selfhelp | [IC] Appointments Post

[She'd stopped in to check on the boys a time or two after everything that had happened, but Billy had still been asleep, unawares, each time. The aftermath of Clint going home hadn't left her feeling the most social, so it's days before she gets back to the clinic room. And it's not to find Teddy trying to catch some sleep at Billy's bedside for once.

She pauses in the doorway, waiting to see how he'd react and if she should be here at all.]

Billy. You're awake.

Depending on how you feel, it might just be a walk down the hall and back. We have a little kitchen sort of room, and if you like, you can eat in there today.

[She almost makes a joke, about Tony and pop-tarts. Bringing him up doesn't sound like the best idea at the last second, and cutting herself off gives her a moment to look at Billy more carefully.]

You can say no. ['No' is in his expression.] What matters is what you feel like you can handle.

[Teddy tightens his grip as he walks onward, knowing that this would be another hurdle to get over. A few of these people were the ones who were affected, after all, though he hasn't seen much of them. He hopes they're not out today, either; just one glimpse and Billy might just try fleeing, go straight back to that room and to that window...]

There aren't a lot of people out today. [There's never a lot of people out. Not compared to New York, at least, and it always feels a little strange.] Probably too cold right now. It's not that long of a walk from here, anyway. [Just down the path, across the bridge, and turning a corner. They don't even have to go through the plaza or anything.]

[For a long moment, Billy keeps his hand on the hood, holding it in place, almost blocking his face entirely with its position - not so far that he can't see where he's going, but close. Even if they're traveling through a secluded area, the fact that they're in the village proper now just cements his fear in place. He probably won't be able to relax again until they hit the apartment.]

That's... that's good. I don't think anyone would want to see me, anyway.

[And honestly? He hopes that's the case, self-deprecating as it sounds.]

You never know.

[He leaves it at that, because he's pretty sure Billy won't believe his words. Right now, he reminds Teddy of those prisoners you see on TV, the ones that are transferred somewhere and try to hide their face from the camera as much as possible, whether with their hands, their shirt, or whatever. The image makes him want to wince, because Billy's been acting an awful lot like that for the past week. Like he's a prisoner in his own mind, placing himself under arrest and confined in the clinic.

At least they're moving. At least they're in sunlight, and soon, they'll be home. He does nod to anyone who notices him, but otherwise, he doesn't call attention to them. Just leads the way, until the apartment building is in sight.]

[Only once they finally reach the building does Billy regain any semblance of himself, a bit of lift to his shoulders, letting the hood go, though it does stay up for the moment. It's sad when simply not holding something in place to hide himself is a step up, but it is what it is. And once the door shuts behind them, Billy gazes up the stairs, then looks back at Teddy, a sliver of a smile appearing beneath shadowed eyes. In the dark, the way they're not glowing, they might almost look normal.]

Last chance to... take me to the tunnels and throw me in until this wears off.

[He's not sure if he's serious or teasing. He knows which one he'd prefer. And he knows which one Teddy would.]

[And that is... pretty much exactly the opposite of what he'd expected. Billy can't help but stare at Tommy for a long moment, utterly baffled as to why he's not nursing a slugged jaw right now. It actually makes him more wary, expecting the worst and not getting it like this.]

Why are... you here?

[Why don't you hate me?]

[Almost. And the tease, as Teddy likes to think that it is a tease, isn't really that funny, considering how awful the tunnels are and how it makes the both of them feel on their good days. He glances at Billy, eyebrows raising slightly, and with Billy looking at him now, he might notice how Teddy's hair, at the roots, is just slightly darker than the rest of it.]

Nope. No throwing you anywhere.

[He looks up at the stairs, takes in a breath for himself, and moves forward.]

[Billy's eyes drift up briefly to the hair - when had that changed? Why was it like that? - but before he can move or even think to comment on it, they're moving. Or rather, Teddy's moving, and Billy has to kick himself into motion before he ends up getting pulled. Maybe Teddy doesn't want to talk about it. Maybe Teddy doesn't want him to notice. Maybe... maybe Teddy doesn't even know.

