selfhelp | [Action, July 11th-13th]

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[Action, July 11th-13th]

[To say that Billy is a bit of a basket case right now would be a severe understatement. His mom is here. His admittedly teenage and therefore doesn't-know-who-he-is-and-kind-of-alternate-universe mom, yes, but that doesn't seem to make the intensity of his feelings about the matter any different. One small comfort is that they're getting along (so far), and their shared powers gives them common ground, but there's still that lingering... risk that he can't stop thinking about. That he won't be able to keep his secrets, that eventually everything will come crumbling down. He's terrified of that.

The first day, he does little else but fret and mull over it, after separating from Wanda; Teddy's kind enough to cancel any of his daily doings, since he's in no state to be pretending like everything's normal. It had been hard enough with Wanda the first time. Today, though, he feels much better. His head is more clear, he's found his center of calm, and he spent at least half the day and night before meditating so he figures he has a firm grasp on his sanity again.

There are certain things that he knows he needs to do, especially since he ditched all his usual priorities the day before, so he's made himself a list, and today he's going through it all. It is as follows: He swing by the art gallery and removes some of his work, namely anything that features the Scarlet Witch (only a couple of pieces, mind you, and they're his, but art theft is still art theft). He attends training with Logan and begs for forgiveness about skipping the day before (beg may be an overstatement of what actually happens because he isn't really sorry at all). He'll attend X-Men Training and try to perform decently despite feeling ridiculously scatterbrained. And finally, he'll probably talk to some Very Important People in the process of completing the rest of his list.

In the end, well... he's decided to track down Wanda again, maybe not now, but some time in the near future. Because despite his fears and misgivings, despite everything he's likely to say to everyone else - that it's a bad idea, that he'll mess things up, that he'll accidentally reveal himself - the temptation of sharing his powers with hers, teaching her, helping her, is too strong to resist. This is about more than a lost family, now. This is about magic.]

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[Loki's in the kitchen for most of the day, he's making sandwiches again and making a general mess of the kitchen. The only thing that differs is that he's back to his normal size, the shirt he's wearing did not and its definitely too big for him. He's climbing around on the counter when he notices Billy passing by.]

Billy! Billy! I have invented a new sandwich!

[He climbs off the counter an hurries towards the opening that leads to the hallway.]

[Billy's a bit slow to respond; it's hard to muster up enthusiasm when the last few days have been kind of shit. Still, he manages to lift a brow, torn between curiosity and dread. Loki's taste can be a little questionable at times, and he's not sure he's in the mood.]

...Do I want to know?

[Loki arches an eyebrow, holding a sandwich in his hand that's dripping with a brown substance.]

Are you sad again?

[He takes a firm bite of said sandwich.]

Its chocolate.

[Billy opts to ignore the first question, half because he doesn't want to answer, and half because the sandwich is pretty distracting.]

Chocolate sandwich? I hate to burst your bubble, but you didn't invent anything new. Chocolate's been used as a sandwich spread for years.

A wondrous attempt to avoid my question and thus I am most sure you're sad again and not aware that the chocolate sandwich comes with a secret ingredient!

Edited 2013-07-14 08:46 (UTC)

A... secret ingredient.

[Yup, still ignoring the sadness commentary. He will fight you. 8(]

Okay, I'll bite. What is it? And why is it dripping?

Billy of New York, we shall do a trade.

[He beckons Billy to follow him into the kitchen and when he's in the kitchen he gestures him to sit down.]

Sit down, sit down. Friends do not avoid eachother's questions, you see? Perhaps I can give you a great advice.

And while you explain your sad situation I shall make a sandwich for you as well. Sharing sandwiches of friendship while discussing our problems.

I find the fairness of this trade questionable.

[Billy hesitates, leaning on the doorway. He is really, really iffy about spreading this news around too much, especially without telling Wanda herself first. It just doesn't seem fair to her. But he needs a better story for why he's so miserable, if people are going to keep asking like this.]

Please put some trust in me. And my sandwiches.

[Loki nods before walking towards the counter to start making said sandwiches.]

Now tell me why you are this sad, Billy of New York.

[He's still reluctant, but dodging isn't getting him very far, so... well, maybe it'll be alright if he's vague. There's no way he's going to spread his and Wanda's identity around to people who don't need to hear it, but Loki's trying to be a good friend here. Billy doesn't want to go and discourage that.]

It's... not really a trust thing. Not really. But it's not really something I should be talking about.

[...Well, it's a start. And half a warning, really- can he be satisfied with a partial truth? Because he's not getting the full one.]

But it is making you sad, right?

[He looks over his shoulder for a moment and sighs afterwards. That is the most blatant half-truth he has ever heard.]

But perhaps it is not my place to inquire.

[He moves to put pickles on the sandwich, digging his hand deep into a large pot to get them out.]

