selfhelp | [IC] Appointments Post

[Together. They'd done it together. It wasn't just him getting Teddy off - which he'd have been fine with, obviously, but Teddy wasn't - and it wasn't both of them getting nothing the way it has been, just feeling horny and uncomfortable and guilty and a little unloved.

No... they'd finally done it again.

And it felt amazing.

He needs air again, suddenly, desperately, so Billy breaks the kiss, tilting his head to rest it against Teddy's instead. He breathes him in, indulging in the heat of it, the scent of his boyfriend, the way his breath is a little bit visible in the chilly air. And as he comes down from that glorious high, he can't help but tell himself over and over how lucky he is to have someone like this in his life.

Teddy waited. And when Teddy was being pushed ahead, he pulled Billy up to join him.

If that isn't perfection, he doesn't know what is.

He can't speak yet - too busy panting and breathlessly laughing at his own good fortune, here - but he hopes the way he's holding Teddy will convey his feelings.]

[For a moment, Teddy's arm stays loosely around Billy's waist, and his other hand stays between them, pressed against their bodies while he rests his head against Billy's, breathing hard, drifting in that perfect sea of satisfaction.

But when he breaks through the surface and is more aware of himself, he works his hand away to slide his arm around Billy's shoulders, the other tightening around his waist, to pull him close and just hold him there, breathing in his scent, feeling how close together they are, sharing their heat and love. And Teddy feels so incredibly happy, knowing that Billy reached that peak with him as he listens to him breathe heavily and...

And holding him in all the ways Teddy would do so, like he was the best thing that ever happened, the greatest gift, and he knew to treasure it. It makes him tighten his hold, wanting to just curl up and melt into it. It's been so long since he really felt this way...

Teddy would love to be held like that forever. But they - or at least Billy - would probably freeze like this. So once he recovers enough, Teddy reluctantly pulls back enough to brush his nose against Billy's and opens his eyes to smile at him.]

Hi.

[It takes Billy a moment or so longer to come back, breathing tremulously between them, his hand sticky and shaking as he lifts it to hold Teddy in return, feeling satisfied, contented, incredibly loved. He smiles back easily enough, slumping weakly against his boyfriend. Lover.

They're okay.

Finally, he opens his eyes, bleary-eyed and even a bit misty. It might be a terrible cliche to feel like crying after sex, but... he really does feel like crying. It was good, so good. So much better than he'd ever expected, after what he'd done. And they hadn't even gone all the way yet.]

Hey...

[God, what did he ever do to deserve this second chance?]

[Teddy notices the wetness in Billy's eyes, and it makes him bump foreheads with his boyfriend, then holds him close as he reclines, leaning back until his head is against the pillow again. One hand reaches down to pull the covers up and over them, and the other slides up to Billy's hair, carding his fingers through the strands.]

I love you. [Once the cover's over them enough to trap some heat, Teddy moves his now free hand to stroke his cheek.] I love you so much...

[Billy slumps almost bonelessly against Teddy now that they're lying down, curling up as close as he can get and burying his face in the crook of his boyfriend's neck. He lets his eyes rub against the surface of the pillow for a moment - just enough to brush away the tears before they can fall - before shifting his head back to let Teddy stroke his face, one hand lifting to join the one touching him as he smiles.]

I love you, too... and... thank you. For pulling me along with you. It really is better when we do it together...

I wouldn't want to be there without you beside me.

[Teddy lifts his legs, then turns them to entwine with Billy's, even using a bit of shifting when human limitations make it impossible to do more. It's like he's trying to get as close as possible, wanting to hold and touch him in every way, after being so deprived of it for so long.]

I think... maybe the springs can wait for a few minutes. Yeah?

[Billy notices the shifting down below - it'd be hard not to, with them already so close - but all he does is blink and then relax, allowing himself to be pulled in. Honestly, it's great to see Teddy shifting when he wants to again, rather than when he thinks he needs to impress someone. He might still slip up now and then, but Billy can tell the difference between the two. This? This is a good shift.]

Ha... yeah, I think you're right. Though we'll have to get cleaned up eventually.

[They've done the whole sleep-while-sticky before. It never ends well when morning comes.

He's okay with cuddling for a while, though. They need this, they really do. And he just wants to quietly relish in the aftermath now. He settles in as close as he can be, nuzzling affectionately against Teddy.]

Right now, though, I'm pretty happy with where I am.

Mmhmm. [Teddy desperately needs this, holding the love of his life and reveling in the affection and love that comes from afterglow. He needs it like a thirsty man needs water, and he certainly takes his time to drink it up.

It's not just because this feels wonderful; it's Billy, right there and holding him and nuzzling against him and pressing closer despite Teddy's weird shifting that makes this so important. There were so many things he worried about, still worries about, regarding him and them and what's genuine and what isn't. This? This makes those worries disappear, makes the monsters seem less threatening with each tender caress and touch, each word of love and admiration that Billy gives him.

