selfhelp | [Voice/Action] Forward-dated to the afternoon of the 9th

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[Voice/Action] Forward-dated to the afternoon of the 9th

[He should have seen this coming- it's like it's some kind of retaliation for what he'd done on Teddy's birthday. He still manages to be surprised when Teddy shoos him out of the apartment some time after breakfast on the 9th, barely given time to grab his coat and stuff his laptop into a bag before he's been officially banished from his own home.

...Well then. Looks like he's in the wind today. First things first: while he isn't usually the type to announce this kind of thing, thanks to having the afternoon to himself (whereas usually his birthday is filled with doting parents and obnoxious little brothers vying for attention) he's feeling indulgent enough to go for it, and he remembers something in particular...]

Okay- first of all, question for everybody. Now that I know about that whole... Valentine's Day thing that's supposed to happen every year, does anyone know how to avoid it? Or should I just lock myself in my room for a few days and hope for the best?

And second, to the X-Men? If the team training is still on for today, it's probably safe to go ahead and assume I won't make it. I'm allowed to have plans on my birthday. But happy birthday to Logan whenever he gets back- 180 is a pretty big landmark, right?

[Hopefully he won't get killed for that one, but he just couldn't help himself. Even if the accuracy of that number is questionable.

The rest of the afternoon will be spent in the following ways: goofing off in the Battle Dome with some self-indulgent hologram scenarios blatantly ripped out of Star Trek, wasting time in Seventh Heaven with excessive amounts of coffee and his laptop like a proper teenage hipster, and then, when his battery's running dry, returning to building #5 to bully Teddy into feeding the laptop's power cord under the door, at which point he'll be curled up on the floor outside his apartment playing Minecraft or something while he waits for his boyfriend to finish... whatever he's doing in there.]

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Perhaps you can answer me this riddle then: why is it that humans are so obsessed with learning what comes after?

To me it's like ruining the ending of a book when you're bound to get there anyway.

Pretty sure it's a fear of the unknown? Humans are scared of what they don't know or understand. And we're always seeking more information about what scares us. We can't really help it.

Humans. So impatient. It isn't as if the curtain call is all there is to life and yet you spend so much time obsessing over it when you have so little life to begin with.

Really, you are all such curious things.

...And to be frank, I doubt any of you would much like the answer.

...No, probably not. But we like to think that our lives have some kind of meaning, you know? Like- we're working towards something, good or bad. Because our lives aren't that long, we want to believe there's more to our existence than just 100 years or so.

Oh, there is most definitely that, my dear. I always thought the point simply wasn't in the afterlife, but in the life you lead while you're on earth. You can't do much once you're dead after all.

We can and do let some people live beyond their appointed time - extraordinary people, people the world cannot do without, those who have the potential to change the entire course of human history. Exceptions to the rule, as we say.

Oh wow, really?

They're not like- walking dead or anything, are they? Zombies?

[Because thatjust sounds horrifying. Actually, now he's wondering how zombies fit in the grand scheme of things, for reapers.

Then again, people staying dead isn't that uncommon in his universe anyway.]

Ugh no. [Can you hear the disgust in her voice? Because it is there due to experiences. Zombies are nasty.]

The walking dead are an entirely different matter that has to do with souls and someone doing something they aren't allowed to do.

Those that are allowed to live, just live. It's rare, however. Rare enough that even after two hundred years I can count the instances on one hand.

[he's not about to argue; he's actually glad that she shares the sentiment.]

So how do you know who's exceptional enough to qualify? Can you guys see the future, like a might-have-been scenario? If they lived?

[It's still such a morbid topic, but... he can't really help it. It's fascinating stuff.]

We watch. It's quite easy to tell who is exceptional and shall change the course of the world.

Sounds like a complicated job.

Yes, do you see now why I am so bored here? No one dies and try as I might, I can't keep you all dead. It's extremely frustrating.

[whoops, rude]

[WOW that sure is a terrible thing you just said, Grell]

Except that for us, that's a good thing...

From a mortal's point of view, yes; but do you realise the stresses you put upon your soul by dying and reanimating so many times? It's unhealthy.

And unsightly.

Un... sightly? As in, you can see the souls?

Of course I can. How else do you expect us to judge humans' lives when we collect them? It isn't a simple matter of merely killing them - even if that is the most exciting part sometimes. It's far more complex than all that.

[Wait hold the phone.]

You actually kill them? I thought you just... I don't know, collect them or something. After.

We cut the string, so technically yes, we kill them. If we didn't, their Records would play, but we wouldn't collect and they would live to see another day.

Sometimes we get to play a more active role. Few though those cases may be.

Active role? You mean... but wait, if they don't die on their own, doesn't it mean they weren't supposed to?

[Death is clearly a very complicated matter.]

Ugh, this is getting complicated and I have always hated talking the details of all this to mortals.

[SIGH. WHY YOU MAKE HER LIFE SO HARD, BILLY. Wanting to know stuff. Sheesh. Intelligent boys are so hard.]

They would be stuck in a limbo - meant for death but uncollected. Trust me - it doesn't happen. When humans are meant to die, we death gods are there to ensure it happens. That is why there are so many of us and we're always getting more.

[He'd apologize, but that would be totally insincere because this stuff is fascinating as shit 8D]

How do you get more death gods? Is it an application thing or are they created somehow?

[RUDE. ....WANTING TO LEARN. RUDE.]

We train for it.

[She sighs again.]

I don't know why I am telling you all this. We aren't allowed to speak of it....but then I've never been one for the rules.

We go to school. Our marks decide what branch we're sent to and after that, we work. For eternity or until we decide to retire.

It's not like anybody's going to enforce keeping quiet...

[Though he has a bias for encouraging it, eh-heh.]

Death-God school, though... I've heard about demon schools here before, but never that.

I suppose. Will is long gone and, well, knowing that man, he'd leave me to rot if he could. [And yet that is said with no hint of animosity at all. In fact, it sounds more like she's lovestruck than angry.] Cold as ice, that one.

And you'll never hear of our schooling. The last thing I wish to recall is all the tests and utterly boring uniforms. Ugh, and the regulations! Awful.

Who's Will?

[A supervisor, maybe?]

And do you usually have uniforms on the job, or do you get to do what you want?

[THE FASHION OF DEATH GODS: SUPER IMPORTANT.]

The most perfect man in existence - aside from the one I'm dating, that is.

I do miss him, even if he tries everything in his power to remain behind that desk of his.

[She sighs.]

Uniforms, unfortunately. Room for leeway, mind you, but we're supposed to be in proper dress for work.

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