[IC] Appointments Post

Feel free to use this post for random threads, backtagging or forwardtagging, whatever.
It can be Written, Action, Voice, or just a quick call on the journal system for whatever reason.
When you tag, please put a [Style, Date] in the subject line to start it out, eg.:
[Action, January 1st]
Thanks!
[Action, October 21st] timeskip~
If not for Teddy. Because Teddy is there, right there beside him every step of the way, just like he'd promised. It makes Billy feel one part grateful and one part ashamed at the same time, for giving up, for not waiting the way Teddy waits for him now. His possession, whatever this thing in his mind is, is just a feeble excuse for his own weakness. He'd failed, and... Teddy's still here.
That's why, finally, he's decided that it's time to go home. Teddy doesn't deserve this kind of exile; he's always thrived around other people, drew energy and affection and love from those he cares about. Trapping him in the clinic, away from everyone, stuck only with a few people to talk to, one of them being utterly mental, just isn't right. And even Billy, absent and self-pitying and- let's face it, crazy- has noticed the slight changes occurring every once in a while in his boyfriend. He has yet to make note of it out loud - Teddy can do as he pleases, Billy refuses to dictate what he tries or changes or shifts - and they're subtle enough that sometimes he misses them, but...
...it just doesn't feel right, that's all. So finally, one day - today - he turns away from the window for the first time in hours to seek Teddy out. His eyes are brown today, and exceptionally clear, with only a glimmer of pale blue remaining around his irises to betray the fact that he's still not quite right.]
...Teddy...?
[Action, October 21st] glorious timeskip~
The haze is not important to the one surrounding Billy's head, sometimes completely hiding him from the rest of the world and sometimes letting him peek in from a window. It's why he'd never said a word, just tried to figure out what Billy wanted out of him by changing himself slowly. Hazel eyes one day. A smaller nose another. Dirty-blond hair the next. Small little things that he'd shift slowly, enough to make it look natural, not wanting to be caught. Sometimes he'd get a response, somethings he wouldn't. It was pretty impossible to tell, thus utterly frustrating, as much as it had been when they first met and Teddy had no idea what he wanted.
The change today is in the muscle build of his body - it's a little more pronounced, like it had been when they met. He didn't interact with the fake Teddy very much, but he knew that he'd been quiet, strong, supportive, and capable, such a contrast from the broken person who tried talking Billy out of it. Maybe if he looked stronger? Maybe...
Still, Billy hadn't noticed. Billy hadn't noticed a lot of things. Sometimes it felt like Teddy would talk to a brick wall, and - and it was fine, he knew that Billy was struggling. But what he'd give to have the real, expressive Billy back, who'd sigh in exasperation or gesture with his hands while he spoke or talk animatedly and -
Teddy had promised that he'd be there for him, work together with him and see this thing through with him. And he has no intention on breaking it. It's just... it's hard. It's so, so very hard, harder than the internal debate and doubts he has with himself. It hurts to see the man he loves struggling so much, with the possession and with himself. If there was some other way he could help...
That makes Teddy blink and lift his head from the sixth book he'd been reading since their stay at the clinic, marking his place with him thumb. It's the first time Billy had looked at him in hours, even when Teddy would call him or try to talk to him...]
I'm here. What is it?
[Action, October 21st]
He shakes it off, letting his eyes drop to his lap, pushing aside those concerns. It's not his place to question Teddy anymore. Even if he-
No. No. He can do whatever he wants. It's fine.
It's fine.]
I think... we should go home.
[Action, October 21st]
But what really sticks out at him is what he says when Billy looks away again. There's a small pause from Teddy as he lets that sink in. They should go home... It's been three weeks since Teddy has seen their place, their kids - pets (he'd wanted to see them, badly, but with all this going on, he had to ask Kate to watch over them), their - his room... And strangely enough, he'd missed it terribly. He might not ever think of it as his real home, but it was his and Billy's, something they made all on their own, placed little pieces of themselves in and shared new and old memories alike. It was where they started to shed their youthful innocence and step into the world of adulthood and independence together, it was where they laughed and cried together, shared all kinds of secrets, some whispered to the air as they shared stories of each other's lives, some pressed to damp skin as they made love.
