selfhelp | [IC] Appointments Post

I think I like this particular wavelength.

[Teddy grins himself, because this is way too funny for him. Both of them packing supplies for this - either they thought they could try this again, or they're a little desperate.

Regardless, Teddy waves his hands as if resembling jazz hands.]

Double the fun, then?

Haa... let's work our way up from one, shall we?

[He's smiling as he responds, though, optimism still overruling his jitters. He finally pulls his hand from the bag, brandishing his prize: lube, and a handful of condoms, all of which are deposited on the bedside table, save one. His goal at last achieved, Billy sets them aside on the sheets and crawls back up to lean over Teddy, one hand sliding up to toy with the neckline of his shirt.]

First step... would be getting rid of these.

[Teddy grins up at him, hands still touching the headboard above them, and he can't really help biting his lip a little with anticipation. How long has it been since he got to see Billy leaning over him like this, toying with his shirt, knowing what was (hopefully) to come? Too long, if his body is saying anything about it.]

Really? Well... I could make it easier by sliding it off myself. [He sits up, slowly easing Billy on his knees again, and stretches his arms up, giving him plenty of access to his shirt.] But I dunno... You wanna do it instead?

I do. Stop that, you're throwing off my groove.

[Billy prods Teddy back down again, brows furrowed in mild frustration. Seriously, Teddy, you wanted this, quit fussing and let him do his thing.]

[Oh, man, that gets Teddy to laugh as he flops back again, arms still above him, knees bending with excitement. Billy being assertive, bossy and sassy? God, Teddy hasn't seen that in weeks, weeks, and after spending so much time watching him being practically dead to the world - he can't help laughing. It's not quite from humor; it's from joy.]

And we can't have that happening. I don't want to be thrown out a window any time soon.

You really shouldn't. There's no window high enough here so you'd have to go right off the mountain.

[Satisfied that Teddy's finally getting it, Billy crawls forward once more to follow him, stretching out between his legs and pressing close. His hands slide over to tease at the edge of Teddy's shirt, nudging it up a few inches to expose bare skin for his fingertips to ghost over. It's slow, but he wants to take his time with this, to really focus on every part of Teddy - the body of the person he loves, as-is, unshifted and unchanged. He wants Teddy to feel as loved and appreciated as he deserves, as much as Billy can give.

That's what he really wants- more than the sex, more than anything Teddy could give him. He wants Teddy to know, really know, how he feels again.

He starts with a gentle line of kisses on Teddy's stomach and waist, feather-light, just in case that sensitivity is back again. He won't stop though - no more stopping unless Teddy tells him to or something upsets him. No more stopping. They're doing this.]

I don't really want to be a...

[Mountain goat, he was about to say. But then Billy starts to kiss his stomach, and Teddy decides to just push that line of thought away and focus on this instead. (That line of thought was stupid anywa - )

He is still sensitive there, and the way his breathing, and his stomach along with it, shudders before it relaxes to something slower gives it away. But he doesn't push Billy away, doesn't pull himself away, doesn't tell him to stop. This is more than just sex for him, too; it's equally about giving Billy the chance to want and take this as much as it is about him trusting his lover. It's about being intimate again, sharing all their wants and desires and love and trust together. It's about Teddy finishing the thought "And he'd never hurt me" without an ironic chuckle and the sensation of hands around his neck echoing behind it.

So he takes it, notices the gentleness of it and lowers one arm not to push or pull, but to stroke his fingers through Billy's hair. This is good, this is okay. No more stopping. Thank you for noticing and being so gentle.]

[With his hands and mouth pressed to Teddy's body, it would be impossible not to notice the way he trembles. Not too long ago he would have stopped immediately, apologized, backed off, tried something else. Now, though... he waits, softening his touch but staying close, until Teddy's able to relax and touch his hair, wordlessly encouraging him. Billy smiles against his skin and kisses a circle around his belly button, sliding up an inch or two more and dragging the material of the shirt along with him, exposing more skin. He lets his hands wander further up, stroking the curves and contours of the body beneath him, appreciating every feature, every muscle, all of it. He lets his hands touch where his lips can't yet, hoping to convey the message clearly enough to Teddy: I love you. I love every inch of you. I love your body just the way it is, just the way you let it be. Don't change unless you want to. Don't change what I love for what you think I'd love.

I love what I know. I know what I love.

You're perfect...]

[That answer isn't entirely unexpected, but the speed of it is.]

Even now? Even knowing how things turned out?

Happy as I may be now, there are things I have experienced and...mistakes I made that I know I would be happier without.

I also can't say I am all that enamored with the well-known fate of Loki to be ever alone and reviled.

[It's not the clearest message, the actions only having just started and all, but the way Billy touches him, kisses and caresses every inch of him like he loves it all, all of it, even the way his waist doesn't curve like all the men in advertisements do, the way his abs aren't quite as pronounced as he wants them to be, and the fact that Teddy's been abused there multiple times, once leaving a mess of scars in its wake. He remembers how those scars would make Billy tense, and yet he remembers how he'd press his lips against them as if he loves them even if they'd never heal. He remembers when they did, and how Billy cried from joy, feeling such relief for the both of them.

