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[Action, July 11th-13th]
[To say that Billy is a bit of a basket case right now would be a severe understatement. His mom is here. His admittedly teenage and therefore doesn't-know-who-he-is-and-kind-of-alternate-universe mom, yes, but that doesn't seem to make the intensity of his feelings about the matter any different. One small comfort is that they're getting along (so far), and their shared powers gives them common ground, but there's still that lingering... risk that he can't stop thinking about. That he won't be able to keep his secrets, that eventually everything will come crumbling down. He's terrified of that.
The first day, he does little else but fret and mull over it, after separating from Wanda; Teddy's kind enough to cancel any of his daily doings, since he's in no state to be pretending like everything's normal. It had been hard enough with Wanda the first time. Today, though, he feels much better. His head is more clear, he's found his center of calm, and he spent at least half the day and night before meditating so he figures he has a firm grasp on his sanity again.
There are certain things that he knows he needs to do, especially since he ditched all his usual priorities the day before, so he's made himself a list, and today he's going through it all. It is as follows: He swing by the art gallery and removes some of his work, namely anything that features the Scarlet Witch (only a couple of pieces, mind you, and they're his, but art theft is still art theft). He attends training with Logan and begs for forgiveness about skipping the day before (beg may be an overstatement of what actually happens because he isn't really sorry at all). He'll attend X-Men Training and try to perform decently despite feeling ridiculously scatterbrained. And finally, he'll probably talk to some Very Important People in the process of completing the rest of his list.
In the end, well... he's decided to track down Wanda again, maybe not now, but some time in the near future. Because despite his fears and misgivings, despite everything he's likely to say to everyone else - that it's a bad idea, that he'll mess things up, that he'll accidentally reveal himself - the temptation of sharing his powers with hers, teaching her, helping her, is too strong to resist. This is about more than a lost family, now. This is about magic.]
The first day, he does little else but fret and mull over it, after separating from Wanda; Teddy's kind enough to cancel any of his daily doings, since he's in no state to be pretending like everything's normal. It had been hard enough with Wanda the first time. Today, though, he feels much better. His head is more clear, he's found his center of calm, and he spent at least half the day and night before meditating so he figures he has a firm grasp on his sanity again.
There are certain things that he knows he needs to do, especially since he ditched all his usual priorities the day before, so he's made himself a list, and today he's going through it all. It is as follows: He swing by the art gallery and removes some of his work, namely anything that features the Scarlet Witch (only a couple of pieces, mind you, and they're his, but art theft is still art theft). He attends training with Logan and begs for forgiveness about skipping the day before (beg may be an overstatement of what actually happens because he isn't really sorry at all). He'll attend X-Men Training and try to perform decently despite feeling ridiculously scatterbrained. And finally, he'll probably talk to some Very Important People in the process of completing the rest of his list.
In the end, well... he's decided to track down Wanda again, maybe not now, but some time in the near future. Because despite his fears and misgivings, despite everything he's likely to say to everyone else - that it's a bad idea, that he'll mess things up, that he'll accidentally reveal himself - the temptation of sharing his powers with hers, teaching her, helping her, is too strong to resist. This is about more than a lost family, now. This is about magic.]
[ action ]
He tilts his head back from his position on the couch, finally stirring to glance sidelong at her, unimpressed and unhappy.]
Um. Hi, come on in, make yourself at home...
[Though, okay, he's pretty sure he knows why she's here. She's the only one besides Kate and Teddy who knows the whole story.]
Re: [ action ]
Rogue takes in the scene, confirming that he's alive, but then sees the spread of self-help books.]
Uh. You're not workin' on a new master plan to keep from blowin' up or anything, are you?
[ action ]
His gaze follows hers, chewing idly on his lower lip.]
That's... not in the game plan, no. Sometimes when I have a hard time focusing, I like to go back to the basics.
[ action ]
[Rogue moves to take a seat directly across from him. If that means she's sitting cross-legged on the floor, so be it. If she can drag a chair over and sit on its arm, so much the better.
Then she looks at him expectantly.]
[ action ]
...I talked to her. To Wanda.
[ action ]
How'd it go?
[ action ]
Finally he smiles, a sad little thing halfway between happiness and misery.]
It... it went great. She's amazing. We got along just fine, and... neither of us had ever met anyone with the same power. I've never felt anything like it before.
[ action ]
Okay...
[First of all: a little disturbing that he's calling Wanda amazing, secondly, if it went so well then what was with the hermit act?]
[ action ]
He can hear the unspoken question in her tone, and after a quiet, emphatic exhale-]
I didn't tell her who I was. And now I have no idea what to do.
[ action ]
While on the one hand, she was relieved... she also knew the yearn of an adopted child to sit and compare with her birth mother. What would she be like? Would they have the same laugh? Would she be able to tell her anything; could she trust her birth father to protect her?
The answer, in her case, was no. No one who abandoned their child by a trash bin was someone who would protect her, someone she could trust with her secrets. But that hadn't stop her from wondering, it didn't stop her from dreaming - what if it wasn't their fault? What if they had actually wanted me?
