selfhelp | [IC] Appointments Post

Yes. It is. [Her answer comes immediately and without hesitation, unlike her typical speech. There is no need to think about that answer. ]

I don't... I would be very upset if you were dead. ... So would Teddy. So would Tommy. ... So would Kate. ... I think a lot of people would be very upset if you died.

[Well.

He can add her name to the list, at least. People who don't want him dead for this. It's almost enough to make him smile.]

Maybe I should run a poll. See if the numbers balance out.

Hmmm... I don't think it'd matter. ... even if there were more people who-- were that heartless... I don't think their murderous opinions count for much. [Says the daughter of a terrorist.]

... All you did was try to give people... happy lives. I can't see anything wrong with that. [Her eyes finally drop as she says this, looking at her hands.]

["Try". That concerns him a little, though it takes a moment for the word to click. He glances over at her, worrying his lower lip for a moment before he speaks up again, this time more personally, really focusing on her instead of his own self-deprecating misery.]

Were you... happy?

[She smiles. It is a genuine smile, though her eyes reveal a lurking sadness. ] .... Yes. I was. ... Up until-- everything went back to this... I was-- so happy. [Her smile falters at the end. Because she was. She was so happy, and now she's back to this stupid, painful, unhappy life. And it kind of hurts remembering how good things were. ]

[He winces at that, looking down for a moment before he meets her gaze again, looking very serious.]

Do you want me to try again? I could try again. I didn't- I didn't want to stop, I was just... I was so tired, that's all...

[He'd promised Teddy he wouldn't, but- she looked so sad, and it was his fault. All because he'd fallen asleep. How could he not try?]

[There is a long pause while Wanda considers this. Her heart positively YEARNS for it. To go back to that perfect world where everythign was ok, and everyone was happy? Where she had family, and friends? Yes. Please, yes.

But.

She can't help but remember Rogue's reaction, yesterday. And how hard it had been to even make a fraction of that world real. And what the failure had resulted in.]

... Loki and I... We tried to put it back.

...

It didn't go very well.

[That surprises him a little, his brows furrowing. They'd tried to do it? With their power? That's... reckless. No one has this kind of power on their own. He knows that it isn't all his, after all. Whatever he's borrowing it from is something different, something older and much stronger than his own abilities. It's the only reason he'd succeeded.]

What happened?

[She can't even try to lie to Billy. Besides the fact that he may be the only one who can understand what she's going through. Maybe.]

... I couldn't hold on to the magic. ... I slipped, and-- Anja died. [That's the first time she's said the name since it happened. It tastes like ashes and copper in her mouth. ]

...That's impossible.

[His voice is firm, his lips pursed into a tight frown.]

She doesn't exist. She never did. You can't kill what isn't real.

[Wanda looks up at him, confused and a little angry, despite herself. That's almost exactly what Rogue had said. Why? Of course she exists! Or at least she had.]

She did exist! She was alive and as real as anything. [Wanda is slightly confused why she is arguing the point. If Anja wasn't real, then that means Wanda isn't a murderer. But it feels-- wrong, somehow to just brush aside someone's death as being 'not real'. ]

I brought her back, after everything went away. I just-- I couldn't keep her here. [She looks away again.] I tried. ... I tried...

[Billy shakes his head again, painfully calm, unfazed by her passion.]

You can't create real people out of magic. Not even... whatever's in me right now could do that. You can make constructs, illusions, but it's all fake. The only thing you killed was the lie I created. And... that's on me, not you.

[He spent a week living in that lie, knowing how it was all falsified, never meant to last. It's why he didn't sleep. It's why he was so drained when it was finally over.

You can change reality for a while, but you can't pull life out of nothing. And magic always has a price.]

[Wanda rankles under her powers being called "illusions," sitting back, lips pursed. ] ... ... I know what I did. ... I know what I saw.

[She bites her lip, wanting to lash out at him with her words, to try and hurt him for being so dismissive. But her anger quickly turns to uncertainty, and her uncertainty to despair. After all-- what did she know? She was nothing more than a silly girl with more power than brains. She'd felt his power. It was the same as hers.

