selfhelp | [IC] Appointments Post

[He knows it's Billy; he knows the magic.

Hah. That's the problem. You ask someone to come get you, and they want to know what put you in this state to begin with.]

Oh. Just destroying everything I touch.

[He hiccups and then starts laughing again.]

I don't love Rogue enough to not cheat on her. So she left.

[That... is not what he'd been expecting. Although in retrospect he has no idea what he should have expected at all. Just. Not that.

The laughter is especially baffling, in light of what Billy just heard.]

You... cheated on her?

[While he asks, he glances over Loki's body, taking stock of the injuries. It's a mess, but Loki's an immortal and they tend to heal fast. Nothing looks severe enough to merit an emergency room visit... maybe Loki'd rather just go home.

Or maybe not, considering the apparent Rogue situation. God, what has he gotten himself into...]

[It's not normal laughter. It's the I've trained myself to laugh instead of cry laughter, unsteady and unhealthy.]

Well, that's what you call it when you get drunk and kiss someone like a whore isn't it? [He shakes his head, laughing, then uses his right hand to give the underside of his left forearm a sharp pinch. Focus. He pauses, breathing for a moment, laughter subsiding. He's not alone any more. Billy would be an unlikely choice for a figment of his imagination. Hopefully. When he continues on, his tone is much, much uglier, but calmer.] No, that's too kind. The proper word is catamite, and that's beside the point.

Edited 2014-07-11 06:53 (UTC)

[Billy's lips purse tightly at that. There's something extremely discomforting about that response, and not just because of the words Loki had chosen.]

I can do without slurs, but yeah, that's the basic definition of cheating. So she left, and you... blew up the woods and did this to yourself? Why?

[Not for the first time he's not happy with Loki's idea of dealing with his guilt. Or maybe it's just misery. He's not sure yet, and with Loki it's always hard to tell. Doesn't help that he isn't all there, or that's how it seems.]

[Why? How can he explain something that is entirely irrational? Though it made sense at the time. It always does. But the very fact someone is here, and talking to him, already makes it easier to think. He lets his head fall back against the tree.]

It was too quiet. And dark. Dark and too quiet.

[His voice becomes tinier and tinier as he realizes how stupid that sounds. But it was being lost again, and he felt them watching, and he needed to know that it wasn't real. Or that it was.]

Doesn't matter, does it.

[It's not like Billy can understand that, not really. He's never been blind, he's never had to live in that darkness alone. But he knows the despair of watching the one you love walking away because you hurt them. He knows the desire to make that pain go away, even for a little while.

He knows how stupid it is, though. He knows that it doesn't help anyone, that it only makes it worse, in the end. And he hates that this is happening again.

Being drunk? Or being out of your mind? Doesn't make any of this okay.]

It does matter. You screwed up and you're kind of an idiot, but it still matters. Can you stand?

[There is absolutely nothing in what Billy has said that he can disagree with. Later, he might be able to rationalize himself into a place of--well, not quite innocence, but less blame, perhaps. But right now, no one could possibly be as disgusted with him as he is with himself.

It's all just falling to pieces again. He'll try to come up with some plan to fix this, and it will only make things inescapably worse. And that he felt the need to call Billy at all means he can't just turn back the clock to a time when none of this would have mattered to him. It's too late.]

Of course.

[He manages to look slightly offended at the question. Dignity, he has some shreds of it left, doesn't he? Hands scrabbling for purchase on the tree bark, he begins to climb unsteadily to his feet. Exhausted, sick, and disoriented, he still manages to get himself mostly upright before he stops, face pressed against the bark, and just breathes for a bit.]

You're...actually here, aren't you? I called you. You're actually here. [He reaches out (blindly, ha) with one hand, searching through the air for Billy.] This is happening. You're-- [Sucks in a quick breath.] You're looking at me. Not anyone else.

[Not dying hallucinations. He's not falling across an event horizon.]

[Billy purses his lips into a grimace, taking note of the words, the tone- and reaches his hand out to meet Loki's in the middle. His grasp is firm and a little tight, to make certain Loki has no reason to doubt that he's real. He's angry and disappointed but he doesn't have to be cruel about it.]

