever affected Wanda... anyone it latched on to would've reacted the same way - if slightly different due to their powers. It wasn't his fault... It wasn't their fault. Even if their words triggered all of the horrible things happening, even if they fired the gun, they weren't the ones who loaded it, weren't entirely in control of themselves.

It's... such a relief.]

[It's hard to let go; it's really, really hard not to just sink gladly into Teddy's embrace and stay there forever, soaking in the warmth and love and relief on both sides. But that's not reality... in reality, you keep moving. Life goes on. And he's trying to focus on that now.

It's with great reluctance, but Billy finally loosens his hold and slides back, lifting a hand to wipe the back of it at his cheeks and eyes, which are most definitely wet. But he's smiling. Not a lot, but it's still a smile.]

S-so... yeah. That's what I've been thinking about...

[Teddy loosens his hold when Billy does, though he still keeps a hand in his hair. There's a fond smile on his face, and moves his hand down, brushing through Billy's hair and the back of his neck before he pulls it back for real.]

I'd say that's a good reason to be ignored. [He lets his smile quirk up a bit to show that he's joking.] But seriously, we're only walking to the teleporter. You can think about it all you want. I mean... that's really good news.

No... I mean, I know I was, but. I'm glad that you're here to distract me, too.

[He shifts a hand to wrap it around Teddy's, twining their fingers together.]

It's our weekend. I want it to be good. No- great. And that means... I can't just spend the whole time in my own head.

[He knows he's been kind of awful about doing that, lately. And he knows that he needs to stop. Or at least ease off and pay more attention to his boyfriend. He's missing out on more than he cares to admit.]

[Yeah... It has happened a lot lately. Even without the possession, Billy would still gaze out at the world. At least he could actually be snapped out of it this time, and be apologetic about it.

And now, with the resolve to be around more... Teddy couldn't be happier to hear that. So his smile grows, becoming dimpled, even, and he leans in to kiss his forehead.]

I think... [The little quip in his head dies, though, because "you can love me more than your own head for a while" just brings up the memory of another him, pushing him down and wrapping his hands around his neck, Billy doing nothing - so he changes it instead, ducking his head slightly to nudge Billy's nose with his own.] I think I'd really like that. Remind me to give you an extra shove if you need it.

[He trusts Billy to keep his word, so it's more of a quip than anything. And one last tactic to successfully derail his thoughts to something more positive.]

[The pause makes Billy wonder, but only briefly; Teddy's quick to recover, and his nudge is gentle and a welcome touch, so he smiles and gives Teddy's shoulder a light shove with his free hand.]

Shove me all you like. You have my permission to throw me around as much as is necessary this week to give you an awesome anniversary.

[He's certainly owed a fantastic one, and Billy intends to make good on that, come hell or high water.]

[Teddy goes along with the shove, not only because hey, he likes a bit of roughhousing, but also because he knows Billy will just push himself back if he doesn't. Just a habit he learned over the years.]

As long as it gives you an awesome anniversary, too. [And now walking is a thing again, lest they just talk about it and never actually get there.] I'll throw you wherever you like.

[... ... And if Teddy thinks too much about that, he'll just imagine the bed and what happened last time they went there for their anniversary and no don't think about that yet]

...Mm-hmm. [Billy smiles faintly, almost shyly, letting the sound and his expression remain his only answer. He's had thoughts like that himself, more and more, lately. They've been so much better recently, and he doesn't like being as hands-off as he's been lately. It's been two months. He's fussed and he's fretted and he's guilted his way through a hundred scenarios of how this could go badly.

But now? All he can think of is how he could make this go right. And that's what he'd really like to make happen, if only this once. Magical things are supposed to happen on one's anniversary. It's a rule, or something.

He swings their hands back and forth, then gives Teddy's hand a little tug, starting forward again. The sooner they get there, the sooner they'll be alone and out of the public eye. And then he can think about these things more seriously.]

Come on. The early bird gets the worm, or... something.

[It's something Teddy's been thinking about a lot, too. They really have been getting better, and thus more and more affectionate as well, their touches no longer hesitant or restrained. He'd been wanting to share intimacy with Billy so badly lately, eager to make him feel good and experience all those same feelings with him. It might take a bit of work - it's been months and all... But all Teddy can think is that they've waited long enough, and they're both ready.

It is why he packed some extra supplies, after all.]

Gets the... best steam in the springs? [He gives a shrug, letting their hands sway between them as they walk. They do still have to actually get settled in their room before they can do anything together...]

...Whatever works. [He would prefer the best steam over worms, yes. But he'll settle for hand-holding and romantic evening walks, too- even if it is just to the teleporter.

And speaking of which-]

Think it'll be quiet up there? It's been a long time since we check it out last.

[Last year, actually. It's pretty much the only place to go.]

I sure hope it is. We could use some alone time...

[Considering how long they want to be gone? Yeah, Teddy hopes for some nice, quiet alone time. Just a little break, just a way to get away from everything for a little while and focus on each other.]

But then, I wouldn't expect it to be noisy anyway.

Okay, point.

[Billy gives Teddy's hand an appreciative squeeze. They aren't too far, now. Thankfully it's a short walk.]

Just a lot of birds, I guess. Local wildlife. Flowing water. Hopefully nothing exploding.

You say that like something exploding in a relatively peaceful foresty area is normal.

[Not too far indeed. It doesn't take long for Teddy to push the door of the rec center open, his other hand pulling Billy along to let him go in the building first.]

That's like saying explosions are supposed to happen in Bambi.

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