....

Well, he's got five flights of stairs to decide, at least. Pursing his lips and burrowing back into indecision as usual, he follows silently as he and Teddy climb the steps.]

[Not even a response, huh? Either he's a lot worse off than she was thinking (which may still very well be the case regardless) or he's just really confused why someone he barely knows is coming in to visit him. Or maybe a mix of all of the above?]

You're probably wondering why I'm here, right? Or, you know, who I am. We kinda knew each other during that whole invasion thing, remember? I mean, if you don't, that's okay. A lot of people don't remember much from that week anyway...

[And after spending a week in his own magical lala land, he probably wouldn't want to remember having his brain messed with in the past. Nice going, Kari.]

But. I mean. I wouldn't normally just show up out of the blue like this, but after everything that happened, I just wanted to see how you were doing, so...

[With Billy's eyes hooded, Teddy couldn't quite tell if he noticed the difference. He isn't sure if he wants to know the answer, either.

Did Billy... like that look? The slightly darker hair, the extra muscle; was that what he wanted? Teddy can't see himself, but going by what he thinks in his head, it seemed desirable enough. Something worth looking at. Something worthwhile -

Stop.

On about the fourth flight, Teddy looks back at Billy with a little smile.]

Almost there.

[Billy tenses again, suddenly uncertain; they're so close now, and he thought he'd be happy, but with Teddy shifting, and with the floor looming close, and the prospect of being at home with Teddy and the animals and what if the brave front drops and what if he can finally show how he feels and what if we can't do this anymore and then there's the shame, dark and constricting, because why wouldn't he want Teddy to be honest with him? Whatever ends up happening it's because he deserves it, after all. It's only fair, only right.

You tried to kill him. Nothing he could say or do can come close to balancing the scales of that.

Teddy's smiling, and between the build and the hair it's just- it's not right, all of it feels so wrong, and his hand starts to slip in Teddy's grasp as he hesitates. What if... what if he...?]

[Teddy slows down until he comes to a halt in the middle of the stairs. He tightens his grip, not wanting to let go of Billy's hand, but...

No, no, he can't give up now. He's so close, they're so close, the apartment is just right there, just a few more steps... If they can make it this far, then it'd be such a huge step they took. Anything but going back to that jail cell of a clinic room...]

... Billy?

[Billy remains frozen for a long moment, then takes a hesitant half-step back, his eyes darting over Teddy's body from top to bottom, searching, lingering here and there. Trying to find what is and isn't right.]

Are you Teddy?

[It's barely a whisper, frightened and uneasy, and his fingers twitch in Teddy's grasp.]

Is it still you?

[... Shit. Shit shit shit, he did too much, went too far, wasn't subtle enough, look what you're doing to him!

Teddy turns on the stair he's on, hair shifting back to normal and muscle tone decreasing to how he normally look, eyes wide and looking almost afraid as he takes Billy's hand in both of his own. Is - Is he doubting who he is? Does he think -

... Does he want the fake? Does he think of that as the real one?

No, focus.]

Yeah, it... it's me. [He squeezes Billy's hand, giving his hands something to do other than gesture and hold his own arms or something.] It's Teddy.

[But not the one you're looking for.

Shut up.]

Why, is... something wrong?

Edited 2013-10-23 04:17 (UTC)

["Is something wrong", he asks. Billy feels like screaming. What isn't wrong? This panic he's feeling over going back to their place, the fact that Teddy's inexplicably changing, the incredible mess his magic has caused for everyone he loves and cares about, scars around necks (physical or - in Teddy's case - memetic). Lifeless hospital rooms and watching the world through a dusty window, burrowing in soft red hoodies to hide from the world instead of just cold.

Teddy, looking at him like that, telling him who he is, asking if something is wrong.

