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[IC] Appointments Post
Feel free to use this post for random threads, backtagging or forwardtagging, whatever.
It can be Written, Action, Voice, or just a quick call on the journal system for whatever reason.
When you tag, please put a [Style, Date] in the subject line to start it out, eg.:
[Action, January 1st]
Thanks!
[Action, October 17] he's not here to have fun
[He's hesitant now, fingers twisting more urgently now, eyes darting between Loki, the wall, the floor, then back again, over and over.]
I just don't know what you want. I knew before- I was so sure, but I couldn't hold it, I...
[Action, October 17] oh gawd
[Another person outside of him, making his life into something false...]
[Action, October 17]
[This isn't working. It isn't working anymore. It used to work, it used to be so easy, but he can't find it anymore. He can't grasp the reality that used to be so simple, so clear. It's slipping and he's so angry...]
I just wanted everyone to be happy.
[Action, October 17]
You think that happiness, Billy? You, who would have me stop lying?
[Action, October 17]
[Billy meets his gaze this time, tentative, but certain of his words. The only thing he's sure of right now, really: the way the spell worked.]
It was my magic. I made it happen. It's my fault, I know that. But you chose the form it took. All of you did. That was the point- to create a reality that you wanted...
[Action, October 17]
[The fingers of one hand are starting to tremble.]
[Action, October 17]
[Billy looks down then, the quiet tone unnerving him even more than the anger. He shivers, his breath catching, his heartbeat picking up.]
I did it. I did it...
[But he didn't choose it, he...]
[Action, October 17]
[Action, October 17]
[Action, October 17]
Did I care, that I was a monster among gods?
[Action, October 17]
His mother...]
...Mom- [No. No. Wanda. Wanda.] Wanda told me... you tried to remake her. To bring her back.
[Action, October 17]
And thus you made me a liar as well. [Even if Rogue has forgiven him that, and didn't count it as a lie, he knows.]
[Action, October 17]
....
....
He'd promised too, but...]
...I can try again. If you want. I can try.
[Action, October 17]
I will cut out your tongue.
[Action, October 17]
Go ahead.
Everyone will be a lot safer if you do.
Not that.
You'll make Teddy cry again.]
[Action, October 17]
You've certainly done me a favor in reminding me to never trust happiness.
[Action, October 17]
[Billy shrinks down around himself at that, hugging his knees to his chest. Apparently he can feel worse, after all.]
I never wanted that. It's no favour, it's... it's wrong... everything's gone all wrong...
[Action, October 17] sob
[It always goes wrong. Always, for people like them.]
[Action, October 17]
It isn’t mine... I didn’t want it, I never asked for it, it isn’t mine...!
[Action, October 17]
[Action, October 17]
What do you want from me...?
[To torture him? Break him? Because he's done that to himself. Every moment of every day he repeats what he's done, over and over. He doesn't need help. He's well and truly mastered the art of self-flagellation by now. All Loki's doing is adding a few more barbs to the whip.]
[Action, October 17]
[There is some satisfaction, in making certain Billy knows just how badly he has screwed up. But it's really a reminder of just how betrayed Loki feels, by all of this. How he loved Billy, and still wishes to love him with some unwary corner of his heart that was awakened in the last year without his permission or desire.
But Loki has never been one to find forgiveness, and never one inclined to forgive. He quietly adds:]
I trusted you.
[He turns to go.]
[Action, October 17]
[I'm sorry.
I trusted me, too.
What a mistake that was.
He doesn't move or speak up to stop Loki, though. He has no right, no reason to want more out of this. He gave up that right as soon as he let his magic break the trust between them.
It isn't mine, but... I let it happen.
And how could he ever ask to be forgiven, knowing that? Admitting that?
It's simple: he can't. So he doesn't.
Just one more thing he's lost.]
[Action, October 17]
Perhaps there will be a more satisfying revenge to be had later, but anything he could do physically to Billy right now would accomplish the opposite purpose, he'd wager.
And he feels sick, hurt, disappointed. It's a curious echo of how he felt when he discovered what a liar Odin had been. He hates this feeling. He wishes he could escape it as simply as leaving this room.]