selfhelp | Drift Fleet IC Contact

[she gets an innocent look right back. what? he said nothing. did you hear him say anything? just casual conversation, here.]

Every little bit helps. If there's anything to be helped, anyway.

[ she holds up a hand, deciding it's about the right time to quickly tack on: ] Neither of us are looking for a relationship right now.

[thank god, because he's dying a little bit over here.]

I'm sensing a giant asterisk on the end of that, so: buuuuuuut?

No buts. [ but oh doesn't he have a great butt too? ] Just -- there's the ship to think about. I'm not interested in repeating old mistakes.

[he does, it's stellar.]

Old mistakes? What, you mean bad relationships? Are you doing the whole swears-off-dating thing now?

[ flatly: ] That was the plan.

[oh boy.]

Kate, um. You know I love you and trust your judgment and am gonna 100% support any decision you make for yourself, yeah?

[ oh my god becky look at her-- ]

Now you're the one with the giant asterisks.

I know, big shocker, Billy Kaplan has something to say.

[what else would she come to him for?]

Anyway, I think that sounds really lonely and you deserve better than that.

Funny. [ kate's lower lip juts. ] I don't feel lonely.

[ but, yes, point well received.

mostly. ]

Maybe not. I'm not gonna tell you what you are or aren't gonna feel, that's not my job. What I am gonna do is question your logic. It's not like how things ended before was your fault, so why punish yourself for it?

It's not punishment. It's...

[ she gropes for a word, sitting up halfway. ] It's prioritizing.

Why does it have to be one or the other? It's not impossible to have both.

Sure -- I get that. You and Teddy are living proof. [ kate at least sounds reasonable about the prospect. ] And if I thought he was actually interested, then maybe we could figure out a way to make an attempt that didn't disrupt the Blameless. But...

We talked. He assured me he isn't looking for a relationship right now. Which suits me fine 'cause I'm not, either. [ a quiet beat. ] Not actively, at any rate.

That's... fair.

[ish. she's not super convincing about it.]

So were you kind of hoping for something, and he shot you down?

[SHIRO WHY]

...I wouldn't describe it as going down like that. Nope. [ it's so much worse. ] More like I preemptively asked him whether an outing we went on was a date. And he reassured me it wasn't.

...Kate...

[that's... such a trap question, though... auuugh....]

Okay, but were you looking for anything? Like, if not a relationship, something casual instead? Did his answer get you to decide yours?
Because you're really not giving off the "I'm 100% fine" vibe, here.

Like I said: have you seen him? Of course I would've went all-in for something casual instead. [ only... ] I think we both know that would be just about the worst idea. Maybe if we were on different ships. But...

[ she's not transferring just to get laid. and she doesn't even need to ask herself what shiro's motivation might be.

more importantly, billy asked a different question. an astute one, too. ]

His answer helped decide mine. Yeah. It makes it easier.

I still think you're a little too hung up on the whole same-ship-same-team thing. Eli and Noh-Varr weren't exactly great when it comes to proof of concept.

[and kate's not perfect either but they were exceptionally dysfunctional in very different ways.]

If that's what you guys decided, though... I'm really sorry. That feeling always sucks.

Okay. [ a beat -- she breathes outward. ] Hypothetically speaking -- and I mean very, very, very hypothetically -- how do you and Teddy make it work?

[ teammates & bedmates both. ]

[kate why did you ask that, you brought up Teddy, there is no short version of this answer.]

Hypothetically. Right. Well, for Teddy and me, it didn't happen right away. We were both pretty fresh off some not-so-great circumstances, and Nate put the fear of god in us - or, Kang, anyway - so we weren't thinking about anything else for a while. But you know us. Doesn't take long to get us talking about something nerdy. Talking turned into hanging out, hanging out turned into hanging out a lot... once we were close friends it didn't take long to go up from there. So that's step one.

[a step that was notably sidestepped with Eli and Noh, though he isn't going to say it. he's pretty she's already there with Shiro, but he's not gonna say that either.]

I dunno what to tell you, Kate. Most of it's the cliche "five easy relationship tips" thing you see on magazine covers. Communicate, compromise, respect. We've supported each other through a lot of garbage, we've both screwed up and known when to apologize, we've fought over stupid stuff and learned what needs changing and what we can live with, or without. It's like...

[he gestures awkwardly, helplessly. how do you even describe it?]

You have to want it more than you want whatever is holding you back. If it's the co-captaining thing, step down! If it's the team thing, move ships. If it's the fact that things didn't work out with Eli and Noh, then... um, no offense, but suck it up and try anyway, because they're the ones who walked away, not you. It's on you to make peace with that one.

But- that's if you want it more, like I said.

[ to billy's credit, she certainly does listen. raptly, too. even though it's nothing she hasn't exactly pieced together before...at least when it comes to the early days of their relationship. kate might not have been there to witness those strides, but years befriending the both of them had filled in a great many of those details.

but that's just it, isn't it? kate likes her friends to stay friends. having learned to cherish them so deeply, the thought of risking friendship by chasing something more is one of the few streaks of cowardice she's willing to show. conversely, jumping into a one night stand or a fling...? so much less terrifying.

kate scrubs her fingertips through her hair. frustrated, yes, but not unhappy. ]

I'm not sure I do. [ want it more. ] Not yet. Maybe I could, though...

[ still. isn't a bit irresponsible? she bites her bottom lip. ] Is it terrible of me to want to just shelve the question for now and maybe ask it again in, like, a few months?

[ translation: i'm not ready. ]

[pfft, kate, please. she gets a smile for that one- sympathetic, with no small amount of humour in it.]

I think we both know it'd be more terrible if you weren't totally cool with the idea and wound up unhappy. And you already said it's a mutual thing, so maybe he needs a few more months, too. So yeah, go for it- give it some thought and a bit of space, see how you feel. And if you wanna give it a shot later, maybe try telling him you want to go on a date instead of asking if you already have?

...Yeah, alright. So maybe I came on a little aggro.

[ honestly, she'd thought at the time that she'd handled it gently but. but wow, she'd misread the moment. probably best not to start talking relationships when you're painting a guys toenails in your signature colour, right? ]

Let's see if we can't all survive space until after Christmas. At least. And then I'll revisit the thought.

I hear Christmas makeouts are very satisfying.

[but he's teasing, promise.]

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