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[IC] Appointments Post
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[Action, January 1st]
Thanks!
[Action, March 26] them's the big guns
I might well be one of those people.
[He gives Billy a sardonic smile.] In truth, it has been so long since I've felt anything other than angry perhaps I've gone a bit rusty. I'd feel quite ridiculous speaking such words.
[But that still doesn't answer the question. He's circling it, feeling incredibly uncomfortable about the entire thing. Why can't it just be, why put some sort of loaded, unbelievable word on it?
And it all comes back to that unanswered question that's been thrust back on him since coming here. Who is he? Is Loki, orphan Loki with no father's name he wants to take and no realm he wishes to speak of any longer, someone that loves?]
[Action, March 26] you know billy, he doesn't pull them punches
[Billy scuffs his toe in the dirt of the stable absently, his gaze focusing on the trotting horse again, because he's not sure he can look Loki in the eye while he says this, even if it needs to be said.]
Love is being dopey and smiling at stupid things the other person does. Love is getting mad at them for disagreeing with you and then getting mad at yourself for being mad at someone who means so much to you. Love is throwing logic out of the equation because nothing you do seems to make that much sense anymore. Love is when you feel like crap and all it takes is a word or a touch or a smile from your other half and suddenly you feel like you're gold. Love is just...
[He gestures helplessly, the very epitome of what Loki had stated earlier- different, not so easily quantified or explained or phrased or expressed.
But felt. Always felt, strongly and painfully and without restraint.]
It's ridiculous. That's it. You feel ridiculous all the time because you're so stupidly happy and lucky and you wonder how you managed to find someone in this big, overpopulated universe who gets you.
[Action, March 26] I was promised a musical number. >:[
Well, he'd already been sunk when Billy had asked the question. Because for all his dissembling, Loki knows precisely what love feels like. It feels like presenting a lady with a spell he'd worked on all night (and caused himself to pass out from once due to accidental asphyxiation) because he just wanted to see her smile - and then seeing that smile, seeing her eyes light up, just for him. And all this, because he hadn't known better, because he'd simply welcomed her in and felt that utter joy.
He knows that feeling. He has wanted it like he hasn't wanted anything else, not even Asgard's throne, because it is the one thing he's encountered in two years of torment, in centuries of feeling like the unnamed outcast, that has made him feel like more than a shadow on the wall that some joker has given a name.
And even though he knew it was a thousand sorts of foolish, he'd gone after it like he'd gone after everything else he ever wanted - with single-minded intensity, playing the long game, playing to win.
And he had won. Or at least started to. It is his again, that feeling, and he can't even think about it so dispassionately when Rogue is within his line of sight. It's a gaping hole in his defenses, and he could not care less, because in some strange way it has made him feel stronger than ever before.
He sighs quietly,]
Then I suppose your answer is yes.
[Action, March 26] this is too serious for musicals 8[
Then you should say it. Say it loud and proud and revel in that ridiculousness. I think it's the best feeling in the world, and screw whoever thinks you shouldn't feel it too.
[Action, March 26] write this day on the calendar.
I think if I were to say any such thing aloud at all, I'd best say it to the lady in question.
[Action, March 26] it is engraved on my heart
[Hell if he's going to discourage confessions of the affectionate sort, especially when it's directed at ladies he thinks damn well deserve it.]
[Action, March 26]
I don't know if it's the sort of thing she'd like to hear from me right now. She was far less certain about this relationship than I have ever been.
[Action, March 26]
[Action, March 26]
[He laughs.] But I think I shall keep it to myself until the lady decides if she will keep me or not.
[Action, March 26]
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He no longer finds the prospect quite as thrilling as it once was. Maybe he's had too many people force him to explain just why he wants to rule Asgard.]
[Action, March 26]
[Action, March 26]
[Though presumably if they go back to their respective worlds, they'll both be a bit busy and quite possibly dead at the end of it. That's a cheerful thought.]
[Action, March 26]
[Action, March 26]
[Sideeye.]
...shippy?
[He swears you people make this stuff up just to confuse him.]
[Action, March 26]
...I am excited, though. That you're telling her. Best of luck.
Re: [Action, March 26]
[He laughs.] One would hope I shan't need luck. But my thanks.