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[Action / Voice] House of M Follow-Up
[So... he's probably delayed this long enough, even if a part of him would love to delay it indefinitely. Not only is it a month overdue, but now that he's home again and fully recovered from whatever had been affecting his mind, putting it off any further will just make things more difficult. Frightened as he is of the consequences, he won't get anywhere if he keeps hiding. It's time to apologize for the damage his spell caused, and make things right... if he can.
First, Billy seeks out those he knows personally, friends or acquaintances whom he remembers being affected or involved. Whether they're people he hasn't spoken to since the spell was in place, or people who visited him while he was possessed and halfway out of his mind, he'll try to be as thorough as possible. Teddy accompanies him from place to place, bless him, and they can be found walking hand-in-hand through the village and talking quietly, though Billy will be speaking with the people he's looking for on his own. Teddy's there for moral support, nothing more; the rest is his responsibility.
After those visits, presumably the hard part is over, but there's one thing left to do - reach out to those he couldn't find, missed, or simply doesn't know, as well as the general populace who'd probably noticed strange things going on at the time. They deserve to know about... well. To put it bluntly, the menace to society that he can be. Not that he'd give that reason out loud. Certain people would take issue with it.
They'd be wrong, but.
This time, he uses the journal network, his voice tentative, worried, and sick with guilt, and it happens later in the evening:]
...Hey... it's Billy. Um, Kaplan. I'm kind of a witch. You might not know me. Sorry if you do. ...Last month, October 1st, I was sent back from a Malnosso abduction... kind of a mess. I wasn't thinking straight, and... I cast a spell. It... it screwed with a lot of people. Badly. I don't know the full extent of the damage it caused, or how far it went, but- I do know that- people were hurt. And I know I might not be able to make things right again, either.
["Might". His hope for that one is still pretty pathetic; the forgiveness he's already received is something of a miracle to him. The day's meetings are still weighing on him, and there's an ache in his heart that refuses to go away.]
...Still. I- I need to apologize. Whether or not the Malnosso were the cause, it's still my fault. S-so I'm sorry. I'm sorry... I'm so...
[....]
...I'm... not going to use magic anymore. I'm done. I'm no good. At it. I mean. I- sorry. ...This won't happen again. And if you want to yell at me, or get a better explanation of what happened, or... whatever you need, I'll... be here.
Thanks. For hearing me out.
[And... that's that.]
First, Billy seeks out those he knows personally, friends or acquaintances whom he remembers being affected or involved. Whether they're people he hasn't spoken to since the spell was in place, or people who visited him while he was possessed and halfway out of his mind, he'll try to be as thorough as possible. Teddy accompanies him from place to place, bless him, and they can be found walking hand-in-hand through the village and talking quietly, though Billy will be speaking with the people he's looking for on his own. Teddy's there for moral support, nothing more; the rest is his responsibility.
After those visits, presumably the hard part is over, but there's one thing left to do - reach out to those he couldn't find, missed, or simply doesn't know, as well as the general populace who'd probably noticed strange things going on at the time. They deserve to know about... well. To put it bluntly, the menace to society that he can be. Not that he'd give that reason out loud. Certain people would take issue with it.
They'd be wrong, but.
This time, he uses the journal network, his voice tentative, worried, and sick with guilt, and it happens later in the evening:]
...Hey... it's Billy. Um, Kaplan. I'm kind of a witch. You might not know me. Sorry if you do. ...Last month, October 1st, I was sent back from a Malnosso abduction... kind of a mess. I wasn't thinking straight, and... I cast a spell. It... it screwed with a lot of people. Badly. I don't know the full extent of the damage it caused, or how far it went, but- I do know that- people were hurt. And I know I might not be able to make things right again, either.
["Might". His hope for that one is still pretty pathetic; the forgiveness he's already received is something of a miracle to him. The day's meetings are still weighing on him, and there's an ache in his heart that refuses to go away.]
...Still. I- I need to apologize. Whether or not the Malnosso were the cause, it's still my fault. S-so I'm sorry. I'm sorry... I'm so...
[....]
...I'm... not going to use magic anymore. I'm done. I'm no good. At it. I mean. I- sorry. ...This won't happen again. And if you want to yell at me, or get a better explanation of what happened, or... whatever you need, I'll... be here.
Thanks. For hearing me out.
[And... that's that.]
[action]
Sorry... you're right. I just... I've spent all month dreading this. Thinking... that everyone hates me, or that they would when I told them. So every time that doesn't happen...
[He gestures vaguely, as if that alone can somehow encompass the day he's had, the people he's met, the conversations he's had. The number of friends who have accepted him beyond his mistake, who supported him through his madness, who don't want him hurt, or ill, or... or dead.
Every time, every day is a miracle to him. It's difficult to fathom that kind of mercy when he knows he'll never forgive himself.]
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[That his little brother is more important than vengeance.]
[Perhaps it would help them both to admit this.] My anger was born of the false hope that I could be anything but a barren field.
