selfhelp | [Action / Voice] House of M Follow-Up

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[Action / Voice] House of M Follow-Up

[So... he's probably delayed this long enough, even if a part of him would love to delay it indefinitely. Not only is it a month overdue, but now that he's home again and fully recovered from whatever had been affecting his mind, putting it off any further will just make things more difficult. Frightened as he is of the consequences, he won't get anywhere if he keeps hiding. It's time to apologize for the damage his spell caused, and make things right... if he can.

First, Billy seeks out those he knows personally, friends or acquaintances whom he remembers being affected or involved. Whether they're people he hasn't spoken to since the spell was in place, or people who visited him while he was possessed and halfway out of his mind, he'll try to be as thorough as possible. Teddy accompanies him from place to place, bless him, and they can be found walking hand-in-hand through the village and talking quietly, though Billy will be speaking with the people he's looking for on his own. Teddy's there for moral support, nothing more; the rest is his responsibility.

After those visits, presumably the hard part is over, but there's one thing left to do - reach out to those he couldn't find, missed, or simply doesn't know, as well as the general populace who'd probably noticed strange things going on at the time. They deserve to know about... well. To put it bluntly, the menace to society that he can be. Not that he'd give that reason out loud. Certain people would take issue with it.

They'd be wrong, but.

This time, he uses the journal network, his voice tentative, worried, and sick with guilt, and it happens later in the evening:]

...Hey... it's Billy. Um, Kaplan. I'm kind of a witch. You might not know me. Sorry if you do. ...Last month, October 1st, I was sent back from a Malnosso abduction... kind of a mess. I wasn't thinking straight, and... I cast a spell. It... it screwed with a lot of people. Badly. I don't know the full extent of the damage it caused, or how far it went, but- I do know that- people were hurt. And I know I might not be able to make things right again, either.

["Might". His hope for that one is still pretty pathetic; the forgiveness he's already received is something of a miracle to him. The day's meetings are still weighing on him, and there's an ache in his heart that refuses to go away.]

...Still. I- I need to apologize. Whether or not the Malnosso were the cause, it's still my fault. S-so I'm sorry. I'm sorry... I'm so...

[....]

...I'm... not going to use magic anymore. I'm done. I'm no good. At it. I mean. I- sorry. ...This won't happen again. And if you want to yell at me, or get a better explanation of what happened, or... whatever you need, I'll... be here.

Thanks. For hearing me out.

[And... that's that.]

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Mm... I don't know. It was pretty epic.

[He leans in as well, meeting Teddy in the middle, their noses touching. Teddy didn't shift them away. Teddy didn't even try. Teddy's still smiling, still happy, like it doesn't matter, like he's accepted them, like- like they're back to how they-

Oh god. Oh, thank god. He didn't mess things up. And now...

We can do better.

We can be better.]

...But I'm definitely willing to try.

[Teddy lets out a quiet chuckle, brushing noses one last time before tipping his head enough to touch foreheads. He's willing to try. Not just to get a better kiss out of each other, but to finally step onto the road to recovery, rather than be afraid to do so. If that's not something to smile so surely about, then Teddy's not sure what it'd be.

But, well... They did agree to try to make their kiss even better. So Teddy winds his arms around Billy's waist, pulling him close again, and tips his head to kiss him once more, lips parted, hoping to go for a more open kiss. He's not sure if they can pick up where they left off, or if it'd be better to go slow, sticking to the little pleasures involved in such kissing. He looks forward to whichever is the best choice.]

[The sad part about making out is that, eventually, air becomes a necessity again, and even little intakes of breath between kisses become not quite enough for Billy. Reluctantly he draws back, eyes closed, resting his forehead against Teddy's, and gives himself a moment to reflect. Okay, so... his freak-out kind of ruined the mood, and as much as they seem to be getting back on track, Teddy's probably right. Doing this kind of thing for the wrong reasons isn't going to help either of them, and as much as he wants to make Teddy happy, his boyfriend won't like being given a lot when Billy won't take anything.

So... the cliffnotes version of the issue: Billy needs to deal with his own problems first. Then they can think about... everything else.

Okay. Okay. He'll add it to the list. Deal with your shit. Later, though. Right now, maybe something to help them wind down might be useful. Make-outs are all fine and good, but if they're not going to go anywhere with it, it's just going to get them all hot and heavy and bothered and then frustrated. That's the last thing Teddy needs.

He pulls back a bit, his hands resting on Teddy's shoulders.]

Hey... so, do you want to see what I got up to while you were out?

[Teddy had been reflecting a bit on his own; he needed Billy to trust him, but he needed to trust Billy, too. He remembers just a week ago or so, how he'd been hesitant to touch him, unsure if it was what Billy wanted or not. And before, he'd been so free about it, touching him without hesitation, knowing it's what Billy liked.

In a way, he still feels it. They can work on that, and maybe... Maybe they'll be sort of okay by the time their two year mark comes around. Wouldn't that be something...?

