[Action / Voice] House of M Follow-Up

[selfhelp]

[So... he's probably delayed this long enough, even if a part of him would love to delay it indefinitely. Not only is it a month overdue, but now that he's home again and fully recovered from whatever had been affecting his mind, putting it off any further will just make things more difficult. Frightened as he is of the consequences, he won't get anywhere if he keeps hiding. It's time to apologize for the damage his spell caused, and make things right... if he can.

First, Billy seeks out those he knows personally, friends or acquaintances whom he remembers being affected or involved. Whether they're people he hasn't spoken to since the spell was in place, or people who visited him while he was possessed and halfway out of his mind, he'll try to be as thorough as possible. Teddy accompanies him from place to place, bless him, and they can be found walking hand-in-hand through the village and talking quietly, though Billy will be speaking with the people he's looking for on his own. Teddy's there for moral support, nothing more; the rest is his responsibility.

After those visits, presumably the hard part is over, but there's one thing left to do - reach out to those he couldn't find, missed, or simply doesn't know, as well as the general populace who'd probably noticed strange things going on at the time. They deserve to know about... well. To put it bluntly, the menace to society that he can be. Not that he'd give that reason out loud. Certain people would take issue with it.

They'd be wrong, but.

This time, he uses the journal network, his voice tentative, worried, and sick with guilt, and it happens later in the evening:]

...Hey... it's Billy. Um, Kaplan. I'm kind of a witch. You might not know me. Sorry if you do. ...Last month, October 1st, I was sent back from a Malnosso abduction... kind of a mess. I wasn't thinking straight, and... I cast a spell. It... it screwed with a lot of people. Badly. I don't know the full extent of the damage it caused, or how far it went, but- I do know that- people were hurt. And I know I might not be able to make things right again, either.

["Might". His hope for that one is still pretty pathetic; the forgiveness he's already received is something of a miracle to him. The day's meetings are still weighing on him, and there's an ache in his heart that refuses to go away.]

...Still. I- I need to apologize. Whether or not the Malnosso were the cause, it's still my fault. S-so I'm sorry. I'm sorry... I'm so...

[....]

...I'm... not going to use magic anymore. I'm done. I'm no good. At it. I mean. I- sorry. ...This won't happen again. And if you want to yell at me, or get a better explanation of what happened, or... whatever you need, I'll... be here.

Thanks. For hearing me out.

[And... that's that.]

Comments

[tryit]

[Her face falls. Billy without his magic. She rally hates the thought. All she wants is for him to be happy. But it's not always easy to accept what has happened and move on.

The anger deflates. Kate slumps against the nearest wall.]

Forever?

[selfhelp]

...I don't know. Maybe.

[Probably.

He relaxes a little, though it's more of a shared slump, his own body echoing her unhappy pose.]

How else can I make sure that this doesn't happen again?

[tryit]

[God, she wishes that she had a good answer for that. There's no guarantee, is there? Even if Billy's taken out of the equation, there's still Wanda. Who knows? There might even be other reality benders that none of them know of back home.]

What about training? [Not the best response ever but, it's a start? Right?] There are a ton of magic types here, aren't there?

[selfhelp]

I have been training. Almost every day since I got here. My magic's gotten stronger, and my control's better than it's ever been.

But all of that didn't help. Not a bit.

[tryit]

[She falls silent. Because she really, really doesn't want to say what she's thinking aloud. That all the training in the world doesn't prepare you for losing someone you love.

Billy's never had to experience that. Not yet.]

...you thought Teddy was dead.

[selfhelp]

[...Oof. He grimaces, then nods. That's right... Kate had been the one to find him, after all. She'd witnessed the spell firsthand before she'd been affected. Teddy's name had unintentionally triggered it all. The memories... that he'd died. Or that he'd almost died.]

...yeah. And if that's how I respond to him getting hurt, then I have no business being a superhero.

[tryit]

Well, I disagree.

[It's an easy conclusion to come to. She says the words quickly and simply, without giving them any thought. It's clear from her expression and posture that she means them, too. He has every business being a superhero. Because it means that he still cares.

He hasn't forgotten what it means to be human despite those crazy powers of his.]

[selfhelp]

[Billy glances dubiously at her, then shrugs.]

You can disagree if you want. But it's what I've decided.

[And he can be pretty stubborn, too.]

[tryit]

[His shrug is met with a roll of her eyes. She's had practice with stubborn stupidity thanks to Clint. A whole shitload of practice.

God, one of these days, she'll stop surrounding herself with these sort of people. Until then, sometimes, a little tough love seems necessary.]

You realize you're just doing that whole self-pity thing again, right?

[selfhelp]

It's not self-pity.

[He looks up at her, his eyes narrowed a little. And when has that ever been his thing before, anyway?]

My magic hurt people. It caused genuine damage to people I care about. Why would I even try to keep using it when that's what it does!?

[tryit]

[Right. Of course it's not. Just like it wasn't self-pity when he sat there staring out of the window for all those weeks on end after Cassie and Jonas died. They all suffered a hell of a lot that day. But at least she eventually got back on that metaphoric horse.

A part of Kate knows she should have a lot more patience with Billy right now. It's not fair of her to accuse him of things he hasn't even lived through yet. But every time she sees him like this, it reminds her of the last time.

And she hates that.]

Because at least your actions didn't get anyone killed! You weren't even in control of them!