Look, I'm sorry. I'd tell you everything if I thought that I could. But I'm not the only one involved in this, and... I just can't explain it right now. Later, maybe. When I've decided.

[He feels like he ought to give something, though, if only to avoid sounding like a total hypocrite after prying Loki over stuff in the past, so... hmm.]

Hey... say someone from home, someone really important to you, showed up in Luceti from another universe. And you want to tell them who you are, what they mean to you, but they don't know you, and... telling them could seriously mess them up. What would you do?

[Loki places a finished sandwich on a plate and walks over to Billy.]

That has already happened. Thor has been here. And he was most definitely Thor and I am most definitely Loki. But I am not his brother, and he is not mine.

I am not quite sure how your situation is. Is it a family member as well? Or a former sort of love interest that might cause a tragic break-up between you and Teddy?

[He places the sandwich in front of the other and rolls his eyes briefly.]

By Odin's sores, Billy of New York, there is no need to be vague about this.

No, it's not...

[Ugh, maybe he shouldn't have said anything at all. Subtlety and vagueness are not great skills of his- he prefers to be open, up front about the whole issue if it's something he wants to share.

But fine, fine. Maybe it's inevitable. But he still needs to be careful.]

...It's my mom.

[Loki raises both eyebrows at that, fingers quickly working on arranging things on his sandwich.]

First of all: your secret is safe with me.

[He nods shortly, a very serious expression on his face.]

You haven't told her you are her son, right? Even though the situation between Thor and me has been quite similar to yours there can be a danger that if you mention this to her...you might not even get born in the future.

That would be quite tragic, you see?

Yeah, no kidding. I haven't told her yet. I probably won't.

[He sighs quietly, stewing over that for a moment. At least Loki's already agreed to help him hide it, but...]

...I've been... advised to tell her eventually, though. Because Luceti isn't great about letting secrets stay hidden forever. So now I'm not sure anymore.

[Well that has been a stupid advice and Loki is tempted to shake his head. Yet he refrains from that, it is a decision Billy has to make for himself.]

Well, my advice stands as it is.

You need to stop fretting that much. Have you ever heard of the Midgardian disease called a 'burn out'? Apparently it is caused when one stresses about a variety of things for a long time.

[There is a hint of concern shining through in his voice.]

[Billy has the decency to look guilty at that.]

Disease? I guess it does seem like that's what it is sometimes. It sure it persistent. But... yeah. You're probably right. But how do you just stop worrying about stuff? If there's some secret to it, it's news to me.

Isn't it a disease?

[Loki pulls his knees up now while he keeps on fidgeting with his sandwich.]

I thought it was.

You have been leading a very tough life, yes? Perhaps some bullying because of your preference for men, right? Misunderstandings? Parental problems?

Try not to connect your current life and situations to the problems you have faced in the past. It will make the problems bigger and your life even tougher.

It is what I do. It helps. A problem is there to be solved, if they remain unsolved then one shall has to deal with it.

[He has to stop and think about that one. Is he linking them altogether? It's true that he's had kind of a string of bad experiences lately, and it's hard to disconnect from them while considering his current problem.

Is he really that upset about Wanda, or is this just the icing on the problematic cake?]

I guess... it's harder to do that when the problems I have can't be solved. Not all of them, anyway. So they just sort of sit in the back of my mind and bug me.

Of course there is the probability that one problem leads to another if they remain unsolved but that is not applicable to this particular situation, you see? Your mother's presence can become a problem if she would know you are her child. Otherwise she can become a good friend, you see?

[Loki taps his fingers on the table.]

They do that for me as well. I cannot deny that...

[He nods.]

...but try to remember that they get solved in the future. One way or another...

One way or another.

[That's... true, yeah. Tommy had said it himself- they find her in the future, they finally get to know her as their mother, and she accepts them. And maybe it doesn't all go perfectly - he'd definitely gotten that impression - but maybe it doesn't have to. Maybe finding her is enough.

And maybe, since he'll get all of that at home... maybe it's okay to just be friends here.]

...You give surprisingly good advice.

[Loki beams a bright smile at Billy after that compliment.]

I have been thinking about this entire concept of bff's. Since I used to have Saori and Leah as my bff's and that proved that it is most okay to have multiple bff's instead of just one...

Perhaps we could become bff's too.

[BFFs with Loki? There's something he hasn't considered before. The words are unexpected, and it shows on Billy's expression, but after a long moment he smiles again.]

I think I'd be okay with that.

[Loki finds himself taken aback by the surprised expression on Billy's face and there is a hint of wariness on his face now.

The wariness disappears a bit when Billy starts to smile back at him]

Ah. You gave me the impression that you were in doubt about becoming my BFF.

[action-I hope this is ok, if not, let me know!]

[action] totally okay!

Re: [action] totally okay!

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