selfhelp | [Action / Voice] House of M Follow-Up

[So... he's probably delayed this long enough, even if a part of him would love to delay it indefinitely. Not only is it a month overdue, but now that he's home again and fully recovered from whatever had been affecting his mind, putting it off any further will just make things more difficult. Frightened as he is of the consequences, he won't get anywhere if he keeps hiding. It's time to apologize for the damage his spell caused, and make things right... if he can.

First, Billy seeks out those he knows personally, friends or acquaintances whom he remembers being affected or involved. Whether they're people he hasn't spoken to since the spell was in place, or people who visited him while he was possessed and halfway out of his mind, he'll try to be as thorough as possible. Teddy accompanies him from place to place, bless him, and they can be found walking hand-in-hand through the village and talking quietly, though Billy will be speaking with the people he's looking for on his own. Teddy's there for moral support, nothing more; the rest is his responsibility.

After those visits, presumably the hard part is over, but there's one thing left to do - reach out to those he couldn't find, missed, or simply doesn't know, as well as the general populace who'd probably noticed strange things going on at the time. They deserve to know about... well. To put it bluntly, the menace to society that he can be. Not that he'd give that reason out loud. Certain people would take issue with it.

They'd be wrong, but.

This time, he uses the journal network, his voice tentative, worried, and sick with guilt, and it happens later in the evening:]

...Hey... it's Billy. Um, Kaplan. I'm kind of a witch. You might not know me. Sorry if you do. ...Last month, October 1st, I was sent back from a Malnosso abduction... kind of a mess. I wasn't thinking straight, and... I cast a spell. It... it screwed with a lot of people. Badly. I don't know the full extent of the damage it caused, or how far it went, but- I do know that- people were hurt. And I know I might not be able to make things right again, either.

["Might". His hope for that one is still pretty pathetic; the forgiveness he's already received is something of a miracle to him. The day's meetings are still weighing on him, and there's an ache in his heart that refuses to go away.]

...Still. I- I need to apologize. Whether or not the Malnosso were the cause, it's still my fault. S-so I'm sorry. I'm sorry... I'm so...

[....]

...I'm... not going to use magic anymore. I'm done. I'm no good. At it. I mean. I- sorry. ...This won't happen again. And if you want to yell at me, or get a better explanation of what happened, or... whatever you need, I'll... be here.

Thanks. For hearing me out.

[And... that's that.]

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...I think... that'd be a good idea.

[There's a definite "eventually" that is unspoken in his tone. No way is he up for it any time soon, but he can at least acknowledge that it's a good suggestion.]

Let me know when you're up to it. In the meantime, if you ever need someone to talk to that wasn't directly caught up in everything, you can always talk to me.

[She's gotten involved through finding the real Teddy and giving him some of her ki, but her reality hadn't been toyed with. She's in the position of knowing just what happened, without the trauma.]

...Ah... thanks for that, too. I kind of feel like I've said all there is to say about it at this point, though... I mean, what would be the point?

[He'd just be reiterating what he's already said, except this way it'd be some pathetic cry for sympathy. And that's the last thing he deserves now.]

The point would be to have a friend who's there to listen to you, Billy.

[There doesn't have to be more of a point to it than that. Friends listen to each other's complaints and concerns. It's a part of being a friend.]

Specifically a friend who knows what happened, but wasn't as affected as others.

Yeah, I know.

[It is tempting. He just can't help wondering if it's too self-indulgent. That's how this whole mess started.]

Is it crazy to think that I don't really... deserve it? Like... I caused all that damage. I hurt people. I'm not the one who's supposed to get this.

It's not crazy. That's the guilt talking.

[She understands it's not something he can just easily shake off. If anything, that's part of why she can continue to have faith in him as a person. Because he recognizes that it is wrong to tamper with people's lives, even if he had the best of intentions.]

The thing is, what happened then doesn't erase all the good things you've done before. It doesn't suddenly make you an awful person who doesn't deserve friends. It means you messed up once when the Malnosso set you up to do just that.

[He wonders about that.

How much good do you have to do to balance the scales on this much awful? Because what happened back home - saving some people from a fire and killing Kang doesn't really seem like a lot. They'd screwed up at Kate's sister's wedding, they'd made a mess of the Runaways rescue, and then he'd gotten himself captured like three seconds into the fight with Iron Man's SRA-registered Avengers. And here? God, it's been hit and miss since he came here, too.

It doesn't feel like much.]

But it means I'm easily manipulated. That's not... very heroic.

Billy, you don't have to be perfect to be a hero. Being a hero is about helping others and having courage. Including the courage to get back up again and try after you stumble and fall.

[She might not consider herself much of a hero, but she's grown up surrounded by people who have contributed toward saving the world. Not a single one of them is perfect and she admires them all anyway.]

And if that means your friends have to offer you a helping hand so you can get back up, that's not something to be ashamed of. It means that people like you enough to want to be there.

I'm not ashamed of that...

[There's a lot of what she says that he needs to think about- the definition of a hero, the strength that being one requires, how much you can take before you get to decide whether or not you're worthy. And... whether or not he even wants it anymore.

But that? He understands that. He knows his own limits.]

On my own, I can't do much. That's always been the case. There's... no shame in accepting help from people.

[He just feels like he hasn't earned it, that's all.]

No, there isn't. And it's up to each individual person if they think you deserve their support or not. I've decided you deserve mine.

[Her tone is both gentle and firm. Much of this is something he has to resolve for himself. If she can chip away even just a little at the idea that he doesn't deserve friendship and get him to accept that there are still people who like him and want to associate with him, that's a start.]

[He doesn't really have a proper response to that - besides humbled gratefulness - so he murmurs another "thank you" and remains silent. He really doesn't know how to handle how kind everyone's being about all of this.]

[Bulla reaches over to give Billy a light pat on the side of his arm.]

When you're up to it, we'll hang out and plan stuff. Until then, if you need a distraction, just let me know, all right?

[There's not really much more to say now. Mostly she just wants him to know he's got friends willing to support him.]

You... might have to remind me now and then. To have fun. I keep getting lost in my own thoughts these days.

[It's a wonder Teddy even puts up with him, honestly.]

All right. I'll give you a bit of time, but if too much time goes by and you haven't contacted me to make plans, I'm going to stop over for a visit. And if I have to, I will carry you right out the door to make sure you're getting out and having fun.

[She's mostly kidding about the latter part. Mostly. But she will be following up with him if he goes too long without socializing.]

Carry me out? Isn't that a little awkward?

[It's not like he's a musclebound grunt or anything, but he's still pretty tall. And he's all for combating gender norms and whatnot, but... silly. Very silly to imagine.

He can't help but smile, anyway- for real. He really does have good friends.]

All the more reason to not let it get to that point.

[Billy's tall, and Bulla barely cracks five feet. If not for that half-Saiyan strength, she wouldn't be able to make good on the threat. As it is, she can. It will just look extremely silly.]

...Ha... okay, I surrender. I'd just get indignant and it would make Teddy jealous.

[Action / Voice] House of M Follow-Up

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