selfhelp: ([wiccan] derpfaaaaec)
William "Billy" Kaplan (Wiccan) ([personal profile] selfhelp) wrote2019-07-30 03:29 am
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[IC] Appointments Post



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[Action, January 1st]

Thanks!
halfnhalf: ([teddy] yeah it was kinda a big deal)

[Action, October 21st] glorious timeskip~

[personal profile] halfnhalf 2013-10-21 01:46 am (UTC)(link)
[If not for taking up offers to eat, talk, or just plain get away for a little while, Teddy might have gone insane. Not from lack of affection or contact, though that would certainly play a role, but from his own uncertainty. There's still a haze of it around his mind, one that makes him ask questions that no one wants to hear, wanting to change to suit whatever they wanted of him. But at least it let him believe that some people still valued who he was.

The haze is not important to the one surrounding Billy's head, sometimes completely hiding him from the rest of the world and sometimes letting him peek in from a window. It's why he'd never said a word, just tried to figure out what Billy wanted out of him by changing himself slowly. Hazel eyes one day. A smaller nose another. Dirty-blond hair the next. Small little things that he'd shift slowly, enough to make it look natural, not wanting to be caught. Sometimes he'd get a response, somethings he wouldn't. It was pretty impossible to tell, thus utterly frustrating, as much as it had been when they first met and Teddy had no idea what he wanted.

The change today is in the muscle build of his body - it's a little more pronounced, like it had been when they met. He didn't interact with the fake Teddy very much, but he knew that he'd been quiet, strong, supportive, and capable, such a contrast from the broken person who tried talking Billy out of it. Maybe if he looked stronger? Maybe...

Still, Billy hadn't noticed. Billy hadn't noticed a lot of things. Sometimes it felt like Teddy would talk to a brick wall, and - and it was fine, he knew that Billy was struggling. But what he'd give to have the real, expressive Billy back, who'd sigh in exasperation or gesture with his hands while he spoke or talk animatedly and -

Teddy had promised that he'd be there for him, work together with him and see this thing through with him. And he has no intention on breaking it. It's just... it's hard. It's so, so very hard, harder than the internal debate and doubts he has with himself. It hurts to see the man he loves struggling so much, with the possession and with himself. If there was some other way he could help...

That makes Teddy blink and lift his head from the sixth book he'd been reading since their stay at the clinic, marking his place with him thumb. It's the first time Billy had looked at him in hours, even when Teddy would call him or try to talk to him...]


I'm here. What is it?
halfnhalf: ([teddy] shadows gettin' fierce up here)

[Action, October 21st]

[personal profile] halfnhalf 2013-10-21 02:29 am (UTC)(link)
[Teddy sees the way he's looking him over, taking note of it. Did... that mean he liked it? It wasn't quite an appreciative gaze, but it was something. Something to make note of.

But what really sticks out at him is what he says when Billy looks away again. There's a small pause from Teddy as he lets that sink in. They should go home... It's been three weeks since Teddy has seen their place, their kids - pets (he'd wanted to see them, badly, but with all this going on, he had to ask Kate to watch over them), their - his room... And strangely enough, he'd missed it terribly. He might not ever think of it as his real home, but it was his and Billy's, something they made all on their own, placed little pieces of themselves in and shared new and old memories alike. It was where they started to shed their youthful innocence and step into the world of adulthood and independence together, it was where they laughed and cried together, shared all kinds of secrets, some whispered to the air as they shared stories of each other's lives, some pressed to damp skin as they made love.

It was shelter, and with Billy, it was home. And he missed it.

So Teddy closes his book, knowing he'd find his place later, and sets it aside, rising from his chair to get closer to Billy and touch his shoulder.]


I'm fine with that. [He wants to crack a joke, something like "I think our butts were going to fuse with the chair and windowsill if we sat there any longer", but would Billy appreciate that? Did he ever? There was always that touch of exasperation that Teddy always read as fond, but -

No, shut up, it's fine, it's not important right now.]


... I, um. I actually brought you something yesterday... for something like this.
halfnhalf: ([teddy] either fond or sleepy)

[Action, October 21st]

[personal profile] halfnhalf 2013-10-21 02:45 am (UTC)(link)
[Teddy doesn't move until Billy answers him, making sure that he was heard and his words were clear. The fact that they were makes a little smile come up, and he brushes the back of his fingers against Billy's temple before he moves again, this time back to the bed. Underneath it is something that he picked up while he was out for a little while, something that caught his eye as something Billy might like. He hopes so, anyway... He at least knows his size and preference: a size too large so that he can burrow and feel warmest in, pockets since his hands tend to get cold easily, a hood, and red, his favorite color, though a little darker than his cape.

