selfhelp | [IC] Appointments Post

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[IC] Appointments Post

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[Billy hesitates for a moment - he doesn't like to remember that - and then nods uncomfortably.]

That's... what he thinks. I think. And... I don't know how to tell him, otherwise. Not when... it's what he saw...

...Not so much.

[Remember the Sorceror Supreme? Crazy-powerful magical genius? Not particularly awful when it comes to self-control?]

[......

.......

.......

....n....o....]

He's what!?

[But- that would mean-

-Wanda-]

[Oof. Billy refrains from looking up, though his hand fumbles again, withdrawing and awkwardly resting in his lap.]

I didn't... say anything.

He was almost! We broke up the wedding, don't worry.

[ Ah.

It's on the tip of his tongue.

... No, that's a spoiler. Tommy shrugs. ] The Maximoffs are known for doing what they think is right.

You didn't need to. [Just... never play poker, Billy.]

I would miss you quite a lot, if that were so.

[She can't speak for anyone else but she has a feeling they would, too.]

... But it's not your fault.

[Teddy doesn't strengthen his grip, seeing how it's already pretty tight. But he does move a hand up to the back of Billy's head, fingers sifting through his hair, and lower his head, holding him like he's the most precious person in all the world. And he is, he always has been, even with all of this.

And now he also knows this: Whatever affected Billy, whatever affected Wanda... anyone it latched on to would've reacted the same way - if slightly different due to their powers. It wasn't his fault... It wasn't their fault. Even if their words triggered all of the horrible things happening, even if they fired the gun, they weren't the ones who loaded it, weren't entirely in control of themselves.

It's... such a relief.]

[It's hard to let go; it's really, really hard not to just sink gladly into Teddy's embrace and stay there forever, soaking in the warmth and love and relief on both sides. But that's not reality... in reality, you keep moving. Life goes on. And he's trying to focus on that now.

It's with great reluctance, but Billy finally loosens his hold and slides back, lifting a hand to wipe the back of it at his cheeks and eyes, which are most definitely wet. But he's smiling. Not a lot, but it's still a smile.]

S-so... yeah. That's what I've been thinking about...

[He closes his eyes at the moment as he feels something so unfamiliar - a white-hot fury rushing through him. And he wonders. Is this what Rogue felt when he faced their mother on the cliff?

But he's better than that, he knows that. He roots himself in the values he was raised with. He remembers what the bible said of forgiveness. And he suppresses that feeling, so he can let it out later, on something inanimate.

When he opens his eyes again, they are softer, more sorrowful and full of pity. He speaks in a tense, shakey voice.]

Maybe... maybe I can accept that one.

Sometimes words don't quite make up for an unintended hurt like that. [She gets that part at least. The whole 'let's talk about our feelings' was not one of her stronger skills.] Have you talked to him at all about it, or are you worried about how he'd react to the fact that you've noticed?

[Teddy loosens his hold when Billy does, though he still keeps a hand in his hair. There's a fond smile on his face, and moves his hand down, brushing through Billy's hair and the back of his neck before he pulls it back for real.]

I'd say that's a good reason to be ignored. [He lets his smile quirk up a bit to show that he's joking.] But seriously, we're only walking to the teleporter. You can think about it all you want. I mean... that's really good news.

No... I mean, I know I was, but. I'm glad that you're here to distract me, too.

[He shifts a hand to wrap it around Teddy's, twining their fingers together.]

It's our weekend. I want it to be good. No- great. And that means... I can't just spend the whole time in my own head.

[He knows he's been kind of awful about doing that, lately. And he knows that he needs to stop. Or at least ease off and pay more attention to his boyfriend. He's missing out on more than he cares to admit.]

Why the hell was Wanda marrying Doom?

[Was the kidnapped? Brainwashed? Mind-controlled??]

[At that, Billy laughs, very quietly and briefly, the sound a little bitter. He lowers his head and buries it against his neck with a groan.]

Can't I just stick with being a Kaplan? Kaplans are boring and ordinary and never get accused of genocide. We have family dinners and wear sweater vests and bunny slippers.

[Yeah... It has happened a lot lately. Even without the possession, Billy would still gaze out at the world. At least he could actually be snapped out of it this time, and be apologetic about it.

And now, with the resolve to be around more... Teddy couldn't be happier to hear that. So his smile grows, becoming dimpled, even, and he leans in to kiss his forehead.]

I think... [The little quip in his head dies, though, because "you can love me more than your own head for a while" just brings up the memory of another him, pushing him down and wrapping his hands around his neck, Billy doing nothing - so he changes it instead, ducking his head slightly to nudge Billy's nose with his own.] I think I'd really like that. Remind me to give you an extra shove if you need it.

[He trusts Billy to keep his word, so it's more of a quip than anything. And one last tactic to successfully derail his thoughts to something more positive.]

Wouldn't it be easier, though?

[Surely... for everyone, it would be a lot less grief to deal with...]

[Billy watches him for a moment, taking in that expression, then ducks his head and hugs his knees close to his chest. He's not sure if that's better or worse.

Don't hate me, but...

...don't feel sorry for me...]

You don't... have to. If you don't want to. But it's the truth.

...Mm. I don't know what to say.

[...No. That's not quite right, either.]

...I don't... know if I can keep it together long enough to explain it. My head's...

[He gestures a bit helplessly, the movement erratic and unstable.]

...it's a mess...

[ ... ]

Can if you want to. Nobody's going to change your mind but you. [ Tommy shrugs lazily, his voice is light and carefree. ] But I'd rather be a Maximoff than a Shepherd.

Amnesia.

[The pause makes Billy wonder, but only briefly; Teddy's quick to recover, and his nudge is gentle and a welcome touch, so he smiles and gives Teddy's shoulder a light shove with his free hand.]

Shove me all you like. You have my permission to throw me around as much as is necessary this week to give you an awesome anniversary.

[He's certainly owed a fantastic one, and Billy intends to make good on that, come hell or high water.]

[Teddy goes along with the shove, not only because hey, he likes a bit of roughhousing, but also because he knows Billy will just push himself back if he doesn't. Just a habit he learned over the years.]

As long as it gives you an awesome anniversary, too. [And now walking is a thing again, lest they just talk about it and never actually get there.] I'll throw you wherever you like.

[... ... And if Teddy thinks too much about that, he'll just imagine the bed and what happened last time they went there for their anniversary and no don't think about that yet]

...Mm-hmm. [Billy smiles faintly, almost shyly, letting the sound and his expression remain his only answer. He's had thoughts like that himself, more and more, lately. They've been so much better recently, and he doesn't like being as hands-off as he's been lately. It's been two months. He's fussed and he's fretted and he's guilted his way through a hundred scenarios of how this could go badly.

But now? All he can think of is how he could make this go right. And that's what he'd really like to make happen, if only this once. Magical things are supposed to happen on one's anniversary. It's a rule, or something.

He swings their hands back and forth, then gives Teddy's hand a little tug, starting forward again. The sooner they get there, the sooner they'll be alone and out of the public eye. And then he can think about these things more seriously.]

Come on. The early bird gets the worm, or... something.

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