selfhelp | [IC] Appointments Post

[That makes them two of a kind, apparently.]

I wish. Magic's not doing it. Sleeping it off doesn't work. Meditation is a bust. I hear the next step is drugs and alcohol. Mom would be so proud.

[Goddammit, why did he say that? Now he feels even worse.]

...Sorry. If I figure out a way, I'll let you know.

[It's not like Billy can understand that, not really. He's never been blind, he's never had to live in that darkness alone. But he knows the despair of watching the one you love walking away because you hurt them. He knows the desire to make that pain go away, even for a little while.

He knows how stupid it is, though. He knows that it doesn't help anyone, that it only makes it worse, in the end. And he hates that this is happening again.

Being drunk? Or being out of your mind? Doesn't make any of this okay.]

It does matter. You screwed up and you're kind of an idiot, but it still matters. Can you stand?

[There is absolutely nothing in what Billy has said that he can disagree with. Later, he might be able to rationalize himself into a place of--well, not quite innocence, but less blame, perhaps. But right now, no one could possibly be as disgusted with him as he is with himself.

It's all just falling to pieces again. He'll try to come up with some plan to fix this, and it will only make things inescapably worse. And that he felt the need to call Billy at all means he can't just turn back the clock to a time when none of this would have mattered to him. It's too late.]

Of course.

[He manages to look slightly offended at the question. Dignity, he has some shreds of it left, doesn't he? Hands scrabbling for purchase on the tree bark, he begins to climb unsteadily to his feet. Exhausted, sick, and disoriented, he still manages to get himself mostly upright before he stops, face pressed against the bark, and just breathes for a bit.]

You're...actually here, aren't you? I called you. You're actually here. [He reaches out (blindly, ha) with one hand, searching through the air for Billy.] This is happening. You're-- [Sucks in a quick breath.] You're looking at me. Not anyone else.

[Not dying hallucinations. He's not falling across an event horizon.]

[Billy purses his lips into a grimace, taking note of the words, the tone- and reaches his hand out to meet Loki's in the middle. His grasp is firm and a little tight, to make certain Loki has no reason to doubt that he's real. He's angry and disappointed but he doesn't have to be cruel about it.]

I'm real, I'm right here. I'd like to teleport us out of this place. Can I take you home? Or is there somewhere else you'd rather go?

[He doesn't know where the fight happened. Did Rogue catch him? Or did Loki confess it? There's too much he doesn't know.]

[He holds Billy's hand with no small amount of desperation, not quite hard enough to hurt, but nearly.

And that question.

There is still plenty of home left; he only really destroyed the furniture and one of the walls. But he doesn't want to go there to face the empty room he shared with Rogue. Or having to explain to his brother that he's ruined the only truly good relationship he's had, by cheating on her with a man.

He rocks back then forward, thumping his head lightly against the tree.]

I don't know. Don't want to go home.

Edited 2014-07-12 19:26 (UTC)

[Her lips firm slightly.] S'okay.

[Rogue gets up and prowls around the room, looking for something in particular -- there! That looks like a blank book/notebook/sketchbook thing. Good. Rogue picks it up.]

You draw, right?

[Carrying the book, she approaches Billy again and hands it out to him.]

Go ahead, take it.

[Okay, not home. One question answered. Billy casts another glance at the state of Loki's body, then closes his eyes, focusing inwardly once more. The magic flares again, surrounds them both, and then, after a few moments, dissipates when they arrive at the new location- a warm, slightly musty-smelling area due to disuse, but otherwise it might feel a lot like Billy's apartment.]

There's a few empty apartments on my floor. If you want to go somewhere else after, that's fine, but for now you should be in a place with people who can keep an eye on you.

[Teddy may not like Loki all that much and Tommy even less so, but they're super-hero-centric enough not to just let someone die. And Billy... well, this is where Billy belongs. If he's just down the hall it means he'll never be far.

He has no doubts that this is temporary - how temporary could vary from half an hour to a month for all he knows - but it'll have to do for now.]