I'm real, I'm right here. I'd like to teleport us out of this place. Can I take you home? Or is there somewhere else you'd rather go?

[He doesn't know where the fight happened. Did Rogue catch him? Or did Loki confess it? There's too much he doesn't know.]

[He holds Billy's hand with no small amount of desperation, not quite hard enough to hurt, but nearly.

And that question.

There is still plenty of home left; he only really destroyed the furniture and one of the walls. But he doesn't want to go there to face the empty room he shared with Rogue. Or having to explain to his brother that he's ruined the only truly good relationship he's had, by cheating on her with a man.

He rocks back then forward, thumping his head lightly against the tree.]

I don't know. Don't want to go home.

Edited 2014-07-12 19:26 (UTC)

[Okay, not home. One question answered. Billy casts another glance at the state of Loki's body, then closes his eyes, focusing inwardly once more. The magic flares again, surrounds them both, and then, after a few moments, dissipates when they arrive at the new location- a warm, slightly musty-smelling area due to disuse, but otherwise it might feel a lot like Billy's apartment.]

There's a few empty apartments on my floor. If you want to go somewhere else after, that's fine, but for now you should be in a place with people who can keep an eye on you.

[Teddy may not like Loki all that much and Tommy even less so, but they're super-hero-centric enough not to just let someone die. And Billy... well, this is where Billy belongs. If he's just down the hall it means he'll never be far.

He has no doubts that this is temporary - how temporary could vary from half an hour to a month for all he knows - but it'll have to do for now.]

[Loki doesn't resist the spell at all. Doesn't even seem curious. Though he at least tilts his head, sniffing, after a moment.]

I... Don't do well alone. Not now.

[He licks his lips.]

It becomes too quiet.

[He is hanging on to Billy's hand for dear life, still.]

Edited 2014-07-13 21:25 (UTC)

You're not alone. I'm not going anywhere for a while, either.

[Loki's not that heavy, but Billy isn't that strong, either, and just standing there won't help either of them. With a nudge and a step he urges Loki over to the nearest chair, easing him down into it. There's blood on the floor and on the fabric now, but whatever, it can be cleaned later. Thank god no one lives here right now.

Speaking of blood, though, those should be taken care of ASAP. And if Loki's going to stay here, he'll need some supplies- food, clothes, and god, he'd forgotten about the cat-

-injuries first. The rest later.]

...How do you feel about dogs?

[Loki nods, a bit shaky. He sits in the chair, then curls up in it, drawing his long legs up toward his chest.] All right.

[Billy will stay here. He's not going to float off into the darkness and be lost. Loki rubs his hands slowly together, then begins picking at his own fingernails, just for something to do with his hands.]

They drool. [He shrugs one shoulder slightly.] Does not really matter, as such.

[He rubs his forehead with his hand for a moment. He's calmer now that he's no longer lost. And he can start thinking again. He needs a goal, a next step. Well, it seems plain. He has broken something important to him. He needs to find some way of repairing it. But he was the cause of this. The problem is him. He needs to be fixed.]

I won't...trouble you for long. I simply need to think for a bit. I will find a way to fix myself.

[Billy's brows furrow at that, lingering close for a moment before standing up.]

Don't start with that. You're not broken, you just screwed up. But I agree that you need to do some thinking.

[He moves to the door, opens it, pokes his head out, and whistles loudly. There's a brief scuffle, a jingling noise, and the padding of clawed feet on the floor as Optimus scampers in and circles around Billy. He leads the dog back over to the chair, where Optimus immediately starts sniffing at Loki. Billy on the other hand gets about as serious as he can possibly get.]

Optimus, Loki. Loki, Optimus. I promise you he doesn't drool, but he might lick your face off. I'm going next door for two minutes to get a first aid kit and some supplies for you. I'm also going to tell Teddy that neither of us are dead. My dog is going to babysit you for, again, two minutes max. Talk to him. Count down the seconds if you have to. Don't try to leave or my dog will sit on your face. I'm coming back and we are going to talk.

