selfhelp | [Voice/Action] Forward-dated to the afternoon of the 9th

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[Voice/Action] Forward-dated to the afternoon of the 9th

[He should have seen this coming- it's like it's some kind of retaliation for what he'd done on Teddy's birthday. He still manages to be surprised when Teddy shoos him out of the apartment some time after breakfast on the 9th, barely given time to grab his coat and stuff his laptop into a bag before he's been officially banished from his own home.

...Well then. Looks like he's in the wind today. First things first: while he isn't usually the type to announce this kind of thing, thanks to having the afternoon to himself (whereas usually his birthday is filled with doting parents and obnoxious little brothers vying for attention) he's feeling indulgent enough to go for it, and he remembers something in particular...]

Okay- first of all, question for everybody. Now that I know about that whole... Valentine's Day thing that's supposed to happen every year, does anyone know how to avoid it? Or should I just lock myself in my room for a few days and hope for the best?

And second, to the X-Men? If the team training is still on for today, it's probably safe to go ahead and assume I won't make it. I'm allowed to have plans on my birthday. But happy birthday to Logan whenever he gets back- 180 is a pretty big landmark, right?

[Hopefully he won't get killed for that one, but he just couldn't help himself. Even if the accuracy of that number is questionable.

The rest of the afternoon will be spent in the following ways: goofing off in the Battle Dome with some self-indulgent hologram scenarios blatantly ripped out of Star Trek, wasting time in Seventh Heaven with excessive amounts of coffee and his laptop like a proper teenage hipster, and then, when his battery's running dry, returning to building #5 to bully Teddy into feeding the laptop's power cord under the door, at which point he'll be curled up on the floor outside his apartment playing Minecraft or something while he waits for his boyfriend to finish... whatever he's doing in there.]

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[Billy's gaze drifts to the table he hadn't noticed before, brows lifting a little, the smile never leaving his face. Very reluctantly he pulls away from Teddy, moving to sit down and rest his hands on his chin, elbows on the table to support his head as he focuses back on the set, his expression still a mixture of complete bliss and astonishment.

Really, he just can't believe his good luck. He does not deserve this perfect man, and yet he has him anyway. It's unfair to the rest of the population of New York (and everywhere else, for that matter).

And yet he really doesn't care. He's just happy he's the one who gets to bask in his own fortune.]

What's next, dinner theater?

Ohhh, no.

[He gets another hit in before Billy manages teleports away again, though he knows he'll need another tactic to avoid them all. You can't beat a master at his own game, after all.]

But if you're that eager to hand out birthday punches, Logan's good for at least a hundred of them, remember?

Something like that.

[Teddy gives one last smile before he heads to the kitchen. It only takes a minute for him to return while carrying a cake with white icing, seventeen candles decorating the top. As he heads to the table, he grins, eyes bright thanks to the light of the candles.]

Ready for me to sing?

[He feels like he should be more weirded out by that, but his first thought is, right, Luceti. He's not sure if that means he's getting used to this place, or it's just a coping mechanism. Uuuugh.]

You, uh. You just don't sound particularly bitter about it.

[Billy tries his best to shoot him a dry, "I am so too old for this nonsense" look, but the fact that his lips keep twitching like he's fighting off a smile probably breaks the effectiveness of it somewhat.]

Now it's musical dinner theater?

Now, now. I never said anything about guilt. Birthdays should be for indulging yourself in things you enjoy.

[An eyebrow raises in return, because Billy Kaplan you did the exact same thing for his birthday, and he was definitely too old for that nonsense. Still, he smiles, and he sets the cake down in front of Billy before moving behind him to wrap his arms around his neck and rest his chin on top of his head.]

Mmhmmm.

Happy birthday to you,
Happy birthday to you,
Happy birthday, dear Billy,
Happy birthday to you!

[A small pause, and then:]

And now,
You are seventeen going on eighteen,
I'll depend on you.

Oh, well. Yeah.

[For some reason he hadn't actually expected her to agree. Cool.]

[Well, okay, he'll indulge a little. Technically you're never too old for the birthday song. He does blink at that last bit, though, tilting his head up to try and get a decent look at Teddy, albeit one at a weird angle.]

...Is it terrible that I'm now a little sad we don't match that song anymore?

[It was an admittedly shameless four months of quiet glee, okay.]

[Teddy tilts his head down to indulge Billy, lips quirked up with amusement. Really, he either expected this or some kind of pleasantly surprised reaction, both good in their own ways.]

That is terrible. You're going to be a wreck when we both turn eighteen, aren't you?

[He lowers his arms so that they hang more loosely, giving Billy proper room to blow out the candles.]

Candles time.

[Of course she'd agree, it's how she spent her own birthday not a month ago, after all.]

