selfhelp | [Action / Voice] House of M Follow-Up

[So... he's probably delayed this long enough, even if a part of him would love to delay it indefinitely. Not only is it a month overdue, but now that he's home again and fully recovered from whatever had been affecting his mind, putting it off any further will just make things more difficult. Frightened as he is of the consequences, he won't get anywhere if he keeps hiding. It's time to apologize for the damage his spell caused, and make things right... if he can.

First, Billy seeks out those he knows personally, friends or acquaintances whom he remembers being affected or involved. Whether they're people he hasn't spoken to since the spell was in place, or people who visited him while he was possessed and halfway out of his mind, he'll try to be as thorough as possible. Teddy accompanies him from place to place, bless him, and they can be found walking hand-in-hand through the village and talking quietly, though Billy will be speaking with the people he's looking for on his own. Teddy's there for moral support, nothing more; the rest is his responsibility.

After those visits, presumably the hard part is over, but there's one thing left to do - reach out to those he couldn't find, missed, or simply doesn't know, as well as the general populace who'd probably noticed strange things going on at the time. They deserve to know about... well. To put it bluntly, the menace to society that he can be. Not that he'd give that reason out loud. Certain people would take issue with it.

They'd be wrong, but.

This time, he uses the journal network, his voice tentative, worried, and sick with guilt, and it happens later in the evening:]

...Hey... it's Billy. Um, Kaplan. I'm kind of a witch. You might not know me. Sorry if you do. ...Last month, October 1st, I was sent back from a Malnosso abduction... kind of a mess. I wasn't thinking straight, and... I cast a spell. It... it screwed with a lot of people. Badly. I don't know the full extent of the damage it caused, or how far it went, but- I do know that- people were hurt. And I know I might not be able to make things right again, either.

["Might". His hope for that one is still pretty pathetic; the forgiveness he's already received is something of a miracle to him. The day's meetings are still weighing on him, and there's an ache in his heart that refuses to go away.]

...Still. I- I need to apologize. Whether or not the Malnosso were the cause, it's still my fault. S-so I'm sorry. I'm sorry... I'm so...

[....]

...I'm... not going to use magic anymore. I'm done. I'm no good. At it. I mean. I- sorry. ...This won't happen again. And if you want to yell at me, or get a better explanation of what happened, or... whatever you need, I'll... be here.

Thanks. For hearing me out.

[And... that's that.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[That one earns him a startled look; Billy's only ever known Cap as- well, Cap. Strong, determined, invincible, incredible Captain America. The very thought of him being weak or pushed around by bullies the way he was... geez. It's inconceivable.]

You, Cap...?

[He watches Billy's reaction in amusement. Clearly the boy hadn't been prepared for that response.]

Yeah. Did you think I always looked like this? I can assure you, this is all the serum's work. I was just a skinny kid with asthma most of my life. You can ask Bucky if you don't believe me.

I-it's not that I don't believe you!

[More like he can't believe reality. Wow. That's... wow.]

But you're so... I don't know... good.

[To the very core. People like Cap are just. Meant to be strong and heroic and powerful. And he's not like that.]

Thank you. But being good doesn't mean I don't have my faults. Power is a natural desire to have for someone who feels bullied and powerless. It doesn't make us bad people just because we got what we asked for.

It just means we're extremely lucky, Billy.

[Billy frowns at that, thinking on it for a long moment. Lucky...]

I don't feel... very lucky right now, Cap.

No, I didn't think so. I don't always feel lucky either. But that's the cost of getting what you wanted.

[What he wanted... ha. There's more truth to that than he cares to admit.

I never wanted this.]

...Sorry. I just think whoever dishes out powers missed the mark on me.

And maybe you're just not giving yourself enough credit.

How much credit should I give myself, after I did pretty much exactly what people hate the Malnosso for? What makes it okay when it's me?

The fact that you weren't trying to intentionally hurt anyone. You didn't wake up one morning and decide to play with everyone's lives.

Intent doesn't help the person who got hurt, Cap.

[He's certainly had that hammered in plenty in the past- people who've unintentionally hurt or offended him for example.]

No. That's something you need to do on your own. Find a way to make it up to them. Do your best to make sure that something like that never happens again. But casting away your powers isn't going to make them go away and it's not going to help these people.

It might, for a time, give them some peace of mind. Until they come back to reality and remember that you're not the worst thing this place has to offer.

[He's not sure how to feel about that last part, nor is he terribly happy about the idea of still using his powers. He offers up a weak laugh.]

God, is that what I have to look forward to? "What you did was awful, but at least it's not as bad as the experiments!" Or the drafts, I guess. They're pretty bad. How low down the list do you think I rank?

Billy...[That hadn't been what he'd meant. If anything he had been trying to get across the point of view of those people. Whether it was fair judgment or not, they did have a negative view of Billy's powers now.]

That depends on you.

Which means I'm probably doomed.

[He's not someone to be depended on, at this point. Even by himself.]

[Action / Voice] House of M Follow-Up

action | awwwww steeeeeeve :C

action

action

action

action

action

action

action

action

action

action

action

action

action

action