selfhelp | [IC] Appointments Post

I do. Stop that, you're throwing off my groove.

[Billy prods Teddy back down again, brows furrowed in mild frustration. Seriously, Teddy, you wanted this, quit fussing and let him do his thing.]

[Oh, man, that gets Teddy to laugh as he flops back again, arms still above him, knees bending with excitement. Billy being assertive, bossy and sassy? God, Teddy hasn't seen that in weeks, weeks, and after spending so much time watching him being practically dead to the world - he can't help laughing. It's not quite from humor; it's from joy.]

And we can't have that happening. I don't want to be thrown out a window any time soon.

You really shouldn't. There's no window high enough here so you'd have to go right off the mountain.

[Satisfied that Teddy's finally getting it, Billy crawls forward once more to follow him, stretching out between his legs and pressing close. His hands slide over to tease at the edge of Teddy's shirt, nudging it up a few inches to expose bare skin for his fingertips to ghost over. It's slow, but he wants to take his time with this, to really focus on every part of Teddy - the body of the person he loves, as-is, unshifted and unchanged. He wants Teddy to feel as loved and appreciated as he deserves, as much as Billy can give.

That's what he really wants- more than the sex, more than anything Teddy could give him. He wants Teddy to know, really know, how he feels again.

He starts with a gentle line of kisses on Teddy's stomach and waist, feather-light, just in case that sensitivity is back again. He won't stop though - no more stopping unless Teddy tells him to or something upsets him. No more stopping. They're doing this.]

I don't really want to be a...

[Mountain goat, he was about to say. But then Billy starts to kiss his stomach, and Teddy decides to just push that line of thought away and focus on this instead. (That line of thought was stupid anywa - )

He is still sensitive there, and the way his breathing, and his stomach along with it, shudders before it relaxes to something slower gives it away. But he doesn't push Billy away, doesn't pull himself away, doesn't tell him to stop. This is more than just sex for him, too; it's equally about giving Billy the chance to want and take this as much as it is about him trusting his lover. It's about being intimate again, sharing all their wants and desires and love and trust together. It's about Teddy finishing the thought "And he'd never hurt me" without an ironic chuckle and the sensation of hands around his neck echoing behind it.

So he takes it, notices the gentleness of it and lowers one arm not to push or pull, but to stroke his fingers through Billy's hair. This is good, this is okay. No more stopping. Thank you for noticing and being so gentle.]

[With his hands and mouth pressed to Teddy's body, it would be impossible not to notice the way he trembles. Not too long ago he would have stopped immediately, apologized, backed off, tried something else. Now, though... he waits, softening his touch but staying close, until Teddy's able to relax and touch his hair, wordlessly encouraging him. Billy smiles against his skin and kisses a circle around his belly button, sliding up an inch or two more and dragging the material of the shirt along with him, exposing more skin. He lets his hands wander further up, stroking the curves and contours of the body beneath him, appreciating every feature, every muscle, all of it. He lets his hands touch where his lips can't yet, hoping to convey the message clearly enough to Teddy: I love you. I love every inch of you. I love your body just the way it is, just the way you let it be. Don't change unless you want to. Don't change what I love for what you think I'd love.

I love what I know. I know what I love.

You're perfect...]

[It's not the clearest message, the actions only having just started and all, but the way Billy touches him, kisses and caresses every inch of him like he loves it all, all of it, even the way his waist doesn't curve like all the men in advertisements do, the way his abs aren't quite as pronounced as he wants them to be, and the fact that Teddy's been abused there multiple times, once leaving a mess of scars in its wake. He remembers how those scars would make Billy tense, and yet he remembers how he'd press his lips against them as if he loves them even if they'd never heal. He remembers when they did, and how Billy cried from joy, feeling such relief for the both of them.

Teddy shudders again, a different sort this time, and slides his fingers into his boyfriend's hair while his legs brush against Billy's sides, just shy of moving up further and circling him within them.

Maybe... this is what I needed, too...]

