selfhelp | [Action, July 11th-13th]

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[Action, July 11th-13th]

[To say that Billy is a bit of a basket case right now would be a severe understatement. His mom is here. His admittedly teenage and therefore doesn't-know-who-he-is-and-kind-of-alternate-universe mom, yes, but that doesn't seem to make the intensity of his feelings about the matter any different. One small comfort is that they're getting along (so far), and their shared powers gives them common ground, but there's still that lingering... risk that he can't stop thinking about. That he won't be able to keep his secrets, that eventually everything will come crumbling down. He's terrified of that.

The first day, he does little else but fret and mull over it, after separating from Wanda; Teddy's kind enough to cancel any of his daily doings, since he's in no state to be pretending like everything's normal. It had been hard enough with Wanda the first time. Today, though, he feels much better. His head is more clear, he's found his center of calm, and he spent at least half the day and night before meditating so he figures he has a firm grasp on his sanity again.

There are certain things that he knows he needs to do, especially since he ditched all his usual priorities the day before, so he's made himself a list, and today he's going through it all. It is as follows: He swing by the art gallery and removes some of his work, namely anything that features the Scarlet Witch (only a couple of pieces, mind you, and they're his, but art theft is still art theft). He attends training with Logan and begs for forgiveness about skipping the day before (beg may be an overstatement of what actually happens because he isn't really sorry at all). He'll attend X-Men Training and try to perform decently despite feeling ridiculously scatterbrained. And finally, he'll probably talk to some Very Important People in the process of completing the rest of his list.

In the end, well... he's decided to track down Wanda again, maybe not now, but some time in the near future. Because despite his fears and misgivings, despite everything he's likely to say to everyone else - that it's a bad idea, that he'll mess things up, that he'll accidentally reveal himself - the temptation of sharing his powers with hers, teaching her, helping her, is too strong to resist. This is about more than a lost family, now. This is about magic.]

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Mm.

[Another nod, and Billy follows after Tony, going immediately to the pot to check that it's still warm, then pouring himself a cup. He lifts the pot towards Tony, brow lifting questioningly. He doesn't trust his voice to speak just yet, so he fills the void by taking the mug and helping himself to a sip instead. God, what does he even say?]

[ Tony pours himself a mug, loading the coffee with more sugar than necessary, as usual. He finds his perch on a barstool and leans against the counter, idly sipping from his cup before deciding where to start. ]]

So, what, one of your parents showed up? From a time before they know you exist?

[ He's never been good at subtlety. ]

[Honestly? It's probably a good thing. Billy's not in the mood to bring it up himself, so he'd probably have tried to dodge the issue for a while. As it is, he pauses, sips awkwardly at his coffee again, then finally nods.]

You remember how I said I was kind of adopted? And that my mom's an Avenger? The Scarlet Witch.

[ He did, vaguely. One piece of trivia he filed away until it became relevant. Well - apparently, now it was. ]

Her?

Yeah, her. My long-lost real mom is in Luceti now, and I can't tell her... because she's the same age as I am.

[Honestly, he could handle just an alternate reality version. It might be depressing, but at least she'd be an adult.]

You know - my dad was actually younger than me. [ Which was...hardly relevant, and beside the point, but he points it out anyway.

He taps his finger on the handle of his mug, a small, muted nervous tic. ]

Not a particularly thrilling club to be a part of, is it? I mean - at least dad was an adult. [ And even if he hadn't through about settling down and starting a family yet, at least he wasn't a teenager. ]

[Great minds think alike, apparently. He's not sure if that makes it better or worse.]

Yeah, no kidding. It's not just that, though.

She's not even from my version of Earth. She's from Rogue's.

[ Hn. That was tricky, then. At least Howard had been from the same version of Earth that Tony was - he could be certain that he was a part of Howard's future.

But in the case of alternate universes... ]

Do you know if you'll exist there?

[Billy considers it a moment, then simply shakes his head.]

Not unless the Avengers do, and as far as we know right now, they haven't formed. I mean- I don't think she'd try to have kids without the Vision...

[ Ouch. That's not a nice thought - realizing you might not exist in a particular universe where your parent does. ]

You're damned if you do, and you're damned if you don't. Gotta love when those are your options. [ He sips his coffee, contemplative. ] But there's an easy way to figure this out.

[Billy lifts a brow at that, his expression questioning. In his experience there's never an easy way for this kind of thing.]

What do you mean?

You have to ask yourself this question: are you going to regret it if she leaves without knowing?

[ He knows it's not that simple. It never is. But maybe that would give Billy a bit of guidance. It had for him, after all. ]

[...That... is a damn good question, actually. One that requires another pause for thought as Billy stares down at the coffee in his mug. Would he regret it? He can think of a few pros and cons for choosing one or the other. As for how he feels, though... hrngh. Harder to say.]

I'm not... really sure, yet. Maybe. Probably, at least in part. But it isn't just about me. It's her, too- I don't want to freak her out. Wanda isn't...

[He frowns, not liking to say it aloud- it's acknowledging more than he wants to, something he's been dodging and trying to avoid thinking about, but something he knows is undeniably true.]

