selfhelp | [IC] Appointments Post

[Billy fidgets a bit, waiting and fretting quietly; the card is a simple rough sketch of a tiny Billy and Teddy cuddling in one of the springs, with "Happy Anniversary" spelled out in the steam. Inside is the sentiment repeated in Billy's normal handwriting, along with an "I love you" and his signature. On the opposite side, though, is a little sadface and the note, "IOU one drawing or painting of your choice, the sky is the limit, ETA three weeks (ish)."

Billy gives him a long moment to read it before he shifts awkwardly on the bed again.]

I, um. I'd have liked to have something ready on time, but since... you know. [He gestures to his left shoulder, where he'd been shot.] My hand's been kind of shaky. You might've noticed. [Teddy notices everything, annoyingly, though he really has worked hard to hide it.] And it's getting better! I just didn't like the idea of wrecking your present. Better late than crappy, right?

[It's all rough sketches and promises for later, but it still makes Teddy smile like it told him he was the most special person in Billy's life. It's the effort put into it, despite Billy's shaky hand. It's the I love you. It's a simple card, yet for Teddy, who still quietly feels unsure of himself and where he stands - it's so much more. It means the world.]

I did notice. [And he can't help worrying a little, wondering if the shake might be permanent, if they should see someone about it. But he has been getting better, Teddy can tell that, too.] I don't think I'd mind either way, but I'll probably need time to think about it, too. Give you something fun to draw that I'd like.

[He smiles over the card more - honestly, that could be Billy's gift and Teddy would be blissfully happy. But he does have a present, and so Teddy carefully sets the card aside and on top of his guitar before setting his sights on the wrapping paper. Time to rip into this thing!]

[The fact that Teddy seems to like it is both reassuring and delightful, and the way it makes Billy relax is pretty visible. He shifts a little bit closer as Teddy tears through the paper, revealing what's inside- a box set of Bioshock 1 and 2, thankfully for the PC since that's all either of them have right now.]

That's the one you said you- you'd like to play, right? Like, forever ago, back home?

[God, please let him have gotten this right. He doesn't have the points to try again right now.]

[... omg

When Teddy rips enough of the paper to reveal part of the set, he stops for a moment to stare. No way. No way.

Sure enough, Teddy quickly gets the rest of it unwrapped, and - there it is. He remembers talking about it once or twice in the past, but never really thinking that he'd ever get to play them. His mom was wonderful, and they lived comfortably enough. But a single mother living in New York City with real estate's income isn't exactly ideal, so he had to pass up a lot of things that he wanted.

But now...]

Oh my god, yeah... I can't believe you remembered! [He lamented over it with Billy once, sure, but that was just once and, like Billy said, forever ago. The fact that he actually remembered...]

How did you get - [... Oh.] Wait, you didn't...

[Oh thank god it was the right one

Billy's lips quirk into a smile as it seems to dawn on Teddy how he got it, but he'll say it anyway.]

Remember that trip into space? We went just to get away for a while, so I forgot that we earned something out of it. But yeah... points. [He gestures. Ta-da?]

[Points. Which means that Billy had to ask the Malnosso for this. The people who threw them into that whole awful mess in the first place, who hurt them over and over - and Billy had to go to talk to them to request this.

With that in mind, Teddy sets the games aside, moves to sit down on the bed next to Billy, and holds his cheeks as he leans in to give him a slow, tender kiss.

Billy contacted the people the two of them probably despise the most right now just to get something that would make Teddy happy. That means more to him than anything.]

[He's not surprised by the kiss - Teddy's smile upon opening it basically guaranteed that it would happen - but he's still pleased to receive it, leaning in to return it with pleasure. His hands lift to hold Teddy's sides, quietly hmm-ing his delight. He could certainly stand for more of this.]

[Teddy could, too. But after a long moment of that, Teddy pulls back to breathe, and he tilts enough to rest his forehead against Billy's.]

Thanks. Really. [His hands drift downward, gently stroking the sides of his neck.] It means a lot to me.

Hey, I'm just glad you like it. This is just an added bonus.

[Billy leaves his eyes closed for a long moment, looking contented and pretty damn satisfied, before he opens them to meet Teddy's gaze.]

Happy anniversary, though, really.

[... God, Teddy can get completely lost in those eyes. Words can't describe how much he missed them while Billy was possessed, wondered if he'd ever see that beautiful brown color again. And here they are.]

