selfhelp | [Action / Voice] House of M Follow-Up

[So... he's probably delayed this long enough, even if a part of him would love to delay it indefinitely. Not only is it a month overdue, but now that he's home again and fully recovered from whatever had been affecting his mind, putting it off any further will just make things more difficult. Frightened as he is of the consequences, he won't get anywhere if he keeps hiding. It's time to apologize for the damage his spell caused, and make things right... if he can.

First, Billy seeks out those he knows personally, friends or acquaintances whom he remembers being affected or involved. Whether they're people he hasn't spoken to since the spell was in place, or people who visited him while he was possessed and halfway out of his mind, he'll try to be as thorough as possible. Teddy accompanies him from place to place, bless him, and they can be found walking hand-in-hand through the village and talking quietly, though Billy will be speaking with the people he's looking for on his own. Teddy's there for moral support, nothing more; the rest is his responsibility.

After those visits, presumably the hard part is over, but there's one thing left to do - reach out to those he couldn't find, missed, or simply doesn't know, as well as the general populace who'd probably noticed strange things going on at the time. They deserve to know about... well. To put it bluntly, the menace to society that he can be. Not that he'd give that reason out loud. Certain people would take issue with it.

They'd be wrong, but.

This time, he uses the journal network, his voice tentative, worried, and sick with guilt, and it happens later in the evening:]

...Hey... it's Billy. Um, Kaplan. I'm kind of a witch. You might not know me. Sorry if you do. ...Last month, October 1st, I was sent back from a Malnosso abduction... kind of a mess. I wasn't thinking straight, and... I cast a spell. It... it screwed with a lot of people. Badly. I don't know the full extent of the damage it caused, or how far it went, but- I do know that- people were hurt. And I know I might not be able to make things right again, either.

["Might". His hope for that one is still pretty pathetic; the forgiveness he's already received is something of a miracle to him. The day's meetings are still weighing on him, and there's an ache in his heart that refuses to go away.]

...Still. I- I need to apologize. Whether or not the Malnosso were the cause, it's still my fault. S-so I'm sorry. I'm sorry... I'm so...

[....]

...I'm... not going to use magic anymore. I'm done. I'm no good. At it. I mean. I- sorry. ...This won't happen again. And if you want to yell at me, or get a better explanation of what happened, or... whatever you need, I'll... be here.

Thanks. For hearing me out.

[And... that's that.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Smart move. Of course what he says next isn't exactly impressive, but at least he's thinking now. Responding. It's a pretty big improvement over the last time they talked.]

And how many times has it helped save lives in the same time span? Last I checked you were perfectly safe to be around up until a month ago, and what came after wasn't entirely your fault.

You made a bad choice and you went too far. Now you're doing the same exact thing, but in the opposite direction.

[He'd love that, if he could just... blame the Malnosso on everything and have done. But what they'd put in his head hadn't controlled him, not entirely. He had made a choice. A very, very bad one.

It's pretty hard to forget that.]

On my own, I have enough control to at least keep myself from doing more damage. I just have to be careful about what I say, that's all. Learn to... rein in my thoughts, my emotions. That's what I'll train.

I don't... need magic. I can't rely on it anymore.

[Except Zatanna isn't telling him to forget it, or even absolving him of blame. It's a total mess no matter how you look at it, which means the solution can't be as clean as Billy's trying to make it.]

Funny; I thought that was all part of learning how to use magic in the first place. Not that I'm the poster child for "use only when strictly necessary," but you can control it without giving it up--and you can still do good with it, especially when the people around you need you to.

Believe me; you don't want to regret not doing more on top of everything else.

[I don't want to use magic, he'd like to say. It's the easiest way to explain how he feels, after everything he's done. But more than anything else, more than the guilt and the horror and paranoia, he's afraid. Afraid of what one little word can accomplish, what it has accomplished in the past. Good things, sure. But bad things, too.

And in his mind, the bad far outweigh the good right now.]

Don't you get it? I'm trying to prevent myself from doing more things that I'll regret. I'll be happier without this. And the people I care about will be safe. It's the only way to be sure.

Which is great, until you go too far and then you can't do what you should be able to to save someone.

[It's a huge cop out in Zatanna's eyes, even if she knows why he's saying it.]

Unless you're telling me that you've never used magic to save anyone. To keep the people you care about safe.

Of course I've used it for that. That isn't the point.

[Just because something can be used for good as well as evil doesn't mean it's okay to use it.]

Actually, it is. The way I see it, you aren't helping anyone else by swearing off magic. It'd be like Superman breaking someone's arm and saying he's never going to use his abilities again.

That's different. Superman can't just decide not to use super-strength. It comes naturally to him. It's who he is. I have a choice whether or not to use magic.

I'm pretty sure it's a choice for him too. Otherwise he'd just crush everything around him. He's got to control it. And what about his other abilities, like all the types of visions and flying? Those are choices.

Not to mention that magic is just as much a part of who you are.

A part of me, yeah. A part that didn't even exist until a couple of years ago.

I can live without magic.

[Action / Voice] House of M Follow-Up

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