selfhelp | [Action / Voice] House of M Follow-Up

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[Action / Voice] House of M Follow-Up

[So... he's probably delayed this long enough, even if a part of him would love to delay it indefinitely. Not only is it a month overdue, but now that he's home again and fully recovered from whatever had been affecting his mind, putting it off any further will just make things more difficult. Frightened as he is of the consequences, he won't get anywhere if he keeps hiding. It's time to apologize for the damage his spell caused, and make things right... if he can.

First, Billy seeks out those he knows personally, friends or acquaintances whom he remembers being affected or involved. Whether they're people he hasn't spoken to since the spell was in place, or people who visited him while he was possessed and halfway out of his mind, he'll try to be as thorough as possible. Teddy accompanies him from place to place, bless him, and they can be found walking hand-in-hand through the village and talking quietly, though Billy will be speaking with the people he's looking for on his own. Teddy's there for moral support, nothing more; the rest is his responsibility.

After those visits, presumably the hard part is over, but there's one thing left to do - reach out to those he couldn't find, missed, or simply doesn't know, as well as the general populace who'd probably noticed strange things going on at the time. They deserve to know about... well. To put it bluntly, the menace to society that he can be. Not that he'd give that reason out loud. Certain people would take issue with it.

They'd be wrong, but.

This time, he uses the journal network, his voice tentative, worried, and sick with guilt, and it happens later in the evening:]

...Hey... it's Billy. Um, Kaplan. I'm kind of a witch. You might not know me. Sorry if you do. ...Last month, October 1st, I was sent back from a Malnosso abduction... kind of a mess. I wasn't thinking straight, and... I cast a spell. It... it screwed with a lot of people. Badly. I don't know the full extent of the damage it caused, or how far it went, but- I do know that- people were hurt. And I know I might not be able to make things right again, either.

["Might". His hope for that one is still pretty pathetic; the forgiveness he's already received is something of a miracle to him. The day's meetings are still weighing on him, and there's an ache in his heart that refuses to go away.]

...Still. I- I need to apologize. Whether or not the Malnosso were the cause, it's still my fault. S-so I'm sorry. I'm sorry... I'm so...

[....]

...I'm... not going to use magic anymore. I'm done. I'm no good. At it. I mean. I- sorry. ...This won't happen again. And if you want to yell at me, or get a better explanation of what happened, or... whatever you need, I'll... be here.

Thanks. For hearing me out.

[And... that's that.]

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[Loki is silent for a long time, trying to understand that himself. But at its most base, doesn't it once more come down to something simple and mathematical?]

I want my brother more than I want vengeance.

[Billy is family he chose to have. This pain he feels now, which still aches and festers, is because he lost his own family. How will it help him to destroy what he has left?]

[That surprises him - more than he'd like to admit, actually - and Billy lifts his head from Loki's shirt, eyes wide. That's... the first he'd said anything like that, isn't it? Really, so easily admitted it...

It causes a sudden warmth in Billy's chest, one he hadn't felt all day - not at all, really, since the day Teddy accepted him again when he regained his senses. It's just been such a hard road to walk from then until now.

But... even after everything he's done, even now... there are still people who are on his side, who care about him, who call him family...

Teddy, Tommy, Kate, and now Loki, too...

Fresh tears fill his eyes, but this time he manages a smile, too, and the relief and gratefulness in his expression is potent. That... was a very unexpected gift Loki just gave him.]

...I'm... glad. I'm really glad... I didn't want to lose you, either...

[Loki favors him with a crooked smile.]

I'm not terribly easy to lose if I don't wish to be lost.

Which is not to say you aren't still in trouble.

[He wipes the tears from one of Billy's cheeks with his thumb.] We will go downstairs and have a cup of tea, though I suppose you might have hot chocolate or coffee if you insist, and you will tell me everything.

[This is still way more than he'd ever expected, so he's still kind of blown away when he nods, stepping back and scrubbing his hands over his eyes and nose. Truth be told he doesn't want to talk about what happened yet again, but he'd promised himself to do this, and with Loki at least it won't feel like he's making excuses to earn forgiveness. He does have questions, too- questions that, perhaps, only Loki might be able to help him find the answer to.]

I'll... tell you what I can.

Mmm. [We'll find out what that means later.

Loki ushers Billy back downstairs, shutting the door to that room behind him. He goes straight to the kitchen to fix himself a cup of tea. After a moment of consideration, he makes a cup of hot chocolate for Billy, since it feels like the boy really does need some kind of comfort.

And Loki has pretty much run through all of his tricks when it comes to that already.]

[While Loki's busy in the kitchen, Billy sneaks off to the front door to poke his head out and give Teddy an update about how he has not, in fact, been horribly murdered or dismembered, and that he's free to take a walk if he wants because this could take a while.

It's a quick conversation, and by the time Loki's finished, he's waiting at the table, trying to mentally brace himself for this conversation. He's been over it again and again in his head, and it never seems to get easier, but at least the words flow with less clumsiness each time.]

[Loki sets the hot chocolate down in front of Billy, then sits down next to him rather than across from him, cup of tea in hand. He stretches his legs out and leans back in his chair, then takes a sip of his tea.]

[Billy reaches out to wrap his fingers around the mug, feeling the warmth of it, inhaling the sweet scent and letting it soothe his nerves a little. When he speaks up, it isn't to explain things yet. There's... certain things that only magic users have a chance of understanding, and he wants to know more before he goes on.]

You've... used magic for a long time, right? Longer than I can even imagine...

Since before I could walk. Well over a thousand years.

[Definitely a long time. That's helpful, then.]

The spell I cast... did it... feel like anything you'd ever felt before? Did it feel like my magic?