...She's not... always stable. And her magic isn't as controlled as mine is. I don't know what's different, or if she hasn't been taught properly, or what, but...

[He pauses again, then curses quietly, looking away as if trying to hide his frustration.]

I don't want to cause problems or make it worse for her, just so I can feel better about all this.

[ Wanda. He notes the name, in case he meets her later. Instability was hardly something Tony was unfamiliar with, but that dynamic hadn't been a problem with him and Howard. He didn't have to worry about one of them losing control depending on how the truth was handled. This was delicate, and for a moment, Tony thought about opting out of advice at all. He was still barely stable himself.

But Billy needed this, and there were few people around who would relate to what he was going through, even partially. So Tony took a deep breath and spoke. ]

When my dad found out the truth, he flipped his shit. Probably - rightfully so. He was made at me, and everyone else I had sworn to secrecy, and he ran off on a mission for a few weeks. Needless to say - he took it badly.

[ He leans forward intently. ]

Let's picture you six months down the road. Mom finds out the truth - the proverbial rug is pulled out from underneath her feet, one way or another. What's she going to handle better - finding out now before everything impossible about this place settles in, or then, when she finds out people have been keeping the truth from her all along?

Edited 2013-07-16 04:15 (UTC)

...That's only two choices. Couldn't it arguably just be kept a secret, and her never find out?

[Which is a big chance, sure, but compared to his other options, he's kind of inclined to lean in that direction. Especially when he's only just met this version of her.

Still, the whole flipping-out thing doesn't bode well. If a grown man responded that way, what would a teenage girl do? A teenage girl who can hex reality when she gets over-emotional?]

That's what I tried to do. And - how well that turned out pretty much speaks for itself.

[ Considering the little bit he's told him about Wanda, he can only imagine it'd be worse in her case. His age - just a kid. Finding out she has a son in an alternate reality?

Yeah, he can't imagine that going over well. ]

The thing is, you can't always control it. Especially here. I don't know about you, but I wouldn't be so optimistic about it staying secret.

[I could control it, he thinks, unable to help himself, but mercifully doesn't say. I could make her forget.

Because he hates the very idea of that kind of manipulation - he'd tried it with Nate out of desperation and nearly paid for it with his life, felt awful afterwards - and he knows the consequences of such rash decisions now. Forcing Wanda to forget was what drove her crazy last time. Removing her memories had been the catalyst for House of M.

More than anything, though, she didn't deserve that. Going by what Rogue said, however vaguely, she'd been through enough already.

Still, it's so tempting. To have the option like that. God, it's an awful feeling.]

So you think I should tell her?

I think you need to decide where its safest to place your bets. [ It wouldn't be pretty. At all. And Tony couldn't blame Billy for a second if he doesn't tell her. But if he was asking for his opinion... ] If you tell her, you can at least still control the situation in a different sense.

...Or she could freak out and alter the reality of the whole village...

[Which... is unfair to say. He doesn't know the limits of her powers of what her mental state is, not after one brief interaction. The idea has a lot of merit.]

...sorry. I'm just... scared. This isn't what I imagined happening at all.

[ He lifts an eyebrow. ]

You think she could do that even with the barrier limit? [ Just how much power were they talking here? ]

...I don't know.

[He frowns, then shakes his head.]

No, sorry. I don't think she can do that. I don't think she would, either. That isn't what I'm scared of.

Then what are you scared of?

[ It's not the sort of question he likes to ask, but he's been answering it so much himself lately. ]

...I guess... getting rejected. As her kid, I mean. Trying to give her something that she doesn't want from me. Back home... how she lost me and Tommy was bad. Really bad. If she knew we were even alive, she'd want to see us again. Believing that is what made me want to meet her. That, and... there's a lot about my power that I don't understand. I've got tons of questions that only she could answer.

[He glances down at his hands, as if they themselves could just manifest an answer for him the way they do with so many other things. It's kind of pathetic that a power based on wishes and willpower can't give him the things he wants the most.]

This Wanda... the one here... I don't mean anything to her. Not my name, or where I came from. Maybe we can be friends, maybe we can be family, I don't know. But it's not the same. And she doesn't have the answers I'm looking for, either.

[ It's a well-founded fear. Tony had felt the same with Howard, and he knew they were from the same universe. No one wants to be rejected by their parents, alternate versions or no.

And he doesn't really have a good way to combat that. Tony got lucky that Howard gave him the choice of working something out or staying out of his life completely. He doesn't know Wanda at all, but a teenager probably wouldn't feel like they owed someone that responsibility. ]

Look - I won't tell you to get over it, because it sounds to me like your fear is pretty damn justified. I can't tell you the right answer. But speaking from experience? Just don't decide to do nothing.

["Don't do nothing". It sounds so simple, putting it like that, though he knows that isn't the intention (or even the truth). Still means he has a lot of thinking to do, but... he does feel a little better for the advice.

Not much, mind you. But a little.]

Isn't that the same thing as telling me to tell her?

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