A muffled, broken sound escapes his lips, a cry or a whimper or something not altogether human, and he wriggles his hand free of Teddy's to reach both of them up to Teddy's face instead. He touches the hair, searching for the unfamiliar dark strands. When he finds none he lets his hands drop to Teddy's shoulders instead, feeling his muscles, following the contours down each arm. Familiar. It's familiar, skin and bone and muscle and structure that he's felt a hundred times before. Better. So much better.

You drove him to this. Whatever he's doing, it's your fault.

Shuddering, because of that lingering fear and because of relief, now, he stops his examination when he reaches Teddy's hands again, fingers curling hesitantly around his thumbs, like he's not sure if he has permission again- like his doubts broke the chance he'd been given. He bows his head, ashamed, hovering just an inch away from Teddy's chest.]

...Sorry... I'm sorry...I'm sorry, I'm sorry... I'm so...

Edited 2013-10-23 04:45 (UTC)

[The day before was, apparently, a good day, albeit a slightly stressful one, and despite the contradictory nature of those two, as a result Billy is doing sort of okay today. He's still window-watching more than anything else, though, and tends to close himself off more than ever when Teddy leaves, so it takes him a moment or so to turn at the sound of Kurt's voice. He takes in the new - no, old - no, young - appearance, and after a few more seconds than would be normal, it clicks.]

...Kurt... you too...?

[When he sees her, a part of him wants to leap of the bed and run. It wouldn't help, of course, as she's standing by the only exit to the room, but he can't help the panic. It's not for his own sake, but for Teddy's. If something happened while he was gone- even just for a second- if she's here to-

you deserve that

He doesn't speak, but his eyes drop wordlessly to her hip, searching for some kind of weapon. Stupid, stupid; she's a spy. She could be hiding a dozen somewhere and he'd never know it. Her whole body is a weapon. She's the freaking Black Widow.

If she's here for him then he's already dead, isn't he?]

Edited 2013-10-23 05:21 (UTC)

[Teddy doesn't hesitate - He leans forward just slightly, enough to let Billy's forehead bump against his chest, and he rests his chin on top of his head. Unseen to Billy, however, is how Teddy glances at the wall, uncertainties and doubts attacking him again.

He isn't sure if it's because of the possession, the way he himself isn't sure of the way he reads things anymore, or both. He doesn't know what to make of what Billy just did; a part of him read relief, the other loss, and he doesn't know which to follow anymore, what to trust anymore. Doubt and sureness are split two ways, and they're separating to the point were he can't hold on to the edges anymore.

But he refuses to allow Billy to see it. They're so close to the apartment, and he doesn't want to scare him off because of his own stupid uncertainty. What Billy's going through right now - he needs to take care of that first. He'll do something about himself later, when things are stable enough to be able to take a little break.

So right now, he remains at a loss for himself. But he brings his eyes ahead again, and he lowers his nose to brush against Billy's hair.]

If you want to keep doing that, let's get off the staircase. It's not far now.

That's right. I do exist, too. [He says as a quiet attempt at a joke.] Is this a bad time...?

Are you deaf? I just said I'm saving you from starvation. [ Biffing it at his chest. ] Eat up.

[She reads his reaction plainly and holds up her hands slowly, not moving too quickly, not wanting to startled him any worse than she already has. She stays where she is, her gaze locked steadily on him.]

Breathe, Billy. I'm not here to hurt you. I just came to see if you were alright. May I come in?

[His gaze shifts to her hands for a moment, then her face. She's not here for that? Just to see if he's alright? Or... is she getting him to drop his guard?

Is that his own fear, or wishful thinking?

God, he's so confused. But after a long moment he nods his head, glancing down at his lap. He really has no idea what to expect here.]

[That's funny. It should be funny to him. He can't bring himself to smile, though, so he just shakes his head. Technically, there is no good time. But people can come and go as they please.]

[He doesn't catch the chips, but he tries. That's actually a step up for him. He glances down at the bag, fiddling with the top for a bit to try and get it open. It's surprisingly difficult to pull off one-handed.]

I didn't think you'd want to see me.

[IC] Appointments Post

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