[Billy keeps stroking and kissing, offering his attention to ever part of Teddy that he can reasonably reach without shying too far off of his path. Mouth, tongue, fingers, all of them work together to tease and caress his boyfriend's body, giving it the love and attention that it - no, that Teddy - deserves. Eventually, he pushes the shirt up enough for it to reach Teddy's armpits, and Billy lifts his head, fingers drumming tightly on Teddy's chest, looking flushed and kind of absurdly pleased- for making it this far, for not stopping, for getting Teddy to look like that.]

Okay... now you can sit up. There's parts of you I can't reach yet.

[Teddy is also flushed, eyes shut and lips parted, breathing just a little deeper than before. There's a slight arch to his back, like he'd been leaning into Billy's touches, though he relaxes once he's spoken to. He slowly lets out another breath, then opens his eyes, and - he feels himself smile, uncontrolled with dimples in his cheeks and just slightly giddy.

Is that what Billy's after? Kissing and caressing every part of him like... like that? Sure, there is some embarrassment to such attention; he doesn't feel like his looks are worth it, and it's weird having the parts of him he doesn't like be loved so much. But it makes him feel so humble, so appreciated, so loved that the embarrassment is more just a sort of flustered feeling, and he can live with that.]

So now you want my help. [He says with a breathless little laugh before he sits up, then stretches his arms upward again, giving Billy full permission to be as fast or as slow as he wants with this.]

Let's just call it cooperation.

[Billy doesn't exactly rush it, but he doesn't waste too much time on removing the shirt, either; he likes the slow reveal of Teddy's handsome, flawless skin, the way the dim light from the receding sun dances off pale muscles, the way his body flexes as he moves, the way his head disappears behind the material of the shirt only to reappear below, smiling and happy and perfect.

Struck by a sudden, playful idea, Billy stops pulling the shirt up just as Teddy's mouth and nose are revealed, drawing it back instead, keeping his eyes concealed and his hands momentarily stuck. His own hand hooks around the headboard, and he leans in close, touching his nose to Teddy's.]

I could keep you guessing...

[And Teddy just had to wear long sleeves today, so his hands just had to surely be stuck. He raises his eyebrows, though Billy can't see it, but he will be able to see his lips part in surprise before they grin again, humored and excited and just plain enjoying all of this. He's pretty damn turned on, too, considering how much he loves it when Billy takes charge and becomes aggressive with him...

His eyes may be shut, and he may be unable to see anything, but with Billy's nose touching his, it's easy to just tip forward enough to touch foreheads with him instead.]

Well. I'm gonna guess that you're going to keep me like this for a little while.

[Heh. It's all a facade, Billy knows; Teddy has super-strength, if he really wanted to get free it would barely take him any effort to break free, both from Billy's grip and the shirt itself. The fact that Teddy's letting him do this is telling, too- of how much he's trusted, of how intrigued this is making his boyfriend, of how far they'd come.

He likes this. Being able to do this, feeling comfortable. Seeing Teddy smile like that.

He'd intended to play around a bit more, tease and touch and keep Teddy wondering, but he can't stop himself from leaning in and pressing his lips against the blond's, first. He loves these lips. He loves to kiss them, loves to touch them, loves to see them tilt upwards when he's happy...

It's hard to imagine not loving this man as much as he does.]

[Teddy had been expecting the touches to continue. He didn't quite expect for Billy to kiss him, but he's certainly not complaining. All he can really do is lean into and return the kiss, as much as he wants to hold his lover close and stroke his back and neck and sides. He could easily break out - all it'd really take is a slight shift, or even just a pull, to rip out of his shirt. But wouldn't that just spoil what Billy has in store for him?

Besides, with the way Billy's kissing him...

So Teddy keeps his arms where they are, though he does part his lips in case Billy wants to deepen the kiss further. He's placing himself entirely in Billy's hands here, and even he's a little surprised by just how comfortable he feels here, arms back and completely at the mercy of someone who tried to kill him several weeks ago.

But Teddy wasn't lying when he said he trusted him with his life now. And here he is, relaxed and comfortable and enjoying everything Billy's giving to him.]

[Billy certainly does want to deepen the kiss, and as soon as Teddy's lips part he indulges in that desire, his tongue teasing against the blond's in a dance that is all too easy to re-learn even after so little practice this past month or two. It doesn't last too long - he does have other plans - but it's long enough for him to feel damn satisfied when he breaks contact, and he hopes that Teddy feels the same way.