Edited 2014-07-14 04:54 (UTC)

[He shrugs faintly, not even pretending to look up.]

Wasn't enough. [He's never enough.

Ah. And there is why he mentioned dogs. That's fine. Dogs aren't his favorite animals, but he likes most animals well enough. He's always gotten along with animals better than people.]

All right.

[And he'll do as directed. He doesn't say anything of consequence to the dog, just speaks about mathematics, of all things. But it's something to say, something to cling to, and the dog is very obviously there and breathing like a furnace.]

[Thank god they have a pet that comes when it's called. Billy watches for a moment, to make sure, then hurries out to do exactly what he said he'd do. He'd said two minutes and he meant it; it was all the time he needed to rush back to his apartment, breathlessly explain and reassure Teddy that things were (sort of) okay and the blood wasn't his but that he needed to go right now.

Armed with their first aid kit, cleaning rags, and a bag of randomly selected outfits magicked from Loki's closet, he returns to the apartment with a handful of seconds to spare.]

[When Billy returns, Loki's just resorted to calculating a square root of a very large number mentally. He lets the numbers trail away into oblivion.

He hadn't been counting the seconds. He trusts Billy to not abandon him.

Well, maybe he shouldn't. He's managed to drive Rogue away. He probably could manage to drive Billy away just as stupidly. And without even trying. That's a merry thought.]

Your dog isn't very good at maths.

[It's a joke. Haha, right? Everything is okay, Loki is being a jerk.]

[It does manage to make Billy's lip quirk a little, though not quite a smile; it would be difficult to smile at anything right now, seeing what he's seeing.]

That's not true. He knows how to count- if you tell him he gets two treats and you only give him one, he knows.

[At his voice, Optimus is quick to wander away from Loki's chair and snuff at the bag Billy's carrying. With all the blood, Billy can't blame him, and anyway he'd done his job. Billy leaves the door open a crack to let the dog wander if he chooses, stepping back to the chair and laying out the supplies. Kit first- he'll need fresh water and the cloth to clean those cuts.]

I'm glad you're still here.

The stomach always knows, yes?

...oh.

[The idea of anyone being glad about anything right now seems quite iffy. Loki shrugs, picking at a hangnail on his right pointer finger, just making it worse, really.]

I'm too tired to go anywhere right now.

[A humorless smile. He begins picking at another hangnail.] And nowhere to go.

Edited 2014-07-14 05:49 (UTC)

[Billy spots that, then reaches up and catches Loki's wrist, gritting his teeth. Enough is enough.]

Stop. Stop it right now. I'm not just going to sit here and watch you hurt yourself.

I'm not--

[It's not about pain. Just...little imperfections.

He recoils, head hanging.]

It's only small things.

[Billy doesn't let go, not right away. With how distant Loki seems, he doesn't trust this.]

Small things add up. Please, stop.

I'll try.

[What's one more thing to fail at? He's tried a lot of things, over the last two years. It was all ultimately pointless. But what else can he say now?]

It will heal quickly.

[Feels like he should add something more, for Billy's trouble.]

I am sorry.

[The words, at this point, are meaningless noise. It doesn't matter when he is sorry. Sorry doesn't change anything at all.]

...Hm.

[He's not sure about the sincerity of the response or the apology, but he's not here to argue about that. He lets go of Loki's hand and shifts back again, pulling the coffee table closer and giving Loki's pant leg a little tug.]

Come on, prop these up so I can get a look at your feet. How long should it take for these wounds to heal? A couple hours? A day? Give me an idea.

[There's no point in resisting. It would be beyond childish, and he's too fatigued for childish now. He props his feet up so Billy can have a look at them.]

I don't know. They're not really anything important. [They don't hurt enough to be important wounds. He knows what that kind of thing feels like.] Perhaps a day. Perhaps less, if I eat and sleep. [Neither of which he really feels up to doing right now.]

Edited (whoops wrong icon) 2014-07-14 14:36 (UTC)

[Action, June 24] he deals with his problems in only the healthiest ways

[Action, June 24] motherfucker

[Action, June 24] sorry, your bro is a piece of shit apparently

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