selfhelp | [IC] Appointments Post

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[IC] Appointments Post

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[Loki knows where Billy is; he has a ward on him. He can use that to scry, and waits until Billy is alone. Now that he's no longer so trapped in depression that he can't be bothered to move, he feels angry, and hurt, and betrayed. But he also knows that there is more going on than just Billy losing control of his powers; this is far more than Billy should have been able to do.

He simply teleports into the room and looks at Billy coldly.]

[Overall, it'd been a really good day. Good visitors, good state of mind, good interactions with important people. He'd genuinely made Teddy smile a few times. And Mia...

Suffice to say that Billy's smiling a bit when Loki arrives, gazing out his window like he's done more often than not since waking up, but when he turns around to greet his visitor - sensing his arrival, magically or otherwise - the smile fades. He looks... so angry...

And why shouldn't he? You ruined everything. You made promises and you fought and you ruined it all.

His eyes had been mostly brown before Loki's arrival, but now, the blue slips back into place, his stability failing, the unnatural power possessing him internally curling around his mind like a blanket. Safe. He's safe. Loki couldn't hurt him, not with the magic here, not with Teddy so close by. Not unless Billy let him.

He's... halfway inclined to let him, though, if it came to that. He's earned it. And so, his voice is eerily calm when he speaks:]

Are you here to kill me?

[Loki smiles, an expression that has nothing to do with humor.]

Oh no. You might then think you'd begun to pay for what you did.

[....Ah.

Well, he did kind of ask for that, didn't he. He looks down, hand in his lap, twisting uneasily in the blankets.]

...No... I wouldn't think that.

[He tried that already, with Teddy. It didn't make either of them feel better.]

[Loki begins to pace slowly.]

And I don't really think you've earned a surcease from suffering, even if a temporary one.

[If Loki doesn't get a break from this hideous excuse for life, Billy certainly doesn't deserve one.]

[Billy doesn't respond to that, just waits, but he does half-look up, watching Loki move. If he's not there for that, then why...?

He won't protest, though. Not this. If Loki needs to rant, to blame him, to make him feel bad, it's his right. He's earned it.

He seriously doubts anyone can make him feel worse than he already does, anyway.]

[He continues to pace.]

No excuses? No pleading? Disappointing.

...I... I'm sorry. Did you want me to? I can try...

[He's hesitant now, fingers twisting more urgently now, eyes darting between Loki, the wall, the floor, then back again, over and over.]

I just don't know what you want. I knew before- I was so sure, but I couldn't hold it, I...

[Loki's voice becomes a low croon.] Did you now? A lie, is that what I want?

[Another person outside of him, making his life into something false...]

...It wasn't... supposed to be a lie. It's reality. I changed reality.

[This isn't working. It isn't working anymore. It used to work, it used to be so easy, but he can't find it anymore. He can't grasp the reality that used to be so simple, so clear. It's slipping and he's so angry...]

I just wanted everyone to be happy.

You made a child up of whole cloth and made me love her. [Oh, but he is angry now, so very angry.] And then I saw her fall to pieces with my own eyes.

You think that happiness, Billy? You, who would have me stop lying?

I didn't make the lie.

[Billy meets his gaze this time, tentative, but certain of his words. The only thing he's sure of right now, really: the way the spell worked.]

It was my magic. I made it happen. It's my fault, I know that. But you chose the form it took. All of you did. That was the point- to create a reality that you wanted...

[His voice gets very, very soft.] Oh, I see. We did it to ourselves, did we?

[The fingers of one hand are starting to tremble.]

No.

[Billy looks down then, the quiet tone unnerving him even more than the anger. He shivers, his breath catching, his heartbeat picking up.]

I did it. I did it...

[But he didn't choose it, he...]

Ah, so you only took from us our foolish dreams and made them a mockery.

Would... you have cared, if the spell hadn't been broken?

[He smiles.]

Did I care, that I was a monster among gods?

[Billy looks down again, quietly shaking his head. He doesn't have an answer for that; all of it's just an excuse. It doesn't really matter, does it? Truth, lies, it's all twisted in his own head now, shifting unguided from one side to the other. He doesn't know what's right anymore, what's true, what's fair. And in the end, much as he wanted to, he couldn't hold it. He had the power but not the constitution, the strength, to bear the weight of it. Reality had been changed but it fought, tooth and nail, to re-calibrate. Just like before. Just like with his mother, back home.

His mother...]

...Mom- [No. No. Wanda. Wanda.] Wanda told me... you tried to remake her. To bring her back.

I made a lady a promise.

And thus you made me a liar as well. [Even if Rogue has forgiven him that, and didn't count it as a lie, he knows.]

[....

....

....

He'd promised too, but...]

...I can try again. If you want. I can try.

[Loki smiles, voice dropping low and cold.]

I will cut out your tongue.

[Billy looks away again, falling silent. Really, what do you even say to that?

Go ahead.

Everyone will be a lot safer if you do.

Not that.

You'll make Teddy cry again.]

[Loki pauses, taking a deep breath, then resumes pacing. There is part of him that leaps at the very idea. He loathes himself for it. Not after all he and Rogue have gone through. Not again.]

You've certainly done me a favor in reminding me to never trust happiness.

...I'm sorry...

[Billy shrinks down around himself at that, hugging his knees to his chest. Apparently he can feel worse, after all.]

I never wanted that. It's no favour, it's... it's wrong... everything's gone all wrong...

But Billy, I thought your magic wouldn't let you hurt anyone.

[It always goes wrong. Always, for people like them.]

[IC] Appointments Post

[Action, October 17]

[Action, October 17] i screamed a bit irl

[Action, October 17] crying

[Action, October 17] strangled noises

[Action, October 17] didn't take long did it

[Action, October 17] it never does

[Action, October 17] you're less fun to kick if you don't struggle, Billy

[Action, October 17] he's not here to have fun

[Action, October 17] oh gawd

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