Her train of thought derailed there, as a few thoughts piled up on top of one another. Her friend? Her son? They had the same power. Their brothers could have been the same person, almost. How could there be so many similarities? She still felt for him-- wanting to care and nurture him. But she also felt inferior to him, which was not a motherly feeling at all. It was all getting mixed up in her heart and her mind, and it was giving her a aching feelings in both places.]

.... Who are you??

[He was wondering when she would ask that. He knew it was coming, of course - from the moment she entered the room, he knew. And now he's not sure whether he's glad of the change in subject or not. He can argue the mechanics of magic until the world ends if he has to, but this? He could never be ready for this.

But he asked for this, in a way, by creating that reality. By making her a part of his and Tommy's. Whether he likes it or not, she has a right to know.

The truth is inevitable. For now, though, all he wants to do - all he can do - is helplessly delay it.]

I'm... Billy Kaplan.

[She shakes her head. Why is he making this hard?] .... Are we-- I don't know. Are we... the same person? But different universes? [That sort of thing happens here, right? That could be a thing? God. She'd almost prefer it. ] Is that why our magic feels the same?

Or.

... why was I your mother?

[And there it is.

Billy looks down at that, carefully avoiding her eyes. Evade, evade, evade, e-]

I told you... I was adopted.

[...evade...]

... You did. [For once, you'll get no help from her, Billy.]

Edited 2013-10-20 04:48 (UTC)

[Dammit, dammit, dammit- she isn't- why today, though-]

I wasn't supposed to tell you...

[Alright, she'll help a little. She can feel her heart pounding, for some reason. Can he hear that?] Wh... Why? Why not tell me? Tell me-- what?

[It... does make it a little bit easier. That she asked for it again, more directly. Like he can shrug off some of the responsibility.

Tommy's going to be angry with him, isn't he.

We'd promised, but...

He bows his head, closes his eyes, and just... lets it go. No more lies; he's too exhausted to try hiding it anymore.]

My name - my first name - was William... Maximoff.

That's... that was your name-- just now. Before. ... Where we were all happy. [God almighty, she feels like her heart is going to pound right out of her chest. She has to start breathing manually, not unlike how she does when she meditates. Which is just as well, because she needs to control herself right now. her fingers slide under her legs, pressing them between her thighs and the chair so they can't move.] I... we're... related. Aren't we?

[At first, he merely nods; what more of an answer does she need? But... that's not fair. To leave her hanging. She deserves to know the truth- and all of it, not just bits and pieces.

He doesn't know if he has the ability to explain it all in his state, but he should at least share what he can. While his mind's clear enough to try, anyway.]

That's... that's why you were my mother. Our mother.

[Breath. Breath. In. Out. Breath.] I... I... I'm... [Her breathing is on it's way from 'meditative' into 'hyperventilating' territory, as she tries to wrap her brain around this. Her eyes dart, as she very quickly cycles through a number of emotions. Fear. Confusion. Excitement. Joy. Sadness. Curiosity. Betrayal.

She doesn't really know what to do. There are too many conflicting thoughts. Too many emotions. She's not even thinking about controlling her magic right now, so there's no hex aura to warn when a pitcher of water on one of the end tables starts rattling dangerously, as if it's about to go flying across the room. The walls bow out ever so slightly, as well, but somehow do not crack or break, as if they're made of rubber.

So many questions. So many things to say and feel and do. So she does what she can. If Billy does not rebuke her, she will wrap her arms around him in a big, tight, silent hug.]

[He doesn't rebuke her, actually. He's too stunned by the unexpected embrace to even try. It takes him a long moment, but at some point he lifts the arm not currently in a sling to tentatively hold her back, holding his breath as he does so. Is this okay? Is this really happening?

Is she... okay with it?

It's not what he thought would happen at all.]

[It's not that she's not angry. She is. She is also weird the hell right out about all the connotations, and she has a million questions. Not the least of which is "Why did you lie to me?"

But.

She has a family, again.

She's not alone, any more. Family means so much to her. It means having a place to belong, and people who love you unconditionally, despite whatever fuckups you may have.

And that's what she's demonstrating here. Has Billy fucked up? Yes.

But she's not going to let that drive her away. She'll be angry later, when they can both deal with it a little better. For now, there are hugs. Hugs and an attempt to normalize breathing.

She is not that attentive, so she may end up holding him in a way that is not comfortable with is injuries, unintentionally. ]

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