selfhelp | [IC] Appointments Post

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[voice]

[IC] Appointments Post

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Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

...If I get that far...

[It's already been two weeks- working on the third. Hard to hold out hope when the problem doesn't seem to be going anywhere.]

You will. It takes time, though it's hard to wait for.

[Mia believes in him getting better with everything she has.]

...Yeah. And I've kept him waiting for a long time now.

[He really, really wishes there was an easy way out of this.]

[Mia shakes her head, slowly.]

If he is waiting, it is because he wants you to get better for your sake. Not for his.

[Taking things slowly, and broadly, seems to be helping him stay grounded. She doesn't want to throw a bunch of words at him.]

[He fidgets, looking uncomfortable.]

I don't... think it's a good idea for me to do anything for my own sake anymore. Look how it turned out...

I see. What will you do instead, then?

[Telling him what to do and how to do it seems unfair, among other things.]

...Whatever he wants.

[He can't seem to look her in the eye. It's the best decision. He knows that. It has to be.

His wants aren't good. Not at all. Teddy's the one who knows what's best, right?]

So you won't do what you want, then? Ever?

[It is her softest voice above a whisper. She waits, looking at him and hoping he can find it in himself to look back.

And maybe he can't yet. He'll get there.]

You must really trust him.

[He looks up... to about her shoulders. Progress, however slight, even if it doesn't last.]

...There's no one else I trust more. If not him, then... who?

It's important to have someone you can trust that way. It's good.

[He seems so uncertain about whether anything he thinks can be real.]

[Billy falls silent for a long moment at that, mulling it over, rolling it around in his head a few times to give himself a chance to find his response.]

...I don't think... Teddy trusts me anymore.

Hm? [Not wanting him to think she's staring, Mia picks up her plate and takes it over to the little sink in the corner. She doesn't say anything until she sits down again.]

Why do you think so?

I haven't given him a good reason to, have I?

[Mia reaches, slowly, across the table, intending to cover Billy's nearest unoccupied hand with hers. If he draws away, she'll pull back, too.]

You and he love each other. That's a good reason.

[Does he, though? Does he still? It seems like it, sure, but Billy can't think of a reason why he should.]

You... can love someone, and not trust them. Especially if they've hurt you... ignored you, or... replaced you...

[He knows that... that's a big part of what's worrying Teddy now. He wishes they could talk about it. Wishes he had the sense to really explain things properly. But his head is such a mess that he's sure that he'd just make things worse.]

That's true. I think, in time, you'll know it isn't true for you or Teddy, though.

[Billy has hit on the issue. He knows. For the hundredth time she wonders if there isn't some way to get them thinking at each other, instead of keeping it all inside until the wave finally broke (Teddy) or the ice grew thick enough (Billy).]

Do you think he's replaceable?

[Though it's a very heavy question, she keeps her tone light and soft, conversational.]

No!

[It's sudden, abrupt, and the loudest he's been yet- but it's also brief, as he shrinks back down almost immediately, his voice hushed and tinged with panic.]

No, no, no, no, no, not ever, he's not... not ever...

I know. [A reaction to his outburst, it's a little louder and harsher than she intends at first, too. She even half-stands, forgetting that there is a table between them.]

I know you wouldn't. People aren't replaceable, Teddy isn't.

[He grimaces, merely nodding in response. It's okay. It's okay. She understands.]

I'm sorry I upset you.

[She didn't mean to and it isn't good for him.]

It's... not your fault. Not much doesn't upset me these days.

[He quirks a tiny, bittersweet smile.]

I'm kind of a pathetic mess right now, if you haven't noticed.

If you were perfectly collected and calm, I would be far more worried about you.

[She gets up, then, moving to his side of the table and sitting down beside him, on his good side. She's slow about it, and reaches gently for his hand in the hope that he will let her take it.]

You've really been through a lot, Billy. It's okay to give yourself time.

[Time... he feels like all he has is time, these days. Time to sit, and think, and brood, and fret, and waste away. Time to lose himself in whatever mess his mind's become, time to hurt Teddy again and again without even meaning to.

Time to... be anyone but himself, really.]

...How long... is too long, do you think?

[How long until he decides that I'm not coming back?]

I don't believe there is a 'too long'.

[Sometimes, people gave up - on others, on themselves, on any chance they might have had to leave a bad situation behind. Mia might lose her path sometimes, but she doesn't believe in that kind of hopelessness catching any real hold.]

If it doesn't go away on its own, or you stop getting better, then we would consider what options there were to help you start again. As many times as it took. But I don't think it will come to that.

...What makes you say that?

[He wishes he could have the kind of unshakeable faith they apparently have in him. It takes everything he has in him to not give up every day.]

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