[And he and Rogue have sort of dealt with that now, as much as it can be dealt with. He now has to be invested in the idea that his daughter was not real, or he will very likely go mad with the knowledge he killed her.]
And once more having the lie of a family given to me and torn away. Grief, I suppose, for that which was not real.
[So now that he does have a real family of sorts, he'd be a thousand kinds of fool to hang on to his anger and destroy the reality of it. This, Rogue has finally begun to hammer into his head after months of painful conversation.]
Stark is just...an odd footnote. [The least painful part of this mess, really.] I find it very curious that time and again, he and I are thrown together in experiments and are as brothers. Yet he loathes me so profoundly, and wishes to be my enemy to the point he has rejected what apology I could offer him. And yet now...
[He shrugs, letting the implication dangle there. It's at least an interesting data point to come out of this bloody mess, if Billy its certain of how the spell worked.]
[action]
And the rest of what Loki says inspires a revival of his grief and guilt, and he ducks his head again, studying his cocoa very intently.]
I’m sorry again… for all of it. Causing the same pain as they caused, forcing any of this on the people I care about, I… that isn’t how I ever imagined it ending up...
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It is all right. Or at the least it will be.
You are contrite, as you should be. The more important question is how you will make certain you never make this mistake again.
[action]
I've... spent a lot of time thinking about that.
[He suspects Loki won't like his answer, but he's definitely made up his mind.]
I'm not going to use magic anymore.
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No, Billy. You are far smarter than that.
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That's a shame, since you do have that power.
And if you do not use it, it will use you. That is the nature of power.
[action]
[As if to give added truth to his words, his hand unconsciously moves to scratch at his neck, where the burn marks from his kidnapping still remain. They, like the scars on his ears, are a reminder: that any power, even the power to change reality, can be stopped. A lesson well and truly learned, that.]
[action]
[He shakes his head.]
If there's a lesson to be learned from this, it's the need for more defense and better control. Ignoring what power is yours will not make it go away.
[His lips thin out for a moment.] This, I know from experience.
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[Loki raises an eyebrow.] And what will you think of this idiotic scheme, on the day there is some problem you could have solved, someone you might have helped with the power you now repudiate?
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[To keep himself from ever hurting the one he loves like that again, he'll give up magic. It's a very small price, in the grand scheme of things.]
Don't think I haven't thought of that, either. But magic isn't the answer to my life's problems. Not when it keeps causing them.
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I would have an easier time believing this if I didn't remember another time you cried on me. [Loki tilts his head.] During the draft just a bit over a year ago, when we'd both had our magics taken from us.
How do you plan to sever this part of yourself so cleanly?
[action]
[He doesn't care what Loki says about him - he knows he's made stupid decisions before - but he won't tolerate insults towards Teddy. Especially when his agreement with Billy's decision had been so heartfelt and supportive.
It's easy to remember that time, and he doesn't regret it- but his feelings on the matter then and now are very different. He'd needed magic to protect people during the draft, and now... his magic had hurt them, instead.
That is a very big difference, for him.]
I haven't... decided that yet. But I haven't used magic for almost a week now, either, and... it's a start.
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[Loki folds his hands over his stomach.]
Unless you have a creative and hideous plan to excise your magic, mark my words... this will not work. Ignoring power does not make it go away.
[He hesitates, then adds:] Perhaps... speak to Rogue on this matter. I'm not really interested in having another argument with you about magics, since it seems instead of the fun bit where I get to be smug about being right, I instead feel utterly rotten...because I was right.
[action]
Wasn't that just one more reason to stop using magic? A lack of respect, of self-control... he'd gotten an overblown sense of his own ability and it had blown up in his face. It wouldn't be so bad if it had just been him who was punished for it, but...]
...Why Rogue? Because she can't...
[He hesitates. It's not... really the same situation - only once had he lacked control the way she does - but she is someone who'd at least understand the issue. Unfortunately, he doubts there's a way to tactfully bring it up.]
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[The corner of his mouth twitches up slightly.]
And I will also tell you something she has said to me a time or two: You can't expect me to stand idly by and watch you hurt yourself.
[action]
That last comment, though... he'd like to laugh at that, but he knows the sound would be both insincere and unpleasant. It's a little late for that, isn't it? He'd already...
....]
If that's really how you feel... then you need to let me do this.
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That isn't how this works.
If ever I know of what I speak, it is about magics.
[action]
[Not just for me.
For everyone.
This is better.]
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This isn't a matter in which there is a choice.
[You cannot change what you are.]
[action]
His mother had done it. With that power, she'd... she'd taken away the abilities of a million mutants all at once.
The power he didn't have anymore.
What celestial body up in the sky is laughing at him, right now? Because someone certainly hates him.]
I have to try. I'm... scared. I'm scared of the alternative... of this happening again...
[action]
If that is truly what you fear, then you must find the strength to combat the fear of your own magic.
[action]
[He doesn't feel any strength anymore. The idea of using magic just makes him want to cry and hide from his own lack of control. From his reckless tampering with the lives of others.]
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