It was shelter, and with Billy, it was home. And he missed it.
So Teddy closes his book, knowing he'd find his place later, and sets it aside, rising from his chair to get closer to Billy and touch his shoulder.]
I'm fine with that. [He wants to crack a joke, something like "I think our butts were going to fuse with the chair and windowsill if we sat there any longer", but would Billy appreciate that? Did he ever? There was always that touch of exasperation that Teddy always read as fond, but -
No, shut up, it's fine, it's not important right now.]
... I, um. I actually brought you something yesterday... for something like this.
[Action, October 21st]
He is this time, though. Today he is. He's determined. For Teddy's sake.
I want today... to be good for him.
When Teddy speaks up the second time, Billy looks up again, trying to conceal his guilt, trying to look, to be as normal as possible. He knows he's still too much of a mess inside and out to really pull it off, but the closer he gets, the better off Teddy will be, he figures. Maybe he'll smile again. Maybe they'll go home and curl up in front of the fire and cuddle and kiss and it'll be normal and perfect and
Normal doesn't exist.
Perfection is an illusion.
Stop it.
Stop it.
Teddy's waiting for you.]
What is it?
[Action, October 21st]
Yes, it's a hoodie that he pulls from the bag, one that he holds by the shoulders as he walks back to Billy, showing it off for him.]
It's been getting colder outside. I figured you'd need this.
[Action, October 21st]
And it's not stupid- not in the slightest. It's perfect. The right size, the right colour, the right design. It's a gift from Teddy, to someone who has shown no inclination to return such a favour, no sign of even improving. "For something like this." Like he'd believed that this moment was coming, that Billy would be ready to leave this cold room and go back to where he belongs.
You don't belong there, you belong in here, or in the tunnels, or in that prison, you-
Stop.
Not now.
No... Teddy believes in him. Enough to get him this. Enough to wait for him. Enough to stand by him, take care of him, guard him and make sure no one can hurt him while he can't protect himself. Hesitantly Billy reaches out to accept the hoodie, brushing his fingers over the soft material, feeling the warmth of it, drawing it close to his body like it's the most precious gift anyone has ever given him in his life. It's just a stupid hoodie.
But god, god. It means so much more right now.
Shit, he might cry anyway.]
...yeah... thanks.
[Action, October 21st]
It looks like... maybe, he made the right choice, what with the way Billy's holding it.]
How about... we leave in five minutes. That should give us time to pack up what we brought.
[Sure, he might be willing to do what Billy wants to do. But Teddy wants to gently push him along, too, make sure that he gets up and moves when he makes that decision, give a certain time limit so that they won't stall, so that whatever's got a hold of him won't make that energy fade into nothing.
He believes in him, believes in him with everything he has, even if it's hard. But that doesn't mean he doesn't need a little help when he stumbles, and Teddy's happy to help him up.]
[Action, October 21st]
[Billy repeats it to himself quietly, closing his eyes for a long moment and indulging in the joint comfort of the hoodie held against him and Teddy's arm around his body. He listens to his boyfriend's heartbeat and ticks off the seconds, one, two, three, four, five, thump-thump, thump-thump, thump-thump...
Five minutes. it's what he needed; the prospect of climbing off the window sill is terrifying, even if he'd suggested it, and the idea of leaving the room even moreso. He'd spent days watching the world carry on without him for days now, as if he doesn't exist- as if it's perfectly content to continue turning with or without him. Preferably without, he figures. Inside, looking out, it certainly seems a lot brighter than it did the week before, when he'd been practically the walking dead.
