selfhelp | [IC] Appointments Post

I could pretend to teleport.

I'm not sure if you've noticed but my magic tends to get... sparkly. It's not exactly subtle.

[A lack of it would be a bit of a red flag, wouldn't it?]

...Yeah... yeah. No argument here. As scared of dying as I am, that... that was worse. It was like we existed just to be nothing. If that even makes sense.

[He's pretty sure it doesn't. The whole situation sucks, either way. He's never felt so lost in his life.]

I'm pretty sure I don't wanna think about it that long. What it was - what it was was bad. But what it is is over now. Gotta hold onto that - make a point of holdin' onto it. Or else it'll just sweep us all away.

That's... what I'm trying to do. I'm sure it's what all of us are trying to do. It'll just take a while.

[For some more than others; of that he has no doubts. And he's never been very good at dealing with such things.]

[The handwriting is sloppy and wanders over the page but... what do you want from a blind guy? He should be doing voice or video. But he decides to go with writing because somehow, it makes this admission of weakness and need feel less pathetic, less real.]

Billy are you busy right now?

[And then, more shakily, what he does not want to admit.]

i am afraid

i

might hurt

myself

What the-

[There's utter confusion at first, because- how is he even writing, regardless of how sloppy it is? What's he done? Billy has no idea why he chose writing, but just in case, Billy responds both ways as he scrambles upright.]

not busy

coming now

[He shouts a quick heads-up in Teddy's direction and focuses inward, calling on his magic and searching for Loki.]

I'm coming over now!

[That...that's what he wants.

And then he recalls, yes. He's not at home any more.

He's not entirely certain where he is, other than out in the woods now and sitting against a tree.]

I don't know where I am.

S'fine. Locating spell.

[He's seriously getting a bad feeling about this, though. He tucks the journal in the pouch of his hoodie and starts up a chant. Five seconds? Ten? Thirty? He's not counting this time. It won't be more than a minute until he's there, anyway.]

[Loki is out in the middle of the woods, sitting back against a tree. There's an impressive track of damage indicating the direction from which he's come, trees shredded to splinters or smoldering. His bare feet are covered with dirt and oozing blood from a myriad of cuts and punctures. His loose shirt is also looking a bit shredded, his forearms covered with angry red scratches, and a few on his face.

He's looked better. Beyond all that, the sheer misery, he also looks exhausted and sick.

And he's laughing, his hands limp in his lap.]

[Billy's horrified by what he finds the second the magic fades from around him enough to let him see it; with a sharp inhale he rushes over to crouch beside Loki's tree, half-reaching out but afraid to touch until he knows the extent of the injuries. God, what a mess...]

Loki- what the hell happened!?

[He knows it's Billy; he knows the magic.

Hah. That's the problem. You ask someone to come get you, and they want to know what put you in this state to begin with.]

Oh. Just destroying everything I touch.

[He hiccups and then starts laughing again.]

I don't love Rogue enough to not cheat on her. So she left.

[That... is not what he'd been expecting. Although in retrospect he has no idea what he should have expected at all. Just. Not that.

The laughter is especially baffling, in light of what Billy just heard.]

You... cheated on her?

[While he asks, he glances over Loki's body, taking stock of the injuries. It's a mess, but Loki's an immortal and they tend to heal fast. Nothing looks severe enough to merit an emergency room visit... maybe Loki'd rather just go home.

Or maybe not, considering the apparent Rogue situation. God, what has he gotten himself into...]

[It's not normal laughter. It's the I've trained myself to laugh instead of cry laughter, unsteady and unhealthy.]

Well, that's what you call it when you get drunk and kiss someone like a whore isn't it? [He shakes his head, laughing, then uses his right hand to give the underside of his left forearm a sharp pinch. Focus. He pauses, breathing for a moment, laughter subsiding. He's not alone any more. Billy would be an unlikely choice for a figment of his imagination. Hopefully. When he continues on, his tone is much, much uglier, but calmer.] No, that's too kind. The proper word is catamite, and that's beside the point.

Edited 2014-07-11 06:53 (UTC)

The same first step as last time. [He frowns a little, because he really should've done this before he decided to come over and tease Billy. But with a slight eyeroll to himself, Teddy gets up, dusts off his butt and heads back to the tent, expecting Billy to follow, and pulls their backpacks over near the entrance.]

You remember which books helped you the most? [He opens up one bag and tips it over, letting a few books slide out.] These aren't my mom's, so I wasn't required to read them or anything, but...

[Billy sifts through the pile, looking intently for one book in particular. He finally pulls it out and holds it up for Teddy: The Secret of Success. One that Teddy should find familiar.]