Since we're speaking of birthdays, may I ask you something, Billy? How is it you came to know Logan's? [Just a bit of honest curiosity, here.]

I'm gonna cry. Great big Alice-the-doorknob-drowning tears, you'll see.

[Still, he leans in to go ahead and blow the candles out, though he doesn't quite manage it all in one breath. It gets kind of tricky the higher you get.]

[Oh, right. That thing.]

Ah... I know a lot of weird superhero trivia, that's all. And he's a lot more well-known in the world I come from.

Superhero trivia... [Ororo has to hide an amused smile.] I'll have to tell him that once he returns.

It's a shame he isn't here. It would be nice, I think, if we had some sort of double celebration...

That just means we have a reason to throw him a surprise party when he gets back or something.

[He's perfectly fine not actually attending a party with Logan that he instigated, truth be told, but it's an amusing mental image.]

[Ororo chuckles.]

That would be nice, though I'm not certain Logan would enjoy it much. He doesn't frequent parties, not unless I persuade him to escort me to one.

And what about you, Billy? Are you throwing a party? [She gives him a once-over, trying to guess at his age. He isn't too old for parties, is he?]

[Less "too old" and more "too introverted". He shrugs his shoulders.]

Not unless Teddy's planning one for me, which I doubt. I'm really not a party guy- I need small gatherings of close friends or I get twitchy.

All right, Crocodile Tears Kaplan.

[He still tilts his head down a little further to press a kiss to Billy's hair once all the candles are blown out, then reaches out to grab the knife he brought with him, pulling it closer to his boyfriend.]

If you'd do the honors? I need to get something else. [He pulls back, too, though he won't leave until Billy cuts into the cake and sees what kind Teddy made for him.]

First things first- this is a Kaplan family tradition.

[He reaches down to pull a couple of the candles out of the cake, sticking them into his mouth to lick the icing off. As soon as he tastes it, though, he goes still, eyes widening.]

Cream cheese? Oh my god, you're kidding-

[He snags a few more candles, sucking absently on the ends and taking the knife to cut a piece now that a section's been cleared of wax. And- yep, just as he suspected. There's only one kind of cake he likes that goes perfectly with cream cheese icing.]

Carrot cake. Are you trying to slay me with awesome one step at a time, T?

[Yeah he might as well just admit defeat now- his face is going to seriously hurt from all this smiling before the day is over.]

Oh, yeah. I'm your new worst enemy, B.

[He shoots a teasing look over his shoulder as he walks away again, this time towards his own room. Once inside, he cleans a bit, seeing how his project cause something of a mess, and checks to make sure his present is perfect for the umpteenth time, and gives Billy plenty of time to eat his first slice of cake.

Once he returns, he holds a wrapped present in his hands, and he raises his eyebrows as he moves the free chair around to sit beside Billy.]

So, what did I score on the cake?

[By the time Teddy returns, Billy has not only licked every single candle clean, but also cut himself a hefty slice of cake, and is just polishing off the last couple of bites. He looks utterly smitten and thoroughly sated.

Teddy gets something of a dramatic response at first, as Billy lifts his fork, one last smear of icing twisted around the tip-]

"On a scale of one to ten, you are an eleven."

[And then, more seriously, right before he helps himself to the last bite-]

So that's what you were up to. You were gone so long I was about to go looking for you.

And pull yourself away from the cake? [He places his palm against his chest rather dramatically.] Billy... I'm touched.

[But he can't keep that up, so Teddy ends up chuckling and lowering his hand, then raising them both up to set the present on the table between himself and Billy. Judging by how he carefully sets it down, there must be something important inside.]

When you get the chance, go ahead and open this. Unless you think you won't survive another awesome assault.

[You know what, Billy? Even Robin knows how to call a truce on someone's birthday. Look at him, being all helpful.]

Stay away from the journals on the 14th. Keep away from them until everyone else stops behaving strangely.

After all this, I'm genuinely terrified for my life.

[More (really) genuine is his curiosity, though, so after a quick scrape of his fork to get the last of the icing off his plate, he pushes the cake and dishes aside to slide the box over to himself. Just what could be inside to make Teddy so interested in his reaction?

The answer is pretty damn obvious when he rips off the paper, opens the box, and stares.

A long moment of immobile silence follows, after which Billy calmly sets down the box. Calmly stands. Calmly walks around the table to where Teddy is sitting.

And then not-so-calmly flings himself at his boyfriend with quite possibly enough force to knock him (and the chair) right over.]

I can't be held accountable for what the Malnosso do to me. They made me human for goodness sake. Better to simply sit back and enjoy the beauteous cacophony of devastated voices sure to rise amid the inevitable chaos.

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[Voice/Action] Forward-dated to the afternoon of the 9th

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