selfhelp | [IC] Appointments Post

I wish... I could be as sure as you.

[Billy drags the blanket back over them both and curls himself around Teddy, burying his face in Teddy's hair. It's uncanny, really, how humbling it is to hear those words. To hear the one that he'd hurt the most with his magic all but admitting that he's glad of this, that he knows Billy can do great things again.

Maybe he can do this, after all.]

But I'll try. As long as you believe in me, as long as you're okay with this... I'll try.

Hmm...

[He kind of wants to leave it at that. If Teddy wasn't okay with it, they probably wouldn't be here at all, and he's pretty sure Billy already knows that.

But he knows that Billy needs to hear things like this, too, especially after just how badly his magic hurt him. And it's... not like Teddy is completely sure about it himself. But that's another reason why they need to do this; it's training for Billy as well as healing for Teddy.

So instead of just keeping silent, Teddy presses a kiss against Billy's collarbone, then buries his face against it.]

'm okay with it. Believe in you all the way, B. [...] Wake me up when you're ready to go?

[Because if he knows himself, even though they're going to sleep at the same time, Teddy's likely still going to be like a bear in hibernation by the time Billy wakes up.]

[The reassurance did help, and it makes Billy feel a little better to hear it directly, although he isn't surprised by it. He's surprised very little by Teddy these days- moreso than he was back when the whole magic mess had just happened. Every kindness, every gesture of decency, every indication that Teddy views him as anything more than a monster was a surprise in one way or another. Now, though... it's not so much that he expects it, although he certainly appreciates it, but... it's normal, now. He's glad that it's normal. It means he thinks more of himself and less of Teddy, in the way that he ought to. Less "he should hate me" and less "he deserves better" and less "he made the wrong choice". More...

This is right.

This is good.

This is meant to be.

His response is a quiet hum, a slight shift for comfort and closeness, and silence, as he lets those thoughts and the reassurance of Teddy's support - both physical and verbal - soothe him to sleep.

He wakes around dawn, hours later; with how early they'd slept, he's not surprised by this. Nor is he surprised to be so tangled up in his boyfriend's- fiance's- limbs. Gently he wriggles himself loose with practiced ease, kissing Teddy's cheek and tucking the blanket closer to hide the rising sun so it won't be a bother in an hour or so. After that he steps out of the tent and into the growing light of day.

The sun, heat, and a hyperactive golden retriever greet him. The thunderstorm of yesterday afternoon had brought about a rush of warmth even at the early hour, so after a refreshing tussle with the dog to wear out some of the pup's energy - and a good fifteen minutes worth of fetch for extra measure - Billy drags his shirt off, sets it on the grass not far from the tent, and sits down with his legs tucked under him, hands on his knees, and works his way through his morning exercises. It's different outside than it was in the apartment; the air is fresh and new, not just filtered through the window or the air ventilation. Teddy had been right to suggest this;. The altitude and the surroundings... god, he already feels a hundred times better about this than he had back in their place. It's new here, untouched, flawless. This is the perfect spot to start over.

After his workout is finished, he starts on the meditations. The regular ones at first: simple, calming thoughts, breathing exercises, and then, gentle chants to encourage himself. No magic yet, but... a tingle, maybe. A bracing for what's to come. Maybe it's another sign that it'll be okay- speaking the words doesn't make him tense up the way he did before.

I want this to work. I want this to work. I want this to be okay.

He's so lost in his preparations that he barely even registers Optimus tire of exploring and wander back to flop beside him, pressed against his leg. He does smile, though; his big fluffy anchor to the world.

I want I want I want Iwantiwantiwantiwantiwant-]

[Teddy wakes up earlier than usual, about an hour or so after Billy does. But he thinks "too early", then shuts his eyes and is soon asleep again. A little while later, he wakes once more, and this time he can't get back to sleep. He lays there for a while, wonders where Billy is for half of that before realizing that he probably hasn't come back yet (probably still too early, goddammmit), then decides he should probably actually get up.

The process takes a while, as it usually does when Teddy has to wake himself up with no pressing obligations. But after that, he unzips the tent and sticks his head out, still groggy and hair still a mess, and ends up noticing the shirt first.

Of course, his mind shoots to "shirtless Billy" with appreciation before he realizes that yeah, he's still doing his warmups. And indeed, Billy himself isn't too far away, meditating with their dog by his side and lost to the world. He won't interrupt, not while Billy's concentrating like this. Instead, he watches for a moment, letting the sleepiness ooze out of him (and still eying Billy's back, what can he say) before he ducks back inside to get ready properly.

Who knows, maybe he'll catch him hovering in place by the time Teddy's finished.]

