[IC] Appointments Post

[selfhelp]

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[Action, October 17] strangled noises

[selfhelp]

[....Ah.

Well, he did kind of ask for that, didn't he. He looks down, hand in his lap, twisting uneasily in the blankets.]

...No... I wouldn't think that.

[He tried that already, with Teddy. It didn't make either of them feel better.]

[Action, October 17] didn't take long did it

[complicatedliar]

[Loki begins to pace slowly.]

And I don't really think you've earned a surcease from suffering, even if a temporary one.

[If Loki doesn't get a break from this hideous excuse for life, Billy certainly doesn't deserve one.]

[Action, October 17] it never does

[selfhelp]

[Billy doesn't respond to that, just waits, but he does half-look up, watching Loki move. If he's not there for that, then why...?

He won't protest, though. Not this. If Loki needs to rant, to blame him, to make him feel bad, it's his right. He's earned it.

He seriously doubts anyone can make him feel worse than he already does, anyway.]

[Action, October 17] you're less fun to kick if you don't struggle, Billy

[complicatedliar]

[He continues to pace.]

No excuses? No pleading? Disappointing.

[Action, October 17] he's not here to have fun

[selfhelp]

...I... I'm sorry. Did you want me to? I can try...

[He's hesitant now, fingers twisting more urgently now, eyes darting between Loki, the wall, the floor, then back again, over and over.]

I just don't know what you want. I knew before- I was so sure, but I couldn't hold it, I...

[Action, October 17] oh gawd

[complicatedliar]

[Loki's voice becomes a low croon.] Did you now? A lie, is that what I want?

[Another person outside of him, making his life into something false...]

[Action, October 17]

[selfhelp]

...It wasn't... supposed to be a lie. It's reality. I changed reality.

[This isn't working. It isn't working anymore. It used to work, it used to be so easy, but he can't find it anymore. He can't grasp the reality that used to be so simple, so clear. It's slipping and he's so angry...]

I just wanted everyone to be happy.

[Action, October 17]

[complicatedliar]

You made a child up of whole cloth and made me love her. [Oh, but he is angry now, so very angry.] And then I saw her fall to pieces with my own eyes.

You think that happiness, Billy? You, who would have me stop lying?

[Action, October 17]

[selfhelp]

I didn't make the lie.

[Billy meets his gaze this time, tentative, but certain of his words. The only thing he's sure of right now, really: the way the spell worked.]

It was my magic. I made it happen. It's my fault, I know that. But you chose the form it took. All of you did. That was the point- to create a reality that you wanted...

[Action, October 17]

[complicatedliar]

[His voice gets very, very soft.] Oh, I see. We did it to ourselves, did we?

[The fingers of one hand are starting to tremble.]

[Action, October 17]

[selfhelp]

No.

[Billy looks down then, the quiet tone unnerving him even more than the anger. He shivers, his breath catching, his heartbeat picking up.]

I did it. I did it...

[But he didn't choose it, he...]

[Action, October 17]

[complicatedliar]

Ah, so you only took from us our foolish dreams and made them a mockery.

[Action, October 17]

[selfhelp]

Would... you have cared, if the spell hadn't been broken?

[Action, October 17]

[complicatedliar]

[He smiles.]

Did I care, that I was a monster among gods?

[Action, October 17]

[selfhelp]

[Billy looks down again, quietly shaking his head. He doesn't have an answer for that; all of it's just an excuse. It doesn't really matter, does it? Truth, lies, it's all twisted in his own head now, shifting unguided from one side to the other. He doesn't know what's right anymore, what's true, what's fair. And in the end, much as he wanted to, he couldn't hold it. He had the power but not the constitution, the strength, to bear the weight of it. Reality had been changed but it fought, tooth and nail, to re-calibrate. Just like before. Just like with his mother, back home.

His mother...]

...Mom- [No. No. Wanda. Wanda.] Wanda told me... you tried to remake her. To bring her back.

[Action, October 17]

[complicatedliar]

I made a lady a promise.

And thus you made me a liar as well. [Even if Rogue has forgiven him that, and didn't count it as a lie, he knows.]

[Action, October 17]

[selfhelp]

[....

....

....

He'd promised too, but...]

...I can try again. If you want. I can try.

[Action, October 17]

[complicatedliar]

[Loki smiles, voice dropping low and cold.]

I will cut out your tongue.

[Action, October 17]

[selfhelp]

[Billy looks away again, falling silent. Really, what do you even say to that?

Go ahead.

Everyone will be a lot safer if you do.

Not that.

You'll make Teddy cry again.]

[Action, October 17]

[complicatedliar]

[Loki pauses, taking a deep breath, then resumes pacing. There is part of him that leaps at the very idea. He loathes himself for it. Not after all he and Rogue have gone through. Not again.]

You've certainly done me a favor in reminding me to never trust happiness.

[Action, October 17]

[selfhelp]

...I'm sorry...

[Billy shrinks down around himself at that, hugging his knees to his chest. Apparently he can feel worse, after all.]

I never wanted that. It's no favour, it's... it's wrong... everything's gone all wrong...

[Action, October 17] sob

[complicatedliar]

But Billy, I thought your magic wouldn't let you hurt anyone.

[It always goes wrong. Always, for people like them.]

[Action, October 17]

[selfhelp]

[Billy flinches at that, because he knows, he knows he said that, and it’s true, but it’s not fair to throw those words back at him now. He ducks down again, one hand gripping his forehead, nails digging into the skin enough to leave marks.]

It isn’t mine... I didn’t want it, I never asked for it, it isn’t mine...!

[Action, October 17]

[complicatedliar]

[Loki regards Billy coldly and offers him the same answer the world has always given him:] I care not.

[Action, October 17]

[selfhelp]

[Billy goes quiet at that, his hand shifting to press against the side of his head, his expression sliding into one of defeat, his voice drenched in it. He's got nothing left. Nothing to offer, nothing to excuse, nothing to say. Except one thing:]

What do you want from me...?

[To torture him? Break him? Because he's done that to himself. Every moment of every day he repeats what he's done, over and over. He doesn't need help. He's well and truly mastered the art of self-flagellation by now. All Loki's doing is adding a few more barbs to the whip.]