Doubt floods his heart again, clenching around it like a vice - that he shouldn't go, that he's not ready, that the village doesn't deserve to have a monster and a mess like him walking around freely - and his grip tightens around the soft fabric, a new lifeline, a placebo for his failing bravery. Teddy believes. Teddy's here for him. Teddy won't leave unless he gets up and goes. And Teddy... Teddy deserves to be free of this place.]
Five minutes... I'll be ready.
[Even if he has to drag himself every step of the way, he's going to do this.]
[Action, October 21st]
[He lets Billy indulge a little longer, and he'd be lying if he said he wasn't enjoying it, too. Feeling his boyfriend snuggled against his side like they were sitting on the couch together and watching a movie instead of taking their first real steps into the world again... It's a comfort, something that soothes his worries just a little.
But Teddy doesn't want this to last too long, despite everything else saying otherwise. He rubs Billy's forearm a few times, then slowly leans away so that his sudden movement won't jar him too much, and moves away to get his own things together. Clothes of his own, the books he'd read in the infinite downtime, a few toiletries, some snacks he'd brought... everything else already belonged to the clinic, in case their patients needed a long stay.]
[Action, October 21st]
It's harder to be sure, when Teddy lets him go and turns away. He clutches the sweater to his chest and he breathes, in and out, in and out, reminding himself what it's like to be a normal human being and not a disillusioned madman, what it's like to be someone in control of himself instead of... that. That thing he'd been two weeks ago, a physical manifestation of too much power and too many emotional problems in one body. He thinks, long and hard, no more magic, because the temptation is still there. He could teleport them home. He could remake this entire area to just look like home. He could create another dog and cat and they'd have their kids and then the rest of the Young Avengers would be there and their parents and it would be-
No more magic. No more magic.
He'd promised. His fist clenches more tightly, nails digging into his palm, the gentle pain of it a reminder to himself. No more. He'd promised.
Five minutes is not, ultimately, a very long time when you're used to spending hours in the company of your own head. He's not counting down, but when he glances away from the window at last to see that four and a half have already passed, he feels a sudden rush of panic, his breath catching in his throat, heartbeat picking up. He can't do this. He can't do this. He can't, he can't, he's not ready, he's better off here, he should just bury himself in the blankets and hide there forever and Teddy should-
....
He looks at Teddy, packing his stuff quietly, expecting them to be leaving in all of thirty seconds. He looks at the hoodie in his lap, warm and comforting and for him, because Teddy believed.
Fifteen.
He glances out the window, one hand pressed against the glass. There's a sparrow on the ledge again, on the other side, pecking absently at a few of the crumbs he'd left there, the remnants of a breakfast he'd barely touched. At least someone could enjoy the effort its baker had put into it. The little bird chirps at him aggressively, as if to say, what are you doing there? and flutters off.
Cheeky, he thinks to himself. It's an unexpected thought, a rebuttal to an attitude that he hasn't felt in what feels like forever.
Seven. Six. Five.
He faces the room again, inhales. Exhales.
Three. Two.
His feet drop, hitting the floor. It's the hardest step he's ever taken in his life, but he takes it. He's standing, he's off the window. He's holding the hoodie-turned-lifeline and he's ready.
One.
Let's go.]
[Action, October 21st]
It's a simple act, sliding off a windowsill. Yet Teddy feels like he's never been prouder of his boyfriend.
Rather than stay ahead of him, Teddy steps beside him, resisting the urge to take his hand. He's not sure if Billy wants to do this himself, or if he even wants Teddy to hold his hand, or... whatever else his insecurity spits out at him. But he does stand shoulder to good-shoulder, and he nudges it with his own.]
Ready? Let's go.
[And then the first few steps.
Here we go.]
[Action, October 21st]
But the smile Teddy's had on his face when he turned to face him... it was a bigger smile than he'd seen for weeks. It was real, and in this moment of glorious yet frightening clarity he recognized how rare it was these days for Teddy to give him an honest smile. He hasn't done anything to coax it out, after all.
