selfhelp | [IC] Appointments Post

[Denying it would be useless and pathetic. The next natural urge is to be angry, having his weaknesses picked at. But that doesn't feel like what is happening. He stares at Billy's face for what feels like a long time, then puts his back to the wall and slides down to sit on the floor.]

I'm not accustomed to being attacked in my own home.

[He tightens his hands around the cup. It stops the shaking for now.]

I haven't had a home in which to be attacked for... quite some time, so I suppose there is that.

[Why tell Billy that? Stupid. He gives his head a shake. This is the second time someone's tried to kill him since he arrived here. It shouldn't be so surprising. It happens often enough in his normal life. At least the orange person didn't come as close as Clint Barton. He leans his head back against the wall.]

I ought to know better than this by now, to think that such a thing as a safe place exists. And this is the second time I've made that mistake in as many weeks.

Edited 2012-10-05 08:36 (UTC)

[Billy sits down with him, cross-legged across from Loki's spot- not too close, but not exactly distant, either. For the first time he doesn't feel particularly intimidated in the presence of the Asgardian god, and while he knows how dangerous that is, how easily he could just be getting manipulated here, sometimes you just have to offer the benefit of the doubt. The alternative is too awful to do otherwise.]

You can't treat this incident exactly like the one before, with Hawkeye. That was- it was messed up. I'm not excusing him, or you, or saying things couldn't have been handled better, but that was an attack, a message, for both sides. This was... a misunderstanding. He attacked you for something you didn't do.

[Not yet. and he squashes that thought before it can reach his expression, because that's not fair. That's like assuming he'll go crazy and start killing his teammates because he shares Wanda's power. Like saying Tony will start the war or create the registration act because of what happened in Billy's own universe.

Alternate realities are complicated. You can't afford to make assumptions.]

It's... difficult to hold on to a stalemate when this world keeps introducing new players into the game.

[Loki shakes his head slowly.]

I don't feel the same about it at all. I was angry then. [Because of Elicia. He was terrified, for her. He still doesn't know how to process this fully, and he closes his eyes tightly for a moment.]

This... I'm tired.

[He gives his head another little shake. No, that's not a path to go down.]

I assumed it was a misunderstanding when I failed to recognize that... person. [He smiles wryly. What a lovely misunderstanding it would have been, had Grimm managed to catch Loki. A bone-breaking, deadly misunderstanding.] I also know it's too much to hope that I'll be receiving any help with finding new furniture. Or even getting a... fruit basket.

Well... if it's any consolation, the houses here repair themselves, so it should be back to normal within a few days. And the furniture- [Billy lifts a hand, blue fire flaring between his fingertips, swirling around the remains of one of the nearby chair and fading away after a few moments to reveal it whole again, sturdy and practically new.] ...All you have to do is ask.

[He can't do much about Loki's nerves, or his weariness of this, or the fruit basket - though he suspects that much was in jest - but there's one more thing he can help with, if Loki's interested. If he can work up the nerve.]

[Loki nods.] Nicely done, Billy.

I probably ought to stop feeling sorry for myself and start working on that as well. [He finally takes a sip of his tea. Though this is part of the problem; he hasn't been able to properly concentrate on something so detailed as reconstructing furniture. Maybe later.]

Thank you. For the offer. [He smiles, a little regret in the expression.] But I probably ought not to ask anything of you. I've already caused you a great deal of trouble this eve.

[He knows, that a deep line has been drawn in the sand, so to speak. He can feel it. He hopes to draw people over to his side, but getting them in trouble over such a small thing as furniture is not the way to accomplish that task.]

I'd hardly call it trouble. Ben Grimm is kind of a big deal in the super hero community where I'm from. Meeting him is probably going to be the highlight of my month.

[Which is probably not what Loki wants to hear after watching the man decimate his home, but he's content with making light of the situation- or at least the seriousness of it, as far as he's concerned. He didn't get hurt, he wasn't even really in danger. No trouble was had, except maybe Teddy kicking up a fuss at randomly teleporting off to help Loki of all people. There are, apparently, benefits to being a kid sometimes.]

Not going to force you, though. It's your house and your furniture. But I'd welcome the practice.

[It's not like helping to fix some broken furniture is agreeing with his life decisions or taking his side or- or anything, really. Sometimes fixing stuff is just that. Fixing stuff.]