Teddy needs this, and so he relishes in it, breathes it in and soaks in their shared heat.]

You think we can do that again? Later, I mean. After we're springed out. [And maybe tomorrow, when they celebrate their anniversary for real, they can...]

[Billy has to look up at that, to catch Teddy's eyes and get a good look at his expression, surprise and lingering anxiety in his own. But mostly? It's anticipation. He has no idea if Teddy means more sex or just cuddling, but honestly, it doesn't matter to him. Whatever they decide to do, it'll be good. It'll be great. Because it's them, together, a team.

And this is what he's been craving all this time, it seems. Being together. Being comfortable. Being freely, openly in love.

He smiles, and it's bright and honest and genuinely happy with the suggestion, whatever the meaning behind it might be.]

...I'd like that.

[The rest of the day had been spent soaking in the hot springs once their energy returned to them. Billy woke first and performed his usual routine: breakfast, morning exercises, and finally, performing his interpretation of an alarm clock as he flopped on Teddy and nuzzled into his hair and told him it was time to get up until Teddy slowly returned to the conscious world. From there, they remained close: cuddling in bed and wishing each other a happy anniversary while Teddy worked the sleep out of his system, got him some breakfast, and before they could go relax in the springs again, he took Billy's hand and started to lead him back to the room.]

So. I made something for you.

[This morning had been different; Billy had felt it, from the very moment that he'd awoken in Teddy's arms right until he'd fallen back into them to watch his boyfriend - two-year lover - open his eyes and smile at him. That two year bit was the reason, of course. Nothing in the world could be more obvious than that. It wasn't even that nice of a day- it was cold, and the sky was gray, and overall it had that familiar, dreary winter overtone that made him want to burrow under the covers and never come out. But he'd been allowing himself to do that far too much for weeks now. An anniversary means the start of a new year - the third year - and that means a new beginning. A fresh chance. The fact that Teddy seems to feel it too just makes it seem even more real.

He's ready for it- to embrace the day, to have a great anniversary, and to show Teddy in every way possible how loved he is. So when Teddy takes him by the hand and leads him back into their private little corner of the bathhouse, he's as pleased as he is kicking himself that Teddy beat him to it. Still, one of them had to go first.]

You... made something?

Yeah. Made something.

[Teddy's a little nervous about it, seeing how it is something he made, poured a lot of thought and feelings into, and displaying something like that is always nerve-wracking, especially in front of people whose opinion you really care about. But Teddy seems to hide it well enough, the emotion only evidenced in how he holds Billy's hand a little tighter than usual.

Once they're in the room, Teddy pulls Billy ahead of him and gestures for him to sit on the bed, then reaches under "his" pillow for the folder he'd tucked under there yesterday, then for the guitar resting at the end of the bed.]

I couldn't get another phone for you or anything. You know, money being tight in this economy. But I hope this makes up for it.

It's okay. Honestly, I had trouble shopping for you, too, what with...

[He trails off, seeing the guitar and the paper, sudden realization of what was apparently going to happen dawning in his eyes. Teddy said he made something. With his guitar.

Oh god. He practically squeaks, a hand coming up to cover his mouth.]

You didn't...!

[When he'd suggested that on Teddy's birthday he'd been joking. Did Teddy actually do it...!?]

[Teddy feels a half smile quirk up even with the butterflies in his stomach.] If you realized what I think you did, then yeah. You're right. ... Unless it's not what I think you realized. Uh, anyway...

[Right, right. He makes his way to the small table at the end of their beds, sits in one chair and sets the folder, which opens to reveal bars of music, in the other. It's not quite set up like real sheet music; rather, there are music notes and gaps and written notes on what to play. He's not much of a song writer, and most of his notes are in his head. These are more like guidelines for him.

Once he's set up, and as he tunes the guitar and strums it to make sure it's in the right key, Teddy glances at Billy, a shy smile on his lips.]

I've been working on it on and off. And... well. Yeah. You know. [He's not the best with words, especially when he's nervous.

What he's best at is action, and when his fingers start to play, the words he wants to say come out on their own.

Teddy had felt it too, after all. The moment he woke up to Billy's smiling face telling him to wake up, and every second he spent after that. They'd made it to two years, and despite their ups and downs, rather severe downs at that... They're still here, still strong, and still together. And now, it's a whole new year to spend together. A year of a new beginning, putting the past behind them and starting another year of life together.

He hopes that he can represent that with this.]

[It's a good thing that Billy's hands were over his mouth, because at first all he can do is stare and gape like an idiot. He'd expected something cute and simple, but this? It looked hard. The melody was deceptively easy with how it repeated but the fingering of the strings was- god. How long must he have been working on this!?