He remains close, his voice hushed, breath hot against Teddy's face.]

I'm thinking... let's play a game.

[He leans forward, letting his body push Teddy's back against the headboard, and guides Teddy's hands to hold on to it. Then he shifts back.]

How long can you stay up there while I'm down here?

[Which of course, with them, could mean all kinds of things might be about to happen.]

[Teddy feels pretty damn satisfied himself when he's backed up against the headboard, obeying all of Billy's wishes and keeping his hands on the headboard. It's been a long while since he's been kissed so thoroughly, enough that he still feels his tongue and lips tingle. He licks his lips because of it, back slightly arched, legs spreading slightly as if they know just what kinds of things Billy's insinuating, and are very open to the idea.]

Depends on what you mean by here. But I'll play your little game. Challenge accepted.

"Hands off". That's what I mean. And maybe try not to break the headboard this time.

[Though at least there's another bed right across the room that they could switch over to, if it did break. That's more effort than he's hoping to expend before they get to the good parts. He also has a few ideas of how to handle this, and... well, feeling unusually self-conscious, he's not sure he wants to see Teddy's expression until he knows how Teddy'll feel about it.

Hrngh. Nerve-wracking. Rather than dwell on it, Billy shuffles back again, allowing his hands to trail down Teddy's arms, shoulders, chest, then stomach, until they reach the curve of his pants, starting to undo them. He can't pamper properly until he has access to more skin.]

That was just a few times...

[There's a slight pout to his lips as he says it, even as he feels his body lean into Billy's touches, feeling more sensitized due to not being able to see, and lifting his hips up to give Billy better access to his pants. Sure, sometimes he loses control, and sometimes the headboard and blankets and sheets and pillows suffer for it. But at least he... mostly keeps it under control...?

Yeah yeah he'll be careful this time. Though that might depend entirely on what Billy has in store for him.]

"A few times", he says. I've counted. The number is significant.

[And that's all he'll say in the matter; he's not about to confess that he keeps a counter of tiny notches in the headboard, hidden mostly out of sight, and adds to it every time he gets Teddy to break it. It's half bragging rights and half reminder of where not to put his body parts while they're making love. Splinters and slivers are the last things they need in bed.

That's not important now, however. What's important is the lift of Teddy's hips, allowing him to press his mouth more easily against the trail of hair leading down into his pants, his tongue teasing around Teddy's belly button, exploring the curves of his muscles, teeth scraping gently over bare skin, teasing as his fingers dip down into his underwear. They don't go far, just enough to tentatively explore, but just far enough for a taste.]

... Wait, you've been counting?

[The question, while surprised and embarrassed, is vague and quiet, as if he's not expecting an answer. The importance of it was shed the moment Billy started to press his mouth against his navel, when his fingers started to stroke and tease and wander a little closer to where he's starting to need the most attention; he can feel his arousal starting to strain against his pants, having slowly grown as if curious by all that was going on.

He can feel one of his hands letting go and, remembering the challenge, Teddy makes himself hold on again. It's just so, so natural to want to slide his hand into Billy's hair, encouraging him, wanting to keep him there. Instead, he communicates by tipping his head back with a sigh, lips remaining parted, and keeping his hips raised. He hopes Billy can get the message, even with his hands tied.]

Mmmmm.

[It's as much of an answer as he's going to offer; he's too pleasantly occupied to care about the topic much, and he suspects Teddy is much the same at this point. The physical cues he's getting from his boyfriend are more than enough to encourage him to continue, so Billy doesn't hesitate, using his free hand to drag the pants further down while Teddy's lifted himself up. It's much easier to do, and it means he can slide his hand further in, fingers stroking at the very base of his erection. God, he can feel it already, and it feels great. Only the second time to touch it in as many days after months of nothing, and it's still like coming home. This is exactly how he'd been hoping it would feel.

He smiles against Teddy's stomach, and shifts over towards his hip instead of moving his lips lower, nipping gently at Teddy's skin. He plans to love on every inch he can get to before he takes things to the next step.]

