[IC] Appointments Post

[selfhelp]

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[Action, January 1st]

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[Action, October 26th]

[selfhelp]

[He wants that. He wants that more than anything- to be with Teddy, to be happy with Teddy, and... to always remember that it isn't supposed to be like this. That they used to be okay. They'd laugh and joke and talk for hours and read comics and fight super villains and make love and...

It was wonderful. All of it, every moment they spent together, whether they were fighting for their lives or reading Batman punch faces or pulling one another's clothes off. They'd fallen in love and... it was wonderful.

"They say that falling in love is wonderful..."

He makes a brief, quiet humming noise to acknowledge Teddy's words, letting them repeat themselves in his own mind for a few moments longer. He wants to laugh at his own stupid head, full of geek quotes and song lyrics and book trivia and endless rambles. He wants to cry that the words "I want to die" are now in the middle of all that, coiled like a snake ready to bite and remind him of his own failures without warning. He loves the words Teddy speaks but hates the reason he had to say them.

That's... this whole month in a nutshell, really. And god, has it really been that long already? A month since they were taken... a month since everything they knew and loved was ruined, leaving this. Only this.

I'm glad you're with me...

I'm glad it's you.

He lifts his hand to press it over Teddy's, slowly forcing his eyes open to meet those beautiful blue eyes - blue again, he hadn't noticed before, they'd been green when he left, and he's so glad to see them blue now - and tries, tries to smile again.]

I remember. As long as you're with me... as long as you want me here... I'll remember. And if- if I ever-

[He falters, biting hard on his lower lip, then grits his teeth and tries again. This... this is important, too.]

If I ever feel like that again... if I think I...

[Just breathe. Just say it. Believe in him. He believes in you.]

...I'll come to you. I'll ask for help. I won't... let myself be alone. Because I don't want to leave you alone, either...

[If you still want me, then... even if it's just a little bit... even if I can't always see it... I'll be better than nothing.

For you.

Until I can believe it on my own again...]

[Action, October 26th]

[halfnhalf]

... Okay.

[Teddy touches their noses together briefly, the tension in his brow and jaw making it evident just how hard it is to hear that, too. He's not used to this. He's not used to being with someone who thinks so lowly of themselves that they need reminders that they're loved, they're needed, they need to stay alive. It's hard, wondering if he's loving Billy enough, if Billy just isn't seeing it... It's hard seeing the person he loves most not believe him when he says that he's the most important thing in his life.

But it must be hard for Billy, too. Especially with that thing weighing down on his mind. And this is just... another hurdle they need to get over. Teddy isn't about to let something like this beat them, when they... when they could beat anything. Now it seems like this thing is making Billy feel like he's losing, and Teddy feels like he's losing Billy.

It's why this revelation is so important to Billy, to the both of them. That he wants to live, that his spell didn't work because he loved to live, loved being with... with Teddy. Teddy knows this, and he's absolutely willing to do what he can, shift his lifestyle, be more mindful, whatever, as long as he can support Billy in what he's going through. As long as he can help Billy pull himself back up...]

I'll help you. I'm not going to let this beat us, okay? [He tries, tries to smile, too.] Hey... we fought time traveling. We fought aliens. We can fight this, too.

[Action, October 26th]

[selfhelp]

[Teddy's smile - even a partial one, even an attempt - is enough to make Billy's strengthen, and he holds onto it for a long moment before leaning in and resting his head against Teddy's shoulder, eyes closing. It's... such a relief to have it out there in the open, to no longer have to hide it, even if that feeling had been replaced with the guilt of making Teddy worry like that. Still, he can't help but keep believing that it's better this way. Better to have no secrets, no lies.

He's stronger with Teddy on his side. And this way, Teddy won't get any unpleasant surprises later if he... has another bad moment.

He really, really hopes he doesn't, though. He's had enough of that.]

Yeah... we'll be okay. I want to believe in that... in us.