selfhelp | [Voice/Action] Forward-dated to the afternoon of the 9th

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[Voice/Action] Forward-dated to the afternoon of the 9th

[He should have seen this coming- it's like it's some kind of retaliation for what he'd done on Teddy's birthday. He still manages to be surprised when Teddy shoos him out of the apartment some time after breakfast on the 9th, barely given time to grab his coat and stuff his laptop into a bag before he's been officially banished from his own home.

...Well then. Looks like he's in the wind today. First things first: while he isn't usually the type to announce this kind of thing, thanks to having the afternoon to himself (whereas usually his birthday is filled with doting parents and obnoxious little brothers vying for attention) he's feeling indulgent enough to go for it, and he remembers something in particular...]

Okay- first of all, question for everybody. Now that I know about that whole... Valentine's Day thing that's supposed to happen every year, does anyone know how to avoid it? Or should I just lock myself in my room for a few days and hope for the best?

And second, to the X-Men? If the team training is still on for today, it's probably safe to go ahead and assume I won't make it. I'm allowed to have plans on my birthday. But happy birthday to Logan whenever he gets back- 180 is a pretty big landmark, right?

[Hopefully he won't get killed for that one, but he just couldn't help himself. Even if the accuracy of that number is questionable.

The rest of the afternoon will be spent in the following ways: goofing off in the Battle Dome with some self-indulgent hologram scenarios blatantly ripped out of Star Trek, wasting time in Seventh Heaven with excessive amounts of coffee and his laptop like a proper teenage hipster, and then, when his battery's running dry, returning to building #5 to bully Teddy into feeding the laptop's power cord under the door, at which point he'll be curled up on the floor outside his apartment playing Minecraft or something while he waits for his boyfriend to finish... whatever he's doing in there.]

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[He feels like he should be more weirded out by that, but his first thought is, right, Luceti. He's not sure if that means he's getting used to this place, or it's just a coping mechanism. Uuuugh.]

You, uh. You just don't sound particularly bitter about it.

I can't be held accountable for what the Malnosso do to me. They made me human for goodness sake. Better to simply sit back and enjoy the beauteous cacophony of devastated voices sure to rise amid the inevitable chaos.

Made you human? So you're not?

[He'll just. Quietly try to ignore how creepy that last bit is. Even though it was really creepy.]

[shrug. creepy is her business, bro]

Technically, no, even if we are closer to humans than we are to say... Angels. Or demons.

[Something between angels and demons? Okay, curiosity is even more pinged now.]

So what are you, then? If you don't mind me asking.

Technically, we aren't allowed to tell you.

...

But really, Will went and practically tells everyone we ever meet so I really ought not to care, hm? Let's see if you can guess. Not man, not angel, opposed to demons at their very core; come now, clever boy, what am I?

[Opposing demons, but not an angel?

...huh.]

Uh... like, a god?

Indeed - the question is, of what?

Oh man, there are way too many types of gods in the universe and mythology and whatever to make a guess at that. For all I know you could be the god of fantastic red hair.

Well, I am that, but Fantastic Hair God is a side job.

A hint then: We're the last ones you shall ever see on this earth.

[Oh god that is some hint.]

...wh... a reaper?

At your service.

Quite literally.

...

Not that anyone dies here, which makes this place extremely boring to me.

O-oh, uh.

[WHAT IS HE EVEN SUPPOSED TO SAY TO THAT]

Doesn't that, um. Make it kind of a vacation, though? Isn't that good?

Before coming here I had just come off a rather forced holiday. Suspension has to be the very worst punishment ever for a delicate flower such as myself and now I've been on it for almost a year. Distasteful.

Oh geez, you've been here that long. With how many people I've already seen get sent home, I'm always surprised to hear how many have been in Luceti for years already.

You make it sound as if I'm old. [Rude.]

I was here once before, but returned for a short time. I can't really recall how long I was here before, but it was long enough.

[Wh- old, what even. Someone's fussy.]

Guess there really is no logic for who goes home and who stays. Or even for how long...

...So, uh. If you're the god of death, does that mean you know what the afterlife is like?

No logic for anything here to be honest.

And yes. Terrible amount of paperwork for us, Heaven, Hell, all of it. It's our field of expertise. Looking to have your fortune told?

Oh god, uh- I'm really not. I was just curious.

[Morbidly so. But not that curious.]

Perhaps you can answer me this riddle then: why is it that humans are so obsessed with learning what comes after?

To me it's like ruining the ending of a book when you're bound to get there anyway.

Pretty sure it's a fear of the unknown? Humans are scared of what they don't know or understand. And we're always seeking more information about what scares us. We can't really help it.

Humans. So impatient. It isn't as if the curtain call is all there is to life and yet you spend so much time obsessing over it when you have so little life to begin with.

Really, you are all such curious things.

...And to be frank, I doubt any of you would much like the answer.

...No, probably not. But we like to think that our lives have some kind of meaning, you know? Like- we're working towards something, good or bad. Because our lives aren't that long, we want to believe there's more to our existence than just 100 years or so.

Oh, there is most definitely that, my dear. I always thought the point simply wasn't in the afterlife, but in the life you lead while you're on earth. You can't do much once you're dead after all.

We can and do let some people live beyond their appointed time - extraordinary people, people the world cannot do without, those who have the potential to change the entire course of human history. Exceptions to the rule, as we say.

Oh wow, really?

They're not like- walking dead or anything, are they? Zombies?

[Because thatjust sounds horrifying. Actually, now he's wondering how zombies fit in the grand scheme of things, for reapers.

Then again, people staying dead isn't that uncommon in his universe anyway.]

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