And now Billy had a chance to be with his mother. His sort of mother. His sort of mother from another world who was probably young enough to get a misinformed crush on her own son.
Despite the momentary flash of jealousy at the opportunity, Rogue was still able to see the problem. Not to mention... Wanda's own instability and Luceti's very nature...]
That must've been a hard call. [She sighs and runs a hand through her hair.] Not gonna lie, you're in a rough spot.
[ action ]
[Billy sighs, then, leaning back against the couch, lips pursed.]
I don't know what to do, Rogue. I want to tell her. I want to tell her everything. But what is even the point? I don't think I could even exist in your world. And the story of why I exist in the first place isn't even a happy one. So what would she even get out of it? The knowledge that oh, hey, guess what, there's an alternate version of you that gets a home and a husband and kids and then gets to watch them all get stolen away from her? And then goes crazy and missing on top of everything?
[He laughs bitterly, then, head bowing to bury his face against his hands. It sounds even worse when he says it out loud.]
It's so goddamn selfish to want more from this than just... being friends. That should be enough, right?
[ action ]
And there was something there more important than her opinion. That should be enough, right?]
Who says?
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Wh... what? What do you mean?
[Technically no one says it, but... shouldn't that be a given?]
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[ action ]
But... if I know it could hurt her, and I still do it... isn't that kind of...
[He flails his hands a bit, unsure about his own feelings - or how to make them into words.]
[ action ]
Yeah.
[She glances down at her gloves and speaks, her voice low, controlled, and vehement.]
Every day I put these things on. Every day.
[She tugs one hand loose from the glove and raises her head. She stretches the bare hand out in Billy's direction.]
Wantin' to touch someone is natural, don't you think? 'course, if I were to touch you right now...
[She lets her voice trail off and drops her hand back down to her lap. Rogue starts tugging on the glove again.]
[ action ] please don't kill him rogue
This time isn't any better. Before the glove is back on, he recklessly reaches out, wrapping his hand around hers, his eyes flashing blue for a second. It's probably the stupidest thing he's ever done, and this isn't a spell he's ever tried before, not like this. But his magic is driven by willpower, and right now? Right at this moment? He really needs to hold her hand.]
[ action ] Billy, you're lucky she likes you
What in the hell--
[Reflexively, she jerks her hand away. Hard. They can't have touched for more than a few seconds, if that, but that doesn't change the fact that Billy's hand felt more like a warm rubber glove than flesh and that if he hadn't done something, she would have had one bright and shiny new resident in her head.
Almost a shame it didn't work. She would have liked to know what he was thinking.]
[ action ] he's an idiot but how can you not
[Billy bites his lip, immediately looking down; he knows how dumb that was, and he's pretty sure it didn't work the way he'd intended.]
I shouldn't have done that. I should've asked, I just- I thought-
[He's rambling - pathetically - so he stops himself for a moment, takes a deep breath, and tries again.]
Y... you're right. You could hurt me. And I could hurt you. And I could hurt Wanda, too. But sometimes, I- it's-
[He clenches his hands into fists, then spreads them again, touching the fingers of one hand to the palm of the one he'd touched her with. It doesn't feel right. Not at all.
Dammit.]
If the pay-off's good, it's... worth the risk. Isn't it?
[Then again if the risk is completely (and understandably) pissing her off again, he really needs to rethink his priorities.]
[ action ] HOW HAVE YOU NOT KILLED ME FOR THIS?
That all depends on what you want. What's the payoff here, Billy? You tell her an' best case scenario, what happens?
[ action ] would you believe I kind of forgot about it
What would be the best-case scenario here?]
...I guess... there isn't one. She's not my mom. I wouldn't ever expect her to be. I can't ask her all the questions I wanted to ask Wanda back home, if I ever found her. And I have a mom already, just as real as she is. There's... no benefit, here.
[Just a bit of selfish indulgence. God, it's like every time he thinks he's made a decision, some new reason to change it around hits him. This sucks.]
[ action ] oh good /feels much less guilty then
Well, there's one thing - secrets have a way of outin' themselves in this place. Might be better to find a way to do it before it blows up in your face.
[Wanda would not take being lied to kindly.]
[ action ] fwee.
"Find a way to do it". Sounds so much easier than it actually is.
[He groans quietly and buries his face against his crossed arms. God, why does this have to be so hard?]
[ action ]
The point I was tryin' to make before you grabbed my hand was that - yeah. It sucks for you. Even if it's good at the same time, 'cause you get a chance to know what your mom might have been like as a kid. But what you've gotta focus on doin' is what seems right for her.
[She smiles faintly.]
I know it's hard, but givin' her a head's up in a few months that you're from another world might not be the strangest thing after a few months in Luceti. But ya don't need ta get it all figured out today.
[ action ]
So... don't tell her now, but think about telling her later? That might actually make the most sense.
[Especially if what he suspects will happen is true - that sooner or later, the truth will come out whether he wants it to or not.]