selfhelp | [Action / Voice] House of M Follow-Up

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[Action / Voice] House of M Follow-Up

[So... he's probably delayed this long enough, even if a part of him would love to delay it indefinitely. Not only is it a month overdue, but now that he's home again and fully recovered from whatever had been affecting his mind, putting it off any further will just make things more difficult. Frightened as he is of the consequences, he won't get anywhere if he keeps hiding. It's time to apologize for the damage his spell caused, and make things right... if he can.

First, Billy seeks out those he knows personally, friends or acquaintances whom he remembers being affected or involved. Whether they're people he hasn't spoken to since the spell was in place, or people who visited him while he was possessed and halfway out of his mind, he'll try to be as thorough as possible. Teddy accompanies him from place to place, bless him, and they can be found walking hand-in-hand through the village and talking quietly, though Billy will be speaking with the people he's looking for on his own. Teddy's there for moral support, nothing more; the rest is his responsibility.

After those visits, presumably the hard part is over, but there's one thing left to do - reach out to those he couldn't find, missed, or simply doesn't know, as well as the general populace who'd probably noticed strange things going on at the time. They deserve to know about... well. To put it bluntly, the menace to society that he can be. Not that he'd give that reason out loud. Certain people would take issue with it.

They'd be wrong, but.

This time, he uses the journal network, his voice tentative, worried, and sick with guilt, and it happens later in the evening:]

...Hey... it's Billy. Um, Kaplan. I'm kind of a witch. You might not know me. Sorry if you do. ...Last month, October 1st, I was sent back from a Malnosso abduction... kind of a mess. I wasn't thinking straight, and... I cast a spell. It... it screwed with a lot of people. Badly. I don't know the full extent of the damage it caused, or how far it went, but- I do know that- people were hurt. And I know I might not be able to make things right again, either.

["Might". His hope for that one is still pretty pathetic; the forgiveness he's already received is something of a miracle to him. The day's meetings are still weighing on him, and there's an ache in his heart that refuses to go away.]

...Still. I- I need to apologize. Whether or not the Malnosso were the cause, it's still my fault. S-so I'm sorry. I'm sorry... I'm so...

[....]

...I'm... not going to use magic anymore. I'm done. I'm no good. At it. I mean. I- sorry. ...This won't happen again. And if you want to yell at me, or get a better explanation of what happened, or... whatever you need, I'll... be here.

Thanks. For hearing me out.

[And... that's that.]

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Fair enough. So long as you know it's there if you want it. Someone who understands would've been helpful for me is all I'm saying.

...I’ll keep it in mind. For… the future, or…

[...Eventually. Because he knows how terrible it can be, wanting to talk to someone about your own issues and having no one.]

Yeah, whenever you like. I'm not exactly difficult to find.

Yeah.

[Neither is he, really. Part of what's scary about all of this.]

Doesn't it freak you out? To talk about this kind of thing?

[He's silent for a long moment which probably says enough on it's own.]

Freaks me out like almost nothing else. Nothing else short of using that kind of power. But talking is better than driving yourself insane over it. If I don't talk, I start to obsess and that's not good for anyone involved.

...Mm.

[He can recognize the truth in that- he feels the same way about plenty of other topics, after all. It's why he'll so openly talk about a lot of things with Teddy. But this... it's just scary.]

I wouldn't even... know what to say. Words are dangerous, now...

[Max gives a soft, strained laugh.]

Words are always dangerous, Billy, even if you're not flinging spells around. Names even moreso.

...Hah... maybe I should just stop talking.

[He knows it's not a solution - and he's not exactly serious - but he's considered it once or twice already.]

Oh, now that's probably even more difficult than giving up magic. I mean, you'd immediately find something awesome you wanted to talk about. That's what always happens.

There's always something.

[He'd miss it too much. And really... he doesn't actually think there's any need to go that far. Tone down how much he talks, maybe - if his words cause so much damage, then it's the least he can do - but he really wouldn't be able to do it. Not on his own.]

Of course there is.

Maybe just... talk with less intent behind it.

Is that even possible?

[He's not that great at controlling how he says anything. It's why even now he's struggling.]

If it wasn't, then anything you said would be a spell. I mean, do you really make food appear every time you wish dinner was ready?

[.....Oh god. Oh god, he'd never thought of it like that.]

No... but... what if that's not how it works? What if I'd just make someone cook dinner for me? Because that's happened...

Would they do it anyway? I mean sure, if you have complete strangers showing up with three course dinners then you might have a problem, but if your... I dunno, if your mother decides to cook you dinner because you've had a bad day, it's probably less magic and... more the kind of magic that anyone can use where you hope really hard someone notices what you want. People do that kind of stuff all the time.

...What, like... love is magic, or something?

[It sounds so unbelievably cheesy and yet at the same time incredibly sweet.

It's actually kind of unfair.]

[Max sort of laughs at that.]

Not quite what I was going for but sure. I was thinking more... reading you, knowing someone well. Belief is a huge part of magic, at least where I'm from.

It's like that for me, too. Belief, and willpower. Or rather, believing that I can do something, and actually… desiring it, I guess? It's why I can't make things happen that should happen, but I'd rather not… I haven't been able to force anything yet.

[And he never will, now that he's on his magic strike.]

I'd say there's very little that should happen. I don't believe in fate. He tries not to believe in a lot of things.]

And what if you had people who believe very much that you're a good person? It's not the same kind of magic.

Well, I meant... if you had the power to heal someone who was hurt, and they'd die without it... then you should help them, shouldn't you? It's the right thing to do.

But... if you hated that person... maybe you would rather just let them suffer. If the magic had the sort of sentience to know your feelings before even you do...

It would be pretty telling, wouldn't it? About the kind of person you are.

Edited 2013-12-19 05:54 (UTC)

You're talking like humans are some kind of saints. They're not. We're not. The 'right thing' to do is perfect in a world where everyone gets along, or where no-one has feelings at all.

That would come up even if you were just a non magical human. Do you wait that extra couple of seconds to call an ambulance. Doesn't mean you'd chuck them under a bus though.

Well... that doesn't really sound like something a hero would do, though, right? That's kind of a big part of this.

Can't really say I've ever met a hero. Not the type you see in stories anyway.

I guess the point is, you need to weigh up the good you can do with magic vs what happens if you don't use it. Sure, your magic might not let you save that one person you hate, but you still call the ambulance, and you use your magic to save someone else, and free up an ambulance for another person.

Small things. The big things tend to be out of our control.

[Two months ago, his response to that might have been very different. Now? There's no heroes, here. Not with him around.]

...I've never... been able to accomplish anything important without magic. But I'd rather do nothing than do something bad.

So basically you're saying you're never going to risk doing something good again?

[Action / Voice] House of M Follow-Up

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