selfhelp | [Action / Voice] House of M Follow-Up

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[Action / Voice] House of M Follow-Up

[So... he's probably delayed this long enough, even if a part of him would love to delay it indefinitely. Not only is it a month overdue, but now that he's home again and fully recovered from whatever had been affecting his mind, putting it off any further will just make things more difficult. Frightened as he is of the consequences, he won't get anywhere if he keeps hiding. It's time to apologize for the damage his spell caused, and make things right... if he can.

First, Billy seeks out those he knows personally, friends or acquaintances whom he remembers being affected or involved. Whether they're people he hasn't spoken to since the spell was in place, or people who visited him while he was possessed and halfway out of his mind, he'll try to be as thorough as possible. Teddy accompanies him from place to place, bless him, and they can be found walking hand-in-hand through the village and talking quietly, though Billy will be speaking with the people he's looking for on his own. Teddy's there for moral support, nothing more; the rest is his responsibility.

After those visits, presumably the hard part is over, but there's one thing left to do - reach out to those he couldn't find, missed, or simply doesn't know, as well as the general populace who'd probably noticed strange things going on at the time. They deserve to know about... well. To put it bluntly, the menace to society that he can be. Not that he'd give that reason out loud. Certain people would take issue with it.

They'd be wrong, but.

This time, he uses the journal network, his voice tentative, worried, and sick with guilt, and it happens later in the evening:]

...Hey... it's Billy. Um, Kaplan. I'm kind of a witch. You might not know me. Sorry if you do. ...Last month, October 1st, I was sent back from a Malnosso abduction... kind of a mess. I wasn't thinking straight, and... I cast a spell. It... it screwed with a lot of people. Badly. I don't know the full extent of the damage it caused, or how far it went, but- I do know that- people were hurt. And I know I might not be able to make things right again, either.

["Might". His hope for that one is still pretty pathetic; the forgiveness he's already received is something of a miracle to him. The day's meetings are still weighing on him, and there's an ache in his heart that refuses to go away.]

...Still. I- I need to apologize. Whether or not the Malnosso were the cause, it's still my fault. S-so I'm sorry. I'm sorry... I'm so...

[....]

...I'm... not going to use magic anymore. I'm done. I'm no good. At it. I mean. I- sorry. ...This won't happen again. And if you want to yell at me, or get a better explanation of what happened, or... whatever you need, I'll... be here.

Thanks. For hearing me out.

[And... that's that.]

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[Billy hesitates for a moment, unsure of what he wants and why, but once it clicks he lets go of his mug and sets his hand in Loki's without question. The power is gone now, as is the uncomfortable presence that had invaded his mind, but maybe someone as powerful as Loki can sense some kind of remnant of it.]

[Loki turns Billy's hand palm-up and bends over it, fingers lightly tracing the lines of his palm. There's no mistaking the weight of his attention, the feeling of magic in use.

It's been too long. He knows that immediately. But there is also something noticeable. In the same way that he can tell if someone else has been wearing his clothes because the fit is no longer quite right...metaphorically.

Eventually he releases Billy's hand and sits back again, staring meditatively at the ceiling.]

There was something. I can't really tell you more than that, because it is well and truly gone now. But you were home to a power most definitely not yours.

[There is more to it, though. Much more. This was a chance to truly take a long, hard look at Billy, far more penetrating than what he's gleaned in their lessons. There is a great deal of potential to Billy, he can tell that. A fascinating amount of power to be tapped and trained. And... something more, but that he must think on.

Now is not the time to be speaking of any of those things, however.]

Edited 2013-11-11 04:05 (UTC)

[Billy's shoulders shift at hearing those words, a metaphorical weight lifted off his heart, and he sighs faintly, holding that hand in the other, thumb tracing the lines across his palm as if he could glean whatever Loki had learned just by looking. Obviously it doesn't work, and the idea of using magic to try still fills him with cold terror, but it's... comforting, to know that someone can tell so easily. If it were to happen again-

....

...No. He chooses to cling to the fact that the presence is gone, instead. It's much safer that way.]

I thought... I could do anything, with that power. Change the whole world. Give everyone what they wanted to be happy. It seemed like it went on forever... it was my body that couldn't handle it.

[Thank god. Thank god.]

I think the more salient point is that you could do anything with that power.

So why did you?

[Billy can't answer that right away, his gaze fixated on his hands. Feeling suddenly more uncomfortable, he shifts to grasp the mug again, drawing it closer and taking a small sip before he can reply, his voice unsteady.]

What... would you do, if you were forced to watch someone murder the one you love right in front of you? If you had the power to change it, change everything...

[It's unfair to phrase it like that, but... he doesn't want to say it. He doesn't want to relive what he'd seen them do to Teddy. Not again.]

[Loki tilts his head.]

I would make it right. I would bring that person back and spill the blood of those who had done it.

...I tried to do one.

[That false version of Teddy, the one who'd followed him around like a dog all week. The one who'd nearly murdered the real thing when Billy had been too drunk on power, exhausted and hallucinating, to recognize the truth.]

They sent me here before I could do the other.

[And that... that's another thing he hadn't really touched on yet, not even with Teddy. And he probably never will again, outside of this room. He'd wanted them dead, all of them. More than dead. He'd wanted to erase them from reality itself, pluck them from history and memory and burn their existence away to nothing. Maybe he could have done it, too.

Terrifying. Everything about this experience... it frightens him to the very core.]

[Loki smiles wryly.]

Revenge first, revival after. Better time management.

[Young Avengers don't kill, he'd like to say to that. He would have, not that long ago. It's a creed that he'd held strongly to for years, since the group had gotten together, since they'd all agreed to be heroes.

