selfhelp | [IC] Appointments Post

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[voice]

[IC] Appointments Post

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Billy, everyone makes mistakes. [Her voice is quiet and understanding. Not pitying. She doubts he wants that and it's not something she feels at any rate. She knows about regrets as well as anyone.] Some of us just have the capacity to make bigger and messier mistakes than others.

The important thing is... you figured that out before it was too late. People were hurt, yes, but they'll heal. And I suspect your friends will still be a strong support at your back. Whether you think you deserve it or not. [Because yes, she can read the signs. She'd read them in Teddy as well.]

[What he wanted? No, that can't be wanted. What he wanted was for that to really be able to happen?

He blinks for a moment and then turns back at him with a snap.]

Why would you do that, Billy?!

[It takes a while - maybe half of the soup - but he finally musters up the courage to try.]

Is... is Teddy okay...?

[She doesn't answer right away. Not because there's something wrong - though there is - but because she doesn't want to give the impression that everything is wrong by answering too fast.]

His wings have healed, but he is very worried about the people close to him. [So...yes and no.] Did you want to know something more specific?

[He thinks of Loki, then. "I will cut out your tongue." One of his closest friends in this place. And while the responses thus far have been... disturbingly forgiving, honestly, it's the rejections - actual and theoretical - that he thinks of, first. They people he hurt. The people who are still hurting.

He doesn't share that, though. He hasn't told anyone, not even Teddy. He doubts Natasha would appreciate the threat.

There are some things that he does deserve.]

What counts as "too late"? I didn't kill Teddy, sure. But I hurt him. I made him doubt himself, doubt me... I changed lives without even asking, I did what the Malnosso do to us all the time. And people hate them. So how can I be forgiven?

[Billy flinches, glancing away. That's the question of the month, isn't it?]

I... I don't... I don't know, I thought... it would make people happy...

[....Well.

It's a start.]

...I... I don't...

[He fidgets, poking at the remainder of his soup with the spoon, staring down into the bowl like it'll answer all of life's questions. Doesn't seem to be working.]

...It's just that... I'm not really... all there. And- and I try to notice- I do- but he's so good at hiding... and I can't read him like I used to...

Because of what you've been through?

[If it's that, then she thinks it will come back to him. Even if not, the two of them have got to stop worrying about what the other might think of him and just ask instead.]

I think he is hiding, a little bit. To keep you from worrying. [Her voice gentles to a whisper.] Though it isn't working, is it?

[More like the mess his head's become. Though it's more or less the same thing, at this point.]

...No... it's not. Not... when I'm myself enough to notice, anyway...

He's not- ['Not exactly himself' sounds like the absolute wrong thing to say. Mia shuts her mouth and tries again.]

He's not sure of himself. You were hurt- you were all hurt. [In one way or another. Billy might not look at her, but she stops to give him the chance.] When you are more yourself again, maybe you'll talk about it.

You're not the Malnosso. [She answers it simply, but it's an easy discernment for her to make as she watches him curiously. And he's right. She wouldn't appreciate knowing about that threat at all.]

The Malnosso do not show up after their Shifts being honestly remorseful, regretting what they've done to us, seeking forgiveness. The Shifts they put on us are intentional, experimental and they do them with the full knowledge of the consequences and pain they will likely cause.

From what I've gathered, you and Teddy were taken by them before this all started and you both endured something terrible, considering how he looked when he first got back and what you came back as. You love him. It snapped your control. You... If there's one thing I can understand, it's the loss of control after something like that. And something I know a good many others can as well. It pushes us over lines we would never cross otherwise.

...If I get that far...

[It's already been two weeks- working on the third. Hard to hold out hope when the problem doesn't seem to be going anywhere.]

You will. It takes time, though it's hard to wait for.

[Mia believes in him getting better with everything she has.]

[She wishes the box of tissues were closer by. Or that she still had those awesome superpowers Wanda had managed to spell her with in that perfect world. Right now, going for the tissues would mean letting go of Billy. And that's the last thing she wants to do.]

Together. If there's anything the Young Avengers are good at, it's having each others' backs.

Only in a fake way! It's gone now, and I feel emptier than ever. I still... I don't know what you were thinking! You couldn't have even made it last forever.

H-Hey, try not to think about it too much right now. I'm sorry for asking about it.

[Holding up a magic spell for all that time must have taken a toll on him -- nevermind the other injuries he's gotten because of it, physical and mental. She didn't come here just to make him feel worse.]

Why don't we talk about something else? I mean, fixating on something isn't really conducive to feeling better, you know?

I can't say I'm a fan of genocide, no. [ He shrugs. ] But as far as I'm concerned, we're stuck together so we might as well accept it for how it is.

[ That's Tommy for "I love you". ]

[That's a pretty good - and accurate - summary of what happened. He just wishes he could accept it and forgive himself as easy as she can. He's witnessed too much pain since waking up, from Teddy and other visitors, to be okay with... any of this.

Still... she's very kind. To give him a chance.]

That's not... very heroic...

...Yeah. And I've kept him waiting for a long time now.

[He really, really wishes there was an easy way out of this.]

[He probably wouldn't handle it well, either. Thankfully he has a sleeve, that'll be good enough.]

...Sorry... I... I'm sorry, I'm just no good at this right now... I keep making you guys take care of me...

[Whose back does he have, anymore? He feels so useless.]

God, you know how much I would have killed for that back when I was 14?

[She doesn't mean to sound so jealous in that statement, but it's true. She couldn't burden anyone in her family when her mother was sick. She had no friends then. And a psychologist just wasn't the same thing.

Billy has no idea just how lucky he was. She couldn't ever make him go through anything by himself.]

Besides, one of these days? You'll have our backs in return. That's how this whole friendship thing works.

[That makes him relax, if marginally, and let his hand drop again. He doesn't... really want to talk about that stuff now, anyway. Not with someone he only really knows from another experiment.]

Like... like what...?

[He's not very good at this, with his head such a mess. He doesn't want to talk about it, but he can't stop thinking about it, either.]

[Wow. Huh.

Message received, then. It's touching, even with how Tommy said it, and it's enough to drag a sad little smile out of Billy.]

...We were... Maximoffs, for a while.

...No. I tried, but... I know that now. It was never made to last.

Uhm. I don't know, maybe... uh...

[Come on Kari, do something nice for once in your normal-life. Maybe it'll get his mind off of recent events for a little while.]

Actually! Uhm. There's... another reason I came to see you. I mean, obviously seeing if you were okay was kind of the big one, but the other thing is kinda big too, just... not entirely related, I guess.

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[IC] Appointments Post

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