selfhelp | [Voice/Action] Forward-dated to the afternoon of the 9th

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[Voice/Action] Forward-dated to the afternoon of the 9th

[He should have seen this coming- it's like it's some kind of retaliation for what he'd done on Teddy's birthday. He still manages to be surprised when Teddy shoos him out of the apartment some time after breakfast on the 9th, barely given time to grab his coat and stuff his laptop into a bag before he's been officially banished from his own home.

...Well then. Looks like he's in the wind today. First things first: while he isn't usually the type to announce this kind of thing, thanks to having the afternoon to himself (whereas usually his birthday is filled with doting parents and obnoxious little brothers vying for attention) he's feeling indulgent enough to go for it, and he remembers something in particular...]

Okay- first of all, question for everybody. Now that I know about that whole... Valentine's Day thing that's supposed to happen every year, does anyone know how to avoid it? Or should I just lock myself in my room for a few days and hope for the best?

And second, to the X-Men? If the team training is still on for today, it's probably safe to go ahead and assume I won't make it. I'm allowed to have plans on my birthday. But happy birthday to Logan whenever he gets back- 180 is a pretty big landmark, right?

[Hopefully he won't get killed for that one, but he just couldn't help himself. Even if the accuracy of that number is questionable.

The rest of the afternoon will be spent in the following ways: goofing off in the Battle Dome with some self-indulgent hologram scenarios blatantly ripped out of Star Trek, wasting time in Seventh Heaven with excessive amounts of coffee and his laptop like a proper teenage hipster, and then, when his battery's running dry, returning to building #5 to bully Teddy into feeding the laptop's power cord under the door, at which point he'll be curled up on the floor outside his apartment playing Minecraft or something while he waits for his boyfriend to finish... whatever he's doing in there.]

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Well, you best be ready for more. Unless you magically find a way out of this Shift, you'll be suffering like the rest of us.

[MAGIC, EH.]

But it can't really affect you if you're not around other people, right?

If the shifts can get my boyfriend out playing husband to some other hussy when he has me at home, do you really think being a hermit shall do you any good this upcoming week?

[....w...ell. How does one argue with that, really.]

I don't like the idea of just sitting around and waiting for the inevitable, though.

Welcome to the mortal life, my dear boy. It's an affliction all humans must face.

[lulz death jokes. But no, seriously]

You could try hiding in the mountains and tying yourself to a tree, but I somehow doubt that shall go very well.

[That's a weird way of phrasing it, but okay, he'll bite.]

There's also hiding underground, taking a cruise on the ocean, building an air balloon and spending the day up in the sky... lots of options.

True, but eventually you have to come back and if you are anywhere within the Sphere we live in, the Shift shall find you. If it is anything like before, you might wake up one morning and decide you're hopelessly in love with a chicken and simply have to come back to the village to woo her.

Rather than go out of one's way to avoid it, you may as well have fun with it.

[Well, he could arguably stay in a hole somewhere for the entirety of the month, but since there's no way to predict when the whole mess even starts, it could admittedly be tricky. And frustrating. And, yes, futile after all.]

How do you have fun with completely screwing up your love life?

The worse the fallout, the better the reconciliation~

...Sounds like your V-Day wasn't so terrible, then.

[Should he be reassured or more worried, now? Sheesh.]

Ugh, no, it's typically awful. I don't quite recall my previous ones, what with going home in-between, but I do recall one year I ruined a rug with some bloody bird that flew into my apartment and ended up falling in love with the repairman. Sooo not my usual taste either.

[her life is so hard, billy. so hard]

[He feels like he should be more weirded out by that, but his first thought is, right, Luceti. He's not sure if that means he's getting used to this place, or it's just a coping mechanism. Uuuugh.]

You, uh. You just don't sound particularly bitter about it.

I can't be held accountable for what the Malnosso do to me. They made me human for goodness sake. Better to simply sit back and enjoy the beauteous cacophony of devastated voices sure to rise amid the inevitable chaos.

Made you human? So you're not?

[He'll just. Quietly try to ignore how creepy that last bit is. Even though it was really creepy.]

[shrug. creepy is her business, bro]

Technically, no, even if we are closer to humans than we are to say... Angels. Or demons.

[Something between angels and demons? Okay, curiosity is even more pinged now.]

So what are you, then? If you don't mind me asking.

Technically, we aren't allowed to tell you.

...

But really, Will went and practically tells everyone we ever meet so I really ought not to care, hm? Let's see if you can guess. Not man, not angel, opposed to demons at their very core; come now, clever boy, what am I?

[Opposing demons, but not an angel?

...huh.]

Uh... like, a god?

Indeed - the question is, of what?

Oh man, there are way too many types of gods in the universe and mythology and whatever to make a guess at that. For all I know you could be the god of fantastic red hair.

Well, I am that, but Fantastic Hair God is a side job.

A hint then: We're the last ones you shall ever see on this earth.

[Oh god that is some hint.]

...wh... a reaper?

At your service.

Quite literally.

...

Not that anyone dies here, which makes this place extremely boring to me.

O-oh, uh.

[WHAT IS HE EVEN SUPPOSED TO SAY TO THAT]

Doesn't that, um. Make it kind of a vacation, though? Isn't that good?

Before coming here I had just come off a rather forced holiday. Suspension has to be the very worst punishment ever for a delicate flower such as myself and now I've been on it for almost a year. Distasteful.

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