I can't really say. I wasn't aware of the spell until it had been broken, though I struggled at times to find it. I knew something was amiss.

But I do know that it was far beyond what you should be capable of doing. Perhaps if you truly set your will to it, you could effect me in such a way, but not the others as well. Not so completely.

...No. Back in the clinic, when we...

[...He doesn't want to think about that again.]

...I said, "it wasn't mine." And that was true. The spell I cast was my own, but the power I used... it didn't come from me. When I was taken... the Malnosso did something, and... suddenly it was just there.

[Well, obviously that extra power had to come from somewhere. He'd wondered.

Loki sets down his tea cup and then holds out his hand. The demand is clear in the motion; he wants Billy's hand.]

[Billy hesitates for a moment, unsure of what he wants and why, but once it clicks he lets go of his mug and sets his hand in Loki's without question. The power is gone now, as is the uncomfortable presence that had invaded his mind, but maybe someone as powerful as Loki can sense some kind of remnant of it.]

[Loki turns Billy's hand palm-up and bends over it, fingers lightly tracing the lines of his palm. There's no mistaking the weight of his attention, the feeling of magic in use.

It's been too long. He knows that immediately. But there is also something noticeable. In the same way that he can tell if someone else has been wearing his clothes because the fit is no longer quite right...metaphorically.

Eventually he releases Billy's hand and sits back again, staring meditatively at the ceiling.]

There was something. I can't really tell you more than that, because it is well and truly gone now. But you were home to a power most definitely not yours.

[There is more to it, though. Much more. This was a chance to truly take a long, hard look at Billy, far more penetrating than what he's gleaned in their lessons. There is a great deal of potential to Billy, he can tell that. A fascinating amount of power to be tapped and trained. And... something more, but that he must think on.

Now is not the time to be speaking of any of those things, however.]

Edited 2013-11-11 04:05 (UTC)

[Billy's shoulders shift at hearing those words, a metaphorical weight lifted off his heart, and he sighs faintly, holding that hand in the other, thumb tracing the lines across his palm as if he could glean whatever Loki had learned just by looking. Obviously it doesn't work, and the idea of using magic to try still fills him with cold terror, but it's... comforting, to know that someone can tell so easily. If it were to happen again-

....

...No. He chooses to cling to the fact that the presence is gone, instead. It's much safer that way.]

I thought... I could do anything, with that power. Change the whole world. Give everyone what they wanted to be happy. It seemed like it went on forever... it was my body that couldn't handle it.

[Thank god. Thank god.]

I think the more salient point is that you could do anything with that power.

So why did you?

[Billy can't answer that right away, his gaze fixated on his hands. Feeling suddenly more uncomfortable, he shifts to grasp the mug again, drawing it closer and taking a small sip before he can reply, his voice unsteady.]

What... would you do, if you were forced to watch someone murder the one you love right in front of you? If you had the power to change it, change everything...

[It's unfair to phrase it like that, but... he doesn't want to say it. He doesn't want to relive what he'd seen them do to Teddy. Not again.]

[Loki tilts his head.]

I would make it right. I would bring that person back and spill the blood of those who had done it.

...I tried to do one.

[That false version of Teddy, the one who'd followed him around like a dog all week. The one who'd nearly murdered the real thing when Billy had been too drunk on power, exhausted and hallucinating, to recognize the truth.]

They sent me here before I could do the other.

[And that... that's another thing he hadn't really touched on yet, not even with Teddy. And he probably never will again, outside of this room. He'd wanted them dead, all of them. More than dead. He'd wanted to erase them from reality itself, pluck them from history and memory and burn their existence away to nothing. Maybe he could have done it, too.

Terrifying. Everything about this experience... it frightens him to the very core.]

[Loki smiles wryly.]

Revenge first, revival after. Better time management.

[Young Avengers don't kill, he'd like to say to that. He would have, not that long ago. It's a creed that he'd held strongly to for years, since the group had gotten together, since they'd all agreed to be heroes.

But he's not a hero anymore, is he? Not a Young Avenger.

And this is the second time he'd been tempted to kill someone with his powers. It could be worse, sure, but... it's not good enough, in his mind.]

...It doesn't matter. They lived. Teddy lived, not that they let me see it. I cast the spell because I didn't want to live in a world where people like him could die. A reality where everyone was safe, happy, alive and well... that was my perfect world. The rest of you... were caught up in my mistake.

Mmm. A shame they lived, if you ask me. [Loki shrugs. Anyone who would cut off Teddy's wings and do this to Billy deserves to not annoy the world with their presence any longer, in his opinion.]

Interesting. [And with that amount of power, he could do it.] Was our involvement completely accidental?

...No. I want to believe that, that it was all just done on a whim, but I... it was too deliberate, all of it. A perfect world meant... everyone was happy within it. That meant affecting all of you, too.

[It was all so logical at the time, a systematic retelling of reality, of history itself. Lives were different, families were different, the world as they knew it had been twisted. But... with the power cap, with his limited control, it hadn't spread throughout the whole village. That was his downfall, ultimately. That, and Teddy's determination.]

There's... an empath, in the village. I was able to... use his power, with the spell.

[Which is a mild way of putting it; what he'd done with Hisoka had been awful, so much that he could barely think of it as himself doing it. He'd no idea that he even had the capacity to be so cruel.]

That's... how I knew what everyone wanted. The magic took your dreams and desires and just... made them happen.

[An interesting combination of powers, that. Loki can try to look at it clinically. Though that makes him wonder something, which Rogue had brought up before. He drums his fingers on the table top.]

...then why were Tony Stark and I friends?

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[action] HAHAHA ASK HIM THAT AGAIN IN A MONTH, BILLY

[action] EH-HEH.......

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