[IC] Appointments Post

[selfhelp]

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[Action, January 1st]

Thanks!

Comments

[17th]

[selfhelp]

[Time... he feels like all he has is time, these days. Time to sit, and think, and brood, and fret, and waste away. Time to lose himself in whatever mess his mind's become, time to hurt Teddy again and again without even meaning to.

Time to... be anyone but himself, really.]

...How long... is too long, do you think?

[How long until he decides that I'm not coming back?]

[17th]

[frost_jewel]

I don't believe there is a 'too long'.

[Sometimes, people gave up - on others, on themselves, on any chance they might have had to leave a bad situation behind. Mia might lose her path sometimes, but she doesn't believe in that kind of hopelessness catching any real hold.]

If it doesn't go away on its own, or you stop getting better, then we would consider what options there were to help you start again. As many times as it took. But I don't think it will come to that.

[17th]

[selfhelp]

...What makes you say that?

[He wishes he could have the kind of unshakeable faith they apparently have in him. It takes everything he has in him to not give up every day.]

[17th]

[frost_jewel]

You're strong, and a little better every time I see you, and it is unlikely for the Malnosso to do something like this permanently, and you have friends to help you when it's hard to see the way on your own. Among other things.

[17th]

[selfhelp]

Those are some serious assumptions about... me and them.

[Billy Kaplan and the Malnosso, two of the least trustworthy names in the world this month.]

[17th]

[frost_jewel]

Maybe, about them.

[They are things she knows about Billy, whether he is able to see them right now or not.]

It might be hard at first, but try to think of things more positive than 'too long', when you feel up to thinking.

[17th]

[selfhelp]

[That part really hits home- how much thinking makes him uncomfortable and upset now. It’s kind of pathetic, really.

...Even so.]

I… can try, I guess. Thanks...

[17th]

[frost_jewel]

Waiting is hard.

[From all sides - patient and healer and family and friends. It is hard in different ways for different people and that's the plainest answer for it she can give him.]

You don't have to wait alone. But you can, if that is what you need.

[17th]

[selfhelp]

Sometimes I wonder if I'd be better off like that.

[Or... not him.

Everyone else.

He's not very good at this.]

[17th]

[frost_jewel]

I would miss you quite a lot, if that were so.

[She can't speak for anyone else but she has a feeling they would, too.]

[17th]

[selfhelp]

Wouldn't it be easier, though?

[Surely... for everyone, it would be a lot less grief to deal with...]

[17th]

[frost_jewel]

Sometimes, it feels like it ought to be easier to hide that way.

[There's more. So much more. How it hurts, instead, to see him or anyone else suffering like him turn away from the help of his friends. All of it is a burden he is not well enough to hear about - not when he has so many of his own already, and not quite enough strength to bring them along.]

And sometimes, time for yourself is exactly what you need. But not if the reason is something like...like trying to protect others from "dealing with" you.

[Mia shakes her head again, wanting to offer him more than words.]

If you want to talk any more about that now, you can, but you don't have to.

[17th]

[selfhelp]

...Mm.

[He doesn't, actually. He doesn't want to talk or think about it at all, but the thoughts are a jumbled mess that won't leave him alone. He's done his food, though, so after a long moment he leans back in his chair, shaking his head.]

I think... I'm gonna rest for a while. Maybe it'll clear my head...

[17th]

[frost_jewel]

[Mia nods, rising to clear his plates into the sink. She can come back and wash up later.]

If you feel like it tomorrow, you could take a walk through one of the simulation rooms instead, somewhere peaceful. [Although she or Teddy or someone else he'd let close enough would have to go with him, in case.]