[Billy doesn't hear the zipper, but Optimus does; when the tent zips shut he perks his head up, tail thumping against the ground. After a moment - when Teddy doesn't reappear - the thumping stops. Billy, meanwhile, is so deep into his focus exercise that his chanting finally manifests, a soft static filling the air, making fur and hair alike stand on end. By the time it starts to bother Optimus, Billy's no longer beside him but half a foot in the air, cross-legged, a thin blue light outlining his body. He hangs there for a while, tilting slightly to the side, completely unaware.

And then, moments after Teddy comes out again, Optimus barks (so very helpfully) and his concentration shatters. His eyes open, and he drops with a startled yelp.

Dignified and relaxed, yep, that's how he wanted to start his magical therapy.]

Edited 2014-06-25 09:49 (UTC)

[... You know, Teddy had that stray hovering thought as a joke, but when he's outside again and sees that his boyfriend has risen off the ground a little, he can't help smiling and shaking his head, just - absolutely smitten with this guy, this man who he chose to be his future husband. Only a bit of meditation and he's already floating...

Though that doesn't last long when Optimus barks and Billy falls gracelessly to the ground. His smile broadens to a grin, and he starts to give a slow clap while Optimus trots on over to him, tail wagging in an enthusiastic hello.]

I'm giving that a 7.5 for effort!

[Billy's on his back where he fell, flummoxed and vaguely annoyed as he stares at the sky, but the sound of Teddy's clapping makes him groan and cover his face with both hands.]

Oh my god. Write that on my gravestone when I die of embarrassment.

Hey, no. You can't do that yet. You've still gotta show me ya moves.

[He says it in his best Captain Falcon impression, which... considering his shifting ability, is damn good. When Billy lowers his hands again, he'll find that Teddy's moved close enough to look down at him upside-down.]

Also, you've still gotta marry me.

[That imitation is just uncanny enough to earn a snort out of Billy, and the reward of Teddy's smiling face is enough to balance out revealing his red face. His hands sit against his lips instead, concealing his own grin.]

Must I? I think your dog just tried to kill me.

He's just jealous that you're getting all my attention.

[Even though he's got one hand scritching behind Optimus' ears while he looks down at Billy. As if to cement his words though, Teddy leans down to kiss Billy's hands, seeing how they're covering his lips.]

Not like I'm engaged to him or anything.

Hmmm. Would you prefer that? What do you think, pup, would the One Ring fit on your digits?

[He slides his hands away and lifts them instead, fingers poised around the ring as if to draw it off, looking very thoughtful as he watches Teddy. It's as empty as a threat can get; ever since Teddy put it on him, he hasn't taken it off for a second, and he doesn't intend to, either.]

Edited 2014-06-25 10:33 (UTC)

[Yeah, Teddy knows it's the emptiest bluff. Still, he'll indulge, eyes still locked on Billy's while he keeps his boyfriend's hands in the corner of his vision.]

I think it'd be too big for him. Besides... you're my One here.

[He leans down to kiss him again, this time on the lips, now that Billy's hands are away. He even slips his hand out of Optimus' fur, something that makes the dog look at him, disgruntled, before sitting down right by him. Daddy's gotta stop kissing Papa sometime, after all, and then he'll get more love.]

[Billy's response is a pleased hum, tilting his head to enjoy the kiss as much as possible. He's content to let it last as long as he has air, but somewhere in the middle of it he separates his hands and allows them instead to seek out Teddy's, entwining their fingers. And that ring is, as ever, still firmly in place where it belongs.

When he finally withdraws he's smiling openly at last, squinting up at Teddy. With the rising sun at his back, surround his head like a big golden halo... god, he looks dazzling.]

Mm... good morning to you, too.

[Teddy gives a bright grin at that, then pulls back to get Billy sitting up again. Can't leave him lying there forever, what with them needing to start their training.]

Looks like you're already getting into it. In case it wasn't obvious, you were floating. [And there's something like pride in his expression when he voices that; he didn't quite expect Billy to get that far so fast, and there he is.]

[Billy reddens again, somewhat helplessly, though he doesn't cover his face this time, just sits up with Teddy and endures it quietly.]

God... I wasn't even trying to. I wasn't really doing- anything. I mean, I was chanting, but it wasn't supposed to be a spell...

[The joy he feels at Teddy's proud expression conflicts with the revival of his uncertainty; if he's casting when he's trying not to cast, does that mean this is a bad idea? But if Teddy's not bothered by it... hrngh.]

Hey, you're just starting out. Remember when you were doing this a couple years ago? You'd zap things without meaning to or anything. [Teddy leans back, waving his hands in a "magic hands" motion before settling them behind him to balance him, and tilts his head back. He's relaxed, and not worried about this development. And maybe if he's at ease, Billy can be too.]

I think it's just part of the process. You know, if you can take advice from someone who doesn't know a thing about magic.

Edited 2014-06-28 06:07 (UTC)

Taking advice from you kind of worked out the last time, so. I'll stick with that.