Yes, it's a hoodie that he pulls from the bag, one that he holds by the shoulders as he walks back to Billy, showing it off for him.]


It's been getting colder outside. I figured you'd need this.
halfnhalf: ([teddy] uh huh i'm listening)

[Action, October 21st]

[personal profile] halfnhalf 2013-10-21 03:21 am (UTC)(link)
[Teddy's observant enough to recognize the signs, though he makes no move to point it out or ask if he's all right. Instead, he slides an arm around Billy's shoulders and pull him against his side, enough so that his ear is against his heart, though that in particularly wasn't intentional.

It looks like... maybe, he made the right choice, what with the way Billy's holding it.]


How about... we leave in five minutes. That should give us time to pack up what we brought.

[Sure, he might be willing to do what Billy wants to do. But Teddy wants to gently push him along, too, make sure that he gets up and moves when he makes that decision, give a certain time limit so that they won't stall, so that whatever's got a hold of him won't make that energy fade into nothing.

He believes in him, believes in him with everything he has, even if it's hard. But that doesn't mean he doesn't need a little help when he stumbles, and Teddy's happy to help him up.]
halfnhalf: ([teddy] the -)

[Action, October 21st]

[personal profile] halfnhalf 2013-10-21 03:50 am (UTC)(link)
I'll get my stuff together.

[He lets Billy indulge a little longer, and he'd be lying if he said he wasn't enjoying it, too. Feeling his boyfriend snuggled against his side like they were sitting on the couch together and watching a movie instead of taking their first real steps into the world again... It's a comfort, something that soothes his worries just a little.

But Teddy doesn't want this to last too long, despite everything else saying otherwise. He rubs Billy's forearm a few times, then slowly leans away so that his sudden movement won't jar him too much, and moves away to get his own things together. Clothes of his own, the books he'd read in the infinite downtime, a few toiletries, some snacks he'd brought... everything else already belonged to the clinic, in case their patients needed a long stay.]
halfnhalf: ([teddy] i'm an avenger now)

[Action, October 21st]

[personal profile] halfnhalf 2013-10-21 04:34 am (UTC)(link)
[Teddy stands with his bag over his shoulder when he hears the sound he'd been hoping to hear. The sound of feet hitting the floor, of Billy finally sliding off the windowsill and ready to go. He turns to look at Billy, standing there clutching the hoodie in a vice grip, and for the first time in a long while, he smiles big and wide, genuine enough even without the dimples there. It feels good to smile again. It feels good to see Billy taking this first step on his own, even if Teddy needed to give him a gentle push to get there.

It's a simple act, sliding off a windowsill. Yet Teddy feels like he's never been prouder of his boyfriend.

Rather than stay ahead of him, Teddy steps beside him, resisting the urge to take his hand. He's not sure if Billy wants to do this himself, or if he even wants Teddy to hold his hand, or... whatever else his insecurity spits out at him. But he does stand shoulder to good-shoulder, and he nudges it with his own.]


Ready? Let's go.

[And then the first few steps.

Here we go.]
halfnhalf: ([teddy] mmm frappucino)

[Action, October 21st]

[personal profile] halfnhalf 2013-10-21 04:56 am (UTC)(link)
[The steps are slow at first, and then it seems to just get easier. Teddy keeps at Billy's side, not ahead of him, not behind him, but beside him, where he belongs. Where he always...

Where he always...

They're walking. Billy's walking. They're out of that room and going down the hall, and that's absolutely more than Teddy can ask for. The door isn't far from here, another possible hurdle. But Billy made it this far, and it seems to be getting easier the more that he really moves. Teddy can tell just by watching him from the corner of his eye.

And as they near it, maybe Teddy can't help brushing their fingers together. He wants it, he does, but... should he? He just doesn't know, and that uncertainty is just... it's...

But isn't this...

Where he always...]
halfnhalf: ([teddy] lost in thought)

[Action, October 21st]

[personal profile] halfnhalf 2013-10-21 05:21 am (UTC)(link)
[Teddy had thought this would happen. Billy slowly coming to a halt, swaying like he's afraid, like he wants to go back, and Teddy nearly just pushes his doubts aside and takes his hand and goes when Billy completes a few of those steps for him.