But he's not a hero anymore, is he? Not a Young Avenger.

And this is the second time he'd been tempted to kill someone with his powers. It could be worse, sure, but... it's not good enough, in his mind.]

...It doesn't matter. They lived. Teddy lived, not that they let me see it. I cast the spell because I didn't want to live in a world where people like him could die. A reality where everyone was safe, happy, alive and well... that was my perfect world. The rest of you... were caught up in my mistake.

Mmm. A shame they lived, if you ask me. [Loki shrugs. Anyone who would cut off Teddy's wings and do this to Billy deserves to not annoy the world with their presence any longer, in his opinion.]

Interesting. [And with that amount of power, he could do it.] Was our involvement completely accidental?

...No. I want to believe that, that it was all just done on a whim, but I... it was too deliberate, all of it. A perfect world meant... everyone was happy within it. That meant affecting all of you, too.

[It was all so logical at the time, a systematic retelling of reality, of history itself. Lives were different, families were different, the world as they knew it had been twisted. But... with the power cap, with his limited control, it hadn't spread throughout the whole village. That was his downfall, ultimately. That, and Teddy's determination.]

There's... an empath, in the village. I was able to... use his power, with the spell.

[Which is a mild way of putting it; what he'd done with Hisoka had been awful, so much that he could barely think of it as himself doing it. He'd no idea that he even had the capacity to be so cruel.]

That's... how I knew what everyone wanted. The magic took your dreams and desires and just... made them happen.

[An interesting combination of powers, that. Loki can try to look at it clinically. Though that makes him wonder something, which Rogue had brought up before. He drums his fingers on the table top.]

...then why were Tony Stark and I friends?

[Billy glances over at him, opening his mouth, closing it, hesitating. He repeats the gesture, then looks down awkwardly. To him, the answer is obvious - he hadn't affected the choices they'd made, it had been hard enough to formulate the spell as-is - but he knows that if he said it out loud, Loki wouldn't be happy to hear it.

In the end, he just says nothing. Maybe Loki will either get the idea or decide not to pursue it.]

[If he didn't want an answer, he would not have asked.

Loki simply stares at Billy and waits.]

[Well.

Shit.

He keeps his gaze down, because he's honestly not sure what saying this will do. But he can't deny the nature of the spell; if he knows anything of what happened, he knows that. He wouldn't have forced anything on anyone that they didn't honestly desire already.]

If you were friends, then... it's what both of you really wanted.

[Loki's reaction is a quiet sound of surprise. He sits back in his chair, looking at the ceiling again.]

Both of us, really?

Both of you. It wouldn't have worked if it was any other way.

[Loki sighs out a long hmmm.]

Curious.

[Curious, indeed.]

I thought... you'd be angry.

[Still mulling this idea over, Loki idly nibbles on one of his fingernails.]

Of all things, why would that be the one that makes me angry?

Edited 2013-11-11 05:59 (UTC)

[Okay, yeah, he has a point there. Still, it's surprising.]

Sorry... you're right. I just... I've spent all month dreading this. Thinking... that everyone hates me, or that they would when I told them. So every time that doesn't happen...

[He gestures vaguely, as if that alone can somehow encompass the day he's had, the people he's met, the conversations he's had. The number of friends who have accepted him beyond his mistake, who supported him through his madness, who don't want him hurt, or ill, or... or dead.

Every time, every day is a miracle to him. It's difficult to fathom that kind of mercy when he knows he'll never forgive himself.]

I was very angry with you. Still am, a bit, but I've made my choice.

[That his little brother is more important than vengeance.]

[Perhaps it would help them both to admit this.] My anger was born of the false hope that I could be anything but a barren field.

[And he and Rogue have sort of dealt with that now, as much as it can be dealt with. He now has to be invested in the idea that his daughter was not real, or he will very likely go mad with the knowledge he killed her.]

And once more having the lie of a family given to me and torn away. Grief, I suppose, for that which was not real.

[So now that he does have a real family of sorts, he'd be a thousand kinds of fool to hang on to his anger and destroy the reality of it. This, Rogue has finally begun to hammer into his head after months of painful conversation.]

Stark is just...an odd footnote. [The least painful part of this mess, really.] I find it very curious that time and again, he and I are thrown together in experiments and are as brothers. Yet he loathes me so profoundly, and wishes to be my enemy to the point he has rejected what apology I could offer him. And yet now...

[He shrugs, letting the implication dangle there. It's at least an interesting data point to come out of this bloody mess, if Billy its certain of how the spell worked.]

[To be fair, he’d expected anger, too. Little of columns A, B, and whatever C could be. Murderous intent, maybe? He’d spent too much time think about how he might die if someone did choose to take him down. Not that anyone has - it’s mostly just his newfound morbid pessimism rearing its ugly head again - but he can’t help his own thoughts. A desire to live doesn’t negate a fear of death.

And the rest of what Loki says inspires a revival of his grief and guilt, and he ducks his head again, studying his cocoa very intently.]

I’m sorry again… for all of it. Causing the same pain as they caused, forcing any of this on the people I care about, I… that isn’t how I ever imagined it ending up...

[Loki hasn't promised Billy the same honesty as Rogue. So he has no compunctions about lying now.]

It is all right. Or at the least it will be.

You are contrite, as you should be. The more important question is how you will make certain you never make this mistake again.

[Ah, yes. That.]

I've... spent a lot of time thinking about that.

[He suspects Loki won't like his answer, but he's definitely made up his mind.]

I'm not going to use magic anymore.

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[action] HAHAHA ASK HIM THAT AGAIN IN A MONTH, BILLY

[action] EH-HEH.......

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