selfhelp | [IC] Appointments Post

Please, don't strain yourself on my account. Ah- is that why? Did Teddy tell you?

Mm.

[He gestures at his face, vaguely, like that explains everything.]

He says it'll hurt me. He made me promise. No... no more magic.

[It's as much an explanation as it is a reminder to himself.]

Then I certainly won't ask you to ignore his advice.

[One of the birds returns to the windowsill, hopping and flitting its way along the glass. Mia turns enough to watch it, careful not to make a sudden movement and scare it away.]

I'm a little worried about trying to heal you, because of that. Do you think it would cause a problem?

[Billy follows her gaze, distracted from her question for a moment as he watches the bird poke at the ledge, searching for seeds. He'd left a couple crumbs there from his breakfast in the morning, when it had been warmer, so there were a few to keep it there for the moment, at least.

It takes him a while to regain his clarity enough to answer.]

...My magic... doesn't play well with others, I think. But it's okay. I don't need to be healed.

[He deserves this. The pain keeps him grounded. Reminds him of... what happened. How wrong it all went.

His body's never let him heal himself- why would anyone else fare any better?]

[Mia looks at him, watching the bird. I don't need to be healed. Her hands fall into her lap, half-folded.

She's healed him before and she could do it again, but that's not the important part of what he said.]

If you do find you need to be, I'm willing to try.

[Forcing him to it wouldn't help anybody.]

May I ask you something else?

[That makes him glance over at her again, brows lifting a little. She's taking all of this in stride, and it's very calming.]

What is it?

[Maybe she shouldn't. But she hopes that if she treads carefully enough, she might learn more about the whole thing.]

Has the magic you use ever created whole people before?

[Billy flinches at that, looking down, shamefaced. He did do that, didn't he. He created so many people... some out of nothing, others from the dead, still others from fiction...]

I don't... think it has. I could make little things- clothes, walls, forcefields, or...

[He frowns, and shakes his head.]

Magic can't make people. Not out of nothing. They don't exist without souls. And magic can't create souls.

[He's living proof of that, isn't he?]

Oh, yes, that's true. [If he isn't looking, he'll miss the few seconds of bright, genuine smile. Magic can't make people, indeed.] At least, that's what I believe is true.

[It's his turn, now. She wants to reach for him, for his hand or his arm or something comforting, but she doesn't. Instead, she looks back at Billy's windowsill visitor, content with friendly silence.]

It's true.

[Billy glances at her sidelong, briefly, enough to catch the tail end of the smile, the last second before it's gone. His eyes drop to his hands, not sure how to feel about that. Why is she smiling? Why is she happy here? When he... after everything he'd...

He doesn't get it. Not at all.]

People have tried before. The result is... it goes bad.

[Like me.

I went bad.]

[And yet, Mia has met people created in artificial ways, part magic and part science. All of them, she thinks, have souls. Some are grumpier about it than others.

Thankfully that isn't what Billy means.

She sees him looking at his hands and concern narrows her gaze.]

Because it takes too much effort to control and maintain them, with magic like yours?

More or less.

[Inwardly, he wonders if he should elaborate. Tell her the story, or at least what he knows of it. It makes a lot more sense that way.

Then again, his existence doesn't make sense no matter how much information one has on it. Hell, more info actually makes it more confusing. And he's in no state to explain it properly.

And so-]

People are different from objects. If you make a chair out of magic, it's solid, it's real, and it won't fade away because it isn't meant to change. But people change. They grow, they learn, they talk to people and develop relationships. You can't... make a person and then just set them loose and hope for the best. You can't keep living your life like you never did it. Their life is tied to yours. And if you forget about them, even for a second, the magic disappears.

[He thinks about Anja, and Susanna, and Robin's parents, and all of Kurt's fuzzy blue kids. They were tied to him as irrevocably as they'd been tied to their parents. Tied to the spell that made them exist. But they were never alive, not even for a second. It was a beautiful lie.]

Magic isn't life. It's just a manipulation of truths.

[How powerful Billy must be, now, whether it is artificial or not. That he could maintain so much for such a length of time.]

The way it works - that makes a lot of sense. Our abilities and what we believe about them are very different.

[She doesn't want to imagine what it would be like if the healing she could do wasn't real. If she and others only believed it because they could not bear the alternative.]

I hope I haven't asked too many questions and tired you out.

It's fine, don't... don't worry about it.

[He shakes his head, pauses to consider it further, then shrugs it off.]

I think... I've slept enough already. It's time to wake up.

[He says the last part like he's making a personal request to himself; like he knows it's time but he's still working on it, still sleeping in his own head.]

Do you feel up to going anywhere? Not out of the clinic, but for a little walk, maybe?

[The walls of this room aren't exactly welcoming or friendly. She has half a mind to find something peaceful to turn on in one of the training rooms and let him sit there, instead.]

[A wave of unease rushes through him, quelled only by her amendment that it wouldn't involve leaving the clinic. Even the idea of coming out of his room is borderline terrifying, but... she's given him such a peace of mind that he can't help but wonder if it might be good for him. Maybe he can trust her... to do what's best for him? She is his doctor this week, after all.]

...To where?

Depending on how you feel, it might just be a walk down the hall and back. We have a little kitchen sort of room, and if you like, you can eat in there today.

[She almost makes a joke, about Tony and pop-tarts. Bringing him up doesn't sound like the best idea at the last second, and cutting herself off gives her a moment to look at Billy more carefully.]

You can say no. ['No' is in his expression.] What matters is what you feel like you can handle.

...That might be nice. [He shifts, testing his legs to see how he feels.] I need to leave a note for Teddy, though... if he comes back and I'm not here, he'll worry.

I think we can do better than a note.

[Mia holds both of her hands before her, palm-up, and a small blue creature appears atop them.]

One of my djinn can stay here, and if Teddy comes back, he'll tell him where we are. If there is a problem, he'll be able to let me know right away.

[Billy can't help but stare at it - either he's never seen it before or his mind and memory is very far away from their training sessions - and almost reaches out to poke at it, stopping himself at the last second. Don't go prodding at magic that doesn't belong to you, Kaplan.]

Ah... okay. Thanks... thanks?

[He looks between Mia and the djinn. Summon? Part of the same whole? Is he thanking her or the djinn or both?

He has no idea how this works, but either way, he's in.]

His name is Serac. [He would have let Billy poke him, just this once; instead he just says, "You're welcome," with a bit of superior affect. Mia leaves him in her place on the chair, so she can offer Billy an arm or two to lean on while he gets up.]

If you feel at all like turning around, and coming back, we will.

O... okay. Thanks.

[He accepts her arm and her help, sliding off the bed and straightening up, standing shakily on his own two feet for the first time all day. This is the most normal he's felt in a while, and it's... god, he doesn't even know. It's heavy, the weight of reality. He's not used to it, and he knows it'll just slip away from him before long.

But it's good. He knows it's good, and that's important.

So now he just... has to walk. That's not so hard, is it?]

[Mia stays close. Shakiness and general weakness are both good ways to lose his balance and fall. Still supporting him, she turns for the door to his room, intending to guide him along to get there.]

[Walking, walking. He can't help but glance over his shoulder briefly as they go, feeling indecisive and almost needing his window, but when it almost causes him to fall over, he forces himself to face forward again. He needs to be up. Needs to be on his feet.

Teddy'll be happy if he's walking, right?]

Ah, careful. [She holds his good arm until he has balance again.] Teddy would banish me if I let you fall.

[The smile, and tone, and quiet laugh at the end, they're all supposed to reassure him that she's joking. She would never let him fall.]

It's not far.

[They pass mostly empty and silent rooms, too.]

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