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[Okay, so. Post-draft, he's given himself a few days of seclusion and bed-rest (apparently being infected with a zombie virus is exhausting), and even Billy can freely admit to himself that he's been pretty depressed lately, a fact for which he feels no shame considering that depression was well and truly earned. One can only spend so much time fretting, moping, and dwelling on one's own misery for so long, however, and today? He's decided that enough is enough. Billy will be going out today, limping around the village and visiting the people who were on the draft whose fate he's still uncertain of. The ones he can't find or has no reason to actually visit, he'll check with a light location spell, and he'll spend a few hours at Seventh Heaven people-watching out the window while he doodles in a book that Teddy had given him containing a series of patterns (much like this) that resemble inkblogs, and bit by bit Billy's turning them into something like this instead. It's been a tiring week, though, so you could always catch him napping on the table, instead.
At some point he'll attempt to find Peter, and when both a location spell and a teleport fails, he tries to teleport to the apartment he'd been staying at instead, finding it almost completely emptied. All he manages to dig up is a small cartridge that, after a moment of scrutiny, he identifies as a web fluid cartridge. His fanboyish glee at the discovery is tempered by the fact that the empty apartment means one more piece of bad news.
After his visits and window-watching is done, he'll return home to make the announcement, along with one more message-]
Hey out there... just wanted to let his friends know that Peter Parker went home. So... sorry. Yeah.
[Locked to Loki]
...We still on for tomorrow, or do you want to take a break? Because... you know. [Draft. Awfulness all around. He wouldn't blame Loki if he wanted to take a week off.
Later on in the evening he'll be over at Ben's barbeque, if anyone wants to bother him while he's there.]
At some point he'll attempt to find Peter, and when both a location spell and a teleport fails, he tries to teleport to the apartment he'd been staying at instead, finding it almost completely emptied. All he manages to dig up is a small cartridge that, after a moment of scrutiny, he identifies as a web fluid cartridge. His fanboyish glee at the discovery is tempered by the fact that the empty apartment means one more piece of bad news.
After his visits and window-watching is done, he'll return home to make the announcement, along with one more message-]
Hey out there... just wanted to let his friends know that Peter Parker went home. So... sorry. Yeah.
[Locked to Loki]
...We still on for tomorrow, or do you want to take a break? Because... you know. [Draft. Awfulness all around. He wouldn't blame Loki if he wanted to take a week off.
Later on in the evening he'll be over at Ben's barbeque, if anyone wants to bother him while he's there.]
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What? What are you talkin' about?
[If it was so hard for you.
That stung, it wrapped around her heart like a whip and it stung.]
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[Fighting zombies. Over and over. It was very confusing.]
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Yeah. I was.
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...Why?
[Why relive that nightmare? Why even consider it, let alone play it out?]
[ action ] and then I found this thread in my tabs ;;
If it was so hard for you, why are you still fighting them here?]
Why do you think?
[ action ] oh I was gonna ask you about how it went lmao
If I knew, I wouldn't have asked, would I?
[ action ] Sorry, Akai!
If it was so hard for you--] But apparently you're thinkin' it has ta do with some sort of enjoyment or ease on my part, so I'm askin' you to think about what you're sayin'. Before I start ta feel insulted.
[ action ] s'okay!
That's not that I said, and it's sure as hell not what I was thinking, either. I'm asking because I don't understand! It was awful for everyone, and we're all still dealing with it, but it's over. I never want to look at another zombie again, let alone fight one. That's what I don't get! Why are you still fighting them?
[After what he saw out there, he can't imagine anyone enjoying that. But why choose to relive it?]
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And hell. She's tired of being hurt.]
So questionin' how hard it was or wasn't was actually a clever statement of confidence in my compassion an' humanity. I see.
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[But he's kind of nitpicking her nitpicking, and at this rate they'll just go around in circles. After a moment of huffy stubbornness, he deflates a little, slumping back in his seat. He hates feeling confused- it just makes him angry, and he's never been good at dealing with that.]
Look, if I implied that I thought- I'm sorry, okay? I never thought you enjoyed killing people. That's why I'm asking. Because I can't think of another reason why someone would want to do that, but I can't believe you're that sort of person. I'm trying to understand what I can't.
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By the same token you dared to get in his face about his idiot decision to try and kill himself, Rogue. Friendship goes both ways.]
I ran that sim because it's not over. I ran it because what I did was hard. Because I can see them every time I close my eyes, an' I can see them wearin' faces of the people I care about. And there's not a damn thing I can do about the scenarios that play inside my head. But out there? [She jabs the air in the direction of the Battle Dome.] I can do something. I can see if there was anythin' else I could do. I face it until it loses its power over me. Because it's real. And it's hard. An' I know it won't be the last time.
[No, it won't be the last time she'll have to step up and do something she doesn't want to do for the sake of her friends, for the sake of her own life. But she has too much pride to state her reasons.]
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He can't really wrap his head around it, but then, she's been here a lot longer than he has, and she's older, too. Who knows what she's had to face in this place. It doesn't make her a bad person. Just makes her different than him, and he doesn't have to understand it to accept it.
As usual, Kaplan, you've just put your foot in your mouth and it's stuck there. So he ducks his head, mumbles another apology, and falls silent. It's probably than anything else he could've said, really.]
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But she doesn't say that. Because what would be the point?]
All right, then, I guess we're clear.
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...Are you mad?
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At what?
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[Obviously.]
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Yeah. [One hand falls down then, to rub over her heart in an uncharacteristic and expressive gesture as her face takes on a slightly pained cast.] I just don't see how you can value other people's life so highly, an' throw your own away.
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...That's what you're still mad about?
[Hadn't expected that.]
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[What, you thought she'd be mad about the whole quasi accusation of insanity and enjoyment of mass murder? Nah, you have to learn to let these things roll off you when you're an X-Man.
...okay, so Rogue's still learning how to do that. But she's got the theory.]
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No. Not really.
["Probably" didn't mean anything. And it was a little more than aggravating to risk your life for someone who had just signed up to kill themselves regardless, because they couldn't stand doing what you had to do in order to save their life. And then to have that fact rubbed in your face...]
"Probably" doesn't count for much.
[Rogue rubbed one hand over her heart in an uncharacteristic gesture, not for the first time during their conversation. She sighed.]
But it's all still raw right now.
[So in time she might be able to get over his choice. But more likely, she'll just get less angry. It feels like a betrayal. She has a hard time with that.]
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[He also figures he's done enough damage, and should probably leave before he makes it worse. Gingerly he slides off of his seat, scuffing a hand through his hair and half-turning towards the door.]
...I'll... work on it. My goal's gonna be avoiding ever getting into that situation again.
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But don't beat yourself up too much. Nobody ever expects the Zombie Apocalypse.
[Or. You know. The Spanish Inquisition. Maybe he'll get the reference. Or maybe it was all before his time. Who knows.]
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I think from now on I'll just expect the worst and then be pleasantly surprised. Pessimism makes life much easier.
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I'd say go for it. But it also makes the world dry an' without hope. I find cynicism much more comfortin'.
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