[Action / Voice] House of M Follow-Up

[selfhelp]

[So... he's probably delayed this long enough, even if a part of him would love to delay it indefinitely. Not only is it a month overdue, but now that he's home again and fully recovered from whatever had been affecting his mind, putting it off any further will just make things more difficult. Frightened as he is of the consequences, he won't get anywhere if he keeps hiding. It's time to apologize for the damage his spell caused, and make things right... if he can.

First, Billy seeks out those he knows personally, friends or acquaintances whom he remembers being affected or involved. Whether they're people he hasn't spoken to since the spell was in place, or people who visited him while he was possessed and halfway out of his mind, he'll try to be as thorough as possible. Teddy accompanies him from place to place, bless him, and they can be found walking hand-in-hand through the village and talking quietly, though Billy will be speaking with the people he's looking for on his own. Teddy's there for moral support, nothing more; the rest is his responsibility.

After those visits, presumably the hard part is over, but there's one thing left to do - reach out to those he couldn't find, missed, or simply doesn't know, as well as the general populace who'd probably noticed strange things going on at the time. They deserve to know about... well. To put it bluntly, the menace to society that he can be. Not that he'd give that reason out loud. Certain people would take issue with it.

They'd be wrong, but.

This time, he uses the journal network, his voice tentative, worried, and sick with guilt, and it happens later in the evening:]

...Hey... it's Billy. Um, Kaplan. I'm kind of a witch. You might not know me. Sorry if you do. ...Last month, October 1st, I was sent back from a Malnosso abduction... kind of a mess. I wasn't thinking straight, and... I cast a spell. It... it screwed with a lot of people. Badly. I don't know the full extent of the damage it caused, or how far it went, but- I do know that- people were hurt. And I know I might not be able to make things right again, either.

["Might". His hope for that one is still pretty pathetic; the forgiveness he's already received is something of a miracle to him. The day's meetings are still weighing on him, and there's an ache in his heart that refuses to go away.]

...Still. I- I need to apologize. Whether or not the Malnosso were the cause, it's still my fault. S-so I'm sorry. I'm sorry... I'm so...

[....]

...I'm... not going to use magic anymore. I'm done. I'm no good. At it. I mean. I- sorry. ...This won't happen again. And if you want to yell at me, or get a better explanation of what happened, or... whatever you need, I'll... be here.

Thanks. For hearing me out.

[And... that's that.]

Comments

[tryit]

William Kaplan!

[Her voice is sharp and loud as she barges into the apartment, not at all hesitant in using the spare key meant for emergencies. She rests on hand against her hip as the other holds the journal open, thumb bookmarking Billy's entry. She has barely been home for fifteen minutes before coming across his universal apology. Hell, she hasn't even changed out of her unitard yet.

But this? God, it sounds as bad as everything she said after Cassie died. As anything any of them said. She's seen him spend the better part of two years moping. She doesn't know if she can do that again.

Without waiting for a response, she continues, slamming the door behind her as she makes her way further into the apartment]

God, that sounded as bad as anything Clint might say. You don't get to do this. Punish yourself for something that was as much of an instinctive reaction as lashing out in anger is to someone else.

[snikting]

No.

[selfhelp]

[HOLY GOD HE DID NOT EXPECT THAT TO BE THE FIRST RESULT

At the very least, she manages to startle him out of his misery, albeit temporarily. He has no idea what he did wrong, here.]

Kate! Uh- ...what? That's not what I...

[It's so much more complicated than that...!]

[selfhelp]

...No?

[snikting]

[Kids. The trouble with them is that they want coddled. Even with an invitation to be yelled at, what they're really hoping for is a pat on the back and a there there.

Well, Logan has no intention of giving that. But at the same time, he's not going to just accept one of his students whining and giving up.]

No. Ya screwed up. Blew it. Made a mess of it all. But ya don't just get to quit bein' a mutant. That's not how this works. An' it sure as hell ain't how bein' an X-Man works. You don't get to just choose to stop usin' yer powers cuz somethin' went wrong and a few people got hurt. That just comes with the territory.

So no. Ya've had her time to mope. Now it's time to get back to work.

[touchofrogue]

[Rogue is not in the X-Man House.

She is also not in the Item Shop. Neither is she at Loki's, or in the Battle Dome, or in the library. She's in the stables, hair pulled up into a messy ponytail as she sets about doing some of the care for the wear and tear of the place. The door is open, and anyone could just come on inside...]

[selfhelp]

[...Honestly? He should've expected that. It's probably something of a miracle that Logan hadn't come looking for him that first week after the spell wore off, though it's also likely that Mia had kept them posted on his mental state.

He's still not a fan of what Logan says, though.]

It's not about choosing that. My powers aren't who I am. Just a part of me. I'm still a mutant, but... this is my choice.

It's better for everyone if I just stick by it.

[snikting]

It's yer choice and yer free to make it. Doesn't mean it ain't stupid. Our powers'r more'n just a part of us. Turning 'em off ain't gonna work fer long. 'specially when trouble comes knockin'.

[It's a war, kid. Bigger than just the one yer gramps celebrates. We don't get to choose the sidelines.

He'd have said this from day one. But he gave the kid a chance to recover. Let hi friends be there for him and support him. Maybe he should've done more, but he was doing his best to not just vanish on a mission and work out his own issues on the faces of a few cultists.

It's clear he shouldn't have waited this long.]

