selfhelp | [Action / Voice] House of M Follow-Up

[So... he's probably delayed this long enough, even if a part of him would love to delay it indefinitely. Not only is it a month overdue, but now that he's home again and fully recovered from whatever had been affecting his mind, putting it off any further will just make things more difficult. Frightened as he is of the consequences, he won't get anywhere if he keeps hiding. It's time to apologize for the damage his spell caused, and make things right... if he can.

First, Billy seeks out those he knows personally, friends or acquaintances whom he remembers being affected or involved. Whether they're people he hasn't spoken to since the spell was in place, or people who visited him while he was possessed and halfway out of his mind, he'll try to be as thorough as possible. Teddy accompanies him from place to place, bless him, and they can be found walking hand-in-hand through the village and talking quietly, though Billy will be speaking with the people he's looking for on his own. Teddy's there for moral support, nothing more; the rest is his responsibility.

After those visits, presumably the hard part is over, but there's one thing left to do - reach out to those he couldn't find, missed, or simply doesn't know, as well as the general populace who'd probably noticed strange things going on at the time. They deserve to know about... well. To put it bluntly, the menace to society that he can be. Not that he'd give that reason out loud. Certain people would take issue with it.

They'd be wrong, but.

This time, he uses the journal network, his voice tentative, worried, and sick with guilt, and it happens later in the evening:]

...Hey... it's Billy. Um, Kaplan. I'm kind of a witch. You might not know me. Sorry if you do. ...Last month, October 1st, I was sent back from a Malnosso abduction... kind of a mess. I wasn't thinking straight, and... I cast a spell. It... it screwed with a lot of people. Badly. I don't know the full extent of the damage it caused, or how far it went, but- I do know that- people were hurt. And I know I might not be able to make things right again, either.

["Might". His hope for that one is still pretty pathetic; the forgiveness he's already received is something of a miracle to him. The day's meetings are still weighing on him, and there's an ache in his heart that refuses to go away.]

...Still. I- I need to apologize. Whether or not the Malnosso were the cause, it's still my fault. S-so I'm sorry. I'm sorry... I'm so...

[....]

...I'm... not going to use magic anymore. I'm done. I'm no good. At it. I mean. I- sorry. ...This won't happen again. And if you want to yell at me, or get a better explanation of what happened, or... whatever you need, I'll... be here.

Thanks. For hearing me out.

[And... that's that.]

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...N... no. I couldn't... stop at all. I was so out of control, I...

[Hrngh. More excuses? It sounds so empty the more he says it.]

I had to be stopped. I'm sorry it... took that long.

Me too.

[Tsuzuki looks away. It's so pointless now. The anger directed at Billy has no source anymore, just that hollow spot where a friend used to be.]

[Tsuzuki's voice is still has a soft edge when he replies, because he recognizes the situation that Billy's in from his own life. Perversely, it's his own self-loathing that drives him forward.]

You need to be more careful. You did something terrible to Hisoka.

[Oh god, this was- this was Hisoka’s friend. No wonder he’s so…

God. Now he feels even worse than before.]

I know… I-I know, I… what I did to him is unforgivable. I had no idea what I was doing… I would never…

[Excuses… always excuses. He forces himself to stop.]

How… is he?

[Tsuzuki hesitates. Billy seems to be genuinely contrite, which automatically makes Tsuzuki want to reassure, not confront him. But Hisoka has no one that will stand up for him. He can't be like every other person in Hisoka's life that stood idly by as he got hurt. Even if Hisoka isn't there to see it, it still matters - even if it makes Tsuzuki's self-loathing worse. Hisoka getting hurt is partly his fault too, for not breaking out of the spell, for not realizing that a happiness without Hisoka in it had to be fake.]

....He couldn't speak when I found him. But I don't know how he is now.

Oh god... is he missing? Is he hurt? What happened?

[He is bracing himself for the prospect of breaking his magic strike to find this poor guy. He feels awful.]

No--

[He's not surprised that Billy wants to help. Hisoka had that effect on people. Tsuzuki takes a deep breath, his tiredness showing on his face.]

I meant that he's gone. His belongings are, too. Everything.

[Everything that belongs to Hisoka has gone with him. Except Tsuzuki, that is. The knowledge hurts, finally draining Tsuzuki of his anger. It's not Billy's fault that he's alone, or that Hisoka was violated and sent home. He looks away.]

...oh...

[So he can't even apologize for that. He'd taken someone important from this guy for his stupid spell, messed him up so that he couldn't even talk, and now he was gone?

Shit. Shit. Well isn't he just the worst human being on the planet?]

God, I.. I'm so sorry. I don't know what to say...

Don't say anything. It's not like you can do anything now.

[Billy has nothing to apologize for when it comes to Tsuzuki. The only one that would have needed an apology has already forgotten he was hurt.]

I just hope this magic of yours won't harm someone important to you, too. I mean that.

[Tsuzuki doesn't smile, because there's nothing happy about what he's saying. He sometime remembers what losing control feels like. Sometimes the destruction and abandonment he caused show up in his dreams. He wouldn't wish that kind of power on anyone. The guilt nibbling at his thoughts, he closes the journal.]

[Action / Voice] House of M Follow-Up

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