[Teddy does wish Billy moved further down, but... this is fine, too.

I love your hips, Billy had said just yesterday, the words echoing in his head when he feels kisses against one of them.

I hate my hips, he thinks to himself. But if Billy loves them, loves every part of him, then maybe... he can learn to like himself again? He had, before they were taken away and broken apart, before the spell that threatened to ruin what they had. He at least thought these parts of himself were okay. It kind of freaks him out, knowing that he can so easily dive right back into such negative thoughts about his own body. That he's capable of it, even after so many talks and this long of accepting who he was.

But he can learn again, right? He'd learned before when he thought it was impossible. It's possible, even if it's hard. He knows that for sure. And he knows Billy's willing to be with him every step of the way.

So he doesn't protest, merely lets his lips quirk up while he lets out a quiet chuckle, and he bends his leg to stroke Billy's back with his foot. If he's not allowed to move his hands, then he can move his feet, right?]

[It feels a bit like cheating, as Billy instinctively lifts his body to indulge in the sensation, but he doesn't protest it. It's what Teddy wants, for one - still his main priority - but... it's also what feels good, for him. And he's reaching the point where he's okay with that.

He'd been planning to switch things up shortly, but maybe he can indulge in this for a little while. Choosing to play this game meant starving himself from Teddy's touch as much as testing Teddy's self-control, so he's glad that a bit of a loophole was found. Trust his boyfriend to find a way.

You really are the best. He can't say it with his mouth so preoccupied, so he tries to convey his appreciation through touch and tongue. In the meantime, he gets Teddy's pants down enough to fully expose his underwear. That'll make things much easier in the near future...]

[Spurred on by Billy's reaction, Teddy continues the motion, stroking against his side and down to the small of his back as well, before moving his foot back up again. And with his underwear exposed, it's all too easy to see his arousal straining against his briefs, just begging for a little more room.]

So... is the goal here to get me naked before you take anything off?

[Yes, his eyes are covered. But he can tell Billy hasn't taken any clothes off - not that Teddy wants to miss any part of Billy doing so. He might just have to break the rules if Billy starts doing that.]

Mm... I hadn't decided yet. But I'm not opposed to the idea.

[He doesn't want to focus on his own body - he's not the one who has issues about it, after all. And being naked or showing more skin would likely cause Teddy to get distracted. He's in favour of them both being naked eventually, but... well, he'd like to indulge this, first. Pamper his boyfriend, make sure he knows that he's loved.

He goes back to massaging Teddy's skin with his lips and tongue, but he does have the decency to get one hand wander over to the bulge in Teddy's underwear, stroking him teasingly beneath the material. A little prelude of what's to come, basically. (And literally. Heh.)]

It's not a bad idea, no...

[And if he thought it was, he doesn't for long once Billy starts to stroke him. Teddy spreads his legs further apart to give him more room, though he keeps his foot where it is - in fact, he hooks his toes against the edge of Billy's shirt enough to slide it upwards a little, enough to let him stroke the bare skin of Billy's side.

God, but the things Billy's doing to him, not just to his arousal but all over his body, or at least everything Billy reached so far... At least once in his life, he criticized every part of himself. So for this to happen, especially so shortly after a period where he doubted everything about himself again, doubted one of the few good things to happen in his life...

It's hard to keep holding on to the headboard when all he wants to do is hold Billy close to him and revel in being held in return. But this is a game they're playing, and he doesn't want to lose just yet.]

[Hrngh, that foot against his back is really distracting. It takes significant effort to stay focused on his 'mission', but somehow, he manages. A noise or two escapes his lips, though, a sign that Teddy's accomplishing something with his blind exploration.

Before too long, though, Billy's hand is replaced by his face, rubbing it affectionately against the bulge in Teddy's briefs before he lifts up and grips the fabric with his teeth, dragging it down, his hands on either side of Teddy's hips to ease its movement. Within moments, Teddy's erection is exposed to the air, and Billy breathes against it, letting his hands wrestle with getting the underwear off and out of the way.

With Teddy naked, his options just opened a whole new series of doors. Now it's just a matter of deciding what to do. Does he go for the obvious trump card, or...?]

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