[selfhelp]

[The stables is one of the spots Billy had made a mental note to check, so he visits at some point, tentatively, since it's not the greatest place to have an unpleasant conversation- public, and full of big animals. Still, he's glad he found her here, since he's not sure where else she'd be aside from Loki's house, and that's... probably going to be his last stop for the day. Mostly because it terrifies him the most.

It would've been easier to just cast a locating spell to find the people he needed to speak with, but... well, isn't that what caused all this in the first place? The way his magic made everything easier?

Ha. Life itself would be easier if he'd never had this power.

When he sees that it's her in the stables, mercifully alone, he braces himself for the worst and shuffles in, not bothering to be subtle about it. He doesn't want to do this, but he needs to, and his wants have caused enough trouble already, anyway.]

[selfhelp]

...Then I'll learn how to fight without using magic. Lots of people do that. It's better than taking the risk that I'll cause as much damage than the ones we're trying to fight.

[He's not very strong, sure. He's not built for hand-to-hand or weaponry. But muscles can be developed, skills can be honed. He'll figure something out.]

[snikting]

Sure. That'll work. 'til it's yer life on the line. Or Teddy's. Ya gonna have the nerve to say no to yer powers when it's life or death? Cuz that's when yer gonna need the most control. Which ya won't have it ya abandon your trainin' now.

[selfhelp]

[....]

My powers almost got Teddy killed. I'm sure even he'd agree that he's better off if I keep them the hell away from him. The same goes for anyone else I could "save".

[snikting]

Our powers don't come with instruction manuals. Ya ain't the first mutant to hurt someone ya care about. Ya won't be the last, either.

[selfhelp]

So why would I want to train and get even stronger? I never did anything like this back when all I could do was hover around and shoot lightning. Getting better at magic only increased the scale of the damage I could cause.

[snikting]

Then it was the wrong kind of trainin'. It ain't enough to just get stronger. Ya gotta learn control, too.

[And hell, that's his fault. He assumed Billy had control already. He shouldn't have assumed.]

[action] wow so he also wants to call Billy a moron for the journal message...

[complicatedliar]

[Loki is actually out and about a surprising amount. He's trying to get himself moving again, in an odd way following Rogue's example. He's out most of the day riding. But eventually, he does return to his house. Perhaps that's where Billy finds him.]

[selfhelp]

[Yeah, him too.]

I thought I had it. But this... whatever they did to me...

[....]

...It wasn't enough.

[action] omg loki do you have a problem with sincere apologies...!!!

[selfhelp]

[Besides the stable and the battle dome, it's really the only place Billy knows to look for him without using a locating spell. And he's certainly not doing that.

Honestly, it's really tempting to just... leave. Turn tail and run away, leave Loki alone. He's pretty sure Loki will want nothing to do with him or his apologies.

He owes it to Loki to try, though. He values their friendship, or... the friendship they had before he ruined things. He owes it to Loki to try.

So, hesitantly, he eventually builds up the courage to knock on the door. All he can do is try.]

[touchofrogue]

[Rogue straightens when someone darkens her door and when she sees who it is, she goes very, very still. One hand moves slowly up to her forehead and she squints as if fighting off a sudden flare of light.]

Look who's up an' about.

[selfhelp]

[...Well. She didn't storm off, punch him, or tell him to get the hell out of there. He'll take that as a good sign.

Or at least a not-awful sign. Optimism isn't in his vocabulary yet.]

...Yeah, it's... been a while.

Re: [action] omg loki do you have a problem with sincere apologies...!!!

[complicatedliar]

[Loki is very tempted to just ignore the knock. He knows who it is. What else is there to say on the subject? Unless Billy is hoping that this time, he's generous enough to mete out death.

Maybe if he hadn't had his most recent, near-hallucinatory attack, he would have ignored it. But that tells him this isn't over, and he needs it to be over. So he does answer the door and just regards Billy expressionlessly.]

[action]

[selfhelp]

[He'd like to take Loki answering the door as a good sign, but it's really still too early to tell. After all, Loki had visited him the first time, and that... hadn't gone well at all. And the weight of Loki's stare is already enough to make Billy look down, shamefaced. His voice is shaken as he speaks, but far more stable than it had been in the clinic.]

...I'm sure that I'm the last person you want to see right now. And I wouldn't blame you if you chose to slam the door in my face here and now. But I think... I think we should talk.

[action]

[complicatedliar]

[Loki raises an eyebrow. He makes no move to invite Billy inside.] Of what shall we speak?

[action]

[selfhelp]

[Billy doesn't move, either; he's not expecting an invitation, but he can't leave yet, either. And god, how far have they fallen from the norm? If this had been a different situation, if this hadn't been his fault, he could've pushed his way inside and snapped a retort about Loki being so purposefully obtuse. But now? He can't do that.

Goddammit...]

The last time you saw me... that wasn't me. And what happened, what I did... it wasn't right. You of all people deserve the truth, now that I'm... myself again. You can hate me or curse me or do whatever you want with me, I just- I had to see you. I had to try...

[action]

[complicatedliar]

[Loki is silent for a long moment, then turns and goes back into his house. He leaves the door open, and makes an imperious gesture with his hand. He's obviously expecting to be followed. Instead of going to the kitchen, which is his routine, he heads up the stairs.

Upstairs, he pushes open the door of the guest room, which is in disarray as if someone has searched through it. Loki leans against the doorway and measures out his words precisely.]

This was our daughter's room.