... Mm. Happy anniversary. [He shuts his eyes, just taking in the feel of Billy so close to him.] Going on year three now... Wonder what's waiting for us this year? [He hopes they'll be good things. For both their sakes.]

[Billy's thinking much the same, himself. They've gone through hell this past year, and he's sure that Luceti will have more to throw at them later, but... they're still here, still going strong. Surely they can survive it and come out on top just like before.]

Whatever it is... I'm pretty sure we'll face it together. I'd love to have a lot more anniversaries with you, Tee...

[There's just the slightest hitch in Teddy's breath before he lets it out slowly, his thumbs stroking along Billy's jawline. A lot more anniversaries... Which means Billy wants to be with him just as much, and just as long, as Teddy does.

It's been a long time since that one little thought wormed its way into his head, about really sealing the deal and asking Billy if this could be forever, officially. It doesn't stick around, though; there's still some small, quiet doubts that Teddy needs to work on. Both he and Billy need to be in better places for it to work, and he himself needs to have more faith in how strong their relationship is.

Maybe, when that happens, he...]

I do, too. A fourth, a fifth... and on and on. [Twentieth, sixtieth... However long they live.] I feel like I can take on anything if you're there with me.

[Hearing that, and the way Teddy's breath catches, makes Billy close his eyes again to indulge in the sensation of Teddy's embrace, wanting this and wanting more- a future together, hundreds, thousands more memories to share, just being like this, being in love. He could count the years he'd want to spend with Teddy but then he'd never stop. He trembles a little, full of thoughts that he can't speak, that he knows they're not ready for, but loving the very idea of it.]

Yeah... I want that. I can't... imagine a life without you, you know...?

I know.

[He knows, because he can't imagine a life without Billy in it, either. And just two years ago, he never would've thought he'd find a love like this. A love where he's treasured for who he is, not who he could be. Where he doesn't have to talk as much and his presence is still just as valued. Where he doesn't have to hide, can be exactly who he is, and be completely loved.

Teddy is so incredibly lucky to find this at so young an age, and he knows it.]

I know. [He tilts his head to press a kiss to Billy's lips, slow and tender once more, and breathes against them when he pulls back.] I want to be with you for all of it...

[Then, another kiss, this one more open. Yeah, they're not ready for that particular step, but... maybe they're ready for something else.]

[Billy can't respond again with Teddy's lips on his own, but with the way Teddy's kissing him, he knows he doesn't have to. He can feel it, just as much as he's sure that Teddy can as he kisses back- they've said what they need to say, and the rest they can just feel. The words are still bouncing around in his own head, because he's always been more of a chatterbox than Teddy, but today? He's taking a page out of his boyfriend's book. He's staying quiet.

The words are just noise right now, anyway. All they need is this.]

[Teddy lets out a hum of delight in the kiss, feeling all that there is to feel, soaking it in and loving every second of it. This right here... This is all that he needs. Them loving each other, Billy loving him, the doubts far away enough in his head to not even register. And as much as Teddy would like to stay kissing the love of his life forever, there's something he wants to try. Maybe they're at least ready for this...

With a slight inhale, Teddy breaks the kiss, then reaches down to entwine his hand with Billy's as he starts to scoot along the bed, pulling his boyfriend with him. When he's at a certain place, he lays back until his head hits the pillow, and he reaches up to find Billy's other hand. With both their hands entwined, Teddy maneuvers them until they're on either side of his head, then just looks up at him, a question all across his features, his hope staying as hidden as possible in case this doesn't work out the way he feels would be ideal.

Do you want to...?]

[Billy follows him without hesitation, shifting to straddle him with the ease of experience, and it's only when he's leaning over Teddy's body that he pauses to take in Teddy's expression. He needs a moment for it to sink in that it's not reluctance, not exactly, but there's definitely a question. Does he want this? Should they not? Or...

God, no. No more stopping.

I've stopped enough for a lifetime already.]

How do you...

[He trails off, his hands squeezing gently on Teddy's for a moment, his gaze darting low, and then to Teddy's eyes, then back again, then up once more. Teddy had given him a message, here, and he can't just ignore it because he'd assumed he knew what his boyfriend wanted.]

...Like this?

[If this is what you want, I'll...]

Sort of.

[Teddy smiles, the action a bit helpless, as he slides his legs out from under Billy, lifts his legs, then wraps them around Billy's waist, pulling him a little closer like that. Maybe this might make it a little more obvious what Teddy wants. He wants Billy to take it all, to do whatever he wants with him... He wants to feel Billy in him, moving, sending them both to the stars. That's what he wants.]

