selfhelp | [Action / Voice] House of M Follow-Up

[So... he's probably delayed this long enough, even if a part of him would love to delay it indefinitely. Not only is it a month overdue, but now that he's home again and fully recovered from whatever had been affecting his mind, putting it off any further will just make things more difficult. Frightened as he is of the consequences, he won't get anywhere if he keeps hiding. It's time to apologize for the damage his spell caused, and make things right... if he can.

First, Billy seeks out those he knows personally, friends or acquaintances whom he remembers being affected or involved. Whether they're people he hasn't spoken to since the spell was in place, or people who visited him while he was possessed and halfway out of his mind, he'll try to be as thorough as possible. Teddy accompanies him from place to place, bless him, and they can be found walking hand-in-hand through the village and talking quietly, though Billy will be speaking with the people he's looking for on his own. Teddy's there for moral support, nothing more; the rest is his responsibility.

After those visits, presumably the hard part is over, but there's one thing left to do - reach out to those he couldn't find, missed, or simply doesn't know, as well as the general populace who'd probably noticed strange things going on at the time. They deserve to know about... well. To put it bluntly, the menace to society that he can be. Not that he'd give that reason out loud. Certain people would take issue with it.

They'd be wrong, but.

This time, he uses the journal network, his voice tentative, worried, and sick with guilt, and it happens later in the evening:]

...Hey... it's Billy. Um, Kaplan. I'm kind of a witch. You might not know me. Sorry if you do. ...Last month, October 1st, I was sent back from a Malnosso abduction... kind of a mess. I wasn't thinking straight, and... I cast a spell. It... it screwed with a lot of people. Badly. I don't know the full extent of the damage it caused, or how far it went, but- I do know that- people were hurt. And I know I might not be able to make things right again, either.

["Might". His hope for that one is still pretty pathetic; the forgiveness he's already received is something of a miracle to him. The day's meetings are still weighing on him, and there's an ache in his heart that refuses to go away.]

...Still. I- I need to apologize. Whether or not the Malnosso were the cause, it's still my fault. S-so I'm sorry. I'm sorry... I'm so...

[....]

...I'm... not going to use magic anymore. I'm done. I'm no good. At it. I mean. I- sorry. ...This won't happen again. And if you want to yell at me, or get a better explanation of what happened, or... whatever you need, I'll... be here.

Thanks. For hearing me out.

[And... that's that.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

What? Oh, sure...

[He's... not sure how he'll feel tomorrow, or what this particular meeting will bring, but it can't possibly be worse than everything he'd experienced today, so agreeing is easy enough. If worst came to worst, he could technically just cancel. ...Reschedule. That's a better way to put it.

He won't run away.]

What time?

How about after lunch? Somewhere between 1 and 2. [If they need to reschedule, she doesn't mind. She's just hoping to provide a calm, neutral territory.]

[Well. If nothing else, Teddy will be happy he's been handed a reason to leave the apartment again.]

...Okay. I'll come then.

Thank you. I'll see you then.

[True to his word, Billy shows up around 1:30 the next day, wandering into the flower shop and poking around a bit, looking for Raine. Truth be told, he's never actually been there before. Flowers aren't exactly his passion.]

[She's not hard to find, having just moved several plants into the greenhouse proper. She steps back into the shop, glancing around to see just who that might be...]

Ah, there you are. Hello, Billy.

[Turning at the sound of her voice, he offers her a listless wave.]

...Hey. You wanted to see me...?

You haven't come to school for a while, now. I wanted to see how you've been doing.

...Ah... yeah.

[He fidgets uncomfortably, glancing away.]

I've... been sick for a while. Haven't felt up to coming.

You don't have to use that as an excuse, after everything you've already said. Will you be staying out for a little longer, until you feel more sorted out?

[Ha… true enough, lying about his reasons for all but disappearing is kind of pointless right now, isn’t it? It’s just hard not to, even after going public. He doesn’t want to talk about it.]

I… don’t know. Probably? I’m not… really comfortable. Around people.

Fair enough. You can take all the time you need, of course -- just don't bury yourself completely. I can always ask Teddy to take you home some assignments so you don't feel like you've fallen too behind.

[...Huh. He'd actually expected more resistence than that. Maybe he just looked pitiful enough for it to be okay.]

Ah... thanks. You don't mind?

Well, I do hope to see you back eventually. It's not a matter of me minding; you've been through a lot, and are making adjustments to your usual lifestyle. I understand that would take time. Especially in a place like this.

...Mm. I'm sure... I'll come back. When I'm ready.

[He hesitates, not sure if he's fully comfortable in explaining the rest, then just goes ahead with it.]

I guess... I was worried that I wouldn't be welcome.

[Which sounds kind of stupid, in retrospect, after how open to his apologies almost everyone has been.]

There's still going to be a seat for you, all right? You're owning up to everything that's happened. It's not an easy thing to do, or face... but you're doing it.

...Mm.

[He doesn't feel like it's anything to be praised for, even slightly. But that's nice to hear.]

Pretty sure a lot of people knew it was me, anyway, so... it was bound to come out eventually.

Even so, the difference is in how you chose to handle revealing it. Most people seemed to pass it off as a shift... you might not have had to say anything.

...I don't like dishonesty. Even if I did, I don't think I could've lived with the guilt.

[She nods - and that just proves her point. It's a little ironic, how far she's come along from being so distrustful.]

Instead you're doing your best to take responsibility for it, even if it does cost you.

Ha... but is that really being good about it, or just a preemptive move?

You just said you disliked being dishonest. Are you questioning your own motivations?

...Since it all happened, I've been questioning a lot about myself. What I'm capable of.

You were pushed to a limit. That doesn't define who you are as a person, Billy. Don't let your guilt turn you into something you never were.

It isn't my guilt that's done that, though, it's my powers. Putting it like that just makes it seem like an excuse.

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