When Billy pulls away and speaks, Teddy opens his eyes, blinks, then tilts his head slightly. Here he thought Billy had nothing but depressing conversations while he was gone.]

Huh? Sure... what'd you do? [He's curious now.]

[Billy eases back a bit, sliding his knees off the couch and somewhat reluctantly straightening up off of Teddy's lap. He doesn't really want to get up, but it's probably the easiest way to curb the whole hot-and-heavy business he'd been worrying about.

He reaches out and takes Teddy's hand, urging him to his feet. To the bedroom!]

Come on, I'll show you.

[Teddy follows suit, keeping a hold on Billy's hand, a little smile playing on his lips now that he's up and moving. For the past month, it's been rare for Billy to want to show Teddy something. Now he's taking initiative, taking his hand and leading him there, and - it seems like such a little thing, but Teddy will still quietly count it as a win for the both of them.]

Should I close my eyes or anything?

[Billy snorts quietly, shaking his head.]

It's not that exciting. Just kind of silly... and you'd see it eventually, anyway.

[Considering it is, indeed, their bedroom. He reaches the door, pushing it open and leading Teddy inside. And from the center of the room, stretched out to the bed and two corners, is a practical forest of cushions, blankets, and pillows. It is indeed a grand and elaborate pillow fort.]

[Teddy stops in the doorway, jaw hanging slightly at the sight. That is definitely a grand and elaborate pillow fort, and - wow, how long has it been since he'd been in one of those? When he was a kid, surely.]

... So that's where the pillows went. [He's observant, he can tell when a certain pillow or two are missing from the couch. That said, he feels a smile start to crawl up as he glances sidelong at Billy, then raises an eyebrow.] Felt like being the lord of the pillows?

[More than the pillows, even- Billy had pilfered a couple of cushions right off the smaller couch, though they'd been a little busy on the other one for it to come up. He shuts the door behind them so they can at least avoid interruptions from Tommy or their pets and scoots over to show it off a bit.]

A bit. Mia came over- apparently she didn't even know what a pillow fort was.

Huh... Doesn't surprise me. [Considering where she came from, and what she's like... but still.] What a sad, sad life, if she's never been in a pillow fort.

[And though he feels a little silly, Teddy lets go of Billy's hand to get into said fort, where he flops down on his back midway through it.]

Looks like you showed her the way, though.

Yeah.

[Billy ducks down and joins him, sitting tentatively for a long moment before finally stretching out on his back beside Teddy, gazing up at their "ceiling". His bedsheets are dark, but semi-transparent, so between that and the light being off, a bit of the magical starscape is visible through it, stars twinkling gently. He makes himself look up at them, his expression unreadable.

It's the first time in a while - since before - that he's been able to look at them without feeling such a twist of anxiety. It's magic, yes, but... a peaceful kind. A spell already cast, that he doesn't have to worry about anymore. It helps, a little. The feeling is muted, and Teddy's presence makes him feel like it'll be okay.]

...I used to do this a lot with my brothers, back home.

[Teddy's staring up, too; This is one of his favorite things Billy has done, given him the night sky and made it right there on the ceiling. Teddy gazed up at it every night since then, save for the month before. It's just as calming now, especially with Billy by his side.

He doesn't look away when Billy speaks, though he does turn his head slightly as if to indicate that he's listening.]

Yeah? Pillow forts?

Mm.

[Billy stretches his arms out over his head, letting them flop gracelessly, his fingers brushing against the 'wall', AKA the comforter draped along the back.]

Dad wasn't making as much, and Mom worked from home because the brats were too young for school yet, so we had a smaller place back then. The three of us just shared one big bedroom, and you can probably imagine what a disaster that was. Since I was older, I really wanted a place of my own- just to get away from them, you know? So I'd build one of these- shut myself in and tell them to leave me alone.

[He can see it now, in his mind: his corner of the room, with the sheets hanging from closet to desk to under the mattress, pillows and stuffed animals piled around the edges, just him and a flashlight and a box of comic books.]

But of course they'd eventually sneak in with me.

[It's only slightly hard to imagine, rather than full out impossible like before he started living with the Kaplans. He knew that children could be monsters, but him wanting a little brother or sister badly as well as liking kids in general made him wonder how Billy could complain so much about his little brothers. The first week he lived there, they behaved well enough, and were a bit wary around him due to being new in the house. But by the second week, Teddy was family enough, and he came to know the little demons that Jamie and Charlie could turn into.

Not that he didn't love them any less. He could just understand more. And Teddy can just imagine it: Billy, a little younger, telling the brats to leave him alone while he ducked into his fort, flashlight and comic book balanced in both hands, stuffed animals and action figures outside to protect his mini castle. Only to have the brothers push themselves in and ask him to play with them and what he's doing and what's going on, making him groan loudly. The image makes Teddy smile, his own hands entwined on his sternum.]