Like this.

[....Oh.

Oh, god.

At first, Billy isn't sure how to feel. He'd expected a different answer entirely, so to get that is... humbling, yet scary at the same time. He's not sure what to do, so he freezes, giving himself a moment to let it sink in.

Can he do this? Is he allowed to do this? Because god, he... he wants to be with Teddy, he wants to keep moving forward to how things were, he wants to be one with him and feel him moving and- all of it, but...

...I can't want it...

...can I want it...?

He's fighting with the fear, but it's visible in his expression - not of Teddy, not of the act itself, but of the position, of taking, of wanting, when his own wants have done so much damage already. He's afraid of himself.]

...A... are you... sure...?

[If this had happened weeks ago, Teddy might have thought it was because of him. Maybe Billy didn't want to do this with him, maybe this was too much, maybe he wasn't good enough, maybe...

And while some of those feelings remain, leaving a self-conscious wad of doubt in his chest, Teddy does realize what the reality of this is. Billy's afraid of himself. He's afraid of giving in to his wants, afraid of taking when he's spent so long trying to give, because he can't hurt if he does that. And yes, while he did hurt Teddy with his power, and quite badly at that... He's taken so many steps to learn from that, to make up for what he did and let Teddy know that he's loved, and that he's so afraid of breaking their relationship apart.

It's with that in mind that Teddy lets go of his hands to sit himself up enough to straddle Billy's hips, fingers trailing down his chest.]

Billy... [And once his hands are low enough, he moves them again, this time to hold Billy's wrists and guide them to the sides of his neck. There's no tension there this time, no goosebumps, no flicker of fear in Teddy's eyes. It feels good, and Teddy strokes his thumbs across Billy's knuckles.] I trust you. I trust you with this. I trust you with me. We're partners... so we'll do this together.

[He brushes noses with Billy, a little smile on his face.] I'm sure.

[Billy stares for a prolonged moment- at Teddy, at where his hands are, at the way their bodies are pressed together. The trust, love, care, reliance that he finds... all of it are slowly weaseling their way through the shroud of doubt that's covered and overwhelmed him for a long time now, bit by bit, until he too starts to relax. His thumbs stroke gently against Teddy's skin, and then, carefully, he nudges and eases Teddy back again, sliding his hands to the blond's shoulders.]

Okay... then... I will be, too.

[He knows himself well enough to recognize that he wants this, too, even if he'll forever dance away from the word itself. He can be afraid of himself but still face that fear, still fight against it enough to share this with the one he loves. Teddy wants it. That means it can't be a bad thing.

He leans in to follow Teddy as he pushes, kissing him gently but briefly on the lips.]

Lie back. I'll get the stuff.

[With Billy nudging him back, Teddy wraps his arms around his neck and looks him in the eyes and - well, he intended for it to be heated, but it's a little hard to lie back smoothly without cheating at it. So he has to break the gaze to glance back while leaning his arm against the bed for balance, and he allows himself a helpless little chuckle.

Once he's on his back, and Billy kisses him, Teddy lets out a sigh and shuts his eyes, arms flopping back against the bed. Man, they should've brought their bags closer... but he does, at least, look content enough.]

They should be in the side pocket of my backpack. [... ... He opens his eyes again.] Unless you brought the stuff too.

[Billy blinks at that, then offers up a slightly sheepish smile, red creeping across his cheeks. He crawls off the bed and shuffles over to his bag, dragging it back to the mattress so he can remain close to Teddy while he fishes through the contents.]

You know... I actually did? Tommy nearly caught me packing them. That's a good sign, right? That we're... kind of on the same wavelength, here.

[At the very least they'd both hoped that things had progressed and recovered enough to try this again.]

I think I like this particular wavelength.

[Teddy grins himself, because this is way too funny for him. Both of them packing supplies for this - either they thought they could try this again, or they're a little desperate.

Regardless, Teddy waves his hands as if resembling jazz hands.]

Double the fun, then?

Haa... let's work our way up from one, shall we?

[He's smiling as he responds, though, optimism still overruling his jitters. He finally pulls his hand from the bag, brandishing his prize: lube, and a handful of condoms, all of which are deposited on the bedside table, save one. His goal at last achieved, Billy sets them aside on the sheets and crawls back up to lean over Teddy, one hand sliding up to toy with the neckline of his shirt.]

First step... would be getting rid of these.

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