My boyfriend is amazing. That thought strikes him on random occasions depending on his mood and whatever Teddy's up to, and it's usually playful, but this time he really means it. Amazing. So amazing. He never saw this coming. Teddy did this for him. It's the coolest gift he's ever gotten in his life, and if this is the kind of effort Teddy puts into him and their relationship... wow. They really have nothing to worry about.

By the end of the song he's grinning like an idiot, not holding back at all.]

[If he hadn't been practicing so much on his own and with Katniss, Teddy wouldn't be near as good as he is now. But no - He's done a lot of it, and it's been paying off, considering how he can play a song even he finds difficult. He loves this style; It doesn't pull on the strings too hard, there's hardly any force involved, it requires more concentration, and is just better for someone like him.

Months ago, he'd gotten a basic few notes in his head while Billy napped on him, and he wrote them down with no real thought of continuation once his arms were free. As he played and inevitably thought more about it, more notes came about, until slowly, a song started to come together. He's no Taylor Swift; he can't come up with something in two weeks flat. It took a long time for what he played to be like this. But every note was with Billy in mind, his smile, his hands, his eyes, everything about him. Every time Teddy shut his eyes while his fingers played along the strings, he'd think of the love he has and how beautiful it is. And now, he thinks of how far they've come, and how much they could have in the future.

His eyes are closed when he finishes, the butterflies returning to him stomach. He isn't sure what Billy would think of it, but when he dares to open his eyes and see the grin on Billy's face... Teddy knows he doesn't have to worry at all. He gives a big smile as well, though his is more on the shy side.]

... You like it?

[Billy would like nothing more than to pounce on Teddy and kiss him senseless for that amazing gift, but he's not about to risk damaging the guitar, so instead he leans up and gives his boyfriend the most passionate and pleased kiss he can muster, hands pressed gently against his cheeks. He's still smiling as he pulls back, his eyes soft and grateful.]

I love it. I love you. Does it have a name?

[... Oh

Well

That certainly answers his question. Teddy's surprised at first, but the he shuts his eyes an leans into the kiss, keeping his hands to himself for the first moment before he lets go of the neck of the guitar in favor of resting his palm against Billy's chest.

Once Billy pulls back, it takes another few seconds before Teddy comes down from the kiss enough to get what he's saying.]

... Huh? Oh, uh... Unless "that song" counts as a name, then no. I never got around to that part...

Haha, that's so like you.

[Teddy Altman, never really one for unnecessary words. Though names are important... still, it really is the thought that counts. And this one counts for a lot.]

Well, you wrote it for me, right? So maybe I'll find a name for you.

I think I'd really like that.

[Billy liking it so much that he's willing to find a name for it, making it a real, bonafied song rather than an idea? And the both of them contributing to it? Teddy loves that idea, and he knows that whatever Billy comes up with would be better than anything Teddy does.

Now that his present is done, for the most part, Teddy ducks his head to slide the guitar up and away from his body; much easier to kiss and cuddle with the boyfriend when there's not a big instrument between them.]

You're the better namer between the two of us, anyway.

Oh, I know. I haven't forgotten "Warlock Boy".

[He really shouldn't be allowed to name anything. Even Hulkling is a bit dorky, but then, it wouldn't be Teddy if he wasn't dorky. And Billy can certainly live with that- as long as Teddy's happy.

With the guitar out of the way, he snuggles in closer, winding his arms around Teddy's waist and burrowing comfortably against him.]

You're going to give me an inferiority complex, you know. I should've done mine first.

[Teddy lets out a chuckle as he wraps his arms around Billy's shoulders; yeah, okay, so "Warlock Boy" wasn't exactly his finest hour. Even if it still sounds clever to him.

In fact, he would argue his point, but the suggestion of a present coming up makes him push it aside. That sounds much better than defending his naming choices.]

Nope. You're not allowed to say that until you show me what it is first.

Mm... I don't know, I hear you're supposed to wait half an hour between presents.

[He's half-joking, but he really does kind of wonder if his gift is going to come across as half-assed now. He'd spent so much time in his own head lately, worrying about his problems and Teddy's problems and their problems that he hadn't come up with a lot of good ideas. And he can't magic things up anymore, either. It had mostly been luck that he'd found anything.]

Pretty sure that's only for eating before swimming. Which doesn't even apply to me.

[He curls his fingers, making a grabby-hands motion with them, even if his arms are around Billy's shoulders and thus the motion isn't seen as well.] Gimme.

[Hrngh. He's not going to be able to talk his way out of it, is he. With a quiet grumble he shifts up a bit, tapping his hand against Teddy's.]

Okay, okay... let go, then, I need to dig it out.

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