[Action / Voice]

[selfhelp]

[Today something strange is going on in the plaza; Billy and Tommy are there and hanging out, chatting awkwardly and messing with their powers. "Billy" is tossing bursts of blue light into the air like fireworks, and "Tommy" is flashing between one side of the plaza and the other, skidding a bit over the pavement like he's out of practice. They don't seem to be there for any particular reason, but if people happen to question it, they're more than happy to strike up a casual conversation. Just don't expect a straight answer...

At some point they split off to visit their usual haunts (the battle dome, the coffee shop, the school, some of the other stores, and in Billy's case, the sky) but they never seem to be very far from one another, for some reason.

Eventually they'll be back at home, and that's when the journal comes out:]

Hey, people, got a question for you. My little bro is really fixated on getting a piercing. It's probably the boyfriend's fault. Anyone know how to do that in a way that won't make him lose an ear? Like, not involving ice and a needle?

Oh my God. Tommy, shut up... okay, well, kind of what he said. Minus the gore.

You're getting holes poked into you, dude, that's gore by definition.

Not if it's done professionally.

Yeah, I'm sure you'll find a real pro on Paper Facebook.

Don't you have somewhere to be? [ With the most put upon, quietly frustrated sigh. ]

With my speed? I'm already there. At the same time. [With a smug tone equal to that frustration.]

Thanks for making this a total wash. Sorry for wasting your time, everyone. If you know the answer just contact me privately.

Hey, are you getting a Prince Albert while you're at it?

OH MY GOD. [Maybe a little over dramatic. The journal is slammed shut.]


(( this is a JOINT POST between Billy selfhelp and Tommy dickmoves. At Tommy's request they have SWAPPED APPEARANCES, so Billy is pretending to be Tommy and Tommy is pretending to be Billy. As such, their powers are being faked - Tommy via enchantment and Billy via disguised teleports - and their personalities might not be up to par with what their CR is used to. They're identical twins aside from hair and eye colour (which is easy to fake) so it's a pretty good swap. The game is to see how many people can be pranked! So, you know, have fun with it. Journals used will be selfmoves and dickhelp.

Please specify in the subject line who you're tagging! If not, you might get a random or both of them. w/e. Three-ways are not discouraged but they are slow, so bear that in mind...! ))

Comments

[maximoff_girl]

... Well. He'd never hurt his family. [She's not saying whoever he hurt probably deserved it. Or that the ends justify the means. She's totally not saying it. She is, however, thinking it very very hard.]

.. of which you are a part. [That's a GOOD thing.]

[selfmoves]

Then why was Pietro so distrustful? Sounds like he had good reason to be.

[maximoff_girl]

Pietro distrusts everyone. ... You'd know more about that than me. He always says it's part of being a speedster.

[selfmoves]

Pretty sure that has more to do with life experiences than life speed.

[Like. As little as he knows about Tommy's life experiences? They're kind of shitty. And he knows enough about Pietro to recognize that they had a rough time of it, too.]

[maximoff_girl]

Mmm... That's not what he says. [Of course, Pietro is the biggest liar she knows. Every other word out of his mouth is a lie, and she knows that. It's just-- determining where the lies start.]

Regardless. Father only ever acts in our best interest. I've never seen him do anything that wasn't for our benefit. [Her speech is a lot less hesitant when it comes to talkin' about Mags. Go figure.]

[selfmoves]

....You... trust him a lot.

[It's so disconcerting. And so very, very different from what he's known of his world to be true.]

[maximoff_girl]

Of course. He's the smartest, most well meaning person I know. [BRAIN. WASHED.] ... Sure he can be-- harsh sometimes, but that's just because he understands more of what's going on. He has a plan. [So very, very brainwashed.]

[selfmoves]

[Holy crap. That is... mind-blowingly wrong. On so many levels. He's not even thinking about acting like Tommy now- this is too crucial for a prank.]

Harsh... how, if you don't mind me asking?

[maximoff_girl]

Oh. You know. ... He's very strict about-- training. It's imperative that I be in control of my powers, for everyone's sake, so he drives me hard to master them. He... also threw me off a-- cliff once. But that was when I was working with the X-men. [She shakes her head. That entire period of her life is very... unpleasant to think about. It makes her head hurt.] He also threw a plane at me, but he was possessed by Apocalypse, then, so I don't think that counts.

[selfmoves]

[.....

.....

.....]

He threw you off a cliff.

[WHAT THE FUCK WANDA]

[maximoff_girl]

Mm. It was part of the plan. ... He knew I wouldn't get hurt. [Obviously. Because. Otherwise. Why would he have done it? She'll take THINGS SHE NEVER THINKS ABOUT FOR 200 PLEASE, ALEX.]

[selfmoves]

How did he know? You couldn't fly. You had sketchy control of your powers when you got here. What lesson were you supposed to learn?

[maximoff_girl]

It-- wasn't a lesson, it was a mission. [Ducking the question. Also: Something about what he just said seems... off to her. Not wrong, but, just... not quite right. What does Tommy know about her power control? Have he and Billy been talking?] It wasn't any higher than where he threw the S-men and the rest of the Brotherhood from. We were all fine.

[selfmoves]

Yeah, you're fine now. I'm glad. But how did he know?

[Why does he always get surrounded by people who dodge questions, it is the most frustrating thing ever.]

[maximoff_girl]

[She never went to public school or any school for that matter, this is the closest she gets to playing dodge ball, which is a formative part of every child's development process.

Also: Dodging Questions and Lying are the family's two biggest pastimes. DON'T FEAR FAMILY TRADITION. EMBRACE IT.]

Because... he knew what was at the bottom of the cliff, and... how high it was. Us going over the cliff was part of the plan. It wasn't-- made up on the fly or... whatever.

[selfmoves]

So he told you this plan of his beforehand? You knew you were safe when he threw you off the cliff? You weren't scared?

[Bad feeling intensifies.]

[maximoff_girl]

No... but he told Pietro. I was-- Going through a phase at the time. ... [This conversation is getting dangerously uncomfortable for her.]

How... did we get on this? I thought we were talking about earrings.

[selfmoves]

[It's not like he's doing this to feel all nice and cozy, either. But uncomfortable things are necessary.]

Earrings. That Magneto could "accidentally" rip out of someone's ear.

[maximoff_girl]

Ah. ... Yes. Well. ... Accidents happen. [Even to demi-god-ish perfect people like her father. Or... something. ]

[selfmoves]

[This is actually painful to listen to.]

Sure they do. But of course he apologizes for it, right? When all those accidents happen?

[maximoff_girl]

[Not... in so many words, no. As in, he never actually SAYS those words, but it was implied!]

He... promises to make it up to us, yes.

[selfmoves]

That's not actually an apology, Wanda.

[Like. At all. It's better than nothing, but it's still not the same thing.]

[maximoff_girl]

He's very busy. He doesn't have time to-- hold our hands every step of the way. He's busy. Creating a world for us to live in where we don't have to fight. Or... look over our shoulder constantly. That's not easy.

[selfmoves]

He doesn't have time to say "I'm sorry" when he hurts people or throws them off cliffs? Really?

[What a magical tangled web of Perfect Dad you have weaved in your head, Mom.]

[maximoff_girl]

[To be fair, it was woven for her. She's just decorated it since then. Put little twinkle lights up. A throw rug. Made it nice.]

He's trying to create a new society. ... That's not like-- programming the microwave. Or whatever. He really is busy. Plus. ... I usually only see him during missions. There's not a lot of time for-- chatting then.