selfhelp | [Action, July 11th-13th]

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[Action, July 11th-13th]

[To say that Billy is a bit of a basket case right now would be a severe understatement. His mom is here. His admittedly teenage and therefore doesn't-know-who-he-is-and-kind-of-alternate-universe mom, yes, but that doesn't seem to make the intensity of his feelings about the matter any different. One small comfort is that they're getting along (so far), and their shared powers gives them common ground, but there's still that lingering... risk that he can't stop thinking about. That he won't be able to keep his secrets, that eventually everything will come crumbling down. He's terrified of that.

The first day, he does little else but fret and mull over it, after separating from Wanda; Teddy's kind enough to cancel any of his daily doings, since he's in no state to be pretending like everything's normal. It had been hard enough with Wanda the first time. Today, though, he feels much better. His head is more clear, he's found his center of calm, and he spent at least half the day and night before meditating so he figures he has a firm grasp on his sanity again.

There are certain things that he knows he needs to do, especially since he ditched all his usual priorities the day before, so he's made himself a list, and today he's going through it all. It is as follows: He swing by the art gallery and removes some of his work, namely anything that features the Scarlet Witch (only a couple of pieces, mind you, and they're his, but art theft is still art theft). He attends training with Logan and begs for forgiveness about skipping the day before (beg may be an overstatement of what actually happens because he isn't really sorry at all). He'll attend X-Men Training and try to perform decently despite feeling ridiculously scatterbrained. And finally, he'll probably talk to some Very Important People in the process of completing the rest of his list.

In the end, well... he's decided to track down Wanda again, maybe not now, but some time in the near future. Because despite his fears and misgivings, despite everything he's likely to say to everyone else - that it's a bad idea, that he'll mess things up, that he'll accidentally reveal himself - the temptation of sharing his powers with hers, teaching her, helping her, is too strong to resist. This is about more than a lost family, now. This is about magic.]

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[He knows that, of course - they've done this song and dance plenty of times before - but it takes Billy a few moments longer before he finally tilts his head to one side to lend some coherency to his voice. He just wants to indulge in the embrace for a while, but he knows that Teddy will worry too much if he keeps quiet, and that's not fair. Especially when... well, compared to what it could be in this place, it's pretty tame.

Still stressful as hell, though. So finally he just comes out and says it-]

Wanda's here.

Wanda?

[The Scarlet Witch? Billy's soul-mom? She's here?

... Then why does Billy look so stressed about it? Shouldn't he be happy? Well, except for the fact that Wanda's in Luceti, but...

Still, Teddy has no room to judge. He wouldn't really know what it's like. So instead of prodding Billy more, he just holds him close, lowering his head to touch their foreheads together and shut his eyes. He at least knows the reason for Billy's distress; further explanation can wait until he's indulged in his boyfriend's embrace. Billy tends to talk better when he's not as stressed out, after all.]

[Yeah, he thought he'd be happy too. And he is, in a way. Just... unsure, now. If she'd been an adult, he could have explained himself for real - maybe not now, but in the future - tell her who he is, finally get to know her and ask her all the questions he needs answers to. But this? With her his age? How is he supposed to tell a 17-year-old girl that her new magic buddy is actually her nearly-adult alternative-universe son?

It's so messed up. And after another set of long moments, letting Teddy's presence calm him, he tries again.]

She's from Rogue's universe, not ours. And she's our age.

[Which means that yes, she's Wanda. She's the Scarlet Witch.

But she's not his mother.]

[Teddy opens his eyes at that, mostly in surprise, but also to look at his boyfriend's face.] Our age?

[Oh. Oh wow, that's... awkward. And - yeah, god, he can see why Billy would be freaking like this, and maybe disappointed too. He had so many questions, and he'd wanted to find her ever since Kl'rt told him of his heritage. To have a younger, alternate version of his mother is just... kind of like danging an out-of-reach carrot in front of a rabbit's face.

Not only that, but to have to hold back all these questions, to have to not say who you are in relation, knowing and yet being unable to speak - jeez.

Once all of that sinks in, Teddy lids his eyes again and moves one hand back to cup his hand against Billy's cheek, offering warmth and comfort and support.]

Did you talk to her?

...Yeah.

[Another pause, and then Billy offers up a weak smile; he wants to see the good side of this, because there is one, he knows that. It's just going to take some time to get over that disappointment, realizing he might never get the kind of relationship he really wanted to have.

Still- it's not all bad.]

She's... really cool. She's nice... kind of nervous, but I can't blame her for that. She even looks a bit like me.

[He takes a deep breath, eyes lowering as he lifts his hands to stare at them, the memory of his power rising up to mingle with hers. That feeling...]

And Teddy... her magic, it's... it's just like mine. It looked the same, it felt the same... I've never...

[God, it's indescribable, how it feels. He just wishes it wasn't so bittersweet.]

