selfhelp | [Action / Voice] House of M Follow-Up

[So... he's probably delayed this long enough, even if a part of him would love to delay it indefinitely. Not only is it a month overdue, but now that he's home again and fully recovered from whatever had been affecting his mind, putting it off any further will just make things more difficult. Frightened as he is of the consequences, he won't get anywhere if he keeps hiding. It's time to apologize for the damage his spell caused, and make things right... if he can.

First, Billy seeks out those he knows personally, friends or acquaintances whom he remembers being affected or involved. Whether they're people he hasn't spoken to since the spell was in place, or people who visited him while he was possessed and halfway out of his mind, he'll try to be as thorough as possible. Teddy accompanies him from place to place, bless him, and they can be found walking hand-in-hand through the village and talking quietly, though Billy will be speaking with the people he's looking for on his own. Teddy's there for moral support, nothing more; the rest is his responsibility.

After those visits, presumably the hard part is over, but there's one thing left to do - reach out to those he couldn't find, missed, or simply doesn't know, as well as the general populace who'd probably noticed strange things going on at the time. They deserve to know about... well. To put it bluntly, the menace to society that he can be. Not that he'd give that reason out loud. Certain people would take issue with it.

They'd be wrong, but.

This time, he uses the journal network, his voice tentative, worried, and sick with guilt, and it happens later in the evening:]

...Hey... it's Billy. Um, Kaplan. I'm kind of a witch. You might not know me. Sorry if you do. ...Last month, October 1st, I was sent back from a Malnosso abduction... kind of a mess. I wasn't thinking straight, and... I cast a spell. It... it screwed with a lot of people. Badly. I don't know the full extent of the damage it caused, or how far it went, but- I do know that- people were hurt. And I know I might not be able to make things right again, either.

["Might". His hope for that one is still pretty pathetic; the forgiveness he's already received is something of a miracle to him. The day's meetings are still weighing on him, and there's an ache in his heart that refuses to go away.]

...Still. I- I need to apologize. Whether or not the Malnosso were the cause, it's still my fault. S-so I'm sorry. I'm sorry... I'm so...

[....]

...I'm... not going to use magic anymore. I'm done. I'm no good. At it. I mean. I- sorry. ...This won't happen again. And if you want to yell at me, or get a better explanation of what happened, or... whatever you need, I'll... be here.

Thanks. For hearing me out.

[And... that's that.]

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[He'd been intending to slink over and talk to her personally - he's been at it all day, what's one more? - but as soon as he'd caught sight of her at the counter his courage had wilted, and he'd put it off for a few moments longer. Her arrival at the table has him caught off guard; he'd had his head down on the table, weary and looking almost like he'd either been half-asleep or at prayer or something. When she sits, and the drink slides on over, he sits up with a gasp, his eyes wide.]

O-oh my god... ah... hi. Sorry, I was... I was going to...

[...Right, she'd asked him a question.]

...Yeah, ah. I'm just kind of tired...

[She gives him a faint smile when he startles, her arms crossed on the table top. There's no condemnation in her gaze, because she didn't expect an apology from him, not another one, and she thought she'd made that fairly clear the last time they'd spoken. Still, she understood all too well how exhausting today must have been for him.]

I don't blame you. Dare I ask how it went?

[He quirks a very slight, very insecure smile at that.]

Well… no one tried to kill me. That’s probably a good sign.

Typically, yes. That's usually a good thing to strive for when offering apologies.

[Her tone's a little dry at that as her lips quirk faintly and she tilts her head to the side to eye him.]

Anything I can do to help?

Not unless you can go back in time about eighteen years and tell my mom to hold out for a girl instead.

[Wait, that was dark.]

Or, uh. A month. And just shoot me on day 1.

[He doesn't sound upset about it, at least. Not more than he already was, anyway.]

Time travel's not part of my skill set, I'm afraid.

[She gives him a sympathetic look as she leans on the tabletop.]

And even if it were, we're trying to avoid killing you, remember? Besides, I think I used up my quota of shooting teenagers for at least the next decade.

...Mm.

[Billy's quiet for a long moment, mulling that over, sliding his cup absently from one hand to the other along the table. He really needs to stop talking like that; since discussing it with Teddy (and with how badly that had gone) he's been trying not to be so morbid or fatalistic, even when it isn't serious. Sometimes he toes a fine line between sarcasm and self-criticism, and now isn't the time for it.

When he speaks up again, his voice is quiet, but sincere.]

I never... properly thanked you for that.

Thanked me. For shooting you. [Her lips twitch faintly at that as she watches him easily.] That's alright, I usually don't expect to be thanked for that.

What about... for saving Teddy's life? Is that better? Because it's the same thing.

[It's what he's really grateful for, anyway. Even if it breaks his heart to recognize that shooting him saved Teddy.]

I suppose it is, in a way. [She concedes that point, her expression softening, because somehow she's developed a soft spot for the pair of them, despite everything that's happened recently.] You're welcome.

[She gets a better smile for that. Slightly, anyway. Clearly he's okay with getting shot for Teddy's sake. It doesn't quite reach his eyes, though, and he glances down.]

I wish I knew what to do next. I thought I'd feel relieved, but...

But it's all still too fresh, too heavy. And, I imagine, after going around and apologizing today, you're feeling more than a little raw.

What do you think you should do?

I've been debating going up into the mountains and becoming some kind of zen hobo.

[That may or may not be sarcasm, but his matter-of-fact tone makes it hard to tell.]

A valid option. [She returns the may-or-may-not-be-sarcasm with a straight face.] You picked the worst time of year for it, though. It gets cold up there. Hard to be zen when you're chattering your teeth out.

I could haunt the hot springs. It's not bad there.

[It is honestly kind of tempting. Not something he'd actually do - Teddy would probably freak out, and understandably so - but still. A thought.]

It's not. And it makes a nice place for relaxing and re-centering yourself. [It's an honest agreement, and an easy one to give as she watches him.] Although I think you'd get bored after a while of it. Or lonely.

Probably both.

[He sighs, burying his face in crossed arms.]

Probably more the latter...

[He's fine with being alone, sometimes. But there's too many people he'd miss.]

[She reaches across the table to lightly ruffle her fingers in his hair.]

Besides you'd be missed if you were gone all the time. I rather like having you about. And I know I'm not the only one.

Yeah, I know.

[He musters a smile for her, even if it's difficult to pull off.]

I'm just... tired, I guess. Tired of feeling like this. It seems like every time I manage to cheer up, something bad happens and I hit rock bottom again.

[Is it so terrible to just want to be happy?]

[Action / Voice] House of M Follow-Up

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