He turns away from the window, looking at Teddy instead, shoulders brushing together. He wants to take his hand, to draw upon that support, but Teddy isn't offering, and... he's afraid to ask. In case the answer is no, or- or worse- a forced yes. He'd rather walk alone than either of those.
Unable to trust his voice right now, he merely nods slightly, then moves to take his first step towards the door. It's... easier than he expected, now that he's on his feet. Like the threat of gravity itself was the worst hurdle to pass, and now that he's felt the weight of his own body, now that he's grounded, he can move. It's a strange feeling, but he focuses on it. One step, then two, then three, and he's moving. He's walking. He's going outside this room and he's...
...well, he'll worry about the rest when he gets there. One step, quite literally, at a time.]
[Action, October 21st]
Where he always...
They're walking. Billy's walking. They're out of that room and going down the hall, and that's absolutely more than Teddy can ask for. The door isn't far from here, another possible hurdle. But Billy made it this far, and it seems to be getting easier the more that he really moves. Teddy can tell just by watching him from the corner of his eye.
And as they near it, maybe Teddy can't help brushing their fingers together. He wants it, he does, but... should he? He just doesn't know, and that uncertainty is just... it's...
But isn't this...
Where he always...]
[Action, October 21st]
...dammit...
When they reach the door, Billy falters, half-stumbling and very nearly stopping. This is it. This is the eleventh hour, the last chance to turn back. Once they're outside, he won't be able to go back so easily. He's so afraid of what could be waiting outside that door for him, what the world could be like, what he'll have to do when he finally becomes a part of it again. He almost, almost turns.
But then Teddy's hand brushes against his, and he doesn't even think- he just moves, twisting his wrist to let his fingers make a wild grab for Teddy's, clinging desperately, unable to conceal the way they're trembling. He does stop then, going completely still, holding his breath. Waiting for a reaction, a rejection, waiting for Teddy to pull his hand away or scold him or...
He's so scared. When has he ever been afraid of holding Teddy's hand?
Please don't let me go...]
[Action, October 21st]
He looks down at their hands, Billy holding onto his like he needs that support. The little whisper that'd been brushing his mind with doubts shows itself again, he's just scared, it says, he'd do that with anyone, he'd do that with that fake you, but it actually goes unheard.
Billy is holding his hand and it feels like little pieces of himself slide back together. Not whole again, not even close, but - it happened, it's happening.
It only takes a breath for Teddy to close his fingers around Billy's, and he glances upward to give him a smile, not as large but just as real as the last. They're doing this together. Billy and Teddy.
Teddy takes the first few steps, giving his boyfriend's hand a gentle tug as he rests his other hand on the door.]
This is one small step for man... one giant leap for Kaplan kind.
[... Dumb joke. Maybe too dumb.]
[Action, October 21st]
There's still a whisper of doubt, of course: that if he were really normal, if he were really himself again, he'd have tossed back a silly quip, another quote, an exasperated comment at such a classic example of Teddy's sense of humour. He doesn't have the peace of mind to be ready for that, not yet.
But he'd laughed. Just for a second, he'd laughed. That's something, right?
He moves again, letting Teddy's tug pull him forward, falling back into step with the blond as the door is pushed open. Sunlight greets him, birds chirp, a chilly autumn wind blows through his hair. He's outside, and that urge to flee back to his window is quieted, somewhat, by the hand curled around his own.
He can do this. They can.]
[Action, October 21st]
Though that might be from the fact that the door is open now, and Teddy's already pulled Billy out into the daylight. He takes a few steps, then stops, just to lift his head and look up at the trees, the sound of birds, the wind tussling his hair.
Welcome to Luceti Park.
God, no, one bad joke was enough. Instead, he looks across to Billy, a musing little expression on his face as he observes him quietly. It's the first time he's been outside in nearly two week, only allowing himself to look through glass... How is he doing now?]
