selfhelp | [IC] Appointments Post

[Mia is off-duty when she comes to visit Billy this time. It's been a few days; she heard from Teddy that he woke, but she hasn't seen it herself until now. She knocks first; startling either of them is asking for bad news. He's by the windowsill though, so she can't see his face very well.]

Billy? It's me. How are you today?

[He doesn't turn at first, or even respond to her voice; there are birds out the window, lingering sparrows and chickadees filling up in the mild fall weather before they fly off to wherever they go when it gets cold in Luceti. A noise startles them as he watches, and they fly back into a tree; his eyes follow them, feeling a twinge of- longing, or envy, or just simple joy, he can't tell. He hasn't flown in weeks. Might never fly again.

It hadn't felt right without Teddy.

Finally he glances over his shoulder at her, willing the memory of her identity to the surface of his mind.]

...I don't know. Is this... how the room's supposed to look?

[When you don't remember what your reality is supposed to be like, it's hard to tell when you've accidentally changed it.]

Yes, I think so. [For all the work she did here, the fine details of the rooms do not stay with her.] It's good to get to talk to you again. Does your shoulder hurt?

[He seems very distant, or perhaps lost, despite sitting right there in front of her. The window has his interest. Mia crosses the room to it, and him, leaning toward the glass.]

If you'd like, I can open this for you. [It takes two working hands.]

[He glances down at his shoulder, shakes his head, because he hadn't noticed, and the pain doesn't really matter, then shakes it again, looking back at the window.]

It's okay. It's getting cold, and they already flew away.

[One more barrier between him and the outside world- that's good, right? Teddy would get anxious if it was open. People could get in. Or, worse, he could get out.]

They'll be back.

[Looking at him was hard. The distance on his face, the frozen fire burning in his eyes, and everything colored over in listlessness.]

I imagine Teddy has talked you to pieces in the past few days. [Like every recent thing concerning Billy, Teddy's news about his waking mixed thrill and anxiety in equal parts. Mia's fingertips land on the cold glass, leaving faint prints as she watches nothing happen outside.] On the chance you still do want to talk, though, I'll be here.

[A chance he most certainly does not need to take.]

[A long moment passes where it seems like Billy won't take up the offer; he watches the tree branches, as if willing the birds to return. They don't, and briefly he considers forcing them. He could, after all- any reality is fair game to him now.

He doesn't. In the end, he slumps back against the frame, his gaze drifting to his lap, looking lost.]

You weren't... part of the spell.

[In his silence, Mia sits down in a nearby chair. The sound of his voice surprises her enough to make her jump a little.]

No, I don't think so.

[Huh. She's the first he's met like that. It's... refreshing, in a way. And yet-]

Did you want to be?

[He's honestly not sure if he's asking past-tense or making an offer.]

Maybe, at one time, I might have.

[Some Luceti days are darker than others.] Not this time, though. Did you want to be?

[He considers that, then shrugs it off.]

What I wanted didn't matter. The spell wouldn't have worked if I hadn't known what was happening. As soon as I slept...

[Everyone could live their perfect dreams as long as he stayed awake. That was the rule.]

So that's why you didn't sleep.

[She didn't get to see everything fall apart, not the way the others did, the ones who had and then suddenly did not. It must have gone quickly, once Billy was unconscious.]

Did you know that you could do this?

[Billy shakes his head immediately, though he does pause to think about it afterwards.]

...No. I mean- I still don't. I've never had this much power before. I could change things, yeah, but...

[He doesn't know how to describe it. Like one day he'd had a glass of water and suddenly he was in a lake. The magic affected everyone because there was too much of it and he was drowning in it.]

...it doesn't feel right.

Still? [What would it mean, for him and for those around him, if he still had that much power? All she has to do to see it is look him in the eye.]

I suppose it was something that happened while you were gone.

Mm. I'd show you, but...

[Well. She'd said she didn't want to be part of it already.]

Teddy says I can't use magic for a while.

[And he's... trying. It's just harder than he thought it would be.]

Please, don't strain yourself on my account. Ah- is that why? Did Teddy tell you?

Mm.

[He gestures at his face, vaguely, like that explains everything.]

He says it'll hurt me. He made me promise. No... no more magic.

[It's as much an explanation as it is a reminder to himself.]

Then I certainly won't ask you to ignore his advice.

[One of the birds returns to the windowsill, hopping and flitting its way along the glass. Mia turns enough to watch it, careful not to make a sudden movement and scare it away.]

I'm a little worried about trying to heal you, because of that. Do you think it would cause a problem?

[Billy follows her gaze, distracted from her question for a moment as he watches the bird poke at the ledge, searching for seeds. He'd left a couple crumbs there from his breakfast in the morning, when it had been warmer, so there were a few to keep it there for the moment, at least.

It takes him a while to regain his clarity enough to answer.]

...My magic... doesn't play well with others, I think. But it's okay. I don't need to be healed.

[He deserves this. The pain keeps him grounded. Reminds him of... what happened. How wrong it all went.

His body's never let him heal himself- why would anyone else fare any better?]

[Mia looks at him, watching the bird. I don't need to be healed. Her hands fall into her lap, half-folded.

She's healed him before and she could do it again, but that's not the important part of what he said.]

If you do find you need to be, I'm willing to try.

[Forcing him to it wouldn't help anybody.]

May I ask you something else?

[That makes him glance over at her again, brows lifting a little. She's taking all of this in stride, and it's very calming.]

What is it?

[Maybe she shouldn't. But she hopes that if she treads carefully enough, she might learn more about the whole thing.]

Has the magic you use ever created whole people before?

[Billy flinches at that, looking down, shamefaced. He did do that, didn't he. He created so many people... some out of nothing, others from the dead, still others from fiction...]

I don't... think it has. I could make little things- clothes, walls, forcefields, or...

[He frowns, and shakes his head.]

Magic can't make people. Not out of nothing. They don't exist without souls. And magic can't create souls.

[He's living proof of that, isn't he?]

Oh, yes, that's true. [If he isn't looking, he'll miss the few seconds of bright, genuine smile. Magic can't make people, indeed.] At least, that's what I believe is true.

[It's his turn, now. She wants to reach for him, for his hand or his arm or something comforting, but she doesn't. Instead, she looks back at Billy's windowsill visitor, content with friendly silence.]

It's true.

[Billy glances at her sidelong, briefly, enough to catch the tail end of the smile, the last second before it's gone. His eyes drop to his hands, not sure how to feel about that. Why is she smiling? Why is she happy here? When he... after everything he'd...

He doesn't get it. Not at all.]

People have tried before. The result is... it goes bad.

[Like me.

I went bad.]

[And yet, Mia has met people created in artificial ways, part magic and part science. All of them, she thinks, have souls. Some are grumpier about it than others.

Thankfully that isn't what Billy means.

She sees him looking at his hands and concern narrows her gaze.]

Because it takes too much effort to control and maintain them, with magic like yours?

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