selfhelp | [Action / Voice] House of M Follow-Up

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[Action / Voice] House of M Follow-Up

[So... he's probably delayed this long enough, even if a part of him would love to delay it indefinitely. Not only is it a month overdue, but now that he's home again and fully recovered from whatever had been affecting his mind, putting it off any further will just make things more difficult. Frightened as he is of the consequences, he won't get anywhere if he keeps hiding. It's time to apologize for the damage his spell caused, and make things right... if he can.

First, Billy seeks out those he knows personally, friends or acquaintances whom he remembers being affected or involved. Whether they're people he hasn't spoken to since the spell was in place, or people who visited him while he was possessed and halfway out of his mind, he'll try to be as thorough as possible. Teddy accompanies him from place to place, bless him, and they can be found walking hand-in-hand through the village and talking quietly, though Billy will be speaking with the people he's looking for on his own. Teddy's there for moral support, nothing more; the rest is his responsibility.

After those visits, presumably the hard part is over, but there's one thing left to do - reach out to those he couldn't find, missed, or simply doesn't know, as well as the general populace who'd probably noticed strange things going on at the time. They deserve to know about... well. To put it bluntly, the menace to society that he can be. Not that he'd give that reason out loud. Certain people would take issue with it.

They'd be wrong, but.

This time, he uses the journal network, his voice tentative, worried, and sick with guilt, and it happens later in the evening:]

...Hey... it's Billy. Um, Kaplan. I'm kind of a witch. You might not know me. Sorry if you do. ...Last month, October 1st, I was sent back from a Malnosso abduction... kind of a mess. I wasn't thinking straight, and... I cast a spell. It... it screwed with a lot of people. Badly. I don't know the full extent of the damage it caused, or how far it went, but- I do know that- people were hurt. And I know I might not be able to make things right again, either.

["Might". His hope for that one is still pretty pathetic; the forgiveness he's already received is something of a miracle to him. The day's meetings are still weighing on him, and there's an ache in his heart that refuses to go away.]

...Still. I- I need to apologize. Whether or not the Malnosso were the cause, it's still my fault. S-so I'm sorry. I'm sorry... I'm so...

[....]

...I'm... not going to use magic anymore. I'm done. I'm no good. At it. I mean. I- sorry. ...This won't happen again. And if you want to yell at me, or get a better explanation of what happened, or... whatever you need, I'll... be here.

Thanks. For hearing me out.

[And... that's that.]

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[At least he didn't come in uniform. That would probably have been even more intimidating. But no, Steve comes instead dressed in jeans and a t-shirt. He's here as Steve. A friend.

He smiles a light in greeting and then steps inside. He glances around like he's expecting to see something...or someone.]

Is Teddy here?

[Billy glances out the door briefly, then shakes his head and shuts it behind them.]

No, he's... out. Optimus needed to be taken for a walk, anyway, and I thought...

[After the day they'd had, a little space and personal time would do them both some good. Though Billy's halfway regretting it. The apartment is awfully big and lonely with just him.]

[He nods and takes a seat on one side of the couch.]

That's good. I was kind of hoping to speak with you alone. [He motions Billy over.]

Why don't you have a seat first?

[He's not sure if he should be bracing himself for a lecture or a coddling, and he can't decide which he'd rather have less. Anything coming from Cap is pretty intense, though, so he's as concerned as he is curious.

He sits, anyway, waiting and trying not to fidget.]

[Steve notices his caution. It's hard not to as it's all over Billy's face. He runs a hand across his face, wondering where he should begin. Finally he decides to take the direct approach. He doesn't appreciate word games and he doesn't think that's what Billy needs to hear now.]

...You screwed up. I'm not here to tell you that you didn't. It would be a lie and I doubt you would believe it. The truth is, I don't have any reassurances to give you. People are angry and they have good reason. But that is no excuse to turn your back on your magic. [He pauses after that, giving his words some time to sink in.]

Your magic isn't the problem, Billy. It's about you and your control. You might believe that if you stop using your magic, everything will be okay. But what if something like this happens again? Something pushed you to cast that spell and whatever it is, it could happen again. And all of us could end up worse off because of it. You need to control your powers. Not ignore them.

[Ah.

That sounds so nice and neat, doesn't it? The formula to fixing all of this, preventing it from happening again. God, he'd love it if it were that easy.]