He looks down at their hands, Billy holding onto his like he needs that support. The little whisper that'd been brushing his mind with doubts shows itself again, he's just scared, it says, he'd do that with anyone, he'd do that with that fake you, but it actually goes unheard.

Billy is holding his hand and it feels like little pieces of himself slide back together. Not whole again, not even close, but - it happened, it's happening.

It only takes a breath for Teddy to close his fingers around Billy's, and he glances upward to give him a smile, not as large but just as real as the last. They're doing this together. Billy and Teddy.

Teddy takes the first few steps, giving his boyfriend's hand a gentle tug as he rests his other hand on the door.]


This is one small step for man... one giant leap for Kaplan kind.

[... Dumb joke. Maybe too dumb.]
halfnhalf: ([teddy] all this over a friendzone?)

[Action, October 21st]

[personal profile] halfnhalf 2013-10-21 06:06 am (UTC)(link)
[Well. Billy didn't let go of his hand, and - he even laughed. There was that exasperation again, one Teddy isn't quite sure about anymore. But it was a laugh, something that was sorely missing for these past few weeks. He'll take anything, especially a laugh. Laughter from Billy, even as small as that, feels like a breath of fresh air.

Though that might be from the fact that the door is open now, and Teddy's already pulled Billy out into the daylight. He takes a few steps, then stops, just to lift his head and look up at the trees, the sound of birds, the wind tussling his hair.

Welcome to Luceti Park.

God, no, one bad joke was enough. Instead, he looks across to Billy, a musing little expression on his face as he observes him quietly. It's the first time he's been outside in nearly two week, only allowing himself to look through glass... How is he doing now?]
halfnhalf: ([teddy] our final answer)

[Action, October 21st]

[personal profile] halfnhalf 2013-10-21 06:53 pm (UTC)(link)
[One of the (admittedly very few) reasons he liked being surrounded by trees instead of tall buildings was the way Billy reacted to it. Sometimes, Teddy wondered if Billy even grew up in New York City, what with the way he seemed to settle in nicely with a place like this whereas he and others still felt out of their alignment. Of course, then he'd watch Billy talk and walk fast, still complain about some of the food in comparison to NYC's, and have moments of missing the city life just as much as the rest of them, and Teddy's suspicions about Billy being born a Disney Princess who belonged in the forest are laid to rest. You can't totally beat the city out of a bonafied New Yorker, after all.

Billy acting like he just showed up and doesn't know what to do with the trees replacing the buildings is - it's different and strange from how Teddy knows the way he'd usually respond, but not entirely unexpected. A small part of Teddy's mind had thought that Billy being outside would bring some life back into him, but the larger part of him knew that that's shooting too far, with what Billy did and how much he seems to hate himself for it.

Still, he's outside, and that's a huge step. He rubs his thumb against Billy's, and he takes a few steps to urge him to keep going forward.]


There's no snow, so I think we're in luck. [Normally Teddy would stop talking there, allowing Billy to take the conversation and go. But Billy's been so quiet that he knows he can't expect that anymore, so after a small pause, he looks up at the trees and at the sunlight flickering through.] It's no Redhorn Pass, and there's no Saruman pushing a blizzard at us. We're practically in Lórien now.
halfnhalf: art from ask-hulkling.tumblr.com, colored by me ([teddy] wearing his colors again god)

[Action, October 21st]

[personal profile] halfnhalf 2013-10-22 02:52 am (UTC)(link)
[It's something that Teddy can see from the corner of his eye, the way Billy shrinks, like he'd said something wrong. It's why Teddy decides to butt in fast, letting their hands sway playfully as they walk, a distracting motion.]

Who is our Gandalf, you mean. He comes back as the white wizard, remember? Fought an epic battle against the Balrog and came out on top.

So, if I had to pick someone...

[... Huh. That's a tough one. Honestly, he's thinking that Billy might be Gandalf, this possession is the Balrog, and he's Gwaihir in this case, but that's probably not something Billy wants to hear.]

I don't know... Can we really pick someone for Gandalf?
halfnhalf: ([teddy] mmm frappucino)

[Action, October 21st]

[personal profile] halfnhalf 2013-10-22 04:56 am (UTC)(link)
I'm trying to imagine Dr. Strange in a Gandalf costume.

[...]

And actually? It's really easy to do. [He gives Billy's hand a squeeze in return; he's here, it's okay.]

Now, who's lone wolf enough for Aragorn...

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