[Action, October 21st]
It's cowardly, but he pulls his free hand from his pocket and reaches back to grab the hood of his new shirt, pulling it over his head, keeping it low to conceal his face in the overhanging shadow as much as possible. It isn't much, but he feels safer for it, and it allows him to relax enough to look ready to move again. Pathetic as it is, maybe this way he can pretend that it isn't him. If people don't know it's him...
He notices Teddy's eyes on him then, and suddenly feels self-conscious, pitiable. Teddy's too kind to judge, but Billy has that part covered, plenty.]
...You were right... it's cold now.
[Action, October 21st]
Billy acting like he just showed up and doesn't know what to do with the trees replacing the buildings is - it's different and strange from how Teddy knows the way he'd usually respond, but not entirely unexpected. A small part of Teddy's mind had thought that Billy being outside would bring some life back into him, but the larger part of him knew that that's shooting too far, with what Billy did and how much he seems to hate himself for it.
Still, he's outside, and that's a huge step. He rubs his thumb against Billy's, and he takes a few steps to urge him to keep going forward.]
There's no snow, so I think we're in luck. [Normally Teddy would stop talking there, allowing Billy to take the conversation and go. But Billy's been so quiet that he knows he can't expect that anymore, so after a small pause, he looks up at the trees and at the sunlight flickering through.] It's no Redhorn Pass, and there's no Saruman pushing a blizzard at us. We're practically in Lórien now.
[Action, October 21st]
He wants to keep it that way. And while it's been so easy to just remain silent and let Teddy fill the void, because his own voice, his own words, are so terrifying now, he feels like... god, he could really be doing so much more. It isn't right to leave it all on him. He might not be able to do much, and he might not have much to say, but...]
If we're in Lórien, who was our Gandalf?
[....
Shit. Shit. That wasn't right. That was- that's depressing, that's a sad scene, shit why did he say that- he should've- called him Sam, or- god he can't even joke properly anymore-
The gears are already turning in his head, mentally kicking and cursing himself, seeming to shrink down further into the hoodie.]
[Action, October 21st]
Who is our Gandalf, you mean. He comes back as the white wizard, remember? Fought an epic battle against the Balrog and came out on top.
So, if I had to pick someone...
[... Huh. That's a tough one. Honestly, he's thinking that Billy might be Gandalf, this possession is the Balrog, and he's Gwaihir in this case, but that's probably not something Billy wants to hear.]
I don't know... Can we really pick someone for Gandalf?
[Action, October 21st]
[It was a dumb suggestion, anyway. Really, he's just grateful that it didn't completely ruin the mood- that Teddy had taken his comment in stride instead of freaking out over it, unlike some people. He gives Teddy's hand a light squeeze, grateful and relieved, and continues walking with him. Easier now. So much easier.]
Dr. Strange is probably the only one who'd qualify back home...
[Action, October 21st]
[...]
And actually? It's really easy to do. [He gives Billy's hand a squeeze in return; he's here, it's okay.]
Now, who's lone wolf enough for Aragorn...
[Action, October 21st]
[It's nice to think on that, instead of dwelling on their current situation. To think back on happier, more innocent and carefree days, when they were just a bunch of free-spirited fanboys learning how to use their powers, how to work together as a team, how to not get killed by Kang the freaking Conqueror. And then Kang had come, and they'd killed him, and Nate had left...
Things started changing very fast after that, and... he can't really say that it was for the better, even with how far they'd come. If he were to cast his spell again - and he won't, he won't, no more magic - he'd wish for that.]
"Those Canaan days..."
[It's murmured, idly and absently and not-quite there: half-sung, even, like he's starting to drift again. He glances off to the side, steps growing sluggish.]
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[Action, October 25th] ~skipper do~
[Action, October 25th] HAHAHAsob 1/2
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[Action, October 25th] tw for suicidal talk I REMEMBERED THIS TIME D:
[Action, October 25th] hnnngh ;~;
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[Action, October 26th] I feel like I should TW this entire thread
[Action, October 26th] TW mode ON
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