I was learning control. For years now that's all I've done. And guess what? It didn't help. Not at all. All this happened, and... I was overwhelmed by it. So maybe I'm just not meant to have powers at all.

[Luckily he came here planning to argue.]

Do you really think control comes that easily? I think you forget sometimes that you're still just a teenager. A teenager who has powers so strong I have trouble believing it sometimes. Your gift isn't something minor, Billy. And I doubt a couple years of training will ever be enough. From what I've seen of your powers so far, it wouldn't be surprising if it takes you a lifetime to have complete control.

[He pauses for a moment, carefully choosing his next words.]

I think there are two types of people in this world. The ones who want power for powers sake, and the ones who don't. The very fact that you're willing to give up your magic so you don't harm anyone else tells me that you're the later. If anything it tells me you deserve to have your powers.

[Billy stews on that for a bit, not really liking what he hears, but he's at least mature enough to recognize that at least in part, what Steve says has merit. But that doesn't mean he has to just accept it, either.]

That's... such an old cliche. "You don't want power, so you deserve it!" But it isn't true. I... I did. Before I had powers, when I had the crap beaten out of me all the time for exceedingly stupid reasons, there's nothing I wished for more. Not so I could fight criminals or save the world, but because I wanted to fight one jerk at school.

[He glances sidelong at Steve, then away again.]

It's not exactly the noble desire of a hero.

[Steve studies Billy for a long moment, a small grin slowly inching across his face. He's clearly amused despite this being a strange time for it.]

Well, I guess I should have my hero card revoked then. If I had a dollar for every time I wished I was strong enough or fast enough to take on all the guys who tried to push me around well...I'd probably be as rich as Tony.

[That one earns him a startled look; Billy's only ever known Cap as- well, Cap. Strong, determined, invincible, incredible Captain America. The very thought of him being weak or pushed around by bullies the way he was... geez. It's inconceivable.]

You, Cap...?

[He watches Billy's reaction in amusement. Clearly the boy hadn't been prepared for that response.]

Yeah. Did you think I always looked like this? I can assure you, this is all the serum's work. I was just a skinny kid with asthma most of my life. You can ask Bucky if you don't believe me.

I-it's not that I don't believe you!

[More like he can't believe reality. Wow. That's... wow.]

But you're so... I don't know... good.

[To the very core. People like Cap are just. Meant to be strong and heroic and powerful. And he's not like that.]

Thank you. But being good doesn't mean I don't have my faults. Power is a natural desire to have for someone who feels bullied and powerless. It doesn't make us bad people just because we got what we asked for.

It just means we're extremely lucky, Billy.

[Billy frowns at that, thinking on it for a long moment. Lucky...]

I don't feel... very lucky right now, Cap.

No, I didn't think so. I don't always feel lucky either. But that's the cost of getting what you wanted.

[What he wanted... ha. There's more truth to that than he cares to admit.

I never wanted this.]

...Sorry. I just think whoever dishes out powers missed the mark on me.

And maybe you're just not giving yourself enough credit.

How much credit should I give myself, after I did pretty much exactly what people hate the Malnosso for? What makes it okay when it's me?

The fact that you weren't trying to intentionally hurt anyone. You didn't wake up one morning and decide to play with everyone's lives.

Intent doesn't help the person who got hurt, Cap.

[He's certainly had that hammered in plenty in the past- people who've unintentionally hurt or offended him for example.]

No. That's something you need to do on your own. Find a way to make it up to them. Do your best to make sure that something like that never happens again. But casting away your powers isn't going to make them go away and it's not going to help these people.

It might, for a time, give them some peace of mind. Until they come back to reality and remember that you're not the worst thing this place has to offer.

[He's not sure how to feel about that last part, nor is he terribly happy about the idea of still using his powers. He offers up a weak laugh.]

God, is that what I have to look forward to? "What you did was awful, but at least it's not as bad as the experiments!" Or the drafts, I guess. They're pretty bad. How low down the list do you think I rank?

Billy...[That hadn't been what he'd meant. If anything he had been trying to get across the point of view of those people. Whether it was fair judgment or not, they did have a negative view of Billy's powers now.]

That depends on you.

Which means I'm probably doomed.

[He's not someone to be depended on, at this point. Even by himself.]

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[Action / Voice] House of M Follow-Up

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action | GUESS WHO KNOWS ALL ABOUT BEING BULLIED? 8D

action | awwwww steeeeeeve :C

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