This one is. Or rather, it's the same as one she had at your place. It's where I started to make some real progress, back then.

[It's a bit like looking at an old photograph of a lost loved one. It's not the same book - the corner is straight and neat rather than slightly bent from when he dropped it on the floor as a kid, but it's still the book he remembers.

There's a small pause in his movements as he stares at the cover for a moment as a result, and then he seems to snap himself out of it by bringing his eyes back up to Billy's face. Right, he's in the present right now.]

Then we'll get started by reading that again. And if that's not enough, then we'll get another one that you know helped you out. I've got candles too, but since we're outside in the daylight, we... probably don't need those, huh?

Not yet. If this takes longer than twelve hours on the first day, though, we might be trying a little too hard.

[He's going to try and hold on to this sense of humour as long as he can. It's calming his nerves, at least. Even a little is better than nothing.

He flips the book open to the table of contents, perusing the chapter titles, then flips to about fifteen pages in.]

"Chapter 4: Latent Powers". ...I still can't believe this kind of thing was written for regular people. Or maybe it was supposed to be for supers and just kind of caught on in the self-help circles?

Wouldn't surprise me.

[The first time Billy read this book with him, Teddy had kept a respectable distance, what with them being not-quite-boyfriends-but-certainly-attracted-to-each-other. Now that they're engaged, however, Teddy slides around until he's at Billy's side with one arm around his waist to pull him against his side.]

Maybe this Atkinson guy's actually a super hero no one knows about. Maybe... Spirituality Guy?

[Billy snorts at that, leaning back against Teddy comfortably and holding the book at an angle so they both can see it, propping it up with one hand while sliding the other down to rest against Teddy's wrist as if to welcome the embrace. It's very, very different from how it had gone the first time around, but the last thing he'd do is complain. Not with Teddy supporting him like this, not with his ring just barely visible beneath the book's spine.]

If that's his codename, no wonder he hasn't told anyone about it. He'd need his own self-help advice to deal with the public shame.

[Well. At least Billy's not the only one who notices the ring every time it's even partially in view. Teddy feels a smile come up when the golden band peeks over, and for the nth time, he thinks about how perfect it looks on his fiancé.

God. He's absolutely, completely, utterly hopeless, and he's pretty sure he wouldn't have it any other way.

He's also pretty sure that Billy's going to get tired of holding up that book with one hand after a while, so with his own free hand, Teddy holds the other side of the book, letting Billy be in charge of flipping the pages.]

I think we just discovered the book's true origin. Spirituality Guy wrote it to motivate himself, and it just caught on with everyone else.

[Rogue rubs the back of her neck with a gloved hand.

Awkward. She's terrible at this.]

You... findin' a way to get it out?

'The secret of success' is a self-fulfilling prophecy, then.

[Billy grins, giving Teddy a bit of a nudge from below. The help with the book is appreciated, and now that he doesn't have to focus so much on balance, he starts reading a passage.]

"The majority of us have little or no conception of the reserve mental energies and forces contained within our being. We jog along at our customary gait, thinking that we are doing our best and getting all out of life that there is in it - think we are expressing ourselves to our utmost capacity. But we are living only in the first-wind mental state, and behind our working mentality are stores of wonderful mental energy and power - faculties lying dormant - power lying latent - awaiting the magic command of the Will in order to awaken into activity and outward expression."

[...God, he forgot how much this author loved his run-ons. The material itself resonates pretty well, though.]

[Billy's lips purse tightly at that. There's something extremely discomforting about that response, and not just because of the words Loki had chosen.]

I can do without slurs, but yeah, that's the basic definition of cheating. So she left, and you... blew up the woods and did this to yourself? Why?

[Not for the first time he's not happy with Loki's idea of dealing with his guilt. Or maybe it's just misery. He's not sure yet, and with Loki it's always hard to tell. Doesn't help that he isn't all there, or that's how it seems.]

[Why? How can he explain something that is entirely irrational? Though it made sense at the time. It always does. But the very fact someone is here, and talking to him, already makes it easier to think. He lets his head fall back against the tree.]

It was too quiet. And dark. Dark and too quiet.

[His voice becomes tinier and tinier as he realizes how stupid that sounds. But it was being lost again, and he felt them watching, and he needed to know that it wasn't real. Or that it was.]

Doesn't matter, does it.

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[Action, June 24] jesus christ

[Action, June 24] he deals with his problems in only the healthiest ways

[Action, June 24] motherfucker

[Action, June 24] sorry, your bro is a piece of shit apparently

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