[The words escape before she even realizes. She's never been very good at filtering her opinions. A second or two later, it sinks in and Kate gasps, her hands covering her mouth.]

[selfhelp]

[Kate's sudden reaction at the end of that is startling and a little suspicious, but Billy doesn't have the sort of clear conscience to think too deeply on it. His mind instead is drawn to how closely the words relate to his current situation- what he did do, rather than what he didn't.]

...I almost did.

[His voice is faint, shaken and uneasy.]

Did Teddy tell you? When he came back... when he found me and told me to stop... I tried to kill him.

[tryit]

[She doesn't know if she should be relieved or angry that he doesn't notice the slip up. And she really doesn't have all that much time to think about it. Billy's response leaves her feeling a little shaken.

She shakes her head, hands falling from her face.]

He didn't. Oh, Billy...

[And whether he likes it or not, she walks over and wraps her arms around him in a tight hug.]

[selfhelp]

[He resists the urge for a moment, then goes ahead and hugs her back. Kate is honestly one of the few that he doesn't shy away from accepting comfort, now.]

Do you have any idea... how many times he's worried about hurting me? Because of his super-strength, he... and I always told him, always, that I knew he never would. He trusted me, and I...

[He can never say that again - that he'd never hurt Teddy with his magic. His spell ruined that forever.]

[tryit]

You weren't thinking straight.

[She holds him tight, one hand on the nape of his neck while the other rests on the small of his back. Sometimes, human comfort is just a necessity. And Kate's more than happy to provide it. Whenever he might need it.

A few seconds later, she pulls away. She grips his shoulders firmly and looks him in the eye.] Has Teddy forgiven you?

[selfhelp]

I... think so. We talked, and we've been trying to work through it. But you know Teddy... there's a lot that he doesn't say. He's probably still protecting me...

[And protection from the truth is the worst kind, it seems.]

[tryit]

Teddy also wouldn't still be trying to protect you if he didn't already forgive you. He loves you.

[It's always come down to that between them. No matter how complicated their lives gotten, they've always had each other. They've always pushed further. This is just another one of those bumps in the road. She has little doubt that they'll make it through.]

Have you thought about asking him? Being straight up and honest? It's a method that's been known to work.

[selfhelp]

...I thought about it, yeah.

[He shifts uncomfortably, hesitant to speak the rest out loud. If his own words become truth, then... everything he says is dangerous, isn't it...?]

I guess... I'm scared. Of what he'll say, or... whether it'll even be the truth.

[Teddy's so good at lying, after all.]

[tryit]

[He might be good at lying. But there are some things you just don't lie about. Or people that you don't lie to. Your partner is one of them. At least, that's how she thinks it's supposed to go. She's been in a relationship for, what, all of two days now? It's surprising that she hasn't messed it up yet.

But everything she's learned, she's learned from Billy and Teddy.]

He wouldn't do that. Not to you.

[selfhelp]

A month ago, I'd have said that I could never hurt him. And now...

[He gestures helplessly. A lot has changed. A lot of things have happened that can't be taken back. How can he know or be sure of anything anymore?]

[tryit]

[How many times had she hurt Eli? Or Tommy? She knows whatever she had with them wasn't what Billy shared with Teddy. God, she wouldn't even call it a relationship. Nothing really past a few dates and a couple of failed attempts at romance. But it's the only thing she has to compare any of this to.]

Some cliches are overrated. Hurting the ones we love? It needs to be reclassified as "shit happens."

[selfhelp]

Dammit, I can't just shrug it off, Kate!

[It's lashing out, getting frustrated, he knows, but he needs her to understand.]

Teddy's the best thing that's ever happened to me. The best. If I had to choose one I'd trade my powers, I'd trade my life as a Young Avenger, I'd trade anything if all I could have left was him. I hate, hate the idea that something I did could ruin that… I have a right to be worried.

[And it wouldn't be fair to just act like what he did - how he let his magic try to kill Teddy - is okay.]

"Shit happens" doesn't cut it.

[tryit]

[She remains quiet as he yells, refraining from taking the bait and yelling back. No matter how tempting it is, there’s a time and a place to fight. And she knows that this isn’t it. Just like it wasn’t the time for all those months after Cassie and Jonas’ deaths. That had been somewhat different though. Then, the whole team had been affected. Maybe Tommy had handled it best out of all of them. Maybe none of them had handled it well at all. But when it comes down to it, the last thing she wants to see is Billy sulking like he had last time.

He’ll get over it. At least, she tries to tell herself that. Kate’s not exactly certain she believes it.

Her hands go out in front of her, the universal gesture for innocence.]

Okay. Okay, Billy. But for what it is worth? I don’t doubt for a second that Teddy will forgive you.

[selfhelp]

[He wilts almost immediately, slumping back and burying his face in his hands. He doesn't want to fight, or get mad, especially not at her. It's been a really emotional day, both good and bad, and he's still feeling the whiplash of it all.

She's just trying to help. Don't be a jerk.]

...God... god, I hope you're right. I can't... I can't lose him, Kate, I...

[tryit]

I know.

[Even if she doesn't fully get it, she knows the two of them are a pair. There's no splitting them up. Not ever, maybe.

She just wishes that they realized that much themselves.

Kate walks back to him, hugging him tightly. Her cheek rests against his hair as she murmurs softly,] You won't, Billy. Promise you you won't.