Teddy shudders again, a different sort this time, and slides his fingers into his boyfriend's hair while his legs brush against Billy's sides, just shy of moving up further and circling him within them.

Maybe... this is what I needed, too...]

...Changing the past... it's not a good idea.

[Even when aspects of your life sucks. Even if there are a lot of memories you'd happily live without.]

If our lives had been different, if we could just pick and choose what it could be, then... we wouldn't be who we are today. I can't think of anything worse.

[Loki grins without humor.]

Oh, I think there are quite a few who could get behind the idea of me being someone different, yes?

[But for his part, he could do without the events that have caused him to have his attacks, if nothing else. But Billy doesn't know about those and doesn't need to.]

Edited 2013-12-19 13:14 (UTC)

[Billy keeps stroking and kissing, offering his attention to ever part of Teddy that he can reasonably reach without shying too far off of his path. Mouth, tongue, fingers, all of them work together to tease and caress his boyfriend's body, giving it the love and attention that it - no, that Teddy - deserves. Eventually, he pushes the shirt up enough for it to reach Teddy's armpits, and Billy lifts his head, fingers drumming tightly on Teddy's chest, looking flushed and kind of absurdly pleased- for making it this far, for not stopping, for getting Teddy to look like that.]

Okay... now you can sit up. There's parts of you I can't reach yet.

...Probably, yeah. But are they the kind of people you'd want to change for?

[He can understand the desire to change. But... change can't come from magic, or it doesn't mean anything. It's just cheating reality. That's all magic ever is.]

[He raises his eyebrows.]

If that person is Rogue, or myself, or you...?

[Teddy is also flushed, eyes shut and lips parted, breathing just a little deeper than before. There's a slight arch to his back, like he'd been leaning into Billy's touches, though he relaxes once he's spoken to. He slowly lets out another breath, then opens his eyes, and - he feels himself smile, uncontrolled with dimples in his cheeks and just slightly giddy.

Is that what Billy's after? Kissing and caressing every part of him like... like that? Sure, there is some embarrassment to such attention; he doesn't feel like his looks are worth it, and it's weird having the parts of him he doesn't like be loved so much. But it makes him feel so humble, so appreciated, so loved that the embarrassment is more just a sort of flustered feeling, and he can live with that.]

So now you want my help. [He says with a breathless little laugh before he sits up, then stretches his arms upward again, giving Billy full permission to be as fast or as slow as he wants with this.]

Let's just call it cooperation.

[Billy doesn't exactly rush it, but he doesn't waste too much time on removing the shirt, either; he likes the slow reveal of Teddy's handsome, flawless skin, the way the dim light from the receding sun dances off pale muscles, the way his body flexes as he moves, the way his head disappears behind the material of the shirt only to reappear below, smiling and happy and perfect.

Struck by a sudden, playful idea, Billy stops pulling the shirt up just as Teddy's mouth and nose are revealed, drawing it back instead, keeping his eyes concealed and his hands momentarily stuck. His own hand hooks around the headboard, and he leans in close, touching his nose to Teddy's.]

I could keep you guessing...

Don't mention it. Really, don't.

[ ... ]

Do you think they have a teen Doom.

God. If I ever ask you to change who you are for me, please punch me in the face.

[That doesn't sound like anything he'd do, but still. It's humbling to hear that he's one of the few to carry that much influence, but he doesn't have to like it.]

There's a big difference between changing behaviour, and changing personality. One's good. The other is yours, and yours alone.

[And Teddy just had to wear long sleeves today, so his hands just had to surely be stuck. He raises his eyebrows, though Billy can't see it, but he will be able to see his lips part in surprise before they grin again, humored and excited and just plain enjoying all of this. He's pretty damn turned on, too, considering how much he loves it when Billy takes charge and becomes aggressive with him...

His eyes may be shut, and he may be unable to see anything, but with Billy's nose touching his, it's easy to just tip forward enough to touch foreheads with him instead.]

Well. I'm gonna guess that you're going to keep me like this for a little while.

[Heh. It's all a facade, Billy knows; Teddy has super-strength, if he really wanted to get free it would barely take him any effort to break free, both from Billy's grip and the shirt itself. The fact that Teddy's letting him do this is telling, too- of how much he's trusted, of how intrigued this is making his boyfriend, of how far they'd come.

He likes this. Being able to do this, feeling comfortable. Seeing Teddy smile like that.

He'd intended to play around a bit more, tease and touch and keep Teddy wondering, but he can't stop himself from leaning in and pressing his lips against the blond's, first. He loves these lips. He loves to kiss them, loves to touch them, loves to see them tilt upwards when he's happy...

It's hard to imagine not loving this man as much as he does.]

Ah, but personality causes behavior, does it not? [He shrugs.] Ever have I been the trouble maker.

Sorry... too late.

[You're doomed, bro.]

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