[It's not the most thrilling news Loki has ever gotten, but really, at this point what's one more person who hates him and wants him dead? The situation really isn't any worse than it was to begin with. One more person to avoid.

Though Loki has to admit, it would be nice if people could limit themselves to wanting to kill him for things he's actually done

He nods.]

When you put it in such a way, I can hardly protest.

[He makes a sweeping gesture with one hand.]

Please, then. As you will.

[Satisfied, Billy sets down his tea, taking a long, sweeping glance around the room, then stands up, lifting his hands, magic already swirling around him.]

It's probably fine, but on the off-chance that I pass out, just put me on the porch and clear off for the night. I don't want to be the one to cause you more trouble.

[Last thing he needs is a shapeshifter to Hulk out on the place, too. It's one of the reasons he's planning to be very careful with this, especially when he's already lacking sleep.

Still, fixing things is a pretty standard spell for him- second nature to him almost as much as the lightning he'd first discovered it with. A far cry from the spluttering spellcasting he'd done during the past week, blue fire flares around him with barely an effort, his eyes glowing, harmless flames gradually spreading outwards until it sweeps throughout the room, mending whatever it touches, which turns out to be the furniture and a segment of the front wall. When he finally releases it and lets it fade out of sight, he looks exhilarated and rather pleased with himself, and not, it seems, about to pass out after all. An unintentional show of power, that.]

If there's danger of that, perhaps you shouldn't...

[Well, he'll figure it out if it comes to that.

Loki watches Billy work with keen interest, concentrating on the arcane rather than visual aspects of it. It tells him perhaps more than Billy would like him to know in regards to how he handles his magic, but he assumes the young man knew that risk.

He grins when Billy is done, nodding approvingly.]

Nicely done indeed. My thanks.

[The magic itself probably felt a little strange, bordering on unnatural- it's chaotic, not so much spellcasting as literally changing the reality of his environment to suit his whims. Inexperience can make that dangerous, but for the moment he seems to be doing alright.

Billy sits back down, recovering his teacup. The furniture is fixed but Loki's already on the floor, and it's comfortable enough.]

You're welcome. Clean-up is the worst part of a fight, I always thought. No reason to do it solo when there's plenty of neighbours around.

[Loki doesn't find it at all odd, that magic. That's how he tends to do things. Laws were made to be broken as needed, and that includes physical laws. He does think, however, that Billy could use a bit of refinement. But that comes with practice.

His eyebrows quirk slightly at Billy's words. What an odd thing for him to say, to Loki of all people.]

I've never found that to be the case, but I'll keep it in mind.

[He gives no indication if he means clean up, or having neighbors.]

[He says odd things to odd people, it's a curse.]

Maybe Luceti can change your mind. About more than that, even.

[His expression shifts, then, turning more serious. May as well get the ugliness out of the way, if it's possible. Or at least make the offer, anyway.]

About what happened... I can explain things a little more, if you want to hear it. Not because I think it'll help, but... it's only fair that you know why people who've never even met you have reason to mistrust you. Or attack you, in this case.

[Maybe Luceti has. Or maybe Loki's mind has always been thus, and no one would believe it. It doesn't really matter.]

I am what I am. That may not be the same as is believed.

[Loki shrugs.]

People mistrust me because I am Loki. Ever has it been so. [He opens his hand in a gesture of invitation.] But more information is always better.

[With the initial response, Billy had expected a rejection, so when Loki agreed, he pauses for thought, trying to sort out how exactly to phrase this. He doesn't want to outright say that the Loki of his world is a crazy melodramatic bastard, but... he really is a crazy melodramatic bastard. Like. Really.

Well, first things first.]

I haven't been completely honest with you, but... that's probably not surprising. I don't come from the version of New York that you attacked. Tony, Cap, Barton- they're from that world, but in my version of Earth, they've all been Avengers for longer than I've been alive. The man who fought with you earlier is from that world, and there's a few others, too. [He purses his lips, then adds,] We've got a Loki, too.

[Loki is entirely unsurprised by this. He had assumed it would be so.

And after speaking to his younger self, he already knew there must be different sorts of realities, different hims out there.]

That seems to follow.

A hateful creature indeed, I assume.

[Which really begs the question why Billy would want to get within twenty feet of Loki now.]

[The answer to that question is "crazy runs in the family". In short.]

