[IC] Appointments Post

[selfhelp]

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[Action, January 1st]

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[Action, October 17]

[selfhelp]

No.

[Billy looks down then, the quiet tone unnerving him even more than the anger. He shivers, his breath catching, his heartbeat picking up.]

I did it. I did it...

[But he didn't choose it, he...]

[Action, October 17]

[complicatedliar]

Ah, so you only took from us our foolish dreams and made them a mockery.

[Action, October 17]

[selfhelp]

Would... you have cared, if the spell hadn't been broken?

[Action, October 17]

[complicatedliar]

[He smiles.]

Did I care, that I was a monster among gods?

[Action, October 17]

[selfhelp]

[Billy looks down again, quietly shaking his head. He doesn't have an answer for that; all of it's just an excuse. It doesn't really matter, does it? Truth, lies, it's all twisted in his own head now, shifting unguided from one side to the other. He doesn't know what's right anymore, what's true, what's fair. And in the end, much as he wanted to, he couldn't hold it. He had the power but not the constitution, the strength, to bear the weight of it. Reality had been changed but it fought, tooth and nail, to re-calibrate. Just like before. Just like with his mother, back home.

His mother...]

...Mom- [No. No. Wanda. Wanda.] Wanda told me... you tried to remake her. To bring her back.

[Action, October 17]

[complicatedliar]

I made a lady a promise.

And thus you made me a liar as well. [Even if Rogue has forgiven him that, and didn't count it as a lie, he knows.]

[Action, October 17]

[selfhelp]

[....

....

....

He'd promised too, but...]

...I can try again. If you want. I can try.

[Action, October 17]

[complicatedliar]

[Loki smiles, voice dropping low and cold.]

I will cut out your tongue.

[Action, October 17]

[selfhelp]

[Billy looks away again, falling silent. Really, what do you even say to that?

Go ahead.

Everyone will be a lot safer if you do.

Not that.

You'll make Teddy cry again.]

[Action, October 17]

[complicatedliar]

[Loki pauses, taking a deep breath, then resumes pacing. There is part of him that leaps at the very idea. He loathes himself for it. Not after all he and Rogue have gone through. Not again.]

You've certainly done me a favor in reminding me to never trust happiness.

[Action, October 17]

[selfhelp]

...I'm sorry...

[Billy shrinks down around himself at that, hugging his knees to his chest. Apparently he can feel worse, after all.]

I never wanted that. It's no favour, it's... it's wrong... everything's gone all wrong...

[Action, October 17] sob

[complicatedliar]

But Billy, I thought your magic wouldn't let you hurt anyone.

[It always goes wrong. Always, for people like them.]

[Action, October 17]

[selfhelp]

[Billy flinches at that, because he knows, he knows he said that, and it’s true, but it’s not fair to throw those words back at him now. He ducks down again, one hand gripping his forehead, nails digging into the skin enough to leave marks.]

It isn’t mine... I didn’t want it, I never asked for it, it isn’t mine...!

[Action, October 17]

[complicatedliar]

[Loki regards Billy coldly and offers him the same answer the world has always given him:] I care not.

[Action, October 17]

[selfhelp]

[Billy goes quiet at that, his hand shifting to press against the side of his head, his expression sliding into one of defeat, his voice drenched in it. He's got nothing left. Nothing to offer, nothing to excuse, nothing to say. Except one thing:]

What do you want from me...?

[To torture him? Break him? Because he's done that to himself. Every moment of every day he repeats what he's done, over and over. He doesn't need help. He's well and truly mastered the art of self-flagellation by now. All Loki's doing is adding a few more barbs to the whip.]

[Action, October 17]

[complicatedliar]

You have nothing that I want.

[There is some satisfaction, in making certain Billy knows just how badly he has screwed up. But it's really a reminder of just how betrayed Loki feels, by all of this. How he loved Billy, and still wishes to love him with some unwary corner of his heart that was awakened in the last year without his permission or desire.

But Loki has never been one to find forgiveness, and never one inclined to forgive. He quietly adds:]

I trusted you.

[He turns to go.]

[Action, October 17]

[selfhelp]

...I know.

[I'm sorry.

I trusted me, too.

What a mistake that was.

He doesn't move or speak up to stop Loki, though. He has no right, no reason to want more out of this. He gave up that right as soon as he let his magic break the trust between them.

It isn't mine, but... I let it happen.

And how could he ever ask to be forgiven, knowing that? Admitting that?

It's simple: he can't. So he doesn't.

Just one more thing he's lost.]

[Action, October 17]

[complicatedliar]

[Without another word, he vanishes.

Perhaps there will be a more satisfying revenge to be had later, but anything he could do physically to Billy right now would accomplish the opposite purpose, he'd wager.

And he feels sick, hurt, disappointed. It's a curious echo of how he felt when he discovered what a liar Odin had been. He hates this feeling. He wishes he could escape it as simply as leaving this room.]