[... Wow. Not for the first time, Teddy kind of wishes that he could have magic like Billy, just to experience something like that with him. Hell, having Nala's power within him intermingling with Billy's magic was incredible on its own, and Teddy's at least glad to have had that. But this sounds much deeper, and even though he wishes for that kind of thing, he really can't be envious. Maybe there's a twinge of jealousy over the fact that Billy's mom is here, but it's hardly enough to worry about.

No, he just feels this sense of awe and relief. That Billy, his pessimistic Billy, can find a bright side, and that bright side sounds really special.

Teddy lets his arms lower to Billy's waist, keeping away from his hands for now as if thinking that doing so would interrupt a fond memory. He simply holds him there, head down to look at his hands as if they'll burst with magical color any moment.]

You've never felt anything like that before, right? Feeling something like that, it sounds...

[... ... ... he really can't think of a better word for it, but it still makes him grimace slightly with embarrassment as he glances up at Billy's eyes.]

... magical?

[Billy shoots him a deadpan look for that one, rolling his eyes and slumping against his chest, face buried again.]

I'm trying to be serious, here... this is a big deal, you know? I don't know what I'm gonna do...

[He's kept it a secret before, sure; it was easy, especially with hardly anyone actually knowing who the Scarlet Witch is. Even now, only two or three people know besides Teddy and Kate. But he's never had to keep it a secret from Wanda herself.]

Mm, I know, sorry... couldn't think of any other word.

[He shoots a quick, apologetic smile, not that Billy would see it what with his face buried against him. Instead, Teddy takes to stroking Billy's hair and leaning his head to the side to rest his cheek against his hair.]

Is it about keeping the fact that you're her son from an alternate universe a secret?

[By the way Billy's arms slide up to wind around Teddy's neck, it appears that he's forgiven for the bad joke. The issue at hand is way more important than that could ever be, anyway.]

Mm. I never thought... I mean, I should have considered it, but I didn't think she'd show up as young as me... I can't tell her who I am. Do you know how messed up that would be...?

Pretty messed up, yeah...

[He can imagine it. Someone his age coming to Luceti and suddenly telling him that he's that teen's father or something. Which would be bizarre on top of messed up, considering.

It should be easy; Billy doesn't have to tell her, simple as that, and yet he's still so sad about it. Teddy can imagine why; he'd spent this long wanting to get to know his mother better, and this... isn't really his mother. He can't relate; even knowing that dead people show up here, Teddy's convinced he'll never see his own mother again. But Billy...]

You can still be her friend, you know. You already said she's cool; why not learn more about her like that? You get to know what Wanda's like in some other universe, and younger too.

[He really should meet her, too. Now his curiosity is starting to nag at him.]

I know that. [Billy's tone is a little frustrated, and he grimaces against Teddy's shoulder. He can't help it; Teddy's only saying what he's been telling himself all afternoon. It's not his boyfriend's fault that he's heard the words dozens of times already. Still, it's hard not to be annoyed about it. All this waiting and hoping and in the end this is the result...

He's not unhappy, not exactly. But at the same time, it feels a little like a missed chance.

He doesn't mean to snap, though, so after a weary and exasperated exhale, he tries again.]

I know that's what I have to do, I just... I wish it could be different. I wish she could be different. And that's really not fair to her...

[But hey, this place is all about fairness, right? Ugh...]

[He's pretty sure that's why Billy's frustrated anyway, so Teddy just keeps relaxed like it hadn't happened, takes a note of it. Right, don't say the obvious. But then, what can he say? It's a pretty sucky situation, and Teddy can't just tell him to suck it up and deal.]

I know. I know that's what you're wishing for. It really isn't fair to anyone.

[He slides his hand down Billy's hair to stroke the back of his neck, and he moves his head enough to kiss his temple. Once he pulls back from that, he gives a slightly helpless smile.]

I don't think anything I can say will help that, either. [He's pretty sure that both he and Billy know that everything he'd say will either be a repeat of everything Billy's told himself, or things that'll make him more frustrated. Hard to deflate immediate disappointment like this from the words of another; this takes ranting, thinking about it, then talking again with a clearer idea.

It's hard, not being able to really help. But sometimes, the best thing to do is to metaphorically take a step back.]

[He hates that Teddy is right, but... nnn. He is totally right. And no amount of pining for fairness or wishing away his problems would actually fix this- his magic doesn't work like that, whether he likes it or not. And nothing Teddy says or does can make him as instantly better about is as he really wants.

So... back to basics, then. He closes his eyes, resting still and silent in Teddy's arms for a minute.]

I'm still processing all of this... maybe I just need a little time.

Mm... You only just got back from seeing her and all.

[With Billy against him like this, Teddy winds both arms around him once more and rests his chin on top of his head, eyes shutting, yet he keeps his hold loose. It's an option, really; Billy can stay here and let Teddy hold him like this, a way of sort of hiding him away from the rest of the world, or he can get up and think on his own. Teddy's just fine with either; he's worried, of course he is, but he trusts that Billy can figure it out if he does do the latter. And Teddy will be here no matter what, and he knows Billy knows it.]