That Loki, he's... different. Kind of- I don't know, one-note? Your typical mwa-ha-ha-I'm evil villain. And he's caused a lot of trouble for Asgard and Earth over the last twenty or so years, maybe more. That kind of history can cause a heck of a grudge.

[Loki frowns, a look of distaste on his face.]

That sounds...

[Words fail him. Trite? Boring? Annoying? He aspires to be many things, most of them probably not very nice, but annoying is definitely note on the list.

He rubs his forehead with one hand.]

Pointless.

[Evil, in his opinion, is a pointless construct. And even more so when it's apparently pursued to its own end.]

I've never met him, so I can't say for sure what his reasons are. He probably thinks he's justified for what he's done. [He glances sidelong at Loki, cautious about his own words.] Everyone does.

[So what's your excuse, if not evil for the sake of evilness?]

[Loki hears the question, loud and clear as if Billy spoke it out loud. It's the question he is always asked. The question he can't answer, for a multitude of reasons.

He sighs.]

Destruction for its own sake is pointless. [Though he could envision a future in which he became so bored that he'd still find nihilism better than gibbering madness.] As is cruelty.

[Another sigh. He traces a finger around the top of his tea cup.]

But sometimes things we think are terrible must happen, in the service of preventing something even worse from coming to pass.

Edited 2012-10-05 20:54 (UTC)

[Billy takes a slow sip of his tea, pursing his lips at the taste but offering no complaints. He was raised better than that. ...Mind you his mother would probably kill him for sharing tea with Loki of all people.]

What's worse?

[Than dying, than being murdered, than being conquered and ruled over, enslaved? Because if that's Loki's justification for raining destruction down upon Manhattan, then this conversation is going to get a whole lot more difficult than he anticipated.]

[Loki stares at the far wall, eyes distant. Whatever he's seeing, it's not this room.]

So many things.

[He knows most of them.]

[He knows that look. He's worn it plenty of times on his face, and he's seen it before on others that he knows, too. The face that speaks volumes and says nothing. And there's that feeling again- the discomfort of having something in common with Loki.]

That's... a pretty insubstantial answer. Don't people deserve to know why someone thinks that they need to die?

[Or are they not worth it? Are they beneath that kind of right? He wants to understand, but he's got no information to work with, and honestly, he doubts he'll get any. But he has to ask.]

[Loki blinks, bringing his attention back to Billy.]

Deserve. [His lips twist in the parody of a smile.] Now that is a pretty lie. It feels nice to think the despised deserve to suffer, to rage that the innocent face cruel fates they don't deserve. It's all the same, hot and red.

[He shakes his head.]

My purposes are my own and will remain that way. Perhaps lives deserve an explanation, but even more they deserve to not be wasted.

[He grins, a sudden flash of his teeth.]

I'm a bad, bad man, Billy. Content yourself with that.

Edited 2012-10-05 22:17 (UTC)

[At the smile, Billy has to look away. He's faced down that kind of smile before and paid dearly for it. He'd like to be satisfied with that- just view Loki as a monster and leave, stare down that smile and let the Asgardian's image overlap with the warden of the Cube. Bad men. Bad, bad men who smile in the face of the suffering innocents. Smile with smug self-satisfaction while children scream for mercy.

But the memory of the week before, meetings in the library, shared lessons of magic and science and the wondrous power that connects them together, is haunting him just as much as that smile. What makes a man evil? What makes them beyond redemption? Is it memory, or their nature itself?

It just doesn't feel right to him. None of this does.]

That's not what I said. Being hated isn't what makes someone worthy of suffering. Innocent people are hated all the time, trust me.

[Innocent people are shoved into lockers, punched until they bleed, shot, stabbed, bashed in dark alleys, treated like lesser beings because of what they wear, how they behave, where they're from. Who they love. Innocent people die because someone hates them every day.

But they never get answers, do they? They never get to ask, why? Why do you hate me? Why are you making me suffer like this?

Because there's no reason. No reason at all.]

[The smile is gone as suddenly as it appeared, like a mask falling away. Loki leans back against the wall again.]

But that's the point, isn't it? There is no such beast as a reason good enough to erase all of that.

[He covers his eyes with one hand for a moment.]

Horrors need no explanation. They are. Paint it with a reason, and it just becomes a mirror.

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