Of course they did. Did you kick them out?

[Billy mulls over that a moment, brows furrowing.]

I did, at first. Or I tried to, anyway. But then they'd just sit outside and cry, or start pulling it apart, and then Mom would come and scold me for not 'nurturing the development of a healthy relationship with my siblings', or something along those lines. Eventually I let them in so none of us would get into trouble, and as long as they didn't touch my comics, I'd read for them.

Heh... Billy Kaplan, brother of the year.

[Teddy loves these talks. He loves hearing about his boyfriend's past, loves discovering a little something about him every time. Right now, lying side by side like this in a fort of their own, looking up at the not!stars, sharing stories of the past, it feels... Teddy can't really find a word for it right now. Intimate? Somber? Nostalgic? All three?]

And after that, it became a thing to do. Right?

[Billy scoffs quietly at that first bit, his lips quirking into a brief smile. Yeah... not so much on the best-brother part. Honestly it's a bit weird here, being the assumed little brother to not only Tommy but Loki now, as well. And Jane, when she was here. Maybe he's better at that role.]

Only when they behaved. Which, as you well know by now, they're not great at. Still... sometimes they managed. So yeah, I guess it was kind of a thing.

[He hesitates, then tilts his head to nudge it against Teddy's shoulder.]

S'better with you, though.

Yeah. I'm quiet and well-behaved, for one.

[Teddy feels a smile quirk up at his own expense, not daring to move in case he nudges Billy off his shoulder. He at least turns his head to look at him, his smile having faded to a tinier one.]

You're good to them, you know. You're good with kids.

[He himself tends to coddle and love on the kids too much. Billy may keep his distance, but he has learned how to discipline kids in a way that Teddy hasn't just yet. And he knows that the kids will grow up well with that in the future.]

[Billy looks surprised at that; he knows how to deal with kids, sure, but the thought of being good with them hadn't really occurred with them. Kids like him well enough, but he's not exactly cuddly. He'd be better with a girl, maybe. Too many years of brotherly tussles that only they enjoyed.

The tussles stopped when he started coming home from school with bruises, though. Maybe they were better brothers than he used to think.]

...I just know how to threaten them into behaving, that's all.

[The idea that Teddy noticed is... touching? Maybe? He's not sure. He'd thought about kids with Teddy a few times, before. More than a few times. It had been scary, sure, but...possible, back then.

Ugh, no, don't lose the good feeling, don't-]

But you are, too. Better, I think.

[Teddy lets out a quiet snort at that, eyes rolling enough to get his head back to looking ahead.]

I'm not too good with the "getting them to behave" thing. I always end up spoiling them too much.

[Which means that kids love him. He's like a huge, huggable teddy bear. He provides comfort and support, and he never fights back. He really would be walked all over like a rug if he let the kids have their way.]

And... you know. Not used to dealing with kids all the time.

You just need practice. But I guess that's why we've made a good team in the past.

[He shuts his mouth after that, because he's not... really sure if that leaves any kind of unfortunate implications. It wasn't intentional, but. But.

Teddy probably doesn't want... that... anymore.]

[Teddy's quiet at that for a moment, doing his best to not think of the unfortunate implications. But how can he not?

Did Billy not think they were a good team anymore, or could be?

... He doesn't blame him. They kind of tore apart at the seams during the whole past month... and it only seems like just moments ago that they started to sew themselves back together again.

But does that mean it's hopeless to be a good team again?

...

Teddy turns his whole body now, facing his boyfriend, though he doesn't touch him just yet. Because what if he doesn't want... that anymore?]

We can still be a good team now. We agreed on it just a while ago... right?

[Billy pauses again, eyes widening a little, and glances sidelong at Teddy. He stares at him for a moment, trying to sort out whether he means that or just- them in general, or-

...or if it doesn't even matter.

Maybe he's just thinking too deeply on everything again, and it's not helping. It's hard not to, sure, but with Teddy... he can manage it a little, can't he? Surely...]

No... you're right. We're still a team. We've always been a team.

[And always... will? He hopes, anyway...]

And we always will be a team. We got through the worst of this and... everything.

[If they got out of this,> scathed but not to the point of giving up... then they can get through anything, right?

This whole thing they have isn't just a past and present thing, right...?

Or is he thinking too deeply, hoping too much like he did in the past month?]

[Did they, though? Did they really? With the problems they've had, are still having, were just talking abouthaving...

....

No. He doesn't want to believe that they don't... have a future. They have to. Anything else is just... too terrible to consider.

Decision made, he slides a hand down between them and grasps one of Teddy's hands, fingers twining, his expression calm, but hopeful. He doesn't want to give this up. Not after everything that's happened.]

As long as you'll have me... I'll be here.

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[action] love when I pass out mid-tag and then have to rewrite

[action] you still astound me

[action] i've got the magic in me

[action] the power of sleep

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