[Knowing that it's his call - to stay with Teddy or try to sort it through on his own - makes it easier to decide, in a way, rather than being prodded in one direction or the other. He remains like that for a little while, mulling it over silently, then finally lifts his hands to Teddy's shoulder, reluctantly pushing himself back. He doesn't quite meet Teddy's gaze yet, but he at least looks marginally better. If nothing else, his boyfriend is good for helping him get back some semblance of a clear head when he's distressed.]

Sorry, I... think I'm gonna go lay down for a while. I don't feel like doing anything else to-

[And then he stops, eyes widening, looking vaguely panicked.]

Oh my god, I totally forgot about- can you tell Pepper that I can't go over there today? It's really not a good day for- yeah.

[Housecleaning, he doesn't say, because even though he hasn't told Teddy exactly what he's doing over there these days, he figures it's pretty obvious that laundry and dishes aren't the reason he takes those visits more seriously now.]

[Teddy smiles at that, not looking in the least disappointed about Billy's decision - and it widens to a grin once Billy starts to panic a little.]

Hey - Relax. I got it under control. I'll tell Pepper you're not feeling up to it today.

[Whatever "it" is, seeing how Teddy's noticed how seriously he's taking it now. He'd never pry about it, of course; it's important if Billy's not quite telling him about it. It's just something he's noticed; he doubts Billy would react like this otherwise.

His smile softens, and he gives the side of Billy's neck a touch with his palm.]

I'm here if you need me, all right? You can do it.

[Billy takes a moment to let that sink in, settling the metaphorical feathers (or literal, it's hard to tell since he actually has them here) of panic, his shoulders slumping as he relaxes again. With a quiet sigh he lifts his hands again, this time to touch Teddy's face and lean him forward to meet Billy in a soft kiss.]

You really are the best boyfriend ever.

[Teddy gives a soft chuckle at that, not saying one way or the other, though his cheeks do seem a little pink. With a stroke of his thumb in front of Billy's ear, Teddy presses another soft kiss to his lips, then leans back once more.]

Good luck.

Mm.

[Billy lets himself indulge in the touch for a moment longer than he intended before finally pulling away and heading for his bedroom, in which he'll hide for most of the night. Try not to fret, bf <3]

[~~too late~~

But no, Teddy does whatever he needs to do that day. He leaves a message for Pepper first thing, telling her that Billy won't be able to come in and, thankfully, she didn't pry. Before training, he leaves the now fixed guitar at Cloud Nine. It's a little harder to excuse Billy's absence during training later, since it's, well, Logan. Ororo understood, of course, which made him give her an all too grateful look.

He spends a little more time outside after that, despite this being usually the time that he goes home. Visits the library to look over a few things and not concentrate on a single word, people watches at the fountain, practices a bit of shapeshifting... wonders if he should talk to Wanda himself.

He stops by Shot in the Dark before heading home, grabbing one of Billy's iced favorites. After all that, he heads for their place, and soon enough, he's opening the door and setting the key aside.]

Billy?

[Billy doesn't quite answer; he's made it to the couch now, books scattered around the table, some open in places, dumped into haphazard piles as if he'd been rushing through them. As for Billy himself, he's in his usual meditation pose, brows furrowed, but his posture is stiff, like he'd been sitting like that for way too long.

There's a delayed "hnnnn" response to Teddy's arrival - and call - but Billy doesn't otherwise speak or move. He might need a bit more coaxing.]

[Teddy can't help but smile, at least glad that Billy's out of his room and, even better, still in the apartment. He shuts the door behind him, then decides to do a bit of coaxing - at least, after noticing that Billy's been in that position a little too long.

So, he waves the drink back and forth below Billy's nose. It's a little hard to smell an iced drink like this, but if nothing else, Billy's a cafe-addict like Teddy himself, and he could probably sniff out one of these things a mile away.]

Billyyyyy...

[Oh, he can definitely smell that- and even before Teddy speaks, his nose is scrunching up a bit. Is that...?

And as his name is called, Billy's hands lurch up to grip the cup, eyes still closed, and pulls it a bit closer. Sniiiiff...]

...Is that a coconut mocha?

Edited 2013-07-14 11:46 (UTC)

Mmhmm. And it's waiting just for you.

[Now that Billy's got a grip on the drink, Teddy sits down beside him, an arm winding around his back both in support and with an ulterior motive in mind. His fingers pass over the muscles in Billy's shoulders, subtly looking for tension there, before he lets his hand settle on his upper arm.]

Edited 2013-07-14 11:50 (UTC)

....Mmm.

[Billy hugs the mocha closer, lifts it, takes a long sip, and sighs emphatically as he lowers it, a smile finally gracing his lips. Better. Much better, and it's enough to help him relax a little, leaning into Teddy's hand.]

God, yeah. This is just what I needed, thanks.

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