[It does help, though, that Teddy's so relaxed despite Billy's words. It lets him relax, and he feels a bit like he can treat this more normally than he'd originally thought. He'll still keep an eye out for any changes, just in case, but it's the sort of reassurance he'd been in desperate need of right now.]

So, then... what's the first step, boss?

The same first step as last time. [He frowns a little, because he really should've done this before he decided to come over and tease Billy. But with a slight eyeroll to himself, Teddy gets up, dusts off his butt and heads back to the tent, expecting Billy to follow, and pulls their backpacks over near the entrance.]

You remember which books helped you the most? [He opens up one bag and tips it over, letting a few books slide out.] These aren't my mom's, so I wasn't required to read them or anything, but...

[Billy sifts through the pile, looking intently for one book in particular. He finally pulls it out and holds it up for Teddy: The Secret of Success. One that Teddy should find familiar.]

This one is. Or rather, it's the same as one she had at your place. It's where I started to make some real progress, back then.

[It's a bit like looking at an old photograph of a lost loved one. It's not the same book - the corner is straight and neat rather than slightly bent from when he dropped it on the floor as a kid, but it's still the book he remembers.

There's a small pause in his movements as he stares at the cover for a moment as a result, and then he seems to snap himself out of it by bringing his eyes back up to Billy's face. Right, he's in the present right now.]

Then we'll get started by reading that again. And if that's not enough, then we'll get another one that you know helped you out. I've got candles too, but since we're outside in the daylight, we... probably don't need those, huh?

Not yet. If this takes longer than twelve hours on the first day, though, we might be trying a little too hard.

[He's going to try and hold on to this sense of humour as long as he can. It's calming his nerves, at least. Even a little is better than nothing.

He flips the book open to the table of contents, perusing the chapter titles, then flips to about fifteen pages in.]

"Chapter 4: Latent Powers". ...I still can't believe this kind of thing was written for regular people. Or maybe it was supposed to be for supers and just kind of caught on in the self-help circles?

Wouldn't surprise me.

[The first time Billy read this book with him, Teddy had kept a respectable distance, what with them being not-quite-boyfriends-but-certainly-attracted-to-each-other. Now that they're engaged, however, Teddy slides around until he's at Billy's side with one arm around his waist to pull him against his side.]

Maybe this Atkinson guy's actually a super hero no one knows about. Maybe... Spirituality Guy?

[Billy snorts at that, leaning back against Teddy comfortably and holding the book at an angle so they both can see it, propping it up with one hand while sliding the other down to rest against Teddy's wrist as if to welcome the embrace. It's very, very different from how it had gone the first time around, but the last thing he'd do is complain. Not with Teddy supporting him like this, not with his ring just barely visible beneath the book's spine.]

If that's his codename, no wonder he hasn't told anyone about it. He'd need his own self-help advice to deal with the public shame.

[Well. At least Billy's not the only one who notices the ring every time it's even partially in view. Teddy feels a smile come up when the golden band peeks over, and for the nth time, he thinks about how perfect it looks on his fiancé.

God. He's absolutely, completely, utterly hopeless, and he's pretty sure he wouldn't have it any other way.

He's also pretty sure that Billy's going to get tired of holding up that book with one hand after a while, so with his own free hand, Teddy holds the other side of the book, letting Billy be in charge of flipping the pages.]

I think we just discovered the book's true origin. Spirituality Guy wrote it to motivate himself, and it just caught on with everyone else.

'The secret of success' is a self-fulfilling prophecy, then.

[Billy grins, giving Teddy a bit of a nudge from below. The help with the book is appreciated, and now that he doesn't have to focus so much on balance, he starts reading a passage.]

"The majority of us have little or no conception of the reserve mental energies and forces contained within our being. We jog along at our customary gait, thinking that we are doing our best and getting all out of life that there is in it - think we are expressing ourselves to our utmost capacity. But we are living only in the first-wind mental state, and behind our working mentality are stores of wonderful mental energy and power - faculties lying dormant - power lying latent - awaiting the magic command of the Will in order to awaken into activity and outward expression."

[...God, he forgot how much this author loved his run-ons. The material itself resonates pretty well, though.]

[Action, May 6th]

[Action, May 6th]

[Action, May 6th]

[Action, May 6th]

[Action, May 6th]

[Action, May 6th]

[Action, May 6th]

[Action, May 6th]

[Action, May 6th]

[Action, May 6th]

[Action, May 6th]

[Action, May 6th]

[Action, May 6th]

[Action, May 6th]

[Action, May 6th]

[Action, May 6th]

[Action, May 6th]

[Action, May 6th]

[Action, May 6th]

[Action, May 6th]

[Action, May 6th]

[Action, May 6th]

[Action, May 6th]

[Action, May 6th]

[Action, May 6th]