[He hesitates briefly, then accepts it, his expression surprised and unsure.]

You think I should draw?

[What, art therapy? H...uh. It's not one he'd thought of before.]

Draw it. Write it. Make paper machce of it. Just get it out of your head.

[Rogue moves to sit across from him again. Apparently she is going to sit there and wait until Billy does something. She rubs her hands together, glances down at them, and then continues.]

I must've filled up and burned two notebooks already. You don't need to keep it. You just need to get it out. Put it someplace else so that you're in control of it, so that you can see it more clearly.

[What, you think Rogue hasn't been subjected to therapy herself?]

[Loki doesn't resist the spell at all. Doesn't even seem curious. Though he at least tilts his head, sniffing, after a moment.]

I... Don't do well alone. Not now.

[He licks his lips.]

It becomes too quiet.

[He is hanging on to Billy's hand for dear life, still.]

Edited 2014-07-13 21:25 (UTC)

[The stroking feels good, amazing even, and Teddy finds himself tilting his body to it even as he lets his body shift and heal, getting used to the feeling of Billy inside him. Again, it doesn't take long at all; it's the advantage of being in a relationship with a self-healing boyfriend, he guesses. But only a moment after he took Billy in, Teddy lowers his head with a heady smile, hips rocking, not quite thrusting, to give Billy some stimulation.]

Just think... we can do this for the rest of our lives. [He lets his eyes drift shut as he raises his hips, then lowers them again, relishing in the feel of Billy sliding back inside him.] We can do - haa... whatever we want... long as we want...

That's... that's a really long time, Tee...

[Billy shudders at the sensation, his own hips rising as Teddy drops to grind his body as deep as he's allowed, his nails scraping gently up Teddy's sides, to his chest, then back down again. He moves in sync with his partner without hesitation, following Teddy's lead and letting him decide on the speed for now. It's true that Teddy can heal in ways that Billy never could, but there's no reason to rush anyway.]

No regrets, hah...?

[He sure as hell doesn't have any.]

[Billy makes a soft humming noise at that, looking more thoughtful now, instead. Finally he digs a pencil out of a drawer in the side table, drums it against the page, and starts to doodle random shapes to start.]

I hadn't really thought to try it before, but... worth a shot. Maybe something good'll actually come out of it.

It's somethin' you can do by yourself when you can't sleep.

[Not that she's talking from experience or anything.]

But if you want, I'll sit right here until ya get somethin' down.

You're not alone. I'm not going anywhere for a while, either.

[Loki's not that heavy, but Billy isn't that strong, either, and just standing there won't help either of them. With a nudge and a step he urges Loki over to the nearest chair, easing him down into it. There's blood on the floor and on the fabric now, but whatever, it can be cleaned later. Thank god no one lives here right now.

Speaking of blood, though, those should be taken care of ASAP. And if Loki's going to stay here, he'll need some supplies- food, clothes, and god, he'd forgotten about the cat-

-injuries first. The rest later.]

...How do you feel about dogs?

Mm.

[He continues with his random doodles for a long moment, considering the words, then stops, glancing up.]

Would it bother you if I did your portrait? I'm better with people.

[This is one of those times where Teddy doesn't want to rush just yet. They're engaged, and they're celebrating that fact and the life they promised to one another, and this shouldn't just be quick and hard sex that ends soon after it starts. His pace, as a result, is slow yet deep, the sensation wringing out quiet, breathy sounds from him. This... this is perfect, right here, taking the time to relish the feeling and still feeling all of the wonderful sensations that come with sex with Billy. Which he certainly wouldn't mind doing for as long as he said, god, it's always so incredible...

It'd be easy to tease him again, but he feels like it's not the right time for it. So he smiles down at him instead, one hand reaching out to press his palm against Billy's cheek.]

No regrets here... Not when I've been - hnngh - wanting this so long...

[Loki nods, a bit shaky. He sits in the chair, then curls up in it, drawing his long legs up toward his chest.] All right.

[Billy will stay here. He's not going to float off into the darkness and be lost. Loki rubs his hands slowly together, then begins picking at his own fingernails, just for something to do with his hands.]

They drool. [He shrugs one shoulder slightly.] Does not really matter, as such.

[He rubs his forehead with his hand for a moment. He's calmer now that he's no longer lost. And he can start thinking again. He needs a goal, a next step. Well, it seems plain. He has broken something important to him. He needs to find some way of repairing it. But he was the cause of this. The problem is him. He needs to be fixed.]

I won't...trouble you for long. I simply need to think for a bit. I will find a way to fix myself.

[Billy's brows furrow at that, lingering close for a moment before standing up.]

Don't start with that. You're not broken, you just screwed up. But I agree that you need to do some thinking.

[He moves to the door, opens it, pokes his head out, and whistles loudly. There's a brief scuffle, a jingling noise, and the padding of clawed feet on the floor as Optimus scampers in and circles around Billy. He leads the dog back over to the chair, where Optimus immediately starts sniffing at Loki. Billy on the other hand gets about as serious as he can possibly get.]

Optimus, Loki. Loki, Optimus. I promise you he doesn't drool, but he might lick your face off. I'm going next door for two minutes to get a first aid kit and some supplies for you. I'm also going to tell Teddy that neither of us are dead. My dog is going to babysit you for, again, two minutes max. Talk to him. Count down the seconds if you have to. Don't try to leave or my dog will sit on your face. I'm coming back and we are going to talk.

Edited 2014-07-14 04:54 (UTC)

[He shrugs faintly, not even pretending to look up.]

Wasn't enough. [He's never enough.

Ah. And there is why he mentioned dogs. That's fine. Dogs aren't his favorite animals, but he likes most animals well enough. He's always gotten along with animals better than people.]

All right.

[And he'll do as directed. He doesn't say anything of consequence to the dog, just speaks about mathematics, of all things. But it's something to say, something to cling to, and the dog is very obviously there and breathing like a furnace.]

[Thank god they have a pet that comes when it's called. Billy watches for a moment, to make sure, then hurries out to do exactly what he said he'd do. He'd said two minutes and he meant it; it was all the time he needed to rush back to his apartment, breathlessly explain and reassure Teddy that things were (sort of) okay and the blood wasn't his but that he needed to go right now.

Armed with their first aid kit, cleaning rags, and a bag of randomly selected outfits magicked from Loki's closet, he returns to the apartment with a handful of seconds to spare.]

[When Billy returns, Loki's just resorted to calculating a square root of a very large number mentally. He lets the numbers trail away into oblivion.

He hadn't been counting the seconds. He trusts Billy to not abandon him.

Well, maybe he shouldn't. He's managed to drive Rogue away. He probably could manage to drive Billy away just as stupidly. And without even trying. That's a merry thought.]

Your dog isn't very good at maths.

[It's a joke. Haha, right? Everything is okay, Loki is being a jerk.]

[It does manage to make Billy's lip quirk a little, though not quite a smile; it would be difficult to smile at anything right now, seeing what he's seeing.]

That's not true. He knows how to count- if you tell him he gets two treats and you only give him one, he knows.

[At his voice, Optimus is quick to wander away from Loki's chair and snuff at the bag Billy's carrying. With all the blood, Billy can't blame him, and anyway he'd done his job. Billy leaves the door open a crack to let the dog wander if he chooses, stepping back to the chair and laying out the supplies. Kit first- he'll need fresh water and the cloth to clean those cuts.]

I'm glad you're still here.

The stomach always knows, yes?

...oh.

[The idea of anyone being glad about anything right now seems quite iffy. Loki shrugs, picking at a hangnail on his right pointer finger, just making it worse, really.]

I'm too tired to go anywhere right now.

[A humorless smile. He begins picking at another hangnail.] And nowhere to go.

Edited 2014-07-14 05:49 (UTC)

[Billy spots that, then reaches up and catches Loki's wrist, gritting his teeth. Enough is enough.]

Stop. Stop